So I did great things today! I ate 1 cup of Kashi for breakfast, a 1/2 cup raspberries and 1 individual portion size cup of yogourt for snack, a salad for lunch and a veggy omlet for dinner....THEN i walked 45 minutes with my dog and headed home to watch a movie while doing situps on my pilates ball and some resistance training when it happened....I ate not one but TWO chocolate bars and then two suzie's flatbread crackers with sharp cheddar. I then immediately chugged a glass of water and made myself throw up as much as possible. I knew before unwrapping the chocolate bar just how bad it would make me feel but my stomach said shut up conscience and eat the damned things. Now I'm like sitting here staring at myself in the mirror pinching my fat saying omg omg omg i'm gonna balloon right back to the way I was before. This is not a good end to such a healthy day. Tell me this isn't gonna send me pounds and pounds back.
This isnt gonna send you pounds and pounds back, but i know this feeling. Girlfriend you puked?! Are you okay? Just chill out a little and know that tomorrow you can start again.
If you keep throwing up your food you won't regain the weight you've lost, but you will make yourself SICK, you'll feel terrible and you'll damage your teeth (the acid in your vomit eats away at your teeth).
Two chocolate bars in one day won't undo all your hard work and weight loss...unless you do it every day! You got lots of exercise, you ate well for the rest of the day. Why beat yourself up over two chocolate bars? You could have undone them over the next few days with good eating and exercise WITHOUT vomiting!
Did you have protein in your salad? Maybe you were hungry!
You need to be nicer to yourself! Your worth is not measured in your weight, or how much you've lost or in the food that you eat (or don't eat). Give yourself a pat on the back for the great job you've already done with your weight loss. Tomorrow is another day.
Oh yeah I did. I get that angry at myself that I purge. It's not healthy I know and that's why I'm so sticky about counting my calories because if I even go slightly over I have to fight the urge everyday. I used to make myself purge 5 to 10 times a day until my finace found out and flipped his lid as he was terrified it would end up killing me someday. Today that urge kicked my ***. Back on this damn bandwagon...I appreciate the support I get on here..it's truly the only support I get and it's nice to have complete strangers encouraging and helping me. thanks guys!
I would strongly encourage you to talk to your doctor or another health professional about your impulse to throw up after eating off-plan foods. Eating disorders aren't just emotionally tumultuous, but also really, really destructive to your body.
It's going to be okay, a cheal. I'm glad that you aren't purging 5 times a day anymore. That's good progress. And you were brave enough to post this here. You obviously have some discipline or else you would have kept it to yourself. Try to feel in control again. Tomorrow is going to be better.
I have talked to my doctor about it and you know what he said? He told me I'm not classified as having an eating disorder because I don't purge numerous times a day. Once a day or after I indulge too much isn't enough to get me into any form of treatment. Silly isn't it? I guess tomorrow's a new day?? Maybe I can just forget this whole indulgence incident never happened and jump right back on the wagon. I've already made my meals for work tomorrow...a veggie omlet for breakfast, 1/2 cup raspberries, 1 single serving activia yogourt and a lettuce loaded 3 slice extra lean roast beef sandwich on rye. Sounds back on track yes? And I've removed the rest of my fiance's chocolate bars so there will be no more temptations tomorrow.
2 chocolate bars? That's not the end of the world. Stop being so dramatic!
If you feel like you have to "get rid" of the extra calories, do it "positively" - find out how many calories were in the chocolate and work it off. You can do this all in the same day.
Not only will you naturally feel better after the exercise, you will also have helped your muscles, heart, and circulation.
Purging will cause an immediate high, feeling of relief, followed by a depressed feeling due to problems with your blood sugar/body's equilibrium.
Once the sweetness of the chocolate hits your tongue, it sends signals to your body that it will soon be receiving something very sweet with many calories. It prepares itself.
Then, nothing comes. Your body is totally confused. Mood swings and strong hunger strikes soon thereafter.
Its really a lose/lose situation. Change your negative experience of eating too much chocolate into a positive experience- a good reason to move your butt!
Today was a much better day! No chocolate binges....Just healthy food and came in at eating around 1500 calories today. Thanks for the room to vent yesterday guys, you were right. Fall off the band wagon, chase after it and jump right back on. And btw way sorry Bonnnie for sounding so dramatic I've just got a crazy amount on my plate right now with personal family drama over my wedding and with my upcoming wedding and my fiance's work just starting up again from a 200 person lay off I'm trying not to go into panic mode and eat my way out of my wedding dress and causing myself more problems. I didn't mean for anyone to be annoyed by my post, I just figured of anyone this forum might be the place to post my stress binging.
I didn't find your post annoying at all, "dramatic" seemed like a harsh choice of words to say the least. We all have had a bad day where we have eaten something that hasn't been "on plan" and have freaked out. Like the others I don't think purging is the right thing to do and from what you have posted you agree. It will just take some time for you to adjust to more positive coping mechanisms. I would maybe talk to someone about your purging if you think it would help, maybe find a local support group for eating disorders. I applaud you though, you picked yourself back up and started again that's what is important.
I would talk to a different doctor, you sound like you have an ED to me, possibly EDNOS (eating disorder not otherwise specified). I only say that because I've struggled with eating disorders from a young age and I, like you, still feel the need to occasionally purge after a perceived "mess up" (like a bag of m&ms or some graham crackers) or restrict my calories until I'm at a ridiculous 200 a day (for example). It's not being dramatic, it's the way my mind works for whatever reason. I'm glad you've made so much progress with you disorder, and I really hope you'll look into therapy or something similar, it really helped me. In the meantime, way to get back on track! 2 chocolate bars can't ruin your day/plan/life unless you let them. You're doing great!
Brendansmum - you are right, "dramatic" was a harsh choice of words .... what I really meant was - what you did is easily fixable. Your post was certainly not annoying!
Damn, damn, DAMN!!
