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Old 01-04-2010, 10:35 AM   #12
3 + years maintaining
rockinrobin's Avatar
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 12,070

S/C/G: 287/120's

Height: 5 foot nuthin'


Thanks for highlighting those things Jessica.

I am definitely aware how I didn't lose *total* control. I know that. But I lost more than enough of it to just feel - icky - yes Loribell - both physically AND mentally. Buying things to binge on (the candy bar - actually peanut M & M's - one of my all time back in the day favs) and then throwing it away. My G-d who does things like that? For the record the next candy bar was a Twix. I think those M & M's were just TOO much of a blast from the past and I could not/would not go there.

I know that I still had some of my good habits ingrained in me and that I didn't totally abandon all of them, thank goodness. And as for getting back on track - again - I KNEW that I would. There is no way that I would remain doing this. I was too uncomfortable doing this. *This* was the old me. She's been long gone, lying underneath the surface mind you - but she's gone. The new me simply would not stand for this behavior - for very long, that is.

I was ready to pull out all the stops. I have after all assembled a fabulous array of tips, tricks and strategies and I was/still am prepared to use them. This chickie will not be sucked back in - for very long.

Kittycat, I think you make a good point about coming off of a high - I've had it happen in the past - but not for an entire week - and I am CERTAIN that there's something to that. That's why I think most of my planned splurges *work* and this one didn't - it's attached to getting through a big event- not just a social event or an outing - but something bigger.

And Jay dear, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking this happened because I restrict too much. You must understand dear Jay and for some reason, bless your heart, you just don't - I DO NOT FIND 1200 HEALTHY DELIGHTFUL CALORIES AS RESTRICTIVE OR DEPRIVATION. I FIND IT WONDERFUL, FABULOUS and DELIGHTFUL. Ooops - didn't mean to shout . And even if, which it isn't, but even if *sub-consciously* I do view it as *deprivation*- well then so be it. I'll take 1 week of misery and dealing with this bender of mine, in exchange for 51 weeks of utter joy, delight, peace, comfort, energy, stamina, happiness, good health, fabulousness, etc. Jay, I know you mean well, but we are all different. I know you can't fathom my 1200 calories, but again, it's not some "poor Robin" type thing going on. I promise you.

One more thing I realized after I typed this up. I had questioned in my post why I even wrote this. Would you believe it's because I just wanted you guys *to know about it*? I wouldn't have felt right keeping it from you. I *felt* you should know about it. Isn't that or should I say, aren't I strange????

Thanks for listening. I'll let you know how my back-on-track-ness is coming along.
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