Why does it make other people (average size people) uncomfy when I say I'm fat? - 3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community

Michelle98272 · 12-29-2009, 03:39 PM

I don't whine about it, I don't bring it up all the time but when I use the F word in a sentence people will say to me..."You are NOT fat!"

It frustrates me. I am owning my size. I don't feel bad calling myself FAT. If I called myself a huge smelly slob, that would be me being unkind to myself. It's like I shock people. Do they think I didn't notice I was fat?

For instance, today some co-workers and I were going to go to a meeting together via a car. I had a choice of sitting in the back of a small sedan with another person with a toddler size car seat between us OR I could sit in the front. I said outloud, (nicely by the way) "Can I have the front seat? I'm too fat to sit in the back next to the car seat." I didn't mean it mean, just matter of fact. They all seemed horrified that I said that.

Isn't it okay to own it? I am FAT. I am also doing something about it but still....Your thoughts?

Jen415 · 12-29-2009, 03:44 PM

You're running up against years of teaching that it is not socially acceptable to call someone "fat". So even if it is YOUR truth, it strikes a bad chord in most folks. If you say it in a joking way, it might make people feel more at ease....

rakel · 12-29-2009, 03:45 PM

I have a different experience. I normally don't talk about it either, but when I do, everyone just gets silent. It's like they are agreeing with the fact but they feel too uncomfortable to say anything. That's fine, someday I won't be fat. But for now, I am seriously, massively, humongous and it is a problem. Yes, it is embarrassing when you get in someone's car and you have a hard time buckling when there's a child seat in the car... I do try and get the front seat when I can. It's embarrassing, sure, but I don't think people realize that we have to cope with this stuff every day.

cfmama · 12-29-2009, 03:47 PM

I used to use fat all the time!!!! Well.... I was fat! But at 213 I don't FEEL fat any more so now I use plump... because well... I AM plump! lol!

Own it sista. It's just a word.

Michelle98272 · 12-29-2009, 03:52 PM

It's funny, I have the ability to be really unkind to myself, I really do! But using the word FAT isn't part of it. If people think owning it is rude they should be inside my head sometimes when I AM being mean to myself.

I actually feel oddly good about owning it. You can only be in denial for so long!

beerab · 12-29-2009, 03:56 PM

Some people see the word fat as negative- and it might bother the people who care about you to hear you speak in what they feel is a negative tone.

Like my husband- when I call myself fat he gets upset and says that he loves me and it hurts him to hear me call myself fat cuz he feels I'm being negative with myself.

bcort · 12-29-2009, 03:58 PM

I honestly think many people don't think you're fat at 5'9" and 240lbs. When I was that size, I was overweight, but not roly poly, like people associate with the word "fat." (like I am now!) I think it's a comparative issue with people somehow.

bcort · 12-29-2009, 03:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by beerab

Like my husband- when I call myself fat he gets upset and says that he loves me and it hurts him to hear me call myself fat cuz he feels I'm being negative with myself.

Sounds just like my hubby!

matt_H · 12-29-2009, 04:01 PM

I like the term "fat" much better than the clinical term of "obese". I cringe where I hear that. I'm fat, I accept it and use that term all the time. I don't think the term is necessarily prejorative...its descriptive.

Most people get uncomfortable when another person acknowledges their own imperfections. They are afraid if they don't disagree or somehow point out that the person is in error, then they are also saying the same thing.

Michelle98272 · 12-29-2009, 04:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by matt_H

Most people get uncomfortable when another person acknowledges their own imperfections. They are afraid if they don't disagree or somehow point out that the person is in error, then they are also saying the same thing.

Oh, GAWD!

Obese is a baaaaaad word. If I was being unkind to myself that is what I would use! I hate that word!

Your explanation does make sense though.

MindiV · 12-29-2009, 04:14 PM

I don't like hearing anyone speak of themselves in a derogatory way. Sometimes when my husband makes a mistake he says (like many do), "Gosh I'm SO stupid!" Makes me angry to hear. I'm just as angry to hear him call himself names as I would be to hear someone else call him the same names.

Maybe they're thinking you're saying it in a bad way, and I guess it's "bad" no matter how you really say it. They just react in the same way they would if someone ELSE called you "Fat" I guess...they get angry and defend you, even if they're defending you to yourself.

Eliana · 12-29-2009, 04:17 PM

Ugh! "Obese" One of my biggest reality checks was when I was doing clinicals at the hospital and a man who appeared a bit plump to me was labeled "obese male". It just struck me that I probably have a medical chart out there that reads "obese female".

My husband also gets upset when I refer to my "fat". He argues with me that I should not put much stock in BMI's because it doesn't take into consideration any kind of muscle. Hmmm....I don't exercise. And neither does he. So I think it's safe to assume I'm...what's the word...oh yeah...FAT. That picture of me from Thanksgiving? Yep...fat. Last Christmas's picture...fat.

I tend not to use the word in social settings though because it is a taboo word. There's a woman at work who probably weighs around 500 lbs, and she gets the "You are not fat" comments if she brings it up.

Another thing that's hard for me on this message board even is hearing people thinner than I am use the word "fat" to describe themselves. And I know I must do it to other people too, right here in this very post! I have to get over that.

Sarby · 12-29-2009, 04:17 PM

Matt said basically what i was going to say... if they don't argue with you or say nothing then it feels like THEY are calling you fat too or agreeing with it anyway.

Aclai4067 · 12-29-2009, 05:06 PM

I think it depends on the type of girl. I can talk about my weight realistically with my friends without issue. But I knew a lot of girls in high school who'd give me the "you're not fat" thing. Really? Okay, I guess I can have another candy bar and wear a bikini then!

dragonwoman64 · 12-29-2009, 05:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Michelle98272

I actually feel oddly good about owning it. You can only be in denial for so long!

I get what everybody's saying (I hate the word obese too). I have that feeling sometimes too, about just wanting to say it, and deal with it and own it, and not feel like I should dwell in the depths of shame for being fat.

I was talking to a young (naturally very thin) woman I know and telling her how I gave a bunch of clothes to a nearby women's shelter because they have a hard time getting donations of larger size clothing. She looked so embarrassed (!!) Well, it's pretty obvious I'm not a size 4