Welcome Circles!!

I'm actually new myself, but from what I know thus far, this is a great group of women!

Hi all...work has me swamped the last couple of days...it's the start of summer school, and so things are hectic!

Anyway, I just got home and now I believe I will eat dinner...tonight I am having shredded wheat! It's too late for much else...yea fiber!

Hope everyone is well...

Here it is, I am getting frustrated. I have tried to post 2 times this is 3. I am going to bed.

I had a bad day today...did good on eating, but mad at the doctors (sons).

Okay...going to bed now and goign to try to post in the morning

Welcome circles!! Glad you decided to join us. We are quite a friendly group and there's not many of us so it shouldn't be overwhelming to get to know who's who. What are you looking for out of this group, what can we do to help you reach your goal?

Tanya, sorry to hear you're having trouble with your posts. I wonder if that's why people on the other threads create a new thread when it gets around 30 posts. Maybe it screws up the system a little....or maybe it's just your computer. If anyone else is having trouble then let me know, I'll start a new thread.

ryanmi72, sorry things have been so hectic for you lately. I'm glad you're still sticking with us on here though. We're here for you and looking forward to reading more of your posts (whenever you get a free moment).

Dusty, hey hun, how ya doin? Kaybee's right, we all love reading your posts, I'm sure your poetry is really good too. You sound like you're being too hard on yourself. Just chill out a bit (double meaning, relax and find some air conditioning too) and I'm sure things will work out. Be sure to keep checking in with us, we'll be your support system to make sure you keep on plan. Good luck!

Kaybee, way to go on eating good over the weekend!! I love grilled veggies too, they taste so different cooked on a grill, don't they? You blow me away with all your exercising!!! That is so great. I wonder if I'll realize I love it someday too. Hope so.

Well, I have to confess I did ZERO crunches today!! My abs are killing me!! I coughed earlier and lost my breath half-way through the cough because my stomach muscles hurt so bad! I think I'll give it a break and try again tomorrow. Hopefully they'll feel better.

Catch you tomorrow ladies!! Have a good night.

Hi ladies, I can't sleep. I don't know what's up. Maybe I'm used to staying up until 6am over the past week that I can't go to bed at a reasonable time. Oh well, so here I am......

I've been busy though. I decided to be daring and post some pics (no face shots) of my bod in a bathing suit. I know, I know, how scary!!! I was actually hoping for honest opinions on which suit is more flattering, if that's possible to be in a bathing suit and have it be flattering. I just bought the black/green one, it's a two piece tankini, but it looks more like a tennis outfit than a bathing suit. The blue one is 2 years old, but it's comfy and hides the belly and upper thighs well. Which do you like better, or do you have any suggestions on a style that you like best for women our size?

Anyway, hopefully the link works, it's my first time posting pics on a website. The link may not work due to my inexperience. But here goes: http://www.angelfire.com/planet/nigh...ndex.album?i=1

Thanks.

I really like the black and green suit on you. The blue one is nice, but the black/green is much more flattering, in my opinion. It has simple lines, and the green on the sides is very slimming. Plus, I also think it's a bit more "current"...makes you look younger...which is almost always a good thing!

Hey Nightowl, wow, how brave you are to post bathing suit pictures. You're a better woman than I am. All kidding aside, I agree with ryamni -- the green and black one is my fav. It's a very cute swimsuit and the lines and the solid colors are much more slimming and give you an hourglass shape....that's my 2 cents anyway.

Hey, nightowl, I love the black and green one. Atleast now we can put the butt and boobs with the name. Ha, ha. This thing better post.

Had a had day yesterday. Took camdon to the doctors, it turns out that he might have Cranium Senistosis. Basically the bones in his skull fused prematurely. He would have to have another darn surgery. They will have to cut his skull and drill rods in his skull. I am not sure abbout all the details...Iam supposed to take him to a specialist next week. I will update you all on that.

I went on the scall yesterday at my son's dr. office and it said a weighed 335...I wanted to take it home and have an affair with it. I loved the thing. I know I am about 350 so there is no chance...the thing was just teasing me...Flirt!!!

I didn't do my crunches yesterday, because, I just didn't want to. I didn't eat out of emotion, but I did go to Target. I wanted to buy a lot, but only got some CD to burn. I found a motivational dress in a size large but, I could only fit one of my thighs in it right now. There is no way my titties would ever fit into the small little triangles they had for the boobies. I didn't buy it. I will figure I will get something else....maybe a maturnity outfit or something.

I hope I did loss a lot of weight this week, atleast 4 lbs, because I have gone to been hungry every night.

I need to post some pictures. I will post more on myspace some time today. I just hate all the pictures I have of myself. Slap!!!! Be positive Tanya...okay, I am back. I am a BBW, that is right...need to keep telling myself that.

See you later girls...Tanya

Thanks ladies for your input on the swim suits. It looks like the black/green wins by unanimous vote!! It's nice to have an unbiased opinion from people. Once again, this site is the best, I'm so glad I found you guys!!! Thanks again.

Well, my abs are still hurting me but not nearly as bad as they were yesterday. I did only did 25 crunches today because I didn't want to over-do it again. I should've started off low and worked my way up. It does feel good in a way, because I forget they exist most of the time!! They feel tighter because they're sore, so that must be a good thing.

Tanya, so sorry to hear about your son's condition. That sounds like a very scary procedure, you are a brave woman. Poor little guy. Hang in there, we're here for you if you need us.

I started writing a post yeasterday and had to stop due to time constraint. I haven't got a moment right now but tonight is friday, which means no early to bed early to rise crap! SO I will be posting tonight!!

On a short note- Nightowl--love the black one

Tanya- You and your family have not left my mind in the past two days. hold in there and come to us whenever you need to talk.

Circles-Welcome to the gang!

ok guys back to the bump and grind, gotta do work.
~Dusty

ps. OW my abs!!

Ladies ladies ladies!! I have some time to unwind and reply *heavenly choir rejoices* YES I know! Oh miracle of miracles, oh…stuff! Five minutes all to my lonesome! So now to respond to my favorite ladies, and all my new favorite ladies. Some of these responses will be old and outdated—but it has been a long week.

Tanya, Oh my I wish I could give you a great big hug. Ever since I got on and read about your poor baby Camdon you and your family have not been far from my mind. Keep us all posted, and let me know if there is anything I can do. I know, we are online and only exist in text, but I believe in the people behind these online screen names and the heart! On a lighter note, I am glad you got some shopping therapy in. I am the same way, I can spend a horrendous amount of money when I get bad or sad news or get depressed. God help me if I ever get the chance to have a hubby. I will need him to take my checkbooks!

Also, I checked out your myspace for the first time. It seems I never got around to actually seeing it before but there it was right on your signature. Your little boy is so cute and you look like you have so much fun! I wish I lived closer to you! I was in Texas for a while, Austin. I might go to UHouston for Grad school. And by the way—AHHH you are a Ewan McGregor fan too!!! I LOVE HIM! He is so cute and sexy! I was the only one who saw star wars episode one 6 times in the theater without actually ever seeing the other star wars movies! Wow!! Even my user name—youwin=Ewan!

Michelle, I don’t know if I welcomed you properly! So I say welcome to you! I hope you like it here and stick around a while! You lost 40 pounds! GO YOU! But you had to gain it all back awwww I’m sorry. Well hopefully you can lose it again and more now that you are here. These ladies rock! They keep me so motivated!

Circles! Welcome! Nope no age limit in our little group. I am 22. I am glad you found us! Welcome to out misfit gang!! I hope you feel free to settle in!

Nightowl, Hey you!! I like the black bathing suit! Actually I like both but I like the way the black one goes up higher in the back. But I was a little late for that poll anyhow. I still wanted to say I liked it lots and lots.
You are still kicking my butt with your crunches. I have only done a lazy total of 140—you did that much in one day almost!! You rule!

However I have dragged my massive butt outta bed 3 days in a row at 6:30 in the morning for some serious cardio. It’s killing me! But I’m doing it! I am really tired of being overweight now more than ever. I have never ever ever been thin but since my awful break up I really went to the deep end…and there are sharks and giant octopuses and those creepy green eel things all over (cause it’s scary!!). Last time I flew out to see my Abuela in Texas, I couldn’t buckle my safety belt. I was humiliated, and I hid it by sitting tucking it into my pants and praying the flight attendants were too busy to notice. I’ve never been comfortable on a plane. However, one day, I would like to get on an airplane without having to worry about my size. I feel sorry for the people who have to sit around me, and I feel there is a terrible prejudice about oversized people in these situations. Some day, I am going to go on a trip (to Spain or Germany or BOTH!!) and be comfortable. I am going to sit rather than squeeze into the airplane seat. I’ll put the seatbelt on and give it a tug and it will tighten and have way too much fabric hanging loose. I’ll order a drink, because I wont fear having to get up to use the bathroom. Ahhhh what a sweet thing it will be. This is like my biggest weight loss challenge and motivator. Because I am not well-traveled. I have only been to Wales! I want to go speak German to REAL GERMANS and I want to visit my tia Maria in Spain and not worry that she will be disgusted by my sight!

Since I am rambling today, a story:
Today I went to a dance performance by one of my sister’s friend’s dance class. It had girls of all ages, I found the little toddlers particularly adorable. They worked their way up. We had to sit through the classes. Then the high school aged girls came out and lo and behold-a fat chick!! Not just chubby, she was fat! She was only a little less than me. And she stood up there with those skinny girls, wearing the same shiny pants and little sparkled top and danced her butt off!! When she came out on the stage I could feel the whispers and rustling of people talking, some laughter. We were in the beautiful and large Valentine Theater in Toledo. I knew some people, maybe most, were making wise cracks. My mom squeezed my knee, because she knew what I was thinking. But I was so proud of her. I almost cried! She was so brave and she was a REALLY good dancer. I tried so so hard to be in those things when I was a kid. When I was six I took ballet because it’s all I wanted to do. But the little kids, other six year olds, they made fun of me so bad after a few classes I begged my dad not to take me back there. So I knew this girl had guts, and talents, and thick skin! It was a moment for me because I couldn’t stop watching her. They did keep her all the way in the back, and often had two girls dancing right in front of her. But she was a great dancer, better than most of them. I was so proud of her. I don’t have that kind of iron will. I am so afraid to even take a deep breath in public. I imagine everyone around me cringing in disgust at my existence. I know I must stop this. This girl, she was just amazing.

Well, I had a good work week. Both professional and physical (workin’ out). I’ve been having dreams about water lately. Every night this week I dreamt of huge fields of water and wading through it. I am not a good dream interpreter though! I had a few challenges. Alcohol has been tempting me right now. But I’ve managed to avoid it completely. IN fact—I broke my water streak this week. Up until two days ago I have drank nothing except for plain unflavored water for a solid 6 weeks. NOTHING. No pop or tea or coffee or juice. JUST WATER. However I had a spider episode two days ago while cleaning out my grandmas attic. I have panic attacks when it comes to those 8-legged jerks and ended up sitting on the shower floor with all my clothes on gasping for air (my wallet is STILL drying out btw) and after taking a real shower and calming down, I went to the fridge. I wanted something sweet so I opted for one of those new Diet Cherry Vanilla cokes. It really hit the spot, and I’m allowed to have three a week. So I don’t feel too guilty! Plus, after a spider scene like that…what more is there to do? It could have been a LOT worse.

Ok girlsies, I’m gone. I promise more frequent and less long, drawn-out posts for the coming week. Kisses and hugs to you all!
~Dusty

PS. What do you think about a work out CD exchange. The only problem being some people prefer not to give out addresses and that’s totally cool. I just wonder—what music do you work out to? Is it a mix tape you made yourself or do you stick to full CD’s by one artist. What is your work out style?

Me, I have lots of mix CD’s that really get me going and then I daydream while I work out. Only I have to keep it clean. Today I started thinking about Ewan McGregor and nearly fell off my treadmill! Goal for tomorrow: Think unsexy thoughts! Think Unsexy thoughts!

PPS. If you have problems posting, do what I do. Write your long posts in Microsoft word! Then you have spell check and you can just paste it right in! Woowoo!

Dusty you are too funny. Ewan is a big sexual struggle for me. My husband thinks its funny. He says that it is okay to fanticize about him, but it is kind of hard because my husband is black....hard to visualize a hot scottish beautiful man. Although I think my hubby is hot too. But, Ewan, sweet Ewan.

I did 110 crunches yesterday with the help of Camdon getting on the floor with me and doing his pretend crunches. I wish you all could see him doing them. It is the cutest thing. I didn't do any today. I left the house really early to take Camdon to see his developemental Neurologist, and that appt. last about 4 hours. Then went to Weight Watchers and went out to lunch with my mother. I saw Toni Parker, and Eva Lengoria, at the place were we had lunch. I just have to say, they are both really short. I thought he would be taller, but he was no taller then me. I know Eva is only 5'1", so I wasn't supprised.

We both went home and crashed until 7pm. I was really tired and so was Cammy. He had gotten up about 4am last night. And I didn't sleep that well either. I just hate the thought of him having to go through such a hard surgery. His CT scan is on the 13th. Then his appt. is on the 20th. I am looking forward to finding out what is going on, but I am also scard.

I not sure if you all are spiritual or not, but I have been really been having a hard time with God, and blaiming him. I just want to not care about him and go to church or pray. I know it would be best for Camdon to have some spiritual upbring, but right now I have a hard time just thinking about God. Sometimes I think about doing more about reading and studying the bible and stuff...but it stays at just a thought. I also have some Tabetin Budest beliefs, but more on having inner peace......which I don't have much of right now. I know I just need to get myself streight and then it will help my son. I also thought about going back into therapy, because of just feeling depressed about all Camdon has to go through. When I am with my son, I am so happy, and I don't think about the sadness and the pain. Then when I am alone or talking to James about things I get really down, and reality hits me.

I know this is overwhelming so a appologize for that. On a lighter note I lost another 1 lb. I was disappointed about that because I went to bed hungry every night...I thought I should have lost more. But, atleast I didn't gain.

I will talk to you all tomorow, I have got to go to bed.

Tanya

Tanya, I am sorry you and your family is struggling so much right now. As for the whole religion thing. I went through this same thing when my brother had his brain bleed. I had 100 people hold my hand and say “Every time God closes a door he opens a window” WELL GUESS WHAT. I am too fat to fit through a window so that just leaves me trapped!

Spirituality is something I struggled with for a long time after that. I started reading about Buddhism and decided it was the right religion for me. I also was able to stop blaming these uncontrollable things on God or anyone. I read Pema Chödron’s books on cope and dealing with depression and life and loss and struggle through a Buddhist’s perspective. Now I don’t claim to be a Buddhist, and I have respect for all religions (as is taught by Buddhism) but it is what I decided. Because I refuse to believe that there is a higher power that fit it into His big almighty scheme to hurt a child like your baby son and my little brother. And with what people always told me—I felt that was what the big suggestion was. Also, A woman at the hospital said “No wonder…” when she took my hands and told me to say the Lord’s Prayer with her and I shyly told her I didn’t know it.

Religion is in your heart and in happiness and love for your family. If you love your little boy, that is all he needs. As a child who was taken to church by parents who were concerned about having religion as a staple, I can say it only made me sarcastic and angry. You give Camdon all the religion he needs every time you pick him up and cuddle him and I am sure that is at every chance you get.

I hope we can help get you through this hard time. I don’t know how therapy works for these things. It can be a sour and never-ending pain for you. I cannot even imagine facing this right now. We are here to hold your hands and lend our ears and I will keep you in my thoughts, you and Camdon and your hubby (who is very nice to let you fantasize about a direct-opposite-from-him hunk). You remember to keep your head high and don’t bottle up your emotions and remember you don’t have to feel bad about anything, just wait for the news. My mother is a nurse and says this procedure is not uncommon. Put your faith in doctors.

As for weight loss—you should not go to bed hungry. To me that suggests a problem! Hunger is your body’s way of telling you it needs something. If you don’t help it out, it will find other ways, it will store foods and fats in fear that it wont get them later. Why not get some light snacks to have at night. As hard as it is, try to fit in 6 meals a day. Snacks and such. I usually have a yogurt at night. I eat it real slow and when I am done I am not hungry. Remember it takes 20 minutes for food to register so you may still feel hungry. Gnaw on some celery or carrot sticks or an apple. Just listen to your body. Going to bed hungry is like going to bed and telling your body to deal with it’s own problems. Eat the right foods and step it up a little. Remember you have to eat to lose weight. Especially us larger women, our bodies require more in order to function at full capacity. Think about it and try something. Plus don’t worry about late snacking. A late snack is fine if you are hungry. Listen to your bodies warning signs and don’t torture yourself. You have enough of that in other aspects of your life as it is. Take care! And talk soon.
~Dusty

Hi ladies,

Well, my total crunches this week=235, and my abs can vouch for every single one of them! Actually they feel much better today, even though I didn't do ANY!! I was bad, bad, bad today. Real bad! I ate horribly! WARNING--possible food triggers mentioned ahead (skip to next paragraph to avoid). I started the day off with coffee and a chocolate dipped biscotti , then I decided one biscotti wasn't enough, I wanted another (110 cals each, mind you). Then, for lunch I was out and about doing some errands and drove past a McD's. Uh oh, craving set in.... this is bad, but I'm going to confess anyway.... I couldn't decide between a McChicken or a Filet-o-fish, so guess what? Yep, I did both!! Tsk, tsk, tsk. Then I felt like crap for eating so bad and decided to skip my dinner at work tonight and eat some veggies that I have in my fridge when I got home tonight. Well around 10pm I started getting hungry again, and one of my co-workers was going out for subs. So, I ordered a gyro on pita because I thought it wouldn't be too bad of a choice (I really have NO IDEA how many calories they are, I'll have to look it up later). Anyway, the co-worker ended up getting a LARGE order of cajun fries for himself, but then he realized it was too much and offered to split them with me. I couldn't resist! Well, wouldn't you know, I'm driving home tonight and my stomach starts doing flips... and I'm burping... I'm getting indigestion, aaaahhhhh, then it comes on, the bellyache! My body just wants to reject all this junk and grease I fed it today!!!! Uuuugh! And I didn't even exercise today. I wish I could just scratch this day outta my memory. I think I'll cleanse my body and eat fruits and veggies for a day or two. I need to get rid of the heavy, greasy, and starchy foods I ate today. Uck, I don't want to think about it anymore!! Sorry for all that venting, but at least I'm being honest with myself, and with you all. Thanks.

Dusty, my girl is back!!!! What's up? We missed you here this week! How's the poetry coming along? You are such a great writer, I love reading your posts. Are you sure you're only 22? You really have some great insight and inspirational words for a young'un!

Well, I think the CD swap is a great idea!!! I was actually thinking of doing something similar a few days ago, but wasn't sure if we were going to start losing people to the numbered thread. So, yeah let's do it! I actually had thought of doing a little care-package type thing. Nothing big, just a handwritten note (for personalization), maybe a motivational magazine clipping or article, and a CD with your favorite workout music on it. I was thinking we could buddy up with a person and then swap off buddies every month or so. We would have to do most of the preparation and planning through PMs or our outside email addresses (so not to break 3FC site rules). I love this place and don't want to get kicked out! Let's talk more about it if you think we should do it.

To answer your question, I listen to my iPod when I work out. I have two playlists. A hard rock mix for when I want to pump myself up to really sweat alot!! And then I got the hip/hop dance mix for when I want a medium pace like for doing my crunches or walking or trying out my bellydancing moves (Yeah right, if that's what I can call them!)

Tanya, I wish I could say a few words to comfort you, but I wouldn't even compare after reading Dusty's reply. She captured so much of what I would like to say, but worded it much better than I would ever know how to. I was getting choked up reading through it all. Please just know that we're all thinking about you and James, and of course your lil' Cammy (especially doing his crunches with Mommy--what a doll!!). We will help you get though this, so please stick with us and keep sharing your thoughts. This could be good therapy too.

Kaybee , you sure have been bustin' your chops getting in the exercises. I saw your posts over on the exercise thread. Keep it up, you're doing great!!

Heather, Michelle, and circles... How we all doing this week? Let's hear from you ladies. Did you have a good week, bad week? Did you stay on plan? Hope to hear from you all soon, keep us posted. We're in this together!!!

Goodnight everyone, take care!

Last night we went to dinner with the folks. As you can tell we are really close to my parents...because they are a blast to be around, and have been the rock that has kept James and I sane and helped us keep a roof over our heads during this time. We went to a steak house. I avoid red meat, well, because it makes me fart...not just fart, but FART!!!!! Well, I said I am going to blow it. I had qual, steak, crab cakes, mushrooms, and salad. I can home and realized that my so called food party, wasn't that bad. I think I was supposed to of had some chocolate or something. I guess the next food party I will.

This morning I didn't want to get up but I have been protesting and not cleaning. So I had to do the kitchen, and make breakfast. I was a good mom and wife and cooked and cleaned. Then I got on the internet...I love doing that.

I feel like the biggest dork: I went on the net to do a bidding war to get tickets for my son to see the Wiggles. I was determined to get floor seats. I got them!!!! He is going to have a blast. I realized during that time, I was most likely competing against the mothers I competed against to get cool concert tickets when I was younger. Time has passed and I really don't care about going to see concerts of musitians...I would mush rather listen to a good CD or watch a good movie. I payed close to $40 each ticket for the Wiggles...crazy. I guess they realize that there are crazy mothers like me who would do anything to make their child happy. This should date me...the last concert I went to was a few years ago...Rick Springfield. I can't believe I told you all that. Can you believe that I didn't like it because he cussed too much. Man, I am becoming my mother.

I was telling a friend of mine that I got my nose pierced and two tattoos, just so I can convince myself that I am cool...but I realized today, which has been obvious to the world for a long time, that I am the biggest dork.

Dusty: thank you so much for the encouragement. It has been really hard. The thing is that pisses me off sometimes that religious people say is that God will never give you something you can't handle...well, I am not handling this very well. I know from the outside people think I am strong but I feel that if there is just one more thing I am going to loss it. I know there is a passage something about God provideding something to stand under...but, I haven't found that refuge. My husband and I spent 10 years in a church serving God in every way. I went into labor early and no body sat their with me...I was alone looking at my child on life support, day in and day out. I was ticked at that church, and the people I went to church with. Then eventually God. I will PM you sometime and tell you all the details...because later on James and I realized it was a cult. Crazy how we didn't see it before. But, it is a long story.

Nightowl: thanks tons. I look forward to your posts. I will not lie, My mouth dropped open when I read you ate both of the sandwiches...Girl.

That is why there is always a new day. Today is mine.

Total for the week: 220 crunchs...plan to do some today. I really like this crunch thing, because it motivated me to do them. Before I wasn't doing anything.

I am really looking forward to getting out of the 300. I know it is a battle...but we can do it. Nightowl I just realized you are no longer in the 300...I know I am a little slow, but congrats. Both Dusty and Kaybee don't have very far to go....We can do it girls!!!!!!!!!!!!

Take care...Tanya

I read your thread and wanted to say that you all inspired me to add crunches to my strength training routine and I did 50 tonight. Way to go everyone!