Hello!
I have been lurking for a little over 6 months! I have lost and regained about 25 pounds during this time while moving to a new city and starting a new job.

According to my family I started gaining weight at the age of 5. I was a chubby kid and hit puberty early (age 10). I was fat but did not feel fat until a few years ago. I have never really dieted but have lost significant amounts of weight three times when I began to walk or exercise. I may have weighed myself five times in the last ten years so I am not sure what my highest weight was or what I have lost in the past. When I lost weight be fore it was not my focus. I was working out to reduce stress or walking to get around town. Now I know I am fat. I can feel it in my knees, and see it in the mirrored elevator at work. I am not interested in being thin but I would like to have my face back and enjoy curves rather than rolls!

Holiday embarrassment
 

My turning point came at vacation time beginning with the flight. Jim and I had seats together but it was **** on earth because they were so very small - we were bunched up for 8 hours like a pair of sardines. It was hot and cramped and I couldnt even get the tray down to have my meal but even worse the drink was free and I was too embarrassed to have any!! The person who was in the third seat along with us eventually asked the cabin crew to be reseated and then when we were getting off the plane I noticed him standing with a couple pointing us out to them, it was quite obvious what they were saying about us. I was so very angry he was lucky he was on the other side of the aisle or I would have walked all over his *** oops sorry.

Anyway, it was a combination of that and I always have to ask for an extension belt every time I fly and most of the time the cabin crew are not very discreet about bringing it to you which is so embarrassing. The girls are worse than the boys they almost flag it out to everybody, holding it up and high and saying "here is your extra belt madam" or am I being paranoid :dizzy: no, dont think so ...

When we got to our destination - doing a tour of California, Nevada and Arizona we spend most of the time in the car because I just couldnt walk that far and was so exhausted all the time 10 minutes walking was the best I could manage. It was really a waste of a wonderful holiday. In San Francisco I avoided going over to Alcatraz because there is a big hill to climb and I know Jim would have liked to see it. Because I could only walk very short distances in Las Vegas we simply cruised up and down a few times instead of enjoying the whole experience as we should have. I actually felt so sorry for Jim I ruined his holiday I think. He never complained bless him but I know he likes to walk and see and do things and I just couldnt.

The scariest thing though was a day in a theme park when I was persuaded to get on one of the rides. I had to be moved from my car to another because the safety mechanism wouldnt fit around me - you know the belt that holds you in the seat. That was a huge humiliation because there was a long queue of people watching the whole thing. But the worst thing was half way through the ride, which went upside down and around every which way, the safety belt came unfastened and I was in the car with nothing between me and eternity. I held on tight but it scared me to death.

That and I just want to be normal again ...

Anyway ... I thought that was reason enough :D

My first post got eaten. I don't usually redo them when that happens, but this is too important. My rock bottom was much lower than most people's. I couldn't be bothered by not being able to buy clothes, I just started making my own. When I got so heavy that my back injury got to the point that I couldn't walk, I started using a wheel chair. I had people who "helped" me stay the way I was. My rock bottom was becoming almost completely bed bound, and ending up in the ER with chest pains that I thought was a heart attack. It turned out to be only blood pressure induced angina, but the cardiologist told me that my "character was so flawed" that he couldn't help me anyway. They weighed me, and I was 592 pounds. I was so angry at myself. I have taken one baby step after another since then. I'm now at the point that most of you are when you are just starting on this journey. I'm able to live an almost normal life now. I can fit in an airline seat, a dentist's chair, and a barber's chair. I can buy clothes but still prefer to make my own. I can walk normally and go up a flight of stairs without being winded. I even got married, something that I thought would be forever beyond my reach. Everyday I wake with such gratitude to be alive, that I promised the Lord to tell my story, no matter how humiliating, to as many people as possible so that I could maybe save one person from having to fall as far as I did before reaching for help.