My oh my! I feel like I have been deserted! Where is everyone???

Well, I am having my sister and brother in law over for dinner tomorrow and I bought cornish hens. Does anyone have a fantastic recipe for them that they love! I also bought gourmet salad fixins, fresh green beans and some wild rice. I plan to have an OP dinner!! I haven't decided if I am going to do dessert or not, maybe I'll check my WW cookbooks and whip something up!

I discovered a new treat while out shopping! Its a chocolate ice cream cup with fudge sauce and its only 3 pts for an 8 oz cup and soooo good and chocolatey! Its called Guilt Free. I'm liking it!!

Well not much else happening here so I'll go do something constructive and come back later.

TTFN Michelle

Well I had a bit of a blow out day yesterday (Saturday). I'm not too worried because I had 4 excellent days in a row, and when I average everything I'm still under the number of calories I should be having per day. This is a quick post because its another scorcher here, and I'm packing up the kids and going off to the pool to do some deep water walking. I hope everyone has a better Saturday than I did! :)

I have been having some allergy, nerve something or another going on. I decided to take Beydryl today since it makes me drowsy but I am home - well, I just got up from a FOUR hour nap!!!! I have been telling myself I needed it or I will get mad for missing my Saturday.

I have been coasting at losing weight. I have been having some issues in my life that I let dominate my time! :mad:

NOT to mention the shooting - just heard gun shots. You would think with all the shooting I hear I wouldn't have to some to a screaching hault twice a day because deer are running in front of me!! :mad: :mad:

1.8 lbs http://home.ripway.com/2004-11/20371...ppinghands.gif Gail - good job!!!

Hippy, Congrats to you to - on NOT floating as well as before. :lol:

Well after being so on track and confident for a while ... I just crashed and burned this morning.
I am so upset with myself.
Usually I go swimming at a pool where not many others go - and the few people I usually come across are usually women around my own age, with a few pounds to lose (not as much as I have!) and I thought I was past letting my self-consciousness wreck my exercise.
This morning my daughter had a friend stay over (16 yrs old, normal size), and she was going to come to the pool with us so I could exercise and they could all have a swim/play. I had dealt with the fact she would see my lily-white fat legs etc ... but we had only been at the pool for a couple of minutes (and I wasn't in yet!), and another family turned up. The wife was really skinny, had a micro-bikini on .. tanned and fit ... and her husband was buff and tanned as well. They had their son with them - about 7 yrs old. I still could maybe have managed to push myself to get in the pool, but their son said to them (just loud enough for me to hear) "that lady is fat!". That was it for me - the last shreds of my self-confidence went out of the proverbial window, and I just couldn't force myself to drop my wrap-around skirt, walk over to the pool and get in. To make it worse, the guy sat on the side of the pool, with his arms folded, and just watched everyone. I sat there calling myself every kind of name, trying to force myself to actually get in the pool, but I just couldn't do it.
After 3/4 hour, when I realised that even if they left right that minute, I wouldn't have time to do my exercise plus have a shower/get changed before I had to take my daughter to her casual job, I gave up and went to have a shower (and cried in the shower at my cowardice). Of course, as soon as I came out, changed into my clothes for the day, they packed up and left!
I am so angry and sick at heart at myself. If I can't get past things like this, I know I won't get anywhere - I need to exercise and I can't let my self-consciousness around people stop me! But there's just part of me that remembers all the nasty comments and stares and everything else I've had over the last years ... and just can't face that again. :(
Of course, the first thing I wanted to do on the way home was to call in at a fast food outlet and BINGE. At least I have stopped that particular temptation, by coming back here, getting online, and writing this out.
How do other people deal with this? Or is it just something that I battle with?

Hippygoddess: http://home.ripway.com/2004-11/20039...sparklehug.gif This is for you!!!NoI have never had that problem,mine is the opposite. If I had heard that comment I would have started looking around to see who they were talking about. I think one reason I have such a tough time loosing it because I cannot see myself as fat. I KNOW I'm fat, but I don't feel it.

I've checked in several times today,but didn't remember if I'd posted or not. I'm going to bed really early tonight, cause I had a busy day and besides,I bought some new books I want to look at.

http://home.ripway.com/2004-11/20039.../goodnight.gif

Hippy: You are not alone. Even if there was a pool around here there is NO WAY I would go to it - for all the reasons you talked about. I haven't had a swim suit on in years. I know some people don't let it bother them but I am not one of them - wish I was, but I am not. I am glad you came here instead of ordering food!!!
http://home.ripway.com/2004-11/20371...gratskitty.gif

On the lighter side - literally. My 15 year old niece just emailed me with her exciting news. She is a size "zero" and is happy to report that after NINE months of trying she has finally gained 2 lbs. SEE everyone has their problems. :lol3: I know you, as well as I, can feel her pain!!! :no:

I hope its been "dead" around here because everyone isout having awonderful time!

Hippy - I understand your pain so much. Though I think that I have been much worse. I would refuse to even Go to the pool, to restaurants, almost anywhere- in fear of the comments or thoughts of others. I didn't even have to encounter them first! I'd just refuse to place myself in that situation. It is so .. so hard. As a college student I have a free membership to a wonderfully HUGE gym, and I'd love to use it -but I'm so afraid to because as we all know - itd be filled with mostly big buff college boys and skinny barely dressed girls. What do I do? I work out at home. Yep, thats it. Its the only resolution I have until I am confident enough with my size to go to gyms, etc. There have been times where I will go because I have a "support group" you know, friends who I love and who make me happy. I still feel self conscious but I know that I can't just ditch my friends. It helps a bit. *hugs* good job on not binging though :) At least you can be happy with that. Just remember, the more you ignore others and just do what is best for you - the quicker you will get to your goal and gaining confidence.

Phew, didn't mean to make that so long! I guess I just really know where you're coming from.

A Little Insight on Working Out Daily:
I've been questioning my plan to work out every single day since I know that most people advice only 3 times or so a day. I wondered if it would overwhelm me and lead me easier to failure. But I realized that if I miss a day - I'm more aware, yet it isn't as determental. If I only work out 3 times a week - and miss one of those days, I only have 2 days left. But if I attempt 7 days a week, I miss one? I still have 6 days of working out left. It almost makes it much easier because I'm more inspired to jump up after that day of not working out and get back on track. Just an insight others may want to consider.

I went grocery shopping again today and I'm getting happier and happier with my food choices :) Its becoming so easy to just get what I really want and what is healthy. My meal choice is becoming limited but I think thats okay. I bought multigrain brown rice today, multigrain wheat wraps, all the typical greens etc. I don't even need to go down the juice isle because I know that I'm good just drinking water (which saves me a lot of money ;p) .. its great, I really think it is becoming a lifestyle.

I didn't work out yesterday though I did eat healthy, I perfectly today and worked out :) back on track, woo.

have a good evening ladies :)

Hey everyone :)

I'm still here, still kicking (with the one good leg ;) ). I'm thoroughly sick of being laid up, and even more sick of the pain meds and the yucky way they make me feel. My sis visited and did me a wonderful service, though. She found this lap board and set up my wireless keyboard with the laptop nearby. I can read and post much more easily this way! I've got to go back a couple of threads and read up on all the newbies around here. :) Sounds like a great busy project for tomorrow.

Food is being good, but probably not enough. Did you know that your body uses approximately 4 times the protein of normal when it is healing from something like surgery? I'm struggling to eat anything at all, and I know it is because I'm so worried about losing hard won ground. I'd rather not have my body cannibalizing itself for protein to heal, though.

It is getting late and I still have one more round of leg exercises to go. Talk to you all tomorrow. :)

Andria

There are sooo many I want to write replys to here but I spent all my time posting in the Weigh-In thread. LOL I may be deleteing it before you can read it. LOL

Leanne ... I just have to say. Been there and done that too.
I am 100lbs heavier than many women in here so I truly can relate to your experience.
I just have to stay focused on doing this for my health. It is to save my life... to allow me to be more mobile. It is not just to lose weight.
But even if I NEVER lost weight... I will still have to swim or chance being house bound for life.

I can not say I have never changed my mind about swimming because of certain people. BUT .. I can say... I am learning to be "humble instead of humiliated" in many other circumstances.
It was and IS a very difficult thing to do.. swim in front of NORMALS.
It requires EVERY OUNCE of inner strength I have.

Just remember.... You have this entire thread of loving supporters giving you the "inner strength" to do what is best for YOU.
Is it hard... yes ... can it be done.... YOU BETCH YA !!!

Every time you are out there putting yourself on the line ... remember you are NOT ALONE. Many of us are out there swimming too. We not only have the RIGHT to be there... We have the INNER STRENGTH TOO.
{{{HUGS}}}

Sorry to cute...ya gotta keep that post there now because I added to it! And if you delete it mine will look funny and people will be saying what the **** is she talking about?

Anyways...RISE AND SHINE!!

The boy crawled over me into my bed this morning and I never heard him! Little sneak!! I must have been really tired!

OK another day to drink my water, get in some exercise which has been bad the last 3 days...very minimal...and to plan my foods for the day since I am having that dinner.

I lied about those chocolate decadence sundae cups..the guilt free ones! They are only 2 points for the 8 oz cup. Its the klondike slim a bear ice cream cones that are 3 points...and they are just as worth the whole 3 points too. I felt like I was cheating!!

Leanne...I was where you are today with being seen in public in a bathing suit. I finally had to talk myself through it the first time and a few times after. You know what though....chances of you seeing any of those people again are slim and if you do..they would be impressed each time they did see you as you got slimmer and slimmer! I have adopted the thought that "Who cares what people think about me" they can look and stare and comment all they want...just remember, what goes around comes around and they will get theres too! I had a very overweight girlfriend who I convinced to go swimming with me at the beach. She was so impressed that I would go out in public like that and said she wished she was more like me because she holds back and misses out on alot of fun things. And that I never hold back when applying for jobs because of my weight. I just go right after them. Hey, I deserve them just as much as the next guy!! I am a human..I have feelings and I can do whatever I want and just as well as the next person! I AM WOMAN HEAR ME ROAR!

OK enough rambling! I'll be back!
Michelle

ageoldie thank you so much for the hugs!

LuckyLadybug I just refused to go swimming up until this year - but I pushed myself very hard at the beginning of the year because I knew it was the best exercise for me. It's one of the reasons I am so mad that I let my bad self image get in the way today - its an obstacle I thought I had already overcome :(

cdtobehealthy I know exactly where you are coming from. I just couldn't handle doing things in front of anyone up until this year. Around the beginning of May the pool closed for winter, and I decided I was going to go to a gym (for the first time in my life!). I walked in and was shaking and so incredibly nervous it wouldn't have taken much for me to burst into tears. I told them I had never been to a gym before, and they were so strongly supportive. I lucked out though - the gym I went to was very down-to-earth, and there just arent many "cute tiny women and big buff guys" who are more interested in showing off than getting fitter there (unlike a couple of other gyms here). I went there over winter, and lost quite a few inches (but not a great deal of lbs!). But now the pool is open again, I would prefer to go there - its better for my knee/hip than pushing it at the gym.

qsilver I hope you start feeling better soon!

2cute2Bfat I have arthritis (legacy of a bad car accident) in my knee and hip, and if I don't exercise, my mobility will get worse. The doctor says that losing weight will help me by taking some of the pressure off my knee and hip (and it has helped already) and that swimming/water walking is the absolutely best exercise for me. The thing that bugs me most about all this is that I know how important it is for me to exercise, and I know how much happier/healthier I feel after I do ... and just how much easier I can keep up with my kids ... but what happened this morning just catapulted me back into how I was feeling last year - helpless and powerless and so self-conscious. yucky! I truly appreciate the people on this thread, that have let me pour out my frustration here, instead of stuffing it down with cake/chips/other bad choices of foods! Thank you so much.

Michelle I need some of what you have! :)

{{{hugs}}} to everyone.

Good morning girly girls. Did you think I was gonna go AWOL again? Nope not me :nono: . I came in and read yesterday but did not have time to post. I had to have Alexis to basketball practice at 8 a.m. and Evan to his at 9. Then we went to my bestfriends house and we scrapbooked for a while. I actually got 5 pages done between yelling at kids, having coffee and just laughing with my friend. We then decided we needed to go to Walmart for more stickers and paper and stuff.

Yesterday we had our first snow of the year too. The roads first thing in the morning were so bad. They soon melted but none the less the drive to town in the morning was scarey at times. I had to tell the kids several times to please be quiet so I could concentrate on the driving. This was the first time I had driven my new van in the snow, so I didn't know what to expect from it.

I'm so happy to be back here. I really am absorbing the support. And I think I will start my WATP video again this week. You all are just so inspiring.

Today is a fun filled laundry day :lol: , and I need to get this livingroom and kitchen cleaned up. Then I may work on some more pages in the scrapbook.
Does anyone else here to scrapbooking? I love Creative Memories stuff and can't wait for my most recent order to get here.

I Got Turkey!
 

My Turkey is here! Woo Hoo!! He is on my fridge just waiting for me to fill him in. I am all excited. Next month we should do a Christmas tree with decorations ;) Any how, highly motivated now that the turkey is watching me. Thanks BarbG :D

Well today is the last day of my insurance class. Oh thank goodness. Next weekend I will actually have a day off.

Hippy, I know how you feel. I have that problem myself. I'm afraid to do it cause people are watching me. I am also nervous because the day after thanksgiving is my husbands high school reunion. I am afraid of embarrassing him but he doesn't even think like that. It is a weird feeling. I do find myself not wanting to do things because I don't want people to talk about me. But then I say that is crazy who cares what they think. But then I get self conscious again. It is a never ending roller coaster ride. I don't know what to say except, love yourself who cares what others think. You have to do this because for you not them. I have a poem to add but I will have to add that later as I am off to class now.

Andria, Feel better darling, keep up the good work.

Cd, you are still inspiring me with your determination.

Everyone else, sorry but got to go to class. Take care, Love ya all.

skit

Happy Sunday morning! Its going to be a gorgeous day in Delaware! :D

Bless your heart hippygoddess! I just want to give you a big ol' hug!! You will go back to the pool...okay?

Michelle, you weren't deserted! I was knitting! Keeping my fingers busy and mind on the project instead of finding myself wandering into the kitchen and thinking about food. :) Oh those treats sounds yummy but I don't dare have them in the house--I can't have a box of anything sweet in my house. I have a difficult time stopping at eating just one!

LuckyLadybug, were you able to sleep last night. That was a mighty long nap--4 hours! I have allergies and this year has been a strange one for me--my eyes have been effected more than anything else. I take a prescription allergy medicine but that's not helping me much.

cdtobehealthy, good job on the grocery shopping!

Andria, thanks for the info about the protein. :) I'm a newbie so I'm not up to speed on your illness/operation but I hope you're up and running soon!

2cute, you said that right! I found myself nodding my head up and down in agreement.

Michelle, you are one motivated chick! :D

I need to go find a ticker to use as a visual here...

I just created a ticker! :) I can only focus on 10 lbs. at a time...

Sandy, my oldest daughter (she's 31) looooove scrapbooking! She loves it so much she's become the family photographer and archivist! :) I recognize the name of Creative Memories--my daughter must use that brand a lot. She just got back from a long weekend down at Lewes, DE--she was there on a scrapbooking group. There's about 10 of them and they rented a beach house to scrapbook the whole weekend. They had so much fun they plan on doing it again in January.

Skittles, I've passed up two class reunions because of my weight. I'm tired of feeling this way.