3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community - 300+ And Ready To Try Again...#540

Hey everyone :)

I'm checking in here instead of cleaning house... this is just so much more fun!

I got set up at Decision Weight Loss yesterday. I was going to start today, but decided to wait until Monday. There is a reason for this, not just that Monday diet/binge weekend thinking. We are starting a new 6 week challenge at Curves Monday morning. Everyone who wants to join is putting in $10 and the winner takes all. The challenge counts both weight loss and pounds equally. It didn't make sense to get all gung ho on a new plan if I really want the best chance possible at winning the challenge! Yes, feel free to laugh now. :lol: Oh, and there are usually about 100 people who sign up for the challenges. I'm feeling so motivated right now, I know there is a good chance for me to win! Even doing well would get me past that first 10% and down the next few pounds into Twoterville. That is worth more to me than the money by far.

Going back to school this fall is a go again. I went to the community college which is much closer to where we live. They accept the university credits I have and I don't have to worry about those credits expiring as I attend. A fresh Associates from them transfers straight back to the university, and I won't have to retake all my general eds. This is a good thing! Too bad they don't offer the 4 year degree I want. And they do elementary ed, not secondary. Ah well. :) At least I can finish this first part and probably in two semesters. Wouldn't even be that long if I had taken my math when I was supposed to...

I have to finish up some paperwork and there is a little legwork still to do, but this school has a returning student department that is super helpful and made it a lot less nerve-wracking a process. They even have a business card sized checklist of things to do. If you can't tell, I was most appreciative. It was a huge change from the day before.

There is one other thing I decided to do for myself. I started seeing a therapist Friday. I already tried one, but she made a lot of snap judgments and was more interested in being bossy than listening. No, we didn't get along well enough for me to open up and spill my guts to her. The new therapist was really terrific, and when I started to share some things that were difficult and a little embarrassing, she let me know that this was her area of expertise, and there was about nothing I could say that would even surprise her.

I've really needed someone to talk to. Things at home have gone way beyond difficult but bearable. I can really see how much pain I've been in and for how long as we clean and clean this place and still don't get to the bottom of things. Then with people (yes, mostly DH) coming right along behind and restoring things to their previous state of disaster, I found myself slipping back into my old depression.

I'm kind of dancing around the subject here, I suppose.

I informed my husband, Adam, that I want a divorce. This isn't something I take lightly. There has been a lot of consideration and even more tears. I care deeply for this man, but I do not love him any longer. Things have gotten to a point where I feel like an abused woman trying to escape her torturer. Let me state this plainly before anyone gets the wrong idea. Adam does not now, nor has he ever, abused me. The circumstances in which we live, the fact that I have been growing and he refuses to, those are the sorts of things to which I'm referring. My husband is so good at doing all the cute things, like packing my lunches and reading the little one bedtime stories every night, but he has been unable to be there emotionally for at least the last 7 years of our marriage. This anniversary will be 14 years, so you can see this has been going on for a decent amount of time.

The two of us have a mutual friend who has been willing to listen and take up the emotional slack that Adam hasn't been able to provide. For ages DH would come home, find me upset about something or other, and go turn on the computer, find our friend and tell me to talk to him. I've grown incredibly close to this man and love him very much. He is currently in medical school, and we plan to marry once he is finished. His name is Tony. My girls adore him and even with all of this, he and Adam are best of friends.

To top off all of this going on, my 13 year old has been having massive problems and finally confided in me that her moping around isn't just regular teenage angst, but she was planning on killing herself. It turns out that there is a group at school that tortures her about everything, and that combined with some other problems (yes, to include worries about her parents potentially behaving like other divorcing couples and hurting the children in the process) had her at her wits end with no visible way out. I was totally blindsided by this because I have been wrapped up in my own pain for so long.

Yeah, I needed someone to talk to. I've wanted to bring this here for a long time now, but... I didn't want to be ostracized from the group. Heavens, there has been enough else in my life to talk about anyway, and this was one safe spot that I could just be myself and not all my other baggage as well. I don't ask everyone to be ok with my choices, but I hope you can still be ok with me.

Seems like this is as good a place as any to end. I'm going to go back to cleaning now.

Andria