Book Study/ Chapter 4 / May 17-22
 

Greetings to all lurkers and posters. :wave:
This is going to be a new thread topic focused on "studying" Dr Phils The Ultimate Weight Solution
We invite you to read the entire book or take it one chapter at a time, following the discussion within this thread.

Each Sunday we will start discussing a new chapter for that week.
This will be a 12 week program. We hope all of you join in every week.

If you just now found this site... be sure and go back and read all the threads for each previous chapter we did.
If you are joining us late... just go back and read each chapter and add your comments in that chapters thread. Be sure to let us know in the current thread so we can go back and read your comments.

It is recommended you have a pen, pencil and/or a colored highlighter with you as you read.
Mark every word, sentence, phrase or paragraph that hit home for YOU.
Read each chapter as if you are going to be tested .. (You're not going to be tested) ;)
Then come to this thread and share what hit home for you... what you took away with you from that chapter and how you are incorporating it into YOUR life.
Feel free to post often ... you may get a dozen different topics you want to share per each chapter.

I know many can read the entire book in an evening... others will need a week... while some of us may need the entire 12 weeks. There are 12 chapters ... plus a few extra topics at the end. But the idea of this thread is to share what we learned from each chapter and learn from others insights.

You do not have to be a Dr. Phil fan... many here are not. BUT... let's face it... we can all learn something new that just might be what will make a difference.
Each Sunday anyone can feel free to copy and paste this introduction and then start the new study.
Be sure to title it Book Study /Chapter #/ date-date
We are looking forward to reading everyones input. :)

Okay... we are going to try having two chapters going at the same time.
This new thread is for anyone who thinks they are ready to move on.
We may not always accomodate two chapters in one week.. but this seems feasible at this time.
Jump right in ladies.. make yourself at home and post as often as you can.

Well I pissed. I had a huge revealing post and just lost it because of this :censored: mousepad and me yelling at the dog to get away from me and lay down.

This is a BIG chapter - I think it will take more than a week - it's long and :kickcan: .

yep!!! MORE THAN A WEEK :coffee:

For as she thinks within herself, so is she.
 

WOW this chapter is a kicker! and according to Dr. Phil on his show THE key to get, so I keep reading and reading. :D

"Change my thinking to change my weight". I really believe this one.

I hold powerful beliefs about myself. WHEW! I think we "think" it's what others think of us that count but it's not! (was that enough thinks in one sentence?)

Unless I eliminate self-defeating thoughts, they will actually gain momentum, becoming more deeply lodged in the habitual patterns of my life and more unyielding to change. I really recognize this in my life. Especially with all of us working on this book and "making" me think about my weight issues. Just like Terri said on the last thread I have had this little voice in my head that said I wouldn't succeed at losing weight all the while I was signing up, paying dues or buying the latest diet book.

If I gain weight, I am choosing behaviors that encourage the development of obesity. This one makes me angry. At myself AND at Dr. Phil for pointing it out!!! :mad:

My audit scores are:
A Internal 20
B External 9
C Chance 11

In reading the Internal WLOC I see how my score it right on.

I might find it difficult to seek counsel from other people or to consult external sources of information for help. I would always tell myself I was strong enough to do this on my own. Well, DUH!!! apparently NOT.

I internalize my failures and dwell on them. OH YEAH! :(

I discount my own abilities. Hmmm do you think Dr. Phil knows me personally?

I wonder if we could get a psychologist to join us and give us a group discount?

So, off to read some more. I will probably have to post again on the same pages.

I'll try to recreate this morning's post. I haven't made it off of the first half of page of the chapter!

These are the things that really struck me this morning.

Get rid of self-defeating thought patterns, believe that you will succeed, that you will have mastered the first key necessary to overcome your struggles with your weight.

What is true about you in your mind, you will live.

Personal truth. This is whatever you, at the absolute core of your being, believe to be true about yourself. It is the story you live, the story you tell yourself about everything that is going on in your life, and this includes your weight and your ability (or lack of ability) to keep your weight in check.

Everything you do and feel and more importantly, how you do it and feel it stems from your personal truth.

For a very long time, my personal truth is one of being inadequate to others. This goes way back to childhood. I never felt as smart as others but yet I knew I was intelligent. My inner core has never accepted what I knew in my brain. It seems that dad was always on me for being a day-dreamer and not doing enough around the house. He expected me to intuitively knows things as a kid that he knew as a man (i.e. farm things that he made us do). There is a part of me that doesn't let me try to do something because I fear it won't be enough. Dad was a blue-collar worker and didn't understand that I was a studious person. My parents did not applaud my abilities and give me a feeling of self-worth. On one hand school was easy and I could learn quickly but I didn't give myself credit for it. I find that I do that today in work. I have not fully embraced the thought and acceptance that I am one of the executive staff of our department. I feel inadequate and that I'm just not as good as my peers. That insecurity holds me back in other areas too. Instead of just letting myself be....I'm always thinking of how I'm not as good as other people at it. No matter what that is.

What's really bad, is that intellectually, I know that I am much more than I allow myself to feel. Again...its that disconnect between what I know in my brain and what I feel in my inner core.

I've been thinking about that alot today. I had a little conversation with Dad and told him that he was wrong for expecting me to know things at 10 yo that he knew. Too bad I wasn't strong enough to tell him when he was alive. I think I chose not too because I came to acceptance that he was the way he was because of the manipulations of his mother. Maybe that's rationalization of his behavior but to me, it was accepting that he didn't know how to tell me as a child that he was proud of me. I am grateful that I got the chance to realize that a few years before his death. I guess my point is that I have a lot of self-esteem issues that go back to chlldhood but I don't want to be parent-bashing.

Well, on that note, I'm headed off to bed. This is very heavy stuff for me.

Change your thinking to change your weight

You hold powerful beliefs about yourself and these influence you, good or bad, and affect how you approach your weight.

In the past I've completely sabotoged myself in trying to lose weight because deep down I felt like I didn't deserve it. That I would be a failure. I can relate with Terri about feeling inadequate to others. All my life I have had a very low self-esteem. I've always thought that I'm too stupid etc, but I'm not. Geez in college my GPA was 3.75. I guess I don't consider that being stupid, but none the less, I felt stupid. Since beginning to read I've changed my thinking - it hasn't been easy - but I've been telling myself that I can do it. And that it's completely UP TO ME to do it. No pill, surgery, fad is going to change me from the inside out. It's my head that needs it.

. . . you have within you everything you will ever need to be , do and have, anything and everything you will ever want and need.

How many of us actually have beleived that statement or even thought about it - ever?? I know that I haven't. I've always felt powerless to do anything about my weight. I know I've said this before, but I had resigned myself to always being fat and unhealthy. Now I know that I can and will change that.

. . . what you tell yourself can make you feel stressed, anxious, worried, depressed - and more apt to binge or overeat.

Isn't that the truth for all of us? I know that the worse I felt about myself, the more I ate. And if things weren't going exactly the way I felt they should in my family I would get myself into a bingeing situation. Now I've been really working on creative ways to deal with my stress. Right now the biggest stress I have is with my 11 year old daughter. She still hasn't completely adjusted to our move and my marriage (it's been three years!). She also has a lot of resentment for her birth father (he doesn't see her). All those emotional things are getting taken out on me and my husband. That has created a tremendous amount of stress - and emotional eating. Now I've really been using "tough love" on her - and it's been hard on me. But, I'm not taking her crap anymore and I'm not allowing her to get to me. Since doing that she's actually been behaving much better. Thus, I've felt better about myself and have truly felt in control of my life - FINALLY!

Internal - 20
External - 11
Chance - 5

. . . you might find it difficult to seek counsel from other people . . . you may tend to internaize your failures and dwell on them . . .

Heaven forbid I ask for help! that would make things way to easy! :lol: Just finding this site and you guys has made a world of difference! :balloons:

Well, that's as far as I got . . . back to the book!

Happy reading everyone . . .

I agree - more than one week on this chapter.

I am definitely at "zero hour" and have been there for the past year after my diagnosis of diabetes. I knew then that I could not continue on the path I was on. Even though I have a family history of diabetes, the majority of this is my fault for stuffing myself with sugar, SUGAR, SUGAR for the past 20+ years and not giving a damn about it. It is my response to "feelings".

I have just started Chap 4; my scores on the questionnaire are:
Internal - 20
External - 12
Chance - 8

#13 - I will go off my diet if I have a bad day- definitely agree!! Food is my release valve, my drug of choice. When I am angry or sad I just say "to he!! with everything" and I am blind running. Definitely need work in this area.

Personal Truth - Terri, you are not alone; I feel inadequate too. I feel like every word out of my mouth is stupid, when I talk to people I feel like they just want to run away from me, so now I just don't say much to anyone. Example - I say hello to someone at work and they say "hey Connie - well I've got to go". To be honest I even feel like my posts are boring and stupid and you guys would rather hear from someone else. So I think - maybe I talk too loud, maybe too much, maybe I'm off the wall. I get tongue-tied and start stuttering, especially at work when someone in mgt or one of the drs speaks to me.

My computer time is running out so I'll say so long for now.

Connie :nono: Don't think that way . . . of course we all want to hear from you!!! There are so many times that I start to post and then quit because I think it's dorky. Well, now I've gotten to the point that I'm just gonna say what I have to say - boring, dorky and all! :dizzy:

Everyone posting is what makes this site so great! ;)

Thanks Lisa! - like my previous post said, I feel very inadequate, boring, uninteresting, lacking. I always call myself an idiot. That is one of my PERSONAL TRUTHS

Have done a little more reading since my last visit; will work on getting more done this weekend.

Chapter3&4
 

Here is my scores for the Weight Locus of Control
Part A Internal=20
Part B External=13
Part C Chance=5
"Personal Truth" the definition I saw was: Our inner thoughts, beliefs, self-perceptions and emotions *give us our positive/negative outcomes.
I felt that this is why I had scored high in the internal and external locus.
I often followed the thoughts of my family that we are destined to be large/obese and that we will all end up having diabetes.
Ok some it is has come true, BUT it does not have to stay this way. In other areas of my life, I have thought that we are unmotiviated that we are all high school drop outs and will not be successful. BUT I have changed that, I am the first person, woman, mother to have graduated from college and recieve a degree.
So yes, for a time negative thoughts, beliefs, self-perceptions and emotions ruled me BUT, NO MORE!
Now I just need to work on step one and that is to overcome, my all-or-nothing thinking, and self-downing. Although these two thoughts are not to the extreme,but thay are obstacles, and to me an obstacle is a challenge to work through.
This time I am ready ;)

Because when you choose your thoughts, you choose the consequences that are associated with those thoughts.
I have known this for years - in other areas of my life, so why not my weight?

For every thought you have, a physiological event occurs in unison with that thought. This one too, I have believed for years, but until I read:

"I really don't like exercise". Your body reacts to this depressed thought by suppressing energy and action. Your body has conformed to that central computer message.

I NEVER applied these beliefs to my weight. Now how dumb is that!!! Oops - sending another bad thought.

But I know, like Terri & Lisa said, that I am not dumb. I just sure act that way about this issue.

Realistically assess what you can control and what you cannot, and take action to make a difference in your life.

Think aboaur deprivation another way: by overeating, you're depriving yourself of a healthy weight, an attractive appearance, self-regard and peace of mind.

All the while I was reading today I kept thinking "I have to read this again".

Dixie: NO MORE OF THAT !!!!! You don't even have to believe your are adequate, fun, interesting and perfect the way you are. Just tell yourself it is true and as Dr. Phil pointed out your body reacts to your thoughts and words.

Lisa: I am happy things are going better with your daughter.

Your posts have gotten me thinking. I, too have always thought of myself as boring. I have a lot of friends and always get invited to be with them but I never really understand why!!! I even had someone tell me I was the most interesting person she had ever known. Boy did I laugh then :lol: - she must have some sad life!!!!! Dang it - there I go again. Dr. Phil would NOT be happy with my choice of words.

So, I will quit for now!!!!

I have done the internal audit:

Internal: 18
External: 11
Chance: 8

Now, what does that tell me?

I do believe that I have a direct bearing on my results - that it is my actions, interactions, etc and that it is my responsibility to control my behaviors. I also believe that no diet is going to work if I don't make the effort to work the plan. Which is why I wrestle with belonging to WW and paying them to weigh me. I am getting closer to being able to quit WW and not feel like a failure -that I will be ready to do this on my own. I also tend to hang on to my 'failures' and dwell on them. My past failures hang over my head anytime I try to gear myself up for new motivation. Like why would I think I would succeed this time? The other thing I do is to get mad at the scale when I think I have done really well. And that is why I hate WW WI's on a weekly basis. I give too much power to that scale.

More later!

Just watched WLC Finale on Dr. Phil
 

I need to require more of myself.

I need help - I have to find a way to exercise. :tread: :strong:

I need accountability. :coach:

I KNOW I just have to DO IT, but, boy am I having trouble getting started.

Well, at least I admitted it - I haven't done that before. I am always the responsible one, the one relied on, but I can't be that to myself.

I have to work on this this week. Any suggestions? WHY can't I do this for myself?

Having said that I believe that I have responsibility for my behaviors and that its up to me to make this work, I did score almost in the external WLOC too.

I have a tendency to want to blame others for when I fail to stick to the plan. Especially DH when I feel like he's not helping me avoid my trigger foods. It is a rationalization when I'm not doing as well as I want. But it is superficial because all the while I'm blaming him, I do know deep down that I truly am the one to blame.

But there's that blame word which is a problem with being internal WLOC. No more blame. I made choices that were not choices to help me achieve my goal. No more dwelling on what I haven't achieved and could have.

No more blaming DH for choosing foods that are not in our best health interests. I don't have to eat it or I could choose to eat small portions. Those are the choices I can make.

I have not realized how self-condemnation is the very root of my internal dialogue.

I'll do the internal dialogue audit tomorrow. We have a potentially dangerous storm heading our way and DH won't quit interrupting me so that I can finish this. I'm headed down to unplug the computer.

Internal diagolue audit:

How do I feel about:

My appearance:
I at times am comfortable with my appearance. But I am mostly self-conscious about how I look. I am very self-conscious about fat rolls around my mid-section. I didn't used to wear shorts or sleeveless but I have long gotten over that. I do dress to try to camoflage the some of the rolls but I feel worse if its too baggy. I do make myself look in the mirror now and see that I am making changes in my body and acknowledge what I look like.

My body shape:
I have never been happy with my body shape. Big boobs and no shape to hips or butt. I have hated the shape of my body because of the fat rolls and where I carry the fat - my abdomen. But I am seeing something different in the mirror now. I see the shape changing. I see the muscles developing and I like what I see.

Everything else:
I mostly feel disappointment about my body shape, my weight, my ability to control my weight, my exercise level, etc. I am disappointed that I let myself get in this shape. Disappointed in that my body will never look great naked again. I am embarassed by the stretch marks and how I have damaged my body. I wish I could undo what I've done and make it as if I were never overweight - but I can't.

I am going to put my clothes on and go to work and feel great about my body. I have made big changes in the last year and a half and I will celebrate those. I will not feel bad anymore about what coulda, shoulda, woulda. I will concentrate on CAN, SHOULD, and WILL do.

Hmmm, Terri - where did you go???? Did you go to look at yourself in the mirror? :D Sure hope it wasn't bad weather.

Lucky - maybe you peeked in right after I had hit submit when I meant to go to the Advanced options?

Step One - Become Aware of Your Faulty Thinking

These are the types of faulty thinking that I have done in the past:

1. Externalizing/Internalizing
"If I'm going to achieve my goals, I've got to work out harder each time".

I do this one when I hit a stall point without really being truthful about my eating. I realized that when I lost weight and was not able to do any cardio work at all.

I'm making myself be realistic about what I can and cannot control. I cannot always control when I get home from work so I'm not going to freak out if I don't get cardio in every night and I'm not going to think I have to work twice as hard to make up.

2. Labeling
As I noted in my journal, I am changing my thinking away from "success" because the flip side of success if "failure". My efforts are not going to be "successful". I am focusing on healthy behaviors and whether or not I exhibit healthful behavior. If I do, the result will be a leaner, healthier body.

3. Frustration Thinking
"It's too hard. It's easier to stay fat. I can't be bothered with exercise".
"One reason you persist in it is its payoff; you're avoid frustration and discomfort".

I know I have had this in the past. Because that deep down, I would feel that I was not going to be successful anyway, I have let that frustration sabotage my efforts. No more - uncomfortable or not, I'm changing my way of life.

4. Fortune Telling
"Your self-talk makes predictions about your performance, and when negative, this prediction tends to be a doom-and-gloom type prophecy."

See note above about deep down doubt and negative prophecy. Been there, done that.

5. All or Nothing Thinking
I try to avoid this but I do sometimes think that since I have already eaten one of something, that its okay to eat more. I don't necessarily go on binges but don't stick with just one of something.

6. Catastrophizing
This one I don't have a problem with. I may get mad about gaining a pound but it isn't high melodrama. The anger comes from knowing that I haven't done all that I could have done.

7. Pipe Dreaming
"Entertain fantasies of having the perfect body".

I'm just the opposite. I know I'll never have the perfect body which I think has held me back because of not knowing what my body will look like and will I be disappointed and unhappy with the result. You know...all the skin and stretch marks.

8. Gut Level Reasoning
That feeling "I feel fat" wrecks havoc on my thoughts. Because I knew that I must have looked huge.

9. Self-Downing
"When you come down on yourself, your internal dialogue cranks up its volume, becoming so loud that it crowds our other, more relevant and truthful information.

You start condemning yourself for not succeeding, or obsessing about what you didn't do or could have done better."

No explanation needed - GUILTY as charged.

10. Poor Me Thinking
"....feeling deprived or out of the fear of getting hungry."

I used to have this. I think this is one of the reasons I started overeating as a child. I remember Dad always got the seconds no matter how hungry any one else would be. Which now, makes sense because he was the working adult...but it was something about the way he acted about it. He was obsessed with food too.

"Its not fair that other people can eat cream puffs all day and I can't."
I know I've had those thoughts.

Wow, now I'm aware of all the types of faulty thinking I have had in the past and present.

Onward to Step 2 tomorrow.

I did make a discovery Tuesday night.

Right after I get home is my most dangerous time. It is when I can easily talk myself out of exercising and easily talk myself into eating.

I had to call my uncle and we talked for half an hour. Afterwards I realized all my “I’ve worked hard and am tired and deserve to just sit on the couch” thoughts were gone. So, I just have to find around 30 people I can call at night when I get home!!!

We had storms last night so I turned off the computer.

Also, I have company this weekend, my niece graduates and then Memorial Day. Whew!!!!

My one Aunt called to see if I could re-sod my other aunts grave before Monday!!! :dizzy:

All that to say I might be behind in my reading this week. But never fear I will catch up! :D