Chapter 2 Book Study / May 9-15
 

Greetings to all lurkers and posters. :wave:
This is going to be a new thread topic focused on "studying" Dr Phils The Ultimate Weight Solution
We invite you to read the entire book or take it one chapter at a time, following the discussion within this thread.

We will begin discussing Chapter One on Sunday.. May 2, 2004
Each Sunday we will start discussing the next chapter for that week.
This will be a 12 week program. We hope all of you join in every week.

It is recommended you have a pen, pencil and/or a colored highlighter with you as you read.
Mark every word, sentence, phrase or paragraph that hit home for YOU.
Read each chapter as if you are going to be tested .. (You're not going to be tested) ;)
Then come to this thread and share what hit home for you... what you took away with you from that chapter and how you are incorporating it into YOUR life.
Feel free to post often ... you may get a dozen different topics you want to share per each chapter.

I know many can read the entire book in an evening... others will need a week... while some of us may need the entire 12 weeks. There are 12 chapters ... plus a few extra topics at the end. But the idea of this thread is to share what we learned from each chapter and learn from others insights.

You do not have to be a Dr. Phil fan... many here are not. BUT... let's face it... we can all learn something new that just might be what will make a difference.
Each Sunday anyone can feel free to copy and paste this introduction and then start the new study.
Be sure to title it Book Study /Chapter #/ date-date
We are looking forward to reading everyones input. :)

Good Sunday morning.
I want to wish everyone a HAPPY MOTHERS DAY !!!
I just wanted to start the new thread in case someone is ready to post their thoughts and feelings. Okay... CHAPTER TWO...

GET REAL EXPECTATIONS and GOALS

I got lucky! (not that way, darn :rofl: ) It is raining, well, starting too so I have a reprieve from yard work. I used my time wisely to start chapter two!

Things I like:

Page 22
I will do what works for me, I will adjust my life to what is best for my health and my well-being, and I will make the right changes (ugh) in order to be in harmony with reality. ( who sings that song CH CH CH Changes?? 2Cute and I need that CD!!)

Page 23
I need to work on building the right mind-set in order to get on and stay on the right track.

Page 31
If I can recognize that it's not the specific weight I want to attain, but also the feelings that I associate with it.
Which also says I don't think I can have those feelings without being slender!

When I know what I want - how it looks, how it feels, and what experiences it contain - then I can begin to guide my life like a ship toward the harbor light because I now have goals that are exactly, precisely and realistically defined.
I like "guide my ship towards the harbor light".

I am up to "set my goals" but think I will read them this afternoon. Shoot - is it starting to clear up!! :mad: Let the rain come!

Body Image
 

Page 23

"It's best that you don't think of body image as what you see when you look in a mirror; it's a reaction you have within you, in response to what you see. Body image encompasses the things you tell yourself about how you look, good or bad, fat or thin, good looking or ugly, and whether you are satisfied or dissatisfied with what you see when you see yourself when you look in the mirror."

This couldn't be more timely for me. Yesterday, at my mom's house, we were looking at pictures from my high school days. I marveled at how 'thin' I was, while distinctly remembering looking at the same pictures then, thinking I was fat. I was in a bikini in one of the pictures. I was a chubby kid. Pudgy, not morbidly obese, just chubby. My body image was formed when my mom would sigh and take me shopping in the chubby section and my grandfather would tell me I was fat every time he saw me eating, and when my brothers would tease me and call me fat names. In the seventh grade, my mom and I went to Lean Line and I lost the weight. I was a normal weight and body size for the rest of my teen years and well into my twenties, but the body image never changed. I always thought of myself as fat. I would cringe when I saw myself in the mirror, would always find something wrong with my image. How sad. So many wasted years of hating myself. I look at the photos and think how different things could have been had I not been so critical of my image.

I don't want to dwell on this because I'm feeling the "Oh, how I feel sorry for myself" trigger which usually prompts eating something, anything, preferably sweet. I did something different today, however. I dug out a big notebook and started a journal. One section just for my thoughts and responses to Dr Phil, one section for the foods eaten, and an exercise log, maybe another section will be to chart my losses.

It feels good to be in control. Or at least to recognize the trigger and take steps to counteract it.

Back to reading...

psssst...Lucky
 

David Bowie...love him!

Kat.. oh how I can relate to everything you said. I was never thin for as long as you were... mine usually only lasted a week or so. LOL

Most of my bad memories are the disgust my mom had of her mom.. who was FAT too... and her unhappiness with her fat daughters. But one of my memories that won't go away after 30 years is with my dad. He never said much of anything ... good or bad. But once I "lost" 10lbs while in the hospital. He said ... "Don't worry , you'll "find" it again." I remember "feeling" so defeated at that moment. It is such a minor comment and today I don't think he meant anything by it... probably just joking..... BUT.. I can not lose that defeated feeling every time I lose 10 lbs still to this day.

NOW... for the being honest with oneself. (I am talking about me not you)
There comes a time when you have to put the past behind you and take responsiblity for yourself. It does not matter what anyone said when you were younger... or even last week. IT IS TIME to deal with it and MOVE ON. As they say... "GET OVER IT !!"
Why is that so hard to do ???? How do you let go of it.?? I learned this lesson many years ago in OA. I have to go back and do what I did then. Wish I had more time to share what I DID... LOL ... but I have to run. PLUS.. I think we need to do what Dr. Phil says to do... not moi. :lol: Afterall.. I am the one still fat. :lol:

Okay - I'm at the goal setting phase and think that I have done pretty good on setting them.

He say's that we need to recognize that it's not only the amount that we need to lose but the feeling that accompanies that loss that's important (pg 31). My goal has always been "I'm going to lose weight." Well, he says that is too vague and a vague goal will mean failure. I've now set specific goals and ways to reach them. :strong:

Thye biggest thing for me to accomplish my goals is to follow through with the behavior changes that I've set for myself. That has been my downfall in the past.

pg 34 - Understand that it is not possible for you to be overweight unless you have generated and adopted a lifestyle to sustain it. How true that is. Just reading the posts here we all have something or someone in our past who has contributed to the way we feel about ourselves (good or bad). I, too, felt like such a huge house when I was a kid. I wasn't, but it sure felt like it. I can't pinpoint a specific time/comment/event that made me feel like that, but I know it must be there somewhere.

One of the behaviors that I learned from my mother was the emotional eating. Ice cream, chocolate, chips, all the crap. When something was going wrong, we'd "comfort" ourselves with the "comfort" food. I still struggle with that. This weekend with the funeral and all I wanted so badly to pig out, but I was so good and I didn't. I stuck to my "diet" and followed it - and the result was I've now lost a total of 10 lbs. I know that Dr. P has said that will power is a myth, but I think that day to day we still need to use it a little when we want to eat what we shouldn't.

I can also remember being disgusted with my "fat" family (Gramma's, uncles & even mom). I didn't want to end up looking like them and now I do. In fact I'm about the same size as my mom. I suppose it stems from kids teasing at school about being fat?! Now my daughter thinks that she's the fattest thing (she's not!) and I don't want her to struggle as I've struggled. I want to be a good role model for her.

I got through page 37 and have set a goal for myself to lose a total of 50 lbs by October 2004. That's a little less than 10 lbs per month - I haven't ever really tried this so I'm not sure what's realistic or not. We'll see what happens - with the loss so far I'm only 40 lbs away from that goal! :cb:

I really hate facing that one!! :mad:

But one can't change what one doesn's acknowledge.

Off to make dinner and then read!! :D

Okay, I'm still back on page 23-24 - the body image.

Who asked about lettting the past go? Here's a visual that I'm stealing from Kat.
This holds true about the images we have of ourselves. We need to let go of what we hold in our minds and create positive ones. I've had a terrible body image for as long as I can remember - pudgy in grade school. I remember running around in a two piece swimming suit when I must have been around 10 and dad telling mom that I needed to put something else on - but it was okay for my cousin to run around in her two piece suit. I took that to mean that I didn't look good. I also remember dad being on mom about how I didin't do enough around the house - that I needed to do the housework and what was wrong with me that I didn't know what to do. Dad was always on my case about not knowing how to do things that an adult would know how to do. I got above average grades in school and I knew I was smart but I didn't feel that way. Because of the things dad said, I felt dumb and because I was so self-conscious about my size, I have NEVER felt like I fit in anywhere. I don't have a knack for all the girly things and feel like a failure as a female. To compensate for the lonliness and feelings of failure, I ate and ate some more. I have this image that I was big in high school and that I didn't have fun. But when I look back at the pictures, that isn't true. Yes, I was overweight but I wasn't that big and ugly as I remember.

So, I'm going to open the window and let the past go too. I don't blame dad because he didn't make me feel things. It was the things he said. If I still feel things because of that now, then that's my fault. Did dad do it to harm me? No, he was just being the person he was.

When I look in the mirror tomorrow, I will see the progress I've made. I will see the person I am and want to be.

Sorry if that got a bit morose! Must have been because I spent the weekend with mom and its brought up feelings from home.

No more past! Its all about what we do with our future.

Good job, Terri. :cp:

I am on page 32 and underlined the whole thing - I will need all of you to help me. As I posted a while ago - I can't seem to see my issue so I plan to type away :comp: and see if any of you have any insight.

When he said I have to have a goal to succeed I almost quit. I never make goals - and I don't know why. Fear of failure, I suppose.

I weighed around 130 until about 9 years ago but in my mind I always looked like I do now at 240. I made it all come true.

Well, back to reading.

Lucky -

Is it fear of failure or fear of achieving success and finding out that you have change other things?

Wow
 

Wow.. I just could not read and not comment. That is a character trait I own... sometimes it is good.. sometimes not. LOL

Lisa...Goal setting. That is a hard one for me. I am like Lucky in this area.... I never set goals. I have always just tried to live in the todays. BUT... if you read any motivational people.. they all say to set goals. Then live your life in a manner each day to reach those goals. Take audit if you are being successful. If not.. change your todays to be a lifestyle to succeed at your goals. I have set my goal to be 30 lbs lighter by September when I go to Missouri to a wedding and hopefully see Terri in her skinner bod too. :)
I will take that goal on by 5 lbs a whack. That is 6 lbs a month. May thru Sept. That is definitey a realistic goal. But I know from experience... what I am eating now will only maintain my weight. I must improve my food choices while exercising more to lose those 6 lbs a month. I also must be grateful for that loss. I always wanted 5 lbs a WEEK. That is NOT realistic.
I am also so moved by your wanting to be a good example for your child.
I feel shame that I was not and am not a good example for my children even now while they are grown adults. I can either condemn myself for this.. OR .. I can change myself. I am choosing to CHANGE MYSELF.

Terri .... You made great comments about letting go of the past and moving on. But remember this. Dr. Phil also said..."one can't change what one does not acknowledge". We must first FACE THE PAST ... and then let it go.
That was the greatest gift OA gave me. I had to write an inventory about myself. I had to face the past... of what I did or did not do. Of how I felt or did not feel. I had to face the truth about myself and how I let others influence me. THEN ... you told it ALL to another human being. Together you learned where you were at fault.. and where others had truly hurt you.... and what you did to hurt yourself more.
THEN... you learned to LET IT GO !!! To move beyond those limitations you put on yourself. It was wonderful. !!! Of course I didn't think so at the time I was doing all of that writing and confessing. :lol: I lost 300lbs of shame and guilt ... and 80lbs of FAT back then.

Lucky.... What an eye opener you said.... WOW !!! That slapped me in the face.
Yes... we do make our self image come true.
And if we can make ourselves fat.. we can also make ourselves THIN.
Like I have always said... Attitude is EVERYTHING !!!

Okay.. gotta go. I haven't read yet tonight. I need to quit talking and read more instead. Well ladies.. good night.
MAKE IT A GOOD DAY TODAY !!! :D

Double WOW !!!
 

WOW !!!! What a POWERFUL POWERFUL chapter !!!!!
I was only going to read one small section and I could not quit until I read it all.
It scared me... it wowed me... it moved me... it empowered me !!!

I am not going to take it line by line tonight. BUT...
I am going to write out my PLAN OF ACTION !!!

MY goal is to lose 6 lbs per month to reach a 30lb weight loss by September 18th.
My goal is to be able to get up and down the steps outside my house with greater ease.
My goal is reach the next weight level DOWN on the doctors scale.
My goal is to be more flexible so I can manuver on an exam table for a needed exam.

To reach this goal I WILL....
I will water exercise 30-60 minutes a day... 5-7 days a week
I will walk 1/2 mile 3-4 times a week
I will work out on my cardio glide or exercise tape 3-4 times a week.
I will drink 8 glasses of water a day
I will eat smaller portions
I will eat 2 fruits or veggies a day.
I will make wiser food choices... limiting/eliminating fats, sugars and foods high in carbs.

I have begun this recovery process on Monday ... May 10, 2004
I will record my "actions" I take to reach these goals.

Quote from Page 37 and 39... I don't know if you have read this whole chapter yet or not... but if you have not... I HIGHLY recommend it !!! Read it.. write in it. Do what it says. What have we got to lose but a few unwanted pounds and some old unsuccessful ways that have failed us in the past.

I'm catching up....I've read up to page 32.

I don't have a problem with goal-setting as a mind-set. Sometimes remembering what I wanted to achieve that day is a problem! :lol: Last year at the first of May, I joined in on a "Bootcamp" thread that was all about setting goals, making action plans to achieve the goals, and being accountable for getting there. I have stuck with that concept for a year and this has been the most consistent year I've EVER had with exercise. Its what has helped me whittle the fat off and get to my loss of 25 pounds over that year. I just haven't been all that consistent with keeping my foods within my daily point range.

I still have that process going but do it over a three month period. Ladies, feel free to join in at any time because whether its called "Bootcamp" or "Challenge", its all about the same thing - setting the goals, making daily or weekly plans of action, then reporting to yourself what you've accomplished.

What I find weird...odd...bizarre....puzzling...is that as soon as I set a goal of losing XX pounds by a certain date, guarantees that I will quit losing. I have been within 5 pounds of my 10% goal since the first of the year and had that as my goal by the end of January. I bounced up a couple of pounds when I broke my foot and I'm less than 2 pounds away still. Actually, more than that if you count the water retention weight I've got going due to humidity and PMS.

I need to ponder what behaviors I change when I set that type of goal. That's why I don't set goals of pounds off by certain dates. I'm just trying to get to 10% and then after that, my 30 pound star.

Maybe I need to restructure how I word the goals. Maybe I'm not really committed??????? That's a terrible thought.

Great insight going ladies!!

Smart alec, Terri!!!

But probably you are correct because my heart started to beat faster when I read your post! I will write that in my NEW binder :thanks:

I don't remember if I read this in the book or on Dr Phil's site ( I am at work) but he said "are you ready to give 20 min a day to your weight loss?" Well, I have failed at that every time in the past. I NEVER designated 20 min to my weight loss - reading, reaffirming, journaling, talking with all of you, whatever. BUT I have seen the genius in that statement. At least he has helped me to stay focused, so far. :D

I am working on my answers to the questions he asked - of course, trying to get them "right" or "perfect". BUT as I write this I realize how stupid!!! Just write down what comes to me and I can always revise as I go!

I am already learning a lot! :lol:

Terri:
Do I know this one!!! I can feel myself rebel against myself. WHAT is that? I have wondered many times – if I can be so dedicated and determined to sabotage my weight loss, WHY can’t I switch that dedication and determination to SUCCEED? THAT has been my question for a long time. :idea: Do I really hate myself that much? And WHY? I know I have things I don’t like about myself but I am NOT that horrible. I have never murdered anyone, been involved in an armed robbery, humiliated anyone, BUT I am introverted. No one I tell believes that of me, but I am!

Maybe it’s back to Terri’s “I really fear success”. Which, as I type this could be very true because I don’t know how to be happy, joyful etc. Geez, Dr. Phil is GOOD, isn’t he – all this confessing and he’s not even here!!!
(Sorry, Kat)

Off to read some more. I bought a new binder for my Dr. Phil / Fix Lucky stuff. I have printed out my weight chart, exercise log, & Terri's "success" message to put in it. I even plan to journal - I KNOW.. those of you who know my are in total shock! :fr:

Unless the tornado comes they are predicting I will try and post some of my chapter 2 stuff later.

If the rest of the chapters are like this one - WHEW!

My post this morning has really bothered me. It really bothered me that I have said that every time I set a goal to lose, then I quit losing or I even gain. Its not like my body does it on its own accord. Its because I don't follow through; am not 100% committed; and haven't even BELIEVED that I would succeed. There's that doubt again that needed to be set free. I would bet that every time I set that goal, a little voice would say, why bother, you won't achieve it; like ha, you won't do it; you've never done it before and won't now.

Okay, I am making the 100% commitment here and now that I will have achieved my 10% AND 30 pound goals by June 1st. No niggling thread of doubt will keep me from achieving it. No pondering on what I will do if I don't succeed. Because I BELIEVE that I will.

Lucky - I believe that I have been afraid of succeeding. That's why I can say that you. I'm afraid of what my body will look like if I lose all the weight. I'm afraid I won't have the comfort things that I have now. I'm afraid that I will actually have to hide behind something else besides my weight. Here's the reality. It, in and of itself, will not make us more interesting; more fun; more gregarious; more loveable; or more socially active. What will change those things is IF we change ourselves and fix other insecurities and hang ups.

You're doing great with this. :D

Boy, Terri, did you hit the nail on the head with your post - it's how I feel too.

What you wrote "to me" is SO true for me! I have an excuse for not being a lot of things by being over weight.

Off to think.

Have to turn my computer off - it's getting nasty out.

THANK YOU, Terri!!

May I join in ladies?? I just got my copy of the book and started last night. I have been reading the last few posts and they have really hit home for me. I have always had a problem with body image. I have a younger sister that has always been thin so as children she always got more attention because she was soooo skinny and had long blond hair. I was chubby and wore a short "pixie" haircut. I always felt overlooked/ignored, like "hey I'm here too" (I never understood why my mom kept me in that short haircut). Any hand-me-downs that my mom got were always for my sister - nobody had any fat children. She had to have my clothes made for me. I lost some weight when I was 16 (don't remember how much) but I remember I was in a size 18. When I was a senior in high school I remember standing in lunch line and this other boy in my senior class would be sitting at a table next to the lunch line. For a couple of weeks every time I passed that table he would yell "water buffalo" at me. I couldn't believe that here I was 17 years old and putting up with this. I decided to ignore him, act like I never heard him. He finally left me alone after that. I have never forgotten that. I saw him at our last class reunion but after I was telling this story to someone. I hope he heard every word. No apology from him though, he just smile at me. A$$hole! I also remember in grade school the other kids ignoring me - I spent a lot of time alone on the playground. They called me fatso. Funny, I don't remember crying about any of this. I don't remember having any kind of reaction. I have always felt like I was lacking in something, like I don't fit in, like I'm not a woman (Terri I read your post about this ).

I could go on and on. I've got my work cut out for me. I am looking forward to this book study.

All of your posts have got thinking - of all the things in my past that I "accepted" but have never really dealt with, so, this if fair warning that I will be posting my thoughts and feelings. I want everyone to give me feedback (if you have any) so I can MOVE ON!!! I don't want sympathy. I just want to tell you how things happened in my life and how I see them.

I will have this statement from Dr. Phil's book be my truth: (with your help) :)
The following is my first draft and will change as I go through the book and life: :D

Steps to reach my goal:

1. Not eat any candy at work ( they furnish chocolate )
2. I will exercise 5 times a week
3. Drink 66+ oz of water a day
4. Purchase and use a pedometer ( I already did this and may have to scream! :rollpin: From 7AM to 5PM I only made it into the 900's. It says to be healthy a person should have 10,000 steps a day :yikes: I have no idea how to get 9000 more steps into each day :no: )
5. I will productively and positively manage the stress in my life in order to stop overeating in response to stress, boredom etc
6. Make a list of people I can call when the urge to overeat hits.

When I lose weight I will feel:
1. energetic
2. peace with my body
3. confident
4. accepted


Well, off to make some dinner. Just got home from seeing my Dad.

Lucky -

You asked for opinion.....

Try to work on feeling confident and peace with your body NOW! That doesn't mean that you are resigned to staying the way you are but not to feel badly inside because of the way you are. I'm just encouraging you not to wait until you lose weight to feel positive things!

Do I always have to be the Devil's Advocate?
The comment
It, in and of itself, will not make us more interesting; more fun; more gregarious; more loveable; or more socially active.

is not necessarily true. It (loosing weight) did do all of those things for my husband. It is amazing how his personality changed once he started loosing.

Of course for me, I am all ready so interesting, fun, gergarious, lovable and socially active that you can't improve on perfection

Seriously, as I have said to some of you, part of the problem I have with loosing weight is admitting, or as Dr Phil says acknowledging that I AM fat. Yes I know, I have to buy ugly size 3X clothes, and I know what the scales say, but the fact that my mind realizes this, my emotions do not agree.

I was never overweight as a child, and no matter how fat I got, ole Alvin was much fatter!!! Well, now he has lost so much weight, and he is the center of attention, anywhere we go people comment on how good he looks and unconsiously I have been eatting more and more and gaining more and more. Is this rebellion?



I told you I wasn't sure I could handle getting this honest, now I don't even remember what I wrote down as my goals! (grabbing book) Well already I've decided that my weight goal is not realistic, I'll have to redo that one!

[I will take certain steps to reach my goal
This one I did answer truthfully
1. I will quit fighting the ideas of this book
2. I will continue to go to the health club and exercising
3. I will have control over my eating

As for who I will report in to, you guy are it.

Okay, I'll write more about the actual book chapter 2 tomorrow.

This is driving me NUTS !!! I have so much I want to say...
and only time to read. GRrrrrrrr !!!!

Barbg... I agree.. for some people the "real them" come out to play when they lose weight... BUT .. for others... if they were shy overweight.. they May remain shy thin. If they were critical of others while fat.. they remain judgemental when thinner.
Losing weight in itself does not guarantee your life will be automatically better.

And denial... many overweight people have that. My husband NEVER saw himself overweight. NEVER. It was not until he got "old" and overweight when he started seeing his limitations due to his weight. But let me tell you ... He ALWAYS knew I was FAT. Double standards there. LOL I can laugh at it now... but it was **** back in the older days.

Lucky... as far as the pedometer.... try to increase your count by 10%. That means add 90 steps per week. Progress is the key. Then Praise that growth instead of condemning where you started. I am going to focus on increasing my steps too by 10%. That means 9 more steps per week. :lol: Seriously.. focus on improving rather than dreading or criticizing yourself. ;)


Connie.. I can sure relate to "not feeling like a woman".
I don't allow myself to feel at all if possible. :^:
Keep posting those feelings. By sharing a problem ... that removes 25-50% of your stress. When you share it again .. it removes another 25-50%. Keep sharing until you can cope with it. ;)

Lucky... this book study is like taking a truth syrum. :lol:
Keep opening up your feelings and getting them out. Keep writing about them too.
You can't have room for all the "good" when you hang onto to Bad. Keep up the good self analysis.

OKay.. gottat get to bed. My company drove half way late last night so they will arrive earlier than i planned. Good night ladies.

Lucky - One other thing.

I too have a pedometer and found that it was not counting all my steps. I have not had luck with it. I would check to see how many steps I took by walking down the hall and it would occassionally read 2 steps. Have you done a check like that? Maybe you're walking more than it counted. Don't get discouraged.

Barb.G - Yes, some people do "refind" who they are inside but lots of people lose weight thinking that that will fix all their insecurities and problems. And they never work on changing their feelings and beliefs. And there are some personality traits that just don't change. You mentioned rebellion - is it rebellion or jealously that its him?? And that causes you to keep eating? This is hard to admit to all these things. Keep it up!! You're doing great.

Lisa I sure relate to your

I have lasted three days with my changes and you would think I had climbed Mount Everest I am so thrilled!! :cb:

As I stated before I have an excuse for not being a lot of things by being over weight. I need to abandon these negative parts of my lifestyle - I need to learn to feel. This is a huge problem for me - feeling. So I eat!

BarbG
:lol:

I know - but I have decided I have to or nothing will ever change!


2Cute
THANK YOU. I will write this in my journal too.

Part of me worries I sound like a whiner (or will when I start posting) and that is NOT my intention, as I said before. My life as a whole has been good, just horribly dull.

My one nephew is going to mow my lawn this summer so I have time to study with you all, confess and maybe, if I am truly lucky give some good advice myself.

Later

Real Expectations
 

Okay - I decided to re-read chapter two and got almost all the way though it. I wrote down some insights that really struck me.

All my life I've told myself that if I could just be "skinny" I'd be happier. Now I've made the goal to tell myself that I'll feel healthier and better physically and that in turn will help me be happier - not being thin in and of itself. What I look like on the outside doesn't always make me who I am on the inside.

I've had the fairy tale fantasy weight in my mind that I've wanted to be all my life and it just isn't realisitic :wizard: (where's my fairy godmother when I need her?!). I've now set a more realistic goal (I'll list them at the end). ;)

I am an extremely bad emotional eater :corn: :eating2: :hungry: :jeno: :chockiss: and have used it for coping with the stress in my life. I watched my mom & Gramma cope with it that way, too. I know I've said this before, but I don't want to pass that legacy on to my children!

Another problem I have is lack of patience. When I want it, I want it NOW :drill: and for healthy, permanent weight loss that isn't going to work. Sure I've dieted over the years, not enthusiastically, and have lost a little weight, but then always gain it and more back. I think we all have gotten so used to instant gratification in many aspects of our life that we think a major lifestyle change should be as easy. It's not - in reality it's going to take dedication and hard work to accomplish what we want. And of course, with the support of all the wonderful people here at 3FC :grouphug: we can all accomlish it!

Often times I don't feel like a real woman because I'm fat. (wow that was actually hard to type even though I know it's true - admitting it :yikes: ) I need to tell myself that I am a worthwhile person, that I DESERVE to be healthy, that I deserve to have more energy. And that I am a woman no matter what. My wonderful husband is always telling me how beautiful I am - that has helped boost my self-image. I know that he loves me know matter what. When I was a single mom I struggled with overwhelming feelings of being the fattest, ugliest thing on earth!

Every time I would look in the mirror I would pick out my flaws. I wouldn't see the beauty that God created. I know that it's there for each of us. We've just become so blinded by self hatred and self contempt that all we see is the bad.

For a long time I would tell myself that I was happy and comfortable being overweight. That it didn't matter and that if someone didn't like the way I looked too bad for them. In reality, I didn't like the way I look. I was denying my deep down feelings - I wasn't at peace with my size. I just told myself that I was. I had resigned myself to always being fat - told myself that there wasn't anything that I could do about it. I had become complacent - telling myself that I didn't care, and that I couldn't change it. But, now I know I can!!!!!!!! :strong:

Since starting this I've been more realistic with myself and no I don't like looking the way I do. I hate going to the store if I need new clothes because the person in the mirror isn't me (someone on this web site has the name "fatchick8me" and boy does that apply - probably to all of us!).

Okay so for the goals - here they are - I haven't shared them with anyone else :cheer: so this is a big step for me:
1. I want to lose 125 lbs and maintain it by changing my diet & exercise.
2. I want to prevent the health problems assosicated with being overweight - again that will be accomplished by diet and exercise change
3. I will change my eating habits - no bingeing, no junk-food & drink more water
4. I will exercise more - walking at least 1 hour per day 4 days per week
5. I will find other means of dealing with the stress in my life instead of eating - walking, talking, playing with my kids, gardening etc!

How do I want to feel? I want to feel good about my body, have more energy and pride in my accomplishment. I want to be free from the "need" of those comfort foods that we all love so much! :hun:

Sorry this is such a long one - I had to put that all down for the world to see - you gotta make me accountable! :drill:

Don't have time to reply to everyone, just want to tell y'all that you're doing a great job & keep up the good work! :cheer:

Lucky - I'm with ya on feeling like you've climbed Mt. Everest - I've been going on this for almost two weeks and I feel like it's been FOREVER! But, I'm doing it and it's going good! :cheer:

Back to reading!

I am soooooo PROUD of all of you !!!!!!! :smug:

THAT was hard to read, Lisa.

BUT I feel it too. I still haven't reconiled that at my age I won't have the body I want - WHY didn't someone tell me all of this when I was young and smooth skinned?? :?: I would have been part way there! :lol:

Lisa...Oh, how I relate to your words! Thanks so much for sharing them! I need to sit down later for some more reading and posting...just haven't had the time the last few days...Tonight I will make time, no matter how late! (No work!)

I have to tell ya, that going through this with you guys has been such a help - even in the short time I've been a part of it. :thanks:

I wish :wizard: there was some way for us to magically feel good about ourselves. One thing I do know, is that each time I visit here, and read all the caring, supportive comments everyone has :grouphug: it makes me feel better, no matter how the day has gone! :cloud9:

:cool: I'll be back . . . .

Lisa I have to laugh that you always choose to use "sunshine" smilies, knowing what state you live in!!! :lol:

Hey - it's wishful thinking :wizard:! Gotta get some sunshine somewhere ;)
If not real, then an artificial one will do :joker:

Again I am amazed at how "deep" this thread is. Every post hits me right between the eyes, and is right on target. Reading and working through this book is going to be one of the hardest thing I've done in a long long time.

I went back over my weight loss goal, cause I said after reading it, it was unrealstic, well, I just made a little mistake in the wording. What I wrote was that I wanted to loose a total of 130 pounds and it would take me 18 months and I would loose an average of 7 pounds a week.

What I meant to say was that I (wanted to change that to will) loose 130 pounds, it will take me 18 months and I will loose an average ofr 7 pounds a month As Dr Phil says, That is doable.

Just wait, BarbG, it is going to get so deep you will need BOOTS!! :yes:

:mag: Lucky - you know it!

I've been reading the goal section. I do agree that we have to set realistic goals and really think through what we are willing to do to get there. This takes hard work and is time consuming. Sure didn't seem all that hard to pack the weight on did it?

My goals that I PLAN on achieving:
1. Lose down to 185.
2. Maintain my weight within 5 pounds once I get there.
3. Develop my cardio endurance to 45 minutes a day and remain consistent at least 5 times a week once I get there.
4. Develop my routines so that healthy food planning and exercise are habits not something I have to remind myself.

What will I do to get there?
1. I will set 5 pound weight goals to provide short term focus.
2. I will use the WW food plan and work the plan each week. Modify my lifestyle so that I do stay within program each week.
3. I will set daily goals for my exercise that will include pilates and general conditioning to develop flexibility and strength all over. Also include cardio on the airdyne or spinner stationary bikes. Dog walking is nice but not enough cardio. I won't count that as my cardio but I won't cheat him of his.
4. I will be flexible in my planning to allow for life events but not allow life events detract me from my goals.

As I'm working towards my goal and when I reach it, I want to feel:
1. Peace inside coming from knowing that I AM working towards my goals and no longer sabotaging myself.
2. Free from feeling like a failure when I'm not seeing results (which usually came from subtle sabotage from my own self).
3. Like other people in that I'm physically able to participate in whatever I choose. I really want to be able to join in on bike rides again and not feel self-conscious or frustration for not being able to ride at the same speed.
4. Victorious for achieving what I haven't stuck with to achieve in 30 years.
5. Free from the haunting feeling of always being the fattest in the family, group or whatever.
6. Fabulous to go shopping for clothes in regular size sections. My goal is for size 18.

That gets me up to page 35 and more specific goals.

I am revising my goal of achieving my 10% goal and 30 pound goals by June 1st. Since I weigh in on Saturday mornings, my goal is to have achieved those by my first WI in June. Not sure what date that is other than the first Saturday of June.

There were some things he said on page 34 that I'd like to smack him over but its all true.

That felt brutal to read that. Now, I will be working through that and how I will change it.

Right on Terri, I think those quotes hit all of us right between the eyes. I know it does me!

I agree with Barb, I know that there is a lot in the book that has really hit home for me. And, yup, some of it is really hard to take :o ! I'm just glad that we all have each other. :grouphug: