I'm writing this more for myself than for anyone else but I just feel like I should. Maybe for healing, maybe for peace, maybe for reassurance, it's hard to tell.
I have spent the last 25 years taking care of everyone else, the husband, the kids, extended family, friends, co-workers. Part of me loved doing it and part of me realized it was easier to do that then to take care of myself. Taking care of myself meant I had to deal with issues I had been running from for a long time and I wasn't ready to take that on. For some, their past is a cornucopia of wonderful memories and tough life lessons, for others it's a dark torment of the cruelty we can do to one another as humans. I'm somewhere in the middle.
I'm at a crossroads of excitement and fear. I will finally have the time to take care of me without feeling like I'm taking away from someone else and yet sometimes in the back of my mind a small voice wonders if it's too late. If I'll never be able to undo the damage being obese has done to my body.
What happens now and where I go from here, is totally on me. I have the time and resources and the power to decide where my health goes. I'm scared but happy.
Will check in with myself in 4 months to see where I'm at.
