A short than usual pop in from me today as I want to head in to Costco, the bank, and the grocery store and it's Saturday. I know you knew which day it was, but around here everyone and their mother goes to town on Saturday so I want to be at Costco when it opens.

Cindy – Glad your foot is feeling better. I am so looking forward to weighing less and seeing just how much real damage my joints have versus them screaming at me because I'm putting way too much weight on them. I'm with you and being ready for Spring to pop. Mainly I'm ready for it to stop raining. This was supposed to be a warmer and dryer winter for us, but didn't happen. Way above normal on rainfall here. Enjoy the ham and cabbage – haven't heard of that either!

Sam – On starting the seeds, definitely read what the package says in terms of starting indoors or outside. For things like tomatoes and brussel sprouts, starting them in an egg carton is fine. If possible, put them in a window that gets Northern light, but not direct light or the little things will wilt. The ideal set up is with a heating mat underneath and a grow light, but that gets expensive. Then as the seedlings grow, you have to progressively transplant them to bigger pots, “harden” them before planting, and start early enough to have time for them to get big. Cucumbers don't transplant very well. One trick I do is take all the seeds – whether inside or out – and put them between moist paper towels and then place them inside a labeled baggie. That way they will have already germinated when you put them in the soil. Small seeds like tomato, carrot, and lettuce don't work too well, but works great with the larger seeds. On a note about your boss. One thing to keep in mind is that she has to keep her personal money and the business money totally separate from an accounting perspective or else she could be in a world of hurt. So, she's probably repaying the loan for buying the business from the income from the business while the extension on her house came from salary, savings, or other income that is hers personally. Now that doesn't mean that she doesn't pay herself a big salary from the agency, but they're definitely two different pools of money – or should be. Don't know if that helps any.

Emily – WOW!!!!! What an amazing difference. So happy for you on the weight loss and more importantly on the great improvements in your health.

Calda – There are just some days when it doesn't pay to get up. I hope you know that in terms of having friends and some support, you can always post here. Hopefully things will begin to look up for you soon.

Finally got the house cleaned yesterday including mopping the floors. I keep them vacuumed, but they desperately needed washing. WOW – what a difference. Better get some breakfast and get it in gear. Hope everyone has a great day.

Betsy— As you may have noticed, I can be a bulldog once I get my teeth into something. I assure you, the selection bar that allows you to toggle between alternate versons of the site is not on the mobile version: it's on both the new Vbulletin version and the old version. It's at the bottom of the page, to the left of the links for "Terms," "Privacy," etc. If you will please tell me whether you see a selection bar in that location, I will cease & desist. Again: I am using the old version, not the Vbulletin version nor the mobile version, and I have never been logged off. Nor have I ever lost a posting unless it was clearly my fault, even after writing for as long as two hours. (BTW, I love the idea of our writing a book together. Seriously! We could write about different approaches to weight loss for the 300+ person—what works, what doesn't work, personal choices, and so on. Not in the immediate future, but after we've both reached goal weight.) Anyway, thanks for humoring me... =smile=

caldawg— Awww, I'm so sorry to read about your problems at work. The fact that you have to come in on weekends and you're not paid for that sounds even more irksome, to me at least, than not being acknowledged for what you do. I guess I've been lucky never to work unpaid in my life, I mean unless it was on my own, like some of my writing and being an artist. Even though I've worked in a wide variety of stuff—from legal consulting to teaching sailing, you name it—the only jobs I've had that were paid by the hour, as opposed to a salary, were babysitting & tutoring as a teenager, and being a newborn nurse during med school. But as you say, you are learning. However, I'm such an inwardly feisty person (I make sure it doesn't show much on the surface), and so oriented toward pleasure, that I've hardly ever worked an hour in my life that I didn't LOVE working—including studying, during my many years of education. (If I didn't like the topic, I couldn't make myself study. As a result, I dropped several courses in college, and failed anatomy in med school the first time round. These days I enjoy reading about anatomy—which I'm busy doing because Mike is telling me to, for my rehab—so go figure...) If you're not being paid for extra hours or recognized as valuable, and it's not intrinsically rewarding labor (you didn't say whether it was), sheesh, caldawg, can you look for another job? As for being lonely when your friends' lives change and because your partner is away, I can identify with both of those. My dear dear friends from college days all had children—all of them—so even though we had—still have!—a set yearly get-together at college reunions, Bob and I stopped going to reunions many years ago, when toddlers and even older children were almost always doing something annoying that interfered with conversation, and plus, our friends' intelligence seemed to have declined as a result of being constantly obsessed with stupid childrens' culture. (Sorry if that's obnoxious to those of you who have, or love, small children—I have no problem at all with people who want to reproduce, that's their choice—but while I adore babes-in-arms, neither Bob nor I start liking even smart children until they get to be at least 9 or 10. It's one of several reasons we chose to be childfree. Plus, I'm not the only one, by far, who's irked by that decline-in-intelligence thing: I've read numerous articles & blogs about it, including ones written by the parents of small children!) And I've lived far apart from Bob, for two separate stints, and was mostly miserable during both of them—and that was before I became bipolar. Anyway, caldawg, I hear your plight! Is there any chance you and your partner could live on his income, and you could go back for more education? Or does that not appeal? And by the way, I'd love to hear more about the livestock part of your life, which sounds very cool to me. How did you get into it?

emily— Wow, your pictures are impressive, and your health improvements are even more so! I got off CPAP about twenty pounds ago, and I love being free of that darn machine. =smile= 'Glad to hear you've found your groove and feel upbeat about the future! Since you're new here, I'll give you two sentences about my physical situation: I had a severe metabolic illness in winter & spring of 2014-5, due to psychiatric meds, which ultimately caused me to become disabled—bedridden & using a wheelchair. I go to twice-weekly sessions with a healer (not an M.D.) in Qi ("chee") Gong, a broad term that encompasses all of Chinese medicine: my rehab is progressing sloooowly, but is progressing.

Sam— Sorry to hear about your lousy day/situation at work! If I were in your shoes, perhaps as bad as a boss who is temperamental would be the fact that she sounds like a micro-manager—hovering over you, paying too much attention to things like incoming phone calls that are your job, not hers. Managers always have other, better for the business, things to do than to be so involved in minutiae like that! One time when I was the director of a free-standing outpatient clinic in a medical school setting, my boss, the chairman of the department, called me up and asked (with no preamble), "What color of pansies do you like?" "What the f...?" I thought. As it turned out, he had noticed that the usual spring flowers (whatever they were) in a concrete bed in front of the clinic had not come up, so he was proposing to plant pansies there. The chairman of an academic department! You might think someone as aesthetically oriented as I am would've noticed an unsightly dried-up flower bed in front of a clinic with my name on the door and on a wall on the inside (not my choices, I assure you), but I grew up in ultra-hot, wet, tropical Houston where spring is very brief, in February and a bit of March, and involves mostly azaleas & camellias—bushes, in other words—and does not include any flower beds like that. (Plus there are tons of flowers that bloom nearly year-round.) And my chairman knew that, too—he even knew Houston! How was I to know that flower beds needed to be replanted or whatever, or when they were supposed to sprout in that city? And I was really busy with wearing several different hats in my job! I was so upset by his calling me over something so inane, without even a word of explanation before the question, I started paying more attention to his apparently friendly, casual visits to my clinic, and I realized he was downright spying on me—reading my residents' charts, talking to my secretaries and my nurse about day-to-day operations, and so on. Didn't he have better things to do than that? After that, my satisfaction in what had previously seemed like a plum job declined rapidly: I was being micro-managed long after I'd gotten there, and I didn't like that one bit. To this day, I'm still angry about that stupid pansy phone call—pretty stupid, I know, but it was symptomatic of a wide, insidious problem. Around the time I would've had enough nerve to confront my boss about hovering over me like that, I was so fed up for a bunch of other reasons, I just quit. =sigh=

This is way too long of a posting, which seems to be a problem of mine of late—I've been known before to spew words online when I feel stressed—so I'm afraid I'll have to stop writing personals and wrap this up before my best time of day for things that require lots of attention, the morning, is over. I started on a collage yesterday, and I'm eager to finish it! Plus, Bob and I are tentatively planning to go visit his sadly demented mother (Alzheimer's) today, so I need to get back to my collage pronto. I wish I could write about what happened when Bob bought me a family-size pack of Oreos (what was he thinking?!), but I don't have time, so never mind.... =sigh= Best wishes to all!

Hi Fiona, I actually only just finished University a few years ago, however I am looking into options for further education as we speak. As for the livestock and agriculture, I have always loved it. My grandfather had a massive farm when my dad was younger, however he sold it before I was born to make retirement for himself and my grandmother much more comfortable. I love cattle, however throughout my schooling and later education, I was not given many opportunities to learn how to work with them properly, unless they were dead; we did different dissections on livestock weekly for my course. The woman I work with has her own farm, as been in the industry for 30 years and is pretty good at what she does. The main reasons that I go to shows are to show my boss I am taking an active interest in the business, I am constantly meeting new connections in the industry who often carry a great deal of knowledge and further connections I don't know about, to work further on my animal handling skills, to improve my show preparation techniques and to gain better relationship with the people I work with. I am getting all of those things every time I go, so it is of great value to me. I also need this experience because one day, I will be doing this on my own, for my own farm when I eventually buy one. I guess I just get sick of hearing everyone screaming from the rooftops about how good this other woman is, when I do the exact same work as she does, I put in the same hours, I look after the farm when she goes away, and I still get no recognition. Oh and also, did I mention the fact that I really really desperately want to do this training that will help at work, and my boss is holding it over my head, saying yes one day and no the next? When I have already paid for it and have begun the work and that I am due to go on my first day next week? That is really messing with me. All because he isn't sure he can find someone to work for him those days, even though he will have a facility he cant use if I don't get this training as nobody else on staff can use the equipment? Yeah, its terrific.

My family situation right now is driving me bonkers. They have been really selfish lately, and can be a lot of the time, but I only realise it when I am really struggling and they have no time for me, unless they want to gossip about my siblings or other family members. Betsy is right, yesterday I probably should have just stayed in bed. My parents want me to go over again tonight, but I don't think I want to. I am going away for a few days with work, so they wont see me for a while. Maybe that might make them wake up to themselves.

I spoke to my partner last night and like always, he was great about it. He is a bit of a realist, and just says it like it is. He doesn't agree that I should go to shows of a weekend with work because I am not being paid, but it is something I will continue to do. Sometimes he dislikes my family for the way they treat me. They never show an interest in our lives, except for asking if my partner is at work and when he goes back to work. Yet they know the latest gossip on my sisters most recent argument with her boyfriend, or my grandmother and her partners latest fight about the colour of the carpet or blinds in the house they are building, I could go on. Mentally, I have not been this upset, stressed and anxious since high school. It is not healthy! I am still enjoying the gym though which makes things easier.

caldawg— Just one quick comment, then I'll respond to your great posting at more length tomorrow: I sure hope you took the night off, by yourself, doing whatever is your favorite variety of nothing! It sounds like you really need some "me" time. =smile=

P.S. Call me Fi ("fee")—if you'd like to, of course...

No worries Fi. I look forward to hearing from you :)

Fly By again
 

Hello my lovely friends,
I am so sorry to have been absent from the forum for a few days. Following on from the migraine that lasted a full 3 days I have an absolutely rotten sneezy cold. I am congratulating myself somewhat as I usually by-pass the cold and go straight to a chest infection so I am hoping that this is a sign my chest is more resilient.That said I am taking it easy for a few days to avoid nasty complications!
I am not sure whether Mothering Sunday is a big thing in the US but it is special here. I drove for an hour to hear my amazing son-in-law preach and see my beautiful daughter....but sneezed every couple of miles which is somewhat disconcerting when you are on a Motorway!
My Sam made me breakfast in bed this morning before we went which a wonderful treat too!
Will be back in a day or two when my eyes have stopped streaming and my nose has stopped running....mmm lovely!... and I can read everybody's posts a bit better!!
Take care my lovelies,
Donna

Note to self: Turn off the alarm system before opening the door to let Toby out for his morning romp. Otherwise, the remaining sleepiness that you were so pleasantly coming out of will be gone and you will be jilted awake in a most unpleasant manner.

Fi – You got me laughing here over whether or not I noticed you can be a bulldog once you get your teeth into something. We have many, many similar personality traits that we share (lucky us!), and that's one of them. I'll put your mind at rest, as I did find the bar and I made the switch. That's what the ta-da was for (what, you can't interpret my ta-das?)! The thought about your being on a mobile device was because the first option on my PC is mobile. So we're square.......or at least I'd settle for being less round. As for a book – we could take a lot of our posts from here, compile them and have a pretty good start on a book. Hope you were able to get your collage done and that the visit with Bob's mother wasn't too disheartening. And Bob bought you a family-size pack of Oreos???? There's got to be a story there! Oh yeah – I do think that you're blaming the kids for being less intelligent. Actually, I think it's in many cases it's the parents who simply refuse to be parents and want to be friends with their kids. I know there are going to be times where a child will make an unexpected noise or interrupt, but a parent who allows it to continue is the problem.

Calda – I can't tell from your posts what your degree was in. Anyway, it sounds as though you're doing something with farm management. Could you clarify the players in your work life. You refer to a she who takes all of the credit at the shows, but refer to a he as your boss. Does the she work for the he? Is the he the farm owner? I'm confused. In terms of the lady who gets all of the raves. Don't know if this helps, but she has obviously built up a reputation for being great at what she does. I imagine that part of her job is to make sure that she hires people who are good at their jobs. Now a good manager would say thank you, but I couldn't get it done it without Calda's help. But there are some people who are more than willing to take all of the credit for something that was a team effort. As for the course, if you paid for it after getting his approval, then just tell him that you're going. If you signed up for it and then asked for the time to take it, well he has every right to say no. Hope the situation improves for you, both at work and with your family.

Donna – Don't you just hate an icky cold. Mother's Sunday sounds like our Mother's Day which we celebrate in May. And, yes, it is a special day. It sounds like you had a wonderful day with your family and hope that cold goes away and stays out of your chest.

I went into town yesterday and hit Costco, the bank, and the grocery store and was home by 11:30. I don't know why when I'm retired that I waited to go until Saturday, but since I was so early it wasn't bad. I finished taking my cookie decorating course – yes, not something a sane person would take when trying to lose weight – and now I'm eager to try out the techniques. I'm doing cookies for the Easter baskets for the boys – both big and small – and some for a friend's birthday that is in early April. The challenge will be not eating them!

The weight loss efforts are beginning to show results. I've lost 6 pounds this week and in another 2 pounds I'll be back down to my signature weight. With the Alaska trip looming this summer, I definitely want to be much more mobile and need to get the weight off to do so. Time to get it in gear. I want to get the grass cut before it starts raining again, Toby needs a bath (fortunately, so do I), and there's a bunch of other little things that need attention. Hope everyone has a great day.

Oopps -- Just looked out the window, and the rain has started so I won't be able to cut the grass. What a shame. I may have to binge watch the 4th season of House of Cards.

2 AM and totally exhausted—I just finished creating a collage and writing its description: "muy interesante". As usual, click on the pic for a larger view. And check out the links underneath! I hope y'all enjoy it. =smile=

More tomorrow...or rather, later today...

It's morning, happy cats in the sun on the back of the futon, just did some online shopping—books on color ('can't read enough about color!), also a pair of bright orange tie-dye leggings ('love orange, but it doesn't look good next to my skin, so I'll wear one of my many oversized black T-shirts over these leggings: that'll be perfect), and picked up a big pottery coffee mug to replace my last one, sadly broken, on Etsy (half purple, half very dark blue, with narrow "starry" zone in between the 2 colors, which run vertically—cool design!).

So you'd think I'd be in a good mood... but I'm not. Perhaps it's because I didn't sleep well last night—too worked up over the Mexico collage (link in my last posting), the artistry of which I'm unsure about. And still worn out by the exasperating, time-consuming process of writing the darn description-plus-links. Blogspot on iPad is buggy, so I kept losing all my work, despite repeatedly saving it. I can't type collage descriptions on my Linux laptop because its "c" key has died, and I haven't figured out yet how to remap the keyboard. =sigh=

Yesterday we visited Bob's mom, who was moved some months ago by his sister to a different "memory care" facility (which I'm starting to believe is just a newfangled name for a pricey nursing home), which is much more competent at handling her brittle diabetes. Bob has been freaked out for months about the prospect of going to see her, since her Alzheimer's has been getting steadily worse, so I played the role of saying, "Let's go see her this weekend, together"—which he appreciated a lot. It's strange: every Alzheimer's patient is different, of course, and Bob's mom is blessed at least in that her personality hasn't changed. She's always been a mixture of sweetness, anxiety, anger, perfectionism, plus admirable energy, toughness, pagan spirituality, & politics (e.g., she ran on a Green Party ticket for a state office). She went to psychology grad school after her kids grew up, got her PhD at 51, then worked for years in various mental health venues. (Her adolescent therapy patients adored her.) She survived a terrible gasoline burn after being rear-ended, followed by a painful divorce. Finally she retired, and with her female lover, found a wonderful patch of near-wilderness in south-central Pennsylvania.

She lived year-round at "the farm" (because it used to be a dairy farm) in an ecologically correct fashion (planting & harvesting a huge vegetable garden every year, reforesting pastures, organizing volunteer work to clean out a dump, observing and writing about wildlife for a local paper, you name it). She stayed up there (and we visited a lot), even after her lover left her, until finally she was too frail for the snowy winters and living alone, and moved back to this area. She and Bob's father became close friends and lovers once again. She wrote a self-published memoir—an impressive and fascinating book, in part because of how open she is about a lifelong variety of sexual liaisons, some of them rather shocking (even to me!).

She's in her 90s now, is in good physical health except for the diabetes, but unfortunately got Alzheimer's—in the slow, slow way that very bright people do, because for a long time they can hide their mental deficits. But yesterday... =sigh= ...she didn't recognize us, couldn't understand who we were or remember our names after we repeated them to her several times (and Bob is her much-beloved youngest and her only son!), didn't remember the farm, didn't remember (in fact denied) having gone to California last year to scatter her eldest daughter's ashes, and basically could not hold a conversation.at all.

She was quite pleasant and socially appropriate, viewing us as "dear friends" and holding hands with us, but she couldn't process hardly anything we said and spent the hour-long visit babbling in the very vaguest of terms about her current existence. She doesn't seem to have even old memories, argued with us about whether spring follows winter, couldn't understand many, many simple words.... you get the picture. She's both there (in spirit) and not there at all (in mind). I've seen much worse cases, but obviously her current state is heartbreaking.

At least she's no longer fiercely fighting the dementia, as she was for a few recent years—a losing battle that was painful to watch. She actually seems content.... but gone. So, so gone.

Bob said practically nothing about her on the drive home. I know he's very distressed, but he's the sort of person who hides painful emotions, or rather, hides from them. I mentioned the absence from her room of the framed collage of a white owl wearing hiking boots—since her hair turned all white by age 50, "White Owl" was her pagan name for many years, and she hiked most of the Appalachian Trail when she was 64-66, all by herself—that Grace (her great-granddaughter) and I made for her 90th birthday. That collage had pride of place over her bed in the previous facility. I don't understand why it's not in the current place: it's framed with glass, but there's more than one spot where it could be hung up high, posing no danger. Bob snapped at me for bringing it up... so I fell silent, too.

Now what? Will he begin to mourn her loss, or just shut down and play games on his computer? Or both, perhaps... it's way past noon now, and he's not even out of bed yet.

I'm sorry. I guess I don't feel well enough, emotionally, to write personals today... A strong, remarkable, loveable, at times infuriating, woman—whose beautiful wooded valley, just 3 hours away, we will inherit—is gone now... even though her body lives on...

I'm crying... sorry...

I know Spring is out there somewhere as the fruit trees are all blooming, the grass is growing like crazy, and the calendar says so. But where is the sun?

Fi -- Great collage. I learned more about Mexico from your collage than I probably ever knew before. Hope you get some rest today.

Where is everyone else -- hope everyone is just busy but ok.

Toby got his bath yesterday and then promptly ran outside and rolled in the grass.......and got dirty since it's rained for the last 3 months. I was able to take the wet towel and get it off, but keeping that big galoot clean and groomed is a lot of work! Watched the last episode of Downton Abbey -- I will miss that show.

Good news on the diet front -- lost 6 pounds this week. I know it's going to slow down, but I feel hopeful that I've finally found both an eating approach I can live with as well as the attitude needed to stick with it. I'm on day 11 of staying on plan.

Time for breakfast, the gym, a little vacuuming, and then I'm going to start on the cookie making and decorating. Have a great day.

Hi everyone.

Sam, I hope you had a relaxing weekend and I hope your weigh-in yesterday was good news.

Emily, you look amazing. 130 lbs. since June - that is fantastic.

Donna, I hope that col stays out of your chest and that you start to feel better soon.

Fi, I loved your latest collage. I am so sorry to hear about your mother-in-law. Alzheimer's is such a terrible disease. My mother-in-law also had Alzheimer's, and it was so sad to watch her decline mentally. She lived with us for awhile until her youngest daughter insisted she move in with her and took over her care.

Betsy, congratulations on the 6 lb. loss and staying on plan for 11 days. It does sound like you have found what works. It looks like there is an x-box in your future.

DH and I both have colds. Fortunately, mine doesn't seem to have moved to my chest yet and I'm hoping it doesn't. I'm coughing and am somewhat congested, but mostly I just have no energy. DH is coughing more and losing his voice. We're a wonderful pair today.

Not much else going on. I'm hoping to spend some time outside in the next couple days when temps here are supposed to be in the sixties. Looking forward to some fresh, warm air and sunshine.

I hope you all have a great day.

Go figure have a decent work day and come home and get put in a foul mood. DH promised me on Sunday that he'd go on a walk with me after work. My head is pounding like crazy, I almost thought I was going to vomit while I was finishing up my work before I left and I get home and he's still sleeping because he didn't get hardly any sleep last night. I told him this morning to get his nap in early so we could go. I get home, and I get told well I'm not going right this second. I said fine guess I'm going alone because in an hour it'll be dark. I would stay in and just work out but I don't think my stomach can handle jumping around to a Turbo video so I'm going to go alone and hope that I'm back before it's too dark.

Didn't get on the scale on Sunday. I don't know why, I just said screw it. I did so well this week except for Sunday. I didn't bother weighing in although I could have had a loss up to that point. Then the rest of the day it was down hill. I had a good breakfast, on plan, no problems. Then DH took his sweet time getting ready for us to go uptown that it was lunch before we left and there was nothing here I could have eaten so we went out. I couldn't think of anything and he wanted Steak N Shake. I knew it was going to be bad for me, and I tried to get something ok on the menu but everything was going to be terrible so I just went ahead and got the 3 mini burgers and fries. I figured if I was going to get a burger that probably would have been the best choice. Then we move on, have dinner no problem. That was on plan. I got japanese but I usually get the chicken grilled with nothing on it and veggies only. I asked for no teriyaki and no soy. I get home, and they cooked it in soy. I had to choke it down because of how salty it was. I was irritated but I moved on. Then I got hungry later that night and made the bad decision to make a PB & Banana tortilla wrap. I haven't eaten a banana in so long and it was so good but I know it was all bad bad bad!! I got on the scale this morning and I was up wayyyy up. 212. something. To have that big of a jump from when I weighed myself in mid week and I was slightly down maybe it's just excess water. I don't know, but all I know is I have got to stop doing this to myself.

Off for my walk before it gets too dark.

Hi everyone! Just thought I would check in. I am feeling super motivated and much better today. I had my weigh in yesterday and I have lost 9kg in 7 weeks! So happy, clothes are looser, I am stronger and fitter than I have ever been and I am pretty excited about being a bit of a role model for some of my family members who are refusing to try to take care of themselves.

To clarify a couple of things from my previous post: I work in an educational field. My boss is a male, and the lady I work with does the same job, for the same money as me. Morale at work is at an all time low. Most staff feel like they are disregarded by our very disinterested boss, except for the woman I work with. Nobody is really happy? I guess she has the reputation that she has, because she has been doing an amazing job for years, and has earned her reputation, but myself and a few other workers don't feel like we rate with our boss. It makes it a bit hard to go in and be passionate about your work, when you don't feel appreciated? I don't know, hopefully it improves.

Thanks again to everyone who has offered suggestions and support. I am under an enormous amount of stress at work, and I am struggling to cope. I have always had anxiety issues, and lately they have been really bad. Things seem to spiral out of control. The only thing I feel really in control of is my health, as I am being told exactly what to do and when to do it, there is no guess work, it is just black and white there in front of me. My family issue has settled. I went and spoke to my parents a couple of days ago and told them exactly what is going on and apologised for taking it out on them. They understood and apologised for not being good listeners. I really just needed a good chat and a cry with my mother. How self indulgent is that?!

There were thick shadows and fiery outbursts in our house yesterday. This morning, too. The poor cats don't know what the heck is going on: they've both been beside themselves with trying to make us feel better. Bob and I are about equally busted up over his mom. My legs have been in terrible shape—just awful. And Bob has even been ragging on me for my involuntary squawks of pain.

Everything seems dark—yet I'm not depressed. I know what my depression feels like, and this isn't it. I feel realistic. My Mexico collage is a massive failure...not that it matters. More importantly, I'm a massive failure myself, in my rehab. I'm not looking forward to seeing Mike, to confessing that I haven't done much chi work at all, for over four days. The new instructions he gave me on Thursday, I didn't do once.

Now I need to stop writing and take a shower—which will be painful. =sigh=

Sorry to be a wet blanket. I hope everyone is well, or at least moving in that direction.

I'm not even bothering with the weather report. It's the same as every other day from October through April with an occasional sunny day thrown in just to remind us that it will eventually stop raining.

Cindy – Hope you and DH get over those colds quickly. How can something that is so common and occurs so frequently still not have a good fix? OK, I know the why and the science behind the why, but colds just bring out the less attractive parts of my personality. If you get some of that warm, sunny weather, please share it with us.

Sam – Oh yes, the challenge of having a work/life balance. Personally, I always thought that work/life balance was somewhat an oxymoron! Sorry that DH is off in whatever world Dhes reside in, and a screw up on a takeout order just adds to the irritation. And his only interest is Steak 'n Shake. Now I grew up in central Illinois where Steak 'n Shake originated, and some of my best teen memories are of cruising and stopping there (they still had curb service then!), but there is nothing on the menu that is even remotely in the on plan category. Do they even have salads of any kind? And, it probably would have been ok if you could have planned for it, but an unexpected trip is just murder. The PB and banana tortilla sounds good......although I have to admit that my first thought was to throw on some fudge sauce and marshmallow crème. Bad Betsy. Bad, bad, bad. And, yes, a whole lot of that is water weight and it will come back off. I had a slip yesterday as I started making the Easter candy (I make chocolates from scratch for the boys), and I had a piece or two or ten. Oops. These things will happen, Sam. I'm more worried about the headache and the tummy ache. Any idea what's causing those? Hope that today is a better day for you.

Calda – Great job on the weight loss. I had to do the conversion, but that's almost 20 pounds. Way to go!!!!! We may have to switch the cheerleader role from Ubee (if you're reading this, we miss you Ubee!!!!!) and me to you. Thanks for the clarification on the job. Have the lady and your boss been working together a long time? Sounds like she's older than you, and that they have a longer standing working relationship. Also, male bosses aren't known for their interpersonal skills a lot of the time. Sometimes there are really good male bosses, but a lot of the time it's a female boss who is much better at the interpersonal skills and being inclusive with all of the staff. The lady co-worker may also feel threatened by you in terms of your eagerness and willingness and just being younger. Hope things improve. Glad you had a chance to clear the air with your folks, and I totally understand wanting a good cry with your mom. Not self indulgent at all.

Fi – You are not a massive failure. OK, you've had a less than stellar week, but that doesn't mean you are a massive failure. Visiting Bob's mom was bound to be disheartening, and the fact that you hurt as much emotionally as Bob just shows that you're a loving and empathetic person. I don't know why the collage was a massive failure – I liked it. And sometimes we just need a break from doing things that hurt and where the results are far in the future. Just tell yourself what is in the past stays there and try to get back into the swing of your exercises. Sometimes there are just weeks where we're glad when they're over.

OK. Back on plan today. It's funny because normally when I go off plan, I view as a license to have a month long binge of some sort. Which, of course, leads to regaining all and usually more of what I spent the previous month losing. This time I'm just taking some of my own advice, viewing it as it happened and get over it. So, back on plan today. I have a lot more candy to make, but don't have any interest in making it. Weird!

Time for breakfast and the gym. I need to vacuum the upstairs today and then make some more candy. Hope everyone has a good day.

Hi Fi, you are not a failure at all! My mother works with dementia residents as an Occupational Therapist. Your mother in law is lucky to still have family who care about her. Your partner is probably grieving her loss already, as she is not the same person as she once was. That in itself is hard to take. I have never had a grand parent or anyone close to me develop dementia, however I can imagine the pain you and your partner feel would be similar to losing a relationship with a really close childhood friend when they become someone you don't know anymore. I know how that feels.

People deal with grief and loss in different ways, and not to gender stereotype, but men are often worse at expressing their feelings in a calm and rational way. I think the only thing you can do is simply be there for him. Encourage him to visit her, let him talk/rant/rave about how he feels, as the more he lets it out, the more he will come to accept the situation as it is. He probably feels powerless to change the situation, which can be frustrating and really sad.

I know from what you have said that exercise is painful for you, but I always feel better after a workout. Are you able to do just a small amount? It might make you feel less guilty for being inactive, and get the endorphins going? I really hope things get better for you Fi. No one will blame you for not wanting to workout this week, especially not your trainer/physio, after you have had such bad news about your mother in law. It is a really sad disease, and I see the toll it takes on my mother every day when she comes home from working with the poor souls. Love and light, and please come back to talk to us anytime you need!

Happy to be another cheerleader Betsy!

Cal Great job on your losses!

Fi I'm sorry to hear about the things going on with your MIL. At the end of DH's Granny's life she started to get dementia, but she did not have Alzheimer's. She remembered us, but she didn't have a good idea on time, and some of the past and present. She talked a lot about her husband who had already passed 9 years before her. They were the loves of eachother's lives. I hope that I get the chance to be with DH as long as they had. The sad thing with her is she was a spitfire. Very witty but kind, but had no problem telling you her views about EVERYTHING lol...I'm glad I was able to meet her and DH's grandfather before they passed. His other two grandparents on his mother's side were already gone when we got together. This has been something I know that has been very drawn out with the events leading up to this with her. I'm sorry Bob is taking it so hard, but he definitely has a pretty awesome wife and despite your own troubles I know you're there for him, and even if he doesn't say it, I know he appreciates it. :)

Betsy You're right about the work/life balance. As much as I truly want to do my job well, be a team player (I hate that description), and be happy and put in as much effort as I can, the weekends are mine and I plan to keep it that way. There is one girl I confide in and she lets me vent whenever I need and her the same. I told her that I'll just get what I can done in the allotted time and if that isn't enough or if I get behind oh well. I never get offered help like I've said before, and it isn't fair to me to be constantly stressed when it seems like I'm the only person that cares. If it gets done it gets done. If not it'll be there tomorrow. Steak N Shake has salads but even the ones they had didn't seem like they would be on plan either so I figured if it's not going to be good for me I may as well get something I would enjoy without going crazy. Drive ins are pretty awesome though. There's one in a town about an hour away from me, although really over priced lol...and when DH and I go visit his fam in WV there's a drive in there that we will go to that you can either go through a drive through window and get it to go or they still have the curb side service. It's great. Let me tell you if there was hot fudge or marshmallow creme in the house I probably would have put it on there and toasted it in the toaster oven and make it like a dessert quesadilla LOL!!! Too bad!!! That's why we are in the place we are in lol...At least we can joke about it though!! I'm not really sure what's been going on with my tummy. I know a few weeks back DH had the neurovirus that has been making it's way around. I've had that 3 times in the past 2 years and I'm hoping it's not creeping up in me, although it always just showed up unannounced. It kind of feels like when you drink too much water too fast and it makes you a little sick to your stomach, but then I get this slight bile taste in my mouth. I haven't had that in a long time since I had my gallbladder removed at a very young age. I kinda felt like that today after work too. The rest of the time I feel fine. I'll keep an eye on it and if it's still bothering me when I go to the doctor next week I'll mention it to her.

Today was a better day. I got pretty organized at work although there is still a bit to be done when I get in tomorrow. I came home and had an apple with some PB since I was out of protein powder. I haven't eaten an apple in a long time. I generally stay away from fruit because of it's carb count but I gotta tell you I miss fruit a lot. It was the one thing that I liked that made me feel like I was cheating. I'll have berries when they're in season here but that's about it. Went on a walk today and I am proud to say I did jogging intervals the entire time!!! At one point my running app paused and I didn't realize it so it didn't track me for probably a half of a mile. What it did track was 5.29 miles in 1hr 16 mins but I think I got slightly over 6 miles in in about 1 hr 25 mins? Just a guess though. It felt good that I was able to jog!!! I set myself little spots to where I'd start jogging and stop but more often than not I was able to go a little farther than where I had planned to stop. Talk about making my day!!!

Was supposed to have "chicken bog" made with cauliflower rice today but DH miraculously had a communication problem when I said for me to set an alarm for him to wake up and make dinner. I guess he thought that meant wake up when I knew I wouldn't be home at that time. So that caused a ruckus over here. I'll be eating dinner really late tonight thanks to him so of course I'm irritated. I had a good shower and ready to relax for the night. I almost don't even care if I eat dinner or not. He's really getting on my nerves lately :( The married life!! LOL!!!

Anyway hope everyone else is doing well! Trying to stay positive for another good day tomorrow. Good night ladies :)

Hi everyone.

I haven't posted much lately, mainly because I really feel yucky. DH and I still have colds and I think we;re getting worse instead of better.

My pulmonologist's office called and they want to see me because I haven't been there since February last year. I really haven't needed to see them. My symptoms have been pretty well controlled with the meds they have me on now. Of course mow I'm wkeezy and congested so I don't want to see them (unless I get worse and need Prednisone) because I'm afraid they're going to think my meds need to be changed because right now I'm not doing so well. And honestly I don;t feel like going anywhere right now lol.

I haven't been 100% on plan either the last few days. DH and his chips. They are my weakness. I can leave the sugar alone but open a bag of chips around me and I'm done for. Usually he keeps them by his computer and they don't bother me (out of sight out of mind) but because we both aren't feeling so well we have both been spending more time on the couch together with the chips. The scale is up only a pound and a half but still I need it to be going in the opposite direction.

I'm going to go make us a pot of chicken soup now. Sorry no personals today, but I'm thinking of all of you and I'm so grateful you are all here.

I hope you all have a great day!

Good morning. Just read that there was a huge gas explosion in Seattle. Fortunately it was in the middle of the night in a commercial section so no deaths.

Calda -- Very nice note to Fi. That's one of the things that I really like about our group. Maybe it's because we've all probably been the butt of someone's jokes and know what it is to have rough periods in our lives. Or maybe you're just a good person!

Sam -- Hope the tummy woes go away. I have to admit, Sam, that I did chuckle at your communication challenges with DH. You know those cartoons they have with humans talking to dogs. There's always a balloon with what you said and then one with what the dogs hear. I think that communications between men and women are sometimes that way too. :D Sounds like you were really moving when you were walking/jogging. That's a very fast pace -- way to go!

More candy making today -- on to the white chocolate. Bill was over yesterday to get the lawnmower and have a piece or five so they must be tasting pretty good.

Time for breakfast and then off to the gym. Hope everyone has a great day.

'Had a hard day yesterday and a miserable night. Mike reprimanded me for not doing my Qi Gong for three days. I'm so sensitive, it made me feel horrible. So I did my main Qi Gong exercise last night, meditated for an hour (as I'm supposed to), and set up the wheelchair at the front door and walked halfway down the hallway and back. All of that went fine. However, even though I rested a good while, I had neither the strength nor the will to do my nightly leg exercises. I didn't even turn on the rock-n-roll show (satellite radio) I always listen to.

I decided to go to bed early.

Then something ghastly happened: climbing the stairs, even on hands & knees, was so extremely painful, each step—not at all like it usually is—that I almost got stuck halfway up. But finally I made it. I slept a few hours, then woke up around 3 AM. I was in terrible pain, both my legs and my back, the rest of the night. I tried a lot of alternatives, but I couldn't find a position that relieved the pain. So I was awake for hours, crying out in pain—an unusually bad night for both Bob and me. (In case you don't know: throughout this whole disaster and its aftermath, well over a whole year now, I have never had any prescription pain killers, despite seeing a chronic pain doctor.)

In the morning I was downright crazy from the pain. By then I had cramps in both legs, and my lower back muscles were spasming. I said a lot of really stupid things, extreme things that I do not believe in. I didn't let Bob bring me my coffee, despite his having ground the beans for a nice fresh batch. The only thing I did right was to take my AM medications. I also took a strong sedative, because I wanted to be unconscious. I fell asleep, slept right through my monthly app't with my psychiatrist, and didn't wake up until after 4 PM.

But the sleep was helpful, because now my back and legs seem to be at their usual achey normal. And I'm not crazy anymore.

I'm trying to figure out the lesson I learned. I'm very puzzled about that excruciating stair-climbing followed by an awful night & morning, because I did not overdo it last night. I didn't even do my leg exercises.

The only way I can understand it is to listen to what Mike said: not doing my Qi Gong and meditation for three days straight was a HUGE mistake. I will try the same "practice" (that's what you do daily) this evening, and see if I'm back on track. I don't know what else to do.

Thanks for reading this, each & every one of you. It helps me so much to write it out!

Cindy It's really hard for me to stay on plan too when I'm feeling ill. Something about crackers and ginger ale always make everything better. My gran used to always give me that when I was a kid so it's something that's kind of stuck with me as I've gotten older. Maybe it's a placebo thing but something about it always seems to help. The chicken soup sounds wonderful. DH has made it a few times this winter and he always makes me zucchini noodles for mine instead of egg noodles. I hope you both get to feeling better too. Maybe you can push the doctor's appointment out a little bit until you are well?

Betsy It happened to me again today just as I was leaving work. I really have no idea what is going on. I know I usually try to finish up the water in my cup before I leave so it isn't sitting over night. It's usually not much but maybe I'm gulping it down too fast and it makes me feel sick? That's the only thing I can think of. I'll have to test that theory out tomorrow and see how it goes. Yes DH and I seem to have communication errors all the time LOL...All part of being married or in a relationship I guess. It doesn't even bother me half the time unless I decide to do a major work out and come home famished like I was last night. Of course he decided to make dinner but didn't want to make what we had planned on because it supposedly would take too long...Uhhh DUH!?! Isn't that why you were supposed to make it while I was gone?!? LOL...:D I'm definitely happy with the weather still cool outside but enough to be able to get out there and move. I see myself being outside a lot more this summer instead of the gym. I'm getting a state park pass whether DH decides to go with me or not this year I'm not even going to care. I'm doing it for me :) The candy making makes me want to come over and be a taste tester lol....*slaps my hands*

Fi You sure did have a rough night my dear. :( I'm glad you were finally able to knock yourself out and get some real rest. You really need it right now. I think you not being on the same routine for those few days probably did have something to do with it. I hope getting back in routine helps and you're able to feel better. Sending all of my love to you <3

Today was surprisingly not a bad day at work...and hey I can actually see my desk! LOL...I'm slowly seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. It's a work in progress but I don't feel so stressed anymore. I'm not letting myself get that way anymore. It doesn't do me any favors for my mental state and I'm sure it doesn't do me any favors for my quest to lose weight and be healthy either.

DH was supposed to have band practice tonight but by the time I had gotten home it had cancelled. Now normally this would be a rest day for me, even if there is band practice, but you know what? I exercised anyway!!! I didn't go on a walk. DH didn't feel like going with me so I thought I would just do one of my videos. My legs are quite a bit sore from my interval training yesterday, even my arms a bit from swinging them back and forth so I thought if I was going to do something maybe one of my less harsh videos would suffice. I feel great! I'm tired, I'm a little sore but I'm alive! I just feel like if I'm going to do this....finish it until the end I have to put my all in everything I do, mentally and physically. Losing weight is definitely more mental for me than it is anything else. It's a constant battle of telling yourself not to do this or eat that no matter what and then crushing whenever I put something in my mouth I shouldn't have. I'm not giving up, I'm not making excuses for my stupid actions. If I make a mistake I'm going to keep moving because that has what has gotten me to this point in my journey. Not giving up. I don't care if I don't meet my goal weight this year....or next year or the year after that...I'm not stopping. I can't stop. No matter how long it takes me I'm going to do this and I'm keeping the weight off. I'm not going back to my old life. I don't think I can emotionally handle it.

I just wanted to also take the time out to thank everyone for being here. I've loved meeting new people who have come to this group and making lasting friendships for those of you who have been here since the very beginning for me. I never thought I would be anywhere that I am today, but I can certainly say I couldn't have done it without the love and support of this group. There's days where I want to give up. I'm sure we all have those days. But then I remember you guys and how encouraging you have been to me...and as much as I am doing this for myself I also feel like I would be letting you guys down if I gave up and didn't care anymore...like your love and support would have meant nothing and that isn't fair to you guys. You guys have been such a diamond in the rough for me and I could never truly thank you guys enough for being here. Sincerely, thank you from the bottom of my heart. Your love, support and kind words (and the @$$ kicking Betsy & Ubee) that I have received on this journey has meant more to me than you will ever know, as there aren't enough words on this earth to put on paper for you to understand the gratitude I have for all of you.

Please be kind to yourself. Love yourself and make the most out of this one life we have. Take care my friends :)

Sam— I just want to say that I found the things you said about your gratitude to our little group to be very moving. I, too, am so thankful to you and Betsy and Donna and Calda and Cindy and Porthardygurl and Ubee (please come back!)—I hope I didn't leave anyone out!—for being here and sharing your journey & your lives and reading my overlong postings. Sam, you are probably wondering why you haven't received my David Bowie collage yet. Don't worry, girl—it's not lost in the mail. I have everything laid out for mailing it on the kitchen table. I've just been too stressed & disorganized to do so yet. And I wrote a long letter by hand to go inside of the envelope. I may be able to mail it tomorrow—Monday at the latest! I'm so glad to hear that you're persevering through what may seem like a place of being stuck in your weight loss project. I've been pretty stuck myself, but I haven't lost my commitment—in large part thanks to you guys! Thank you all so much!

Thanks Betsy, I try hard to be a decent person. It doesn't cost a cent to be a good, compassionate person, and I try to do that every day. I know what it is like to feel like you have nobody to turn to, and I would hate to think that anyone else feels that way.

Fi, that sounds like a horrible night.. I really hope you are feeling better! Chronic pain is a horrendous thing to live with, I have a friend who is constantly in and out of hospital with chronic pain and she is only in her mid 20s. It is very hard to watch someone you care about in that much pain. My partner lost his mind when he seen me sick; he has been with me through 2 surgeries, however my gall bladder and subsequent pancreatitis made him really lose it. I truly hope you are feeling better! And good on you for saying no to prescription pain killers! I am really funny about taking prescribed medication, and I need to be in serious pain before I will consider over the counter pain relief. Silly, but it has always been the way!

I hope that your partner is coping ok too, I have been wondering how you both have been getting along.

Good morning. Just a short note today as Bill and I are running his pick up truck into Tacoma to drop off at my nephew's house. My nephew is moving to a different house. Thank heavens I'm now too old to be able to do anything other than help with bringing food and maybe some unpacking. His brother and friends will help with the furniture and box moving.

Fi -- What a horrible night. I am so glad you were able to finally sleep even if you did miss your monthly appointment. I imagine that missing the 3 days of exercising did have an impact. I know when I miss a few days at the gym, I really feel it, and I don't have near the problems that you do. I am investigating medical marijuana for pain relief and have found that they have a non-psychotropic patches -- they're called CBD patches. The effects are much slower, but the pain relief is over a much longer period of time. Also, they come in different strengths. We've got a pot store not too far from here, and I'm going to stop in and find out the cost and what's involved in getting a medical marijuana card. I imagine a trip to the doctor is involved. Hopefully doing the exercises will help with preventing another night like last night.

Sam -- Yep, this group is what has helped me stay with the effort to get the weight off. Even when I took the sabatical from posting, I thought about the people and wondered how everyone was doing. I totally agree with you that a huge part of this journey is mental. And you've hit the nail on the head that we have to tell ourselves that this is for the rest of our lives. Maybe not dieting, but certainly watching what we eat and making sure that we don't end up back where we started.......as with the 40 pound regain I had last year.

Calda -- Not costing anything to be a good person is a great philosophy. Now if only more people would adopt it.

Guess I'd better get it in gear. Spring is trying so hard to bust out here in spite of having a howling wind and rain storm yesterday. Ready to smell the lilacs.

Have a good day.

Hey Everyone,

Sorry i have been M.I.A. Its been a rough past week and a half. The situation with my friend hit an all time low, if i can even call her a friend anymore. She made a very poor choice in deciding to leave with the kids and permanently move away. Our friendship is supposedly over because i set a boundary with her. I gave her several possible options she could take that would get her through to the court date when she finds out the ruling on her husbands sentence. However, she chose the permanent solution of moving away. She has decided she wants to divorce her husband and she wants to file for sole custody of the kids. She gave me her wedding rings to sell too. Like i said..we arent friends anymore though. See, she wanted to stay in town one more week and she wanted my husband and i to take care of her kids so she could permanently solidify all her moving plans which included : cutting off the cable, the phone, his credit cards, their joint bank acount and telling the bank she will no longer pay on their joint loan. She was lso planning on telling the bank that she no longer has an income to pay on the loan(which is a lie and is easily found out) in order to have money to get a place where she is moving to. The reason why we arent friends, is because my husband bnd myself felt with deep conviction in our hearts that this marriage is not over and she is making a decision that not only screws herself over for at least 7 years, it also scews over her husband(who happens to be our friend). So we stood up to her and said we wouldnt take care of her kids so she could make all of her plans permanent. So...she gets furious with us, spews hate texts at us and then stops talking to us all together. We found out instead of her leaving next week, she left the next day.

Of course the story doesnt end. My husband and i end up having a conversation with her soon to be ex husband. We find out that he is planning on not pleading guilty to the charges and is claimig marital breakdown and is asking the judge to accquit him of the charges. He also plans to file for custody of the children and get the judge to move the case to family law. So it would be a civil issue vs criminal issue. Of ocurse this sucks for my husband and i because the chances of us being called as a witness to testify is likely. What sucks is that they are both our friends..or were.. And ifi had to testify against him, chances are they would take his kids away. If i had to testify against her..chances are they would take their kids away. Neither of them are good parents.

So yah....the going keeps going. Its why i have not been around lately. Between that and being sick with a cold. Sucky deal.
Ive skipped out on the pool this past week due to cold. Hard to breathe and swim right. The scale is creeping downward as i continue to stay on this woe. Its been over 3 months now. Havent cheated or gone off once. Pounds go slow but inches appear to go faster. Im dreaming about buying a dress for the summer. I just went through my closet and got rid of all my 18s and 20s. My 16s are loose now and my 14s are wearable but a little tight still.

Anywho im zonked..going to go nap. Take care everyone! Will try and catch up with personals later...goodness ive missed so much!

Fi I was just speaking from the heart. I know I wouldn't be where I am without this group. I really think this is what has made me stay with everything for so long and not give up. Have a place to go to for love, comfort and motivation has done wonders for me. I wasn't worried about the collage. I knew you would get it to me eventually. With everything you've been going through I understand :)

Betsy Oh boy do I not miss moving!! When DH and I first moved in together we had a string of bad luck from renting from people. We ended up moving once a year over the course of 5ish years. We've been in the place we are in now for 6 years this year and I don't plan on moving again unless it's to buy a house or if the place burns down. I hate moving and after doing it so many times I'm done lol...Hope you have a productive day. :)

Port Wow! I am beyond speechless. You did so much for this girl and after all of that she treated you like a piece of crap? She's about to have a huge wake up call it seems. I commend you for doing the right thing to help those kids because in the end it doesn't matter about their parents, it matters about them. You mentioned they could get their kids taken away. As bad as this sounds maybe those kids are better off getting a family that will take care of them and raise them to be good kids and away from all of the violence. I'm so sorry that you have been through all of this, drug through the trenches and this is how you are repaid. You are a better person than her and this is just even more proof. I hope that your cold goes away soon, being sick does suck. We miss you here, but take care of you, ok?

I'm seeing a light at the end of the tunnel at work. I am almost completely cleaned up and ready to move on. I don't seem so stressed and am glad that I took the step not to let myself be stressed. I got home late today from running to the grocery store so I wasn't able to take a walk. I thought about taking a rest day but I'm actually considering working out throughout the rest of the work week and resting on the weekend if I choose to. My body felt kind of sore so I didn't want to do anything too strenuous so I did 2 Chalean Xtreme ab videos, totalling 28 minutes, and then I did her 40 minute PiYo video which is a mix of yoga and pilates. I didn't break a sweat doing it but I was very hot and boy did I feel the burn. I thought it was really going to loosen me up and not be so hard but man it was!!! I think I'm feeling more sore lol :)

I'm off to cook my cauliflower rice for my "chicken bog" then it's shower time. Be well friends!

Sorry to hear that Porthardygurl.. I wish I could offer some advice, however I have none for such an impossibly hard situation. Sending you love, light and healing vibes, and hoping things get better for you soon.

Good thing that spring appears ready to pop because I have a lot of clean up to do from the bad storm the other day. The rose trellis is at half mast and my teak bench midway up the steps from the street (remember, this lot is on a 13% grade) got blown onto the super hilly part. Going to need to get someone to help me with that.

Porthardygurl -- I was so glad to see your post as we all get worried about each other when we don't hear. I totally understand not posting during what has to qualify as the week from he**. We've probably all had a friend like that at some time -- someone who is our best friend right up to the point where they drop us like a hot potato because we won't do want they want us to do. As long as we're there to support them, comfort them, and basically be at their beck and call, we're BFF. Otherwise.......well, you know the otherwise. The whole situation sounds just awful. Add in the cold -- what a miserable week. On the positive side -- you're sure doing great with the weight loss. I can't even imagine being able to get down into those sizes of clothes it's been so long. Staying on plan and doing so well is great. With all the drama, it's amazing and you've definitely overcome one of the biggest hurdles most of us deal with -- the emotional eating.

Sam -- Isn't it amazing when we get all caught up at work?! I can remember that sometimes happening, and it was like a weight was lifted. Sounds like you got in some good workouts with the yoga/pilates. Those can really let you know where your muscles are!

Calda -- Hi. How are things going for you?

Donna, Cindy, and Fi -- Hope you three are doing ok. We miss you.

More candy making on the agenda today -- on to the dark chocolate. In trying to please everyone, I've made a batch of butterscotch, one of white chocolate, today is dark, and tomorrow is milk chocolate. Then I start on the cookies. Somehow, I'm resisting all of this. Miracles do occur!

Off to the gym. Need to get the house straightened a little and do laundry. Bill leaves on his cruise today. We stopped yesterday and got him a snorkeling mask. He has bought a new swimsuit. I have to admit, his girlfriend is getting him up and moving. He's 76 and she's 78. Not your typical elderly couple who have the early bird special at the diner!

Have a great day.

The responses to my account of what happened when I didn't do my Qi Gong exercises for three days made me realize I haven't really explained about how Qi Gong works. Because it encompasses all of Chinese medicine, including what the Chinese use in their top-notch hospitals, there are a lot of branches to it, including herbs, essential oils, a curious practice of heating up the channels (meridians) by holding small hot coals next to acupuncture points, acupuncture itself, and so on.

But humor me while I explain briefly about the exercises I do: they are not physical exercises like lifting weights or cardio at the gym, swimming, walking, my nightly leg exercises, or any other type of workout. They are, instead, exercises aimed at building up chi (qi, pronounced "chee") in one's body, and inducing it to flow into areas that need healing—such as my damaged legs. What is chi? The simplest answer is that it is energy. What do chi exercises look like? Some have called it "moving meditation”: it sort of resembles a slow dance, while standing up, where most of the movements are with the arms & hands. If you've ever seen footage of people doing T'ai Chi, you've got a bit of the picture—T'ai Chi is derived from Chi Gong, and is also about moving chi around. But Chi Gong, being a medical practice, is much more inward, much more aimed at things happening inside the body—and also more spiritual, although that part I won't go into. And it includes daily meditation for at least twenty minutes, preferably an hour or even two hours. First I do my Qi Gong practice to build up the chi in the core of my body, then I briskly rub a series of acupuncture points, then I meditate. With each breath, I try to move chi from my core down into my legs. Sometimes I am more successful than other times: I'm still learning, that's for sure!

That may all sound rather abstract and ethereal, but I assure you, once you learn how to cultivate chi and then move it around, the effects are very real. Chi can relieve pain, reverse inflammation, speed the knitting of broken bones, and do a wide variety of other forms of healing. Working with chi has improved my bipolar disorder, and it has brought me to the point where I can stand up easily for a few minutes at a time, walk as far as 20 feet or so (without holding onto anything), climb stairs, and drive. I couldn't do any of those things—not even standing up—when I started my Qi Gong rehab with Mike in September of last year.

Now, I also do physical exercises, which I was doing before my Big Disaster—leg raises, other leg exercises, and trying to stretch out my sadly crooked legs. But those exercises are not the heart of my rehab: they simply serve the purpose of restoring and maintaining muscles that had wasted a lot from inactivity. I've noticed that those physical exercises are way more optional than the daily Qi Gong practice—so-called "energy work" (which is a rough translation of "Qi Gong"). No matter how strong my legs are, if they don't have ample chi flowing in their channels, I can barely move them at all, and the pain is much worse. That's why Mike gave me a bit of a tongue-lashing when I skipped my Qi Gong practice for three days in a row, last weekend. He was right!

Anyway, I hope that helps y'all understand that chi work, chi exercises, have nothing in common with the kind of exercises y'all are doing to tone your bodies and help lose weight. Quite frankly, I think they're very weird! But the proof is in the pudding...

I know I haven't done any personals in a while, but today I need to hurry on to work on collage and mail art while I have the energy. I'm signing up for more and more things, like swaps on swap-bot.com, for which I have to make collage postcards and write letters and stuff. This is a good sign: I'm starting to get my life back! But it's kind of stressful, too, because swaps have hard 'n' fast deadlines, so I can't fart around and blame my failures to get things done on pain and disability. I may be retired, and nothing of what I do makes any money, but I love working hard, and I love being busy.

Best wishes to all! Please know that I am reading and re-reading your postings, and thinking about every one of you!

Hi everybody!
Oh I have missed talking every day!
I have had a really rubbish week...I will not tell a lie!I told everybody that I had yet another chest infection despite the preventative antibiotics? Well It just isn't getting better. I have doubled my antibiotics today so I am now taking a preventative, a double dose of an antibiotic to clear the infection and steroids. I have been awake a great deal of every night because despite sleeping propped on a few pillows the rattle in my chest keeps me awake...and it is painful too. No the screaming agony you have to endure Fi, but a sharp ache that only partially responds to analgesia. I am incredibly limited in what I can do in the house and feel shaky just walking up stairs!
I am off for a CT scan tomorrow which I am hoping will come up with some answers as I am feeling fed up and frustrated with myself.
Sorry to moan lovely ladies....I am hoping that I will pick up next week a bit...back soon.
No sign of lambs yet...seems quite late. We have had some lovely Spring weather and a period of much reduced rain.
Take care all,
Donna

Hi everyone.

Sam, I love your determination and dedication. It has brought you this far and it will take you all the way to your goal. It is going to take me a long time to get to where you are but I'm not giving up either. I think a whole year of trying (well with a hiatus over the holidays) is the longest I have ever stuck with trying to lose weight. Some days it's easy to stay on plan and other days it seems impossible, but I know it's all progress and eventually I'll get there.

Porthardygurl, I'm so sorry you are going through such a tough situation with your friend (or ex-friend now). Unfortunately there are people in this world that will take as long as you're willing to give, and once you stop they no longer have any use for you. It sounds like no matter how it plays out someone is going to be unhappy. Unfortunately, the kids are the ones who will suffer the most. I hope there is someone who will help them get through this mess.

Betsy, I'm impressed that you are making all that candy and keeping away from it. I don't think I would be able to. I would have to sample them to make sure they came out ok. You're such a great great-aunt for doing this for the boys.

Fi, I hope you're feeling better now after that terrible night you had and that you don't have any more like that. It's nice to hear that you are busy working on collages again. I remember how much you missed it last year when you weren't able to walk at all. I know sometimes you think your progress is very slow, but you have definitely improved.

Donna, so sorry that you have been so sick, but glad you checked in with us. I hope that all the medicine kicks in and that you start feeling like yourself again very soon.

Caldawg, I hope you're doing well.

My cold is still hanging on. I don't think I'm getting any worse anymore but It hasn't gotten much better either. DH is worse. I made him see his doctor this morning and they say it's bronchitis and gave him an antibiotic and an inhaler for 10 days. He's being a trooper for a change though. ;)

Eating has been a little off this week. Not really too bad, but enough to keep the scale from moving down. I really need to be more focused. It seems lately that I'm unable to stay on plan for even a week. I think part of it stems from being home all the time. My life has always revolved around work and I've almost always taken my lunch and snacks with me, so what I had available to eat during the day was what I brought with me. Now that I'm home everything is available to me and I find it harder to stay on track. I will just have to try harder. I really need this to work.

No real plans for the weekend - just cleaning and the usual chores. :)

I hope you all have a great day.

Sam I love cauliflour rice! A chicken blog hey?? Is it all just chicken recipes then? You are brave girl. I hate pilates and find them too hard. I have such a weak core..ugh..just the thought..

CaldaThanks for the good thoughts. Im slowly trying to de-stress myself and get better.

Betsy Im spring cleaning too! Been on a house rampage..cleaning top to bottom. Get to tackle the shed outside in pouring rain. We have candy making in common. I used to make candy and chocolate all the time but now i just cant. In fact..im giving my chocolate molds to the local thrift store. It cant be apart of my life if i want to keep losing weight.

Fi Sounds like your working hard, not just on your body and mind but also on your art!

Mountain PLEASE take care!! You have me worried when i hear about all these chest infections. I agree, a CT scan would be good.. Should have been done a lot sooner than this but better now than never. Im hoping and praying they can find an answer and solution to the cause.

Well Good Morning...

Its a very wet and rainy day out. This should make it interesting. My hubby and i are cleaning out the outdoor shed and taking the garbage to a dumping place. We are going to get soaked! I lost another pound!! Hurrah!! Honestly i dont know how im doing it now. I stopped all exercise for this week. I found these low carb sugar free ice cream bars. The vanilla ice cream with dark chocolate shell kind. OMG...can i say bad..but good... So because they are only 120 cals and 1 net carb..can you guess how many i ate?? Yesterday i ate 6.. 6!!!!!!! I thought for sure my weight was going to skyrocket. According to my food journal, i consumed 1651 calories and only 18 net carbs. I thought for sure since that is the highest cal count yet, that i would gain for sure..especially with no exercising...but instead i dropped half a pound. So what i thought was my demise..is not??? I am thankful there are no more bars in the freezer cause i was thinking that i clearly have some sort of addiction to them. Any food that you cant stop eating..is clearly one not to keep in the house!

Im just happy i only have 4lbs left till my next mini goal! Its hard to believe i have stuck with this woe for 64 days!

New collage: where water meets earth. As usual, click image for larger version. =smile=

Hi everyone! Posting late today but better late than never. It seems like a lot of us have been sick or under the weather in some way this week. I hope you allcfeel better soon!

Fi: I'm glad to see you are getting more art time in...it's definitely one of your main organs and it makes you so happy.

Donna: I'm so sorry you haven't gotten any better. Hoping the CT scan gets you the answers you need.

Cindy: Thanks for always being such a sweetheart. I know exactly what you mean with being home and it harder to stay on plan. The weekend is where I fall off track if I'm not careful but being home for more than just the weekend is dangerous for me.

Port: I didn't say chicken blog, but chicken bog. :) It's a dish we eat here in the south that usually consists of rice, chicken, kielbasa, onion and celery. Sometimes we switch out the kielbasa for bacon. That's what we had for dinner last night but I had cauliflower rice instead of the regular and topped with tobasco sauce.

The weather was warm and humid today so instead of going on a walk I decided not to exercise. My body is pretty sore from yesterday so I figured why not. I'm planning to take a walk in the morning before the humidity and temp gets too high. DH has a show tomorrow night so that will be my Saturday. Hoping for a relaxing Sunday and hoping to see some of this weight gone for once. I've been 100% on plan all week and the steady exercise I hope had helped.

Have a great night birds! :)

Some advice oh wise chickens!
 

Hello lovely chickens.
Thank you for all your kind wishes. I wish I could say that I am on the mend but I still feel rattly and shaky.
I think I have told you about my plans to go back to work in September when my Sam goes to High School? Well, as things are looking that might be a bit over ambitious. A very good friend of mine has suggested that I consider working from home. Writing/proof reading/tutoring etc. I would be very grateful for any suggestions. I would need to make enough money to live on....but I am not interested in making a fortune! Any recommended reading matter or websites etc would be gratefully received!!
If I continue to have a chronic chest condition that precludes "proper" employment then I may have to think outside of that box that everyone is talking about.
I am so sorry that I haven't posted personals for a week or two....you are all in my thoughts and prayers.
God Bless,
Donna

Since we're in the 16th day in a row with rain, I'm wondering when the webbed feet and hands will begin to appear. And this isn't even close to approaching the record for most rainy days in a row. Oh well, much better than the drought that was last year.

Fi -- Thanks for the explanation of Qi Gong as that helps a lot with understanding your comments in your posts. I liked your latest collage. It would be very hard for me to come up with something to fit someone else's idea of the theme. Is there anyplace where all of the contributors post their collages on the same theme to look at the difference in the ideas on how to interpret them? I bet that would be fascinating! It's so good to see you getting back to doing the things that bring you so much pleasure.

Donna -- I remember your telling us you had a cold and were hoping that it didn't go into your chest, but sounds like it landed there with a vengeance! It hurts just reading about all you've been going through. Hopefully that CT scan will identify what's going on with you. On the job front, I googled about jobs that can be done from home, and there are lots of ideas. I used to work from home (my post-retirement retirement job), and I got it by contacting a friend that I know. That's another source -- people you know who either work at companies or better yet own them. Good luck with it. There are pros and cons, but more pros in my opinion. Feel better!!!!! And those ewes must be huge. I think I mentioned that the sheep here lambed weeks ago.

Cindy -- Hope that cold goes away this week. Sounds like DH has been minus the normal whining that seems to accompany men when they get sick -- good for him. I agree with you that making the adjustment to being home for awhile as opposed to taking a set amount of food to work can result in dieting challenges. I have found that using MyFitnessPal to log in what I'll eat every day has helped with keeping me on track. I've also started with setting a timer for 15 minutes every time I want something that's not on plan. I can't have it until the timer goes off. Usually by then, the craving has passed or I can't honestly remember what I wanted! :D I've had a couple of pieces of the candy, but that's been it. I'm more worried about the sugar cookies next week!

Porthardygurl -- Your cleaning sounds a lot more intense than mine! I did chuckle about your cleaning out the shed and getting drenched. It took me awhile to accept that people just do things in the rain out here. If not, nothing would get done. It also amuses me that kids are allowed to play outside for recess when it's raining, but not when it's snowing. Congratulations on the half pound in spite of ODing on the ice cream bars. Lady Luck may have been with you on that one. Or I might just be jealous! :hug:

Sam -- The chicken bog sounds delicious. I don't remember ever having that while I lived in NC -- maybe a low country region recipe? Is there a sauce of some kind that goes with it? Still think you should publish a cookbook. Warm and humid weather......I'm somewhat envious although I used to get the worst headaches when I would go anyplace along the SC coast from the humidity. Hope you can get in your walk.

Does anyone else experience body delays? That's where you slip -- not a lot, but definitely have more calories or carbs that are allowed in a day -- and don't see any ramifications the next day? Then, wham, 2 days later your body has decided that holding on to that water is a great idea (you'll notice it's always water weight. I have 200 pounds of water weight I need to lose!). Yep, me, too. Same goes in the opposite direction. It seems like after a day of being on plan that the weight will be the same the next day, and it takes another day for any loss to show up. Maybe I need to just step away from the scale!

Nothing exciting today. I need to vacuum, do the laundry, and finish up the candy making and get them all bagged up. Pat Conroy died this week, so I'm re-reading my favorite of his novels, The Prince of Tides. I've never read another author who writes better than Conroy in terms of his use of the language. I just get lost in the words.

Guess I'd better get it in gear. Hope everyone has a great day!

Donna I'm sorry to hear about you still feeling ill. I hope you get back to your old self soon. I don't know of any work from home jobs, most of the ones I hear about around here are scams. I'm sure there has to be something out there though. That would probably be your best bet with a job for now until you feel well enough to get back out there. <3

Betsy As far as I know chicken bog is pretty big in NC, SC, and GA. I know that no one above NC knows about it unless they've lived in the south. It's a pretty big country cookin' dish around here. There's no sauce with it but there is usually some fat that coats the rice a bit with the bacon or kielbasa. It just all depends on what you use for your meat and some people like it greasier than others. I'm not huge on it being very greasy but I've had it that way before. I generally use mainly all white meat with some thigh meat, and either bacon or a pork,chicken,beef kielbasa. This time we found a natural casing one from Smithfield. It was really good. I'd like to make a cookbook still. Maybe one of these days :)

Well I did get my walk in today. I left the house early at shortly after 10, and didn't get home until close to 1. I made the mistake of not wearing sunscreen so I have a little farmer's tan going on my arms, and my face and chest that were exposed are burned. I'm not used to being out in the sun that long since it's been forever it seems that we've had sunshine. I felt dead when I got home. I ended up doing 8.3 miles. The rest of the day has been easy going. DH layed down for a nap and I watched some of my show that I only get to watch if he's asleep or out somewhere...He's not big on the show. It was out a long time ago but I never watched it when it was on HBO. I've been watching it on Netflix it's called Californication. I'm sure some of you have heard of the show...I'm a big fan of David Duchovny all the way back to 'Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead'. I ended up making me a BLT wrap with lettuce leaves. I haven't had a BLT in a long time and it seemed like such the perfect and quick lunch on a day like today. I've was thinking about frozen lemonade today. I miss having that so much...you used to be able to buy them on the beach when I was a kid. It was like a lemon slushie. I'm thinking about finding a way to make some that won't be bad for me. Ice and lemon juice but there has to be something slightly sweet about it...Any ideas on a sugar free or low sugar sweetener that doesn't have a bitter aftertaste like stevia? I have coconut sugar at home but I don't think the flavor would be fitting. Ideas are much appreciated.

Well I just had my shower. Have to get the hubbs up and have him start on dinner. He has a show tonight...I'd really much rather be home tonight....and it's Daylight Savings tomorrow. Take care all...will check in with my weigh in tomorrow!

Betsy— Your comments on the rain reminded me of our 1981 trip to Alaska, when we saw lots of T-shirts that read "Seattle Rain Festival — Jan. 1st to Dec. 31st"—with different variations for different towns, including Seward, Alaska, our destination, in the rain forest of the Kenai Peninsula. I'm sure you've seen those, and are weary of the joke! Here today we had one of those white-sky days that I hate so much, but you've said would be a welcome respite from the rain. =laugh= The rain in my home town of Houston isn't nearly so many days of the year, but it comes down in serious gullywashers when it does. And it floods like crazy, because Houston is as flat as a pancake with lots of pavement, so the water just piles up & up. I've been through a number of times there when it was waist-deep in the street: once, when I was a kid, my dad put his small sailboat in the floodwater, and sailed around the block! That was a hoot...Oh, and if you want to see how the other contributors to my theme-a-week blog deal with the same subject, just go back to my collage and follow the link to the Kollage Kit. (I put the link in every time I post a collage.) There's just a handful of us, but we have more artists from Europe than from the U.S., which does make things interesting. One more thing: I love your idea of the 15-minute timer. That sounds like a great way to implement the notion of getting some distance (in time!) from the craving.

Donna— I've been thinking about you, hon, and your poor chest! I used to get bronchitis a LOT during my 20s, and I didn't know you shouldn't cough so much you crack your bronchi, so sometimes I was coughing up blood—eeeek. But then I kinda got the hang of how to manage it with mucus thinners and strong (mind-altering!) cough syrup, plus antibiotics if it went on for too long. To this day, though, I always get a chest cold, not the nose-&-sinuses kind. I had a bout last fall that laid me low for a couple of weeks. So I can empathize....although it sounds like your version is even worse. I sure hope you get some help, dear!

Sam— I was tempted to calculate how many times I'd have to walk the 20 feet a day that is all I can manage, to get to your 8.3 miles (!), but I decided the figure would be so depressing, I don't want to know. =groan= But we're both working hard, aren't we? I sure do know how anything you do in bright sunshine, even if you have a protective tan, is way more exhausting, too. I don't know why that's the case, but I've experienced it lots of times. (As you can tell from what I said to Betsy and what I just said to you, what Larry McMurtry wrote in one of his novels, "Texans love extremes of weather," is definitely true. =laugh=) 'Glad to hear you got to watch "Californication"—yes, I remember that one when it was on HBO. I'm a bit of a David Duchovny fan, too—he's so smooooth—but I have an internal limit on how many shows I can get into at any one time, so I'm afraid I missed that one. Right now I'm tryin' to catch up with "Bosch" on Netflix (or is it Amazon? I forget). I'm a HUGE fan of the L.A. cop character Harry Bosch from the Michael McConnelly novels, so it's interesting to see what they're doing with him on a TV show. Not bad so far!

Porthardygurl— That's awesome you've stuck with your plan for 64 days and have only 4 lbs. left 'til your mini-goal—way to go! I'm especially impressed because of what trying emotional times you've been going through. I sure hope you don't end up having to testify about either partner in that possible court case! By the way, I just gotta say, it always strikes me as funny when people put the acronym for Way of Eating in lower case: it looks like you're talkin' about 64 days of woe! And maybe that's the case, huh? =chuckle=

Calda— I really appreciated what you clarified about your work with cattle and in the business. Have you read any of Temple Grandin's writings? She's an autistic woman who's made a fascinating career both out of writing about her experiences with autism and cattle (she loves cattle, too) and out of being hired to design more humane slaughterhouses—odd, but true. There's one piece of the puzzle you've left out, Calda: what's your location—as in, what country? The fact that your weight is in kilograms tells me it's not the U.S., so I'm most curious to know where you are. And by the way, good job with clearing the air in that talk with your mother! And jeez, if you don't like hearin' all that snarky gossip about your siblings, et al., why don't you just ask your parents to lay off on that stuff when you're around? I sure would! Oh...and do tell us if you got that training you signed up for, and how it went.

Cindy— Thanks for what you said about my gettin' back to making more art: you sure are right that it makes a big difference in how I feel in general—pain & disability notwithstanding. I hope you figure out a way to get your focus back on your weight loss project. There's oodles of advice all over 3FC about how to do that, so I won't try to offer any more. Just know that I'm rooting for you, OK? =smile=

Tootsie— Where are you, girl? Whazzup?

As for myself, I've been taking in a lot of college basketball, because Bob's and my favorite team, the North Carolina Tar Heels, had a key re-match against their arch-rival, Duke, last week—and they won!! And this weekend is the Atlantic Coast Conference tournament: Carolina won the most games during the regular season, so we're seriously invested in whether they'll also take the title. And after that, the NCAAs...there's a chance, the experts are saying, that UNC could make it to the Final Four, and maybe even be national champions!

Bob and I got into college basketball in the early 1980s, when we lived in Chapel Hill, and get this: Michael Jordan was an undergrad! We bought our first TV, in fact, in order to watch Carolina basketball. But we saw them live a number of times, too. We way prefer college basketball to the pro level of the game, for a couple of reasons: more emotion in both the players and the fans, and more emphasis on intelligent play-making, including fascinating defensive strategies, as opposed to over-the-top antics, salaries, showboating, etc.

That's probably either Greek to y'all, or just downright boring—sorry....Bob and I only follow two sports: college basketball and Formula 1 (Grand Prix) auto racing. We really come together as a couple in our passion for both of them. We're such independent people, it's wonderful when we find things we enjoy so much together.

Hi Fi! Sorry I left out my location, I am an Aussie :) I have been a bit quiet this weekend as it is my partners birthday and we have had friends over. Lots of drinking (not me) and partying, leaving me exhausted hahaha! I hope everyone is well, I have another weigh in tomorrow and I am feeling nervous as it has been a busy week and I have not been 100% on my diet, however I have not made any major mistakes so hopefully all will be fine! Talk soon!

Getting there!
 

Hi everybody,
Betsy...16 days of rain? A village not far from us was going for the UK record recently with something like 75 consecutive days of rain. Not constantly....just rain every day for well over 2 months! Thank heavens we are in a period of settled weather after a 3rd winter of extremely wet conditions. It is an absolutely beautiful day here again...mild, sunny and full of the Spring. And yes the lambs are finally on the way!
Fi.....thank you for your thoughts my lovely. And Sam and Caldawg and Port!
I ended up at Out of Hours care yesterday as things seemed to be getting worse and I couldn't sleep at all because of the rattle in my chest and the pain. Saw a lovely doctor(God Bless the NHS...yet again!) who modified the antibiotics and steroids and gave me a good pain killer. So hooray I slept last night and feel a bit more human today!
Sam is going on an outward bound trip with school tomorrow so we have to prepare and pack his stuff. It is only 2 nights but they do some really cool activities.He comes back on his 11th birthday....HOW did that happen?? 11 already!
I had coffee and breakfast in bed today....little dab gets worried when I am ill so he decided to spoil me. I am so lucky!
My healthy eating has gone right out of the window and I can only just about bimble about the house without coughing like a 50 a day smoker so exercise has also taken a back seat.....oh well....back to swimming when I am well enough!
Have a great Sunday
Donna:carrot: