Good Morning chicks,

Sorry for the lack of personals these days..I rarely have time for much online stuff due to the situation at hand. I have managed to convince my friend that by the end of the week, if she does not have the resources she needs in place, given to her by the government and Ministry of Families and Children, that she will take all three kids to live with her mom in Vancouver because her mom can not afford to come over every weekend for 2 days. Its costing her mom over 400 dollars each trip. So this is good news that she has determined that. I just pray to God that this she sticks with that and that we can get through this week. Its going to be a long busy week.

I am thankful that in the midst of it..i have actually managed to stick to my diet and lose weight as i go. I finally made my goal of 225. Which means i have officially lost all of my re-gain from the past 2 years. From here on out its now down hill..everything i lose will be new weight lost to me. Wahoo!

Anyway..take care!

Good morning all. Last week of February -- where has this month gone?!

Fi -- Happy Birthday. I would use the HB emoticon, but know you don't like them, but I'm sending you wishes for a wonderful day. And, WOW! What a boost it was to read about your walking, your sense of humor with the alternating between happy and swearing, and sharing Bob's family birthday song -- loved it! Have a great day. Heaven knows you've earned every bit of this euphoria and hope this is just the start of many more euphoric days.

Porthardygurl -- Geez. And I thought I had a bad weekend. Hang in there and stick to your guns on helping your friend to see the error of her ways. In the meantime, great job on losing the regain. It's good to know it can be done!!!! Now on to the continued losing.

Calda -- Wonderful job on losing this month!!!! Keep up the great work.

Cindy -- It was sort of temporary. Yesterday the water weight came off or at least most of it did. One thing that hit me last night is that I should do well with maintenance since I've now been the same weight for about 15 months (give or take 10 pounds which is my normal swing). I just have to tell myself I'm eating healthy and then cheat a little! Obviously, need to stop the "little" cheats. Good luck with the job hunt.

Everyone's taxes are now done, I found my seed order down in a box with a bean/pea pole contraption I ordered so I can get the tomatoes started, and I have finally actually gotten started on the last photo album. I've also changed my % of protein, fat, and carbs to lower my carb count to about 60g/day. I can still have a lot of carbs in good foods.

Off to the gym and then I'm going to get Toby groomed today. Need to clean house this week and do laundry and work in the yard later in the week as it's going to get up into the 60s. Maybe I'll get the tomato seeds started as well. Hope everyone has a great day!

Another Monday!
 

Hi Betsy...I agree with you.....where does the time go? I am so impressed with your gardening....whatever the opposite of green fingers is...that is what I have! And there is nothing better than fresh veg from your own garden...I bet!!!
Fi....Happy Happy Birthday!! And well done! I am so happy for you!!! To be walking after so long...it is testament to your determination! Keep it up!
Port....it sounds like the pressure of your demanding friend may be off your shoulders soon. I hope you survive this week!
Cindy..hiya! And yep...don't stress small gain!
Caldawg...well done! Keep it up!
Ubee...hope you are OK......
Really busy day today. I started my training with a charity called Home Start that support families at home. I am going to volunteer with them and they do a 40 hour training course which will help my future job prospects. Then it was debating class and then it was swimming!!
Didn't sleep well last night so early night tonight! Second day of training is tomorrow!
Lost 4lb this week as I didn't resort to food to cope with Sam being away. I know that the weight loss will slow down but I will take anything I can get!
Take care everyone
Donna

Hi everyone. I woke up feeling odd today. I feel really lonely and disconnected from my partner and friends. I feel like we are all just growing apart? My partner is really stressing me out.. Since we met 2.5 years ago, he has gained 35kg by sheer poor eating habits and a lack of exercise, and he was already really heavy. I feel really awful just writing this. Anyway, I am second guessing a few things. We are engaged and he wants to get married and have kids but I am not so sure anymore.. He is doing absolutely nothing about his weight and I am scared we will build a life together with kids and everything, and then his health will catch up with him and I will be left alone. I am really scared for him. He is also not pulling his weight around the house and he works away for half the week, and I feel like we are growing apart, because I am having a taste of what it is like to live without him, and I have had to deal with a few things and I know I can. He doesn't realise any of this, and I don't want to hurt him, he is so gentle. I do love him, but this is making me second guess everything. Sorry to vent, but I don't know what to do.

I live hours away from my friends and I have a really demanding job, which means I don't get to see them often, and I have made no friends since moving away for work. It is really hard. My best friend found herself a boyfriend in November and has hardly spoken to me since. We have been friends for about 8 years, and now its completely fallen apart. She also lives 14 hours from me which doesn't help.

I am pretty set on my diet plan, however I have always been an emotional eater, and the present situation is really pushing my buttons. It sometimes feels all a bit too hard. Sorry for the vent, I don't have anyone else to talk to and I don't feel judged here. I would really appreciate some advice.

Betsy DH is doing better. Friday seemed to be the worst of it. Saturday he was just tired...probably from all of the bathroom runs. We kept the house sanitized with lysol and things so I luckily have not gotten whatever he had. How nice of you to do everyone's taxes. Glad mine are simple so I can do mine myself. Hearing of you getting your plants started has made me wonder if DH and I are going to try for anything this year. Last year we did too many basil plants and ended up wasting about half of it so I know we plan to down size a few things if we do the herb garden again. I guess that's a discussion we'll have to have soon.

Fi HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!! What a present to get your legs moving more than you had thought you could!!! The omelet sounds delicious! DH is making us huevos rancheros tonight for dinner...I'm so excited! Hope you are able to get behind that wheel soon my dear! I know you're dying to feel that freedom again! :)

Port I don't know if you have any kids, but you are wonderful human being to look after them, especially when it's obvious that their mother could care less if they are even alive. From you story it's no wonder her husband had his snap like you said. It's just unfortunate that these kids have to deal with the backlash from that. That seems to always be the case with divorces and breakups of mom's and dad's...The kids are the ones who always hurt the most. You're a good friend for giving her the reality check she needs to get her sh*t straight because it's not just her she needs to be looking out for and she needs to stand up and be a mother when her kids need her most. Hopefully it all works out for those babies in the end, one way or another. Great job on the 225!!! So happy for you! I am always so happy to see your posts...you really help keep me going. Thank you :)

Cindy I'm feeling better...Still have the bloat from this TOM thing but overall I feel wonderful. Glad to see you don't get stressed about seeing the scale move when it's just a little bit. I've learned to live with it myself and only start to fret when it seems like it's getting out of control. Hope you had a great weekend :)

Donna Looks like you'll have a busy week this week! Great job on the loss!!! You're doing it lady keep going!! :)

Cal How does your partner take your weight loss goals? What I mean by that is do you think it's something that you may get him inspired to lose weight? Have you had a discussion about health with him and how you feel about losing him? I am a sensitive person so I know how hard it can be to have someone talk to me about a sensitive matter like that. If you really love him and want him around, you need to tell him or else all you're going to be doing is dragging him along if this would make you not want to be with him anymore. I've had to have the talk with my DH about this on several occasions. It's never easy, but showing someone you care of them like that may motivate them to change. Help him along, even if it's only baby steps. Going on walks in the park, etc. Just get out of the house even if it's only for a little while. As far as your friend goes....She's probably still in the honeymoon phase. Everyone I know that gets in a new relationship seems to drop off of planet earth for a little while, so don't take it personal. She'll come around, just reach out to her every so often to see how she is. Even if it's only a text that says, hi, thinking of you and hope you're well. She'll see that you care even if she's not in a position to get back to normal yet. I've been in the same relationship since I was 16 so I've had to learn that the hard way, but all will be ok. Just be there for the support when she needs it most :).

Well I didn't exercise this weekend...Don't really care either lol. Saturday I spent the afternoon with my grandmother that was much needed. Sunday I ran some errands and hung around the house.

Today was a less hectic day than Friday so I was able to get a little something done at work. There's still so much to do and I really don't want to bring it home with me on the weekends or at night, but I might not have much choice just so I don't lose my mind week after week of constantly getting behind. I made a great salad for this week. It's a cucumber greek chicken salad. I made what I thought I could eat..put it in MFP and it was quite a lot of carbs considering it was just veggies, but I ended up only being able to eat half of it so it wasn't as bad. I actually got pretty full on it. I made the most awesome protein shake when I got home today before my workout. I had never tried cashew milk before so I bought a small container of the unsweetened vanilla kind. Through 1 cup in the blender, 1 scoop chocolate protein powder, 1 tsp PB and some water and ice and HOLY COW!!!! It tasted like vanilla/chocolate pudding!! It was thick like a shake but was so freakin good that is my new favorite thing now! I could probably go without the PB too since it wasn't even enough to have much taste in it so I may just leave it out next time. Also, even the cashew milk by itself tastes amazing! I usually will have regular unsweetened almond, or the almond/coconut mix...I'm not a fan of the coconut milk by itself unless it's the kind from the can but man this is probably my favorite of them all!! Definitely will purchase again!

I'm feeling great right now. I think it may be the protein boost and the fact that I took some Vitamin D today. I feel energized. I need to get some more multivitamins but until then I'll take what I have. Got a great workout in...Just good things all around.

DH is in the kitchen cooking up some huevos rancheros with chorizo. I'm a sweaty mess. Time to hit the showers coach!

Ubee: You're an inspiration to me, and I miss you. Hopefully you come back soon.

Caldawg: Hope that the cholesterol doesn't become a huge issue. It sounds scary. As for your sg, give him a chance to change. We all know making life decisions regarding weight is rough. If he doesn't change for health, though, then maybe he shouldn't be in your life in the sg capacity. Since kids would be in the pic, it's best to worry about how they will be cared for.

Donna: Hope that your knees heal soon. If not, get them checked. You can cause significant injuries to the bones, ligaments, or joints that make walking nearly impossible.

Fi: Glad that you're walking again. I look forward to reading about your improvements over time.

Port: What a difficult situation. Those kids may be better off in state care, if she's endangering their lives by not watching them. If the father was a good father, I don't see him abandoning them. Here's hoping that he'll get them or at least find someone else who'll care for them.

Mae: Nice to see you again.

kSwizzle: Welcome!

Sam: Sounds like the DH is making annoyingly yummy, tempting foods.

Cindy: Congrats on the loss: Don't sweat the gain.

Betsy: Toby sounds like quite the character. :). Probably brightens up your life, though.

JAnn: Hi! I don't like the ads either.

Off the wagon all week last week. Started this week off badly. I cleaned my garage on Sat. I've been sore all over since then. Every joint in my body. Didn't really seem like I did much to be in so much pain. Having trouble sleeping-can't find a comfortable position-last few days. Not taking pain meds-some in my family have problems with addiction-I don't want to become an addict. Here's to hoping that I get my bottom in gear over the next few days.

Hi everyone.

Porthardygurl, I'm glad there is a plan in place for your friend, and good for you being able to stick to your diet while under so much stress.

Betsy, what kind of dog is Toby? I know you have mentioned that he's a big guy and sheds a lot. I would love to have a dog but I'm allergic. To cats too, but I think I've built up some immunity to them over the years since I've had cats in my life for the last thirty years.

Donna, I love to see that you're keeping yourself busy these days. Congratulations on losing 4 pounds.

Caldawg, have you talked to your partner at all about how you feel? You can't make him lose weight, or make him want to change, but you can let him know what your concerns are about his health and about your future together. It's not an easy situation.

Sam, your protein shake sounds delicious. I take a multi-vitamin every day, and extra vitamin C to support my lung function. I notice a difference when I don't take them. I should take some vitamin D also because I really don't get enough sun, especially lately.

Tootsieroll, good to see you back. I hope the sore muscles start to ease, and that you're able to get back on plan soon.

I ordered some clothes online, 4 shirts and a pair of shoes. I really have no shoes. I know, how many women ever say that? Actually I have a lot of shoes that my feet are too fat for now lol. The dress code at the company I worked at for the past 15 years had an ultra-casual dress code - jeans, tees and sneakers. So, basically I have nothing to wear for job interviews. I have one pair of dress pants and now one nice blouse. The other 3 were either too large or too small. I'm keeping one of the small ones because I really like it and will hopefully be able to fit into it in the not too distant future. The shoes are ok, a little tight in the toes but I can make them work. Have I mentioned that I hate this whole starting over thing? Ugh.

I hope you all have a great day!

Hiya
 

Hello everyone.
Caldwag I read your post a few times and I really feel for you. The starting point is that you love your fiance....so of course you want the best for him. But you are right to consider all aspects of your future together. The only thing I would say is that you need to communicate all of this to him and allow him the time and space to change. I am glad you feel comfortable posting on here. I know what it is like to be lonely and isolated...my thoughts are with you.
Cindy...when you say you take Vitamin c for your lung function...what do you mean? I have chest problems and am grateful for any extra advice!
Tootsie....thank you for your thoughts. My knees are better than after my fall but the only thing that will really help is losing more weight.
Hi to everyone else.
Well I have a really sick headache this evening, I am not sure why. I am really tired as I haven't slept well lately so I may go to bed really early!
Kept to plan so nothing really to report!
Donna

Tootsie The dinner DH made last night is actually on plan for me. It turned out really good. Sorry you've been in so much pain. Hope it turns around for you soon.

Cindy The protein shake is my new favorite thing...It's so good and I don't feel bad drinking it...yay for new found loves! When I remember to take my multivitamin I take the Alive brand...it's really good, has a ton of vitamins and also fruits and veggies in there too. I'm pretty sure the increase in my D3 has helped a lot over the past day...I'm feeling even more energetic today. I think PCOS women do lack vitamin D, I can't remember. That will be something I should ask when I go to the doctor next month. I hate starting over with jobs too...it's never easy. Luckily I'm in a great place where I don't plan to leave unless I move away or get fired. I don't want to go anywhere else.

Donna Hope you're feeling better. Headaches always make you want to be in bed early...The lack of sleep probably hasn't been helping either. Glad you're staying on plan my dear!

Nothing new to report. Having another good day...feeling energetic, and hopeful that I'm going to get the rest of this weight off. When you reach the point where I am you get to a point where you'll be happy to see the scale go down .1 a week lol...I'm grasping at straws here people...I'm not going to get down on myself because I guess if anything I am maintaining for the most part...It's just disappointing sometime when you feel like you aren't going anywhere....weight or measurements wise. TOM is slowly coming to an end so maybe I'll be able to get a real feel of where I stand this week. Tweaking a few things with my eating this week, ever so slightly so we'll see how that goes. I'm also back to tracking in MFP regularly to help keep me on track.

The neighbor downstairs is home this evening...Guess I'll be working out in my socks *eye roll* and doing something not so high impact and jumping around like a mad woman so I don't have to hear it from her. Sometimes I wish I was on the bottom floor just so I don't have to deal with her BS but being on the top floor is much better.

Stay well ladies :)

Thanks to everyone who replied to my comment. I just spent some time at my parents place and they have just mentioned in passing they have serious concerns about my partners health and what that means for our relationship/future. My mother went on to say that my dad isn't overly supportive of our engagement because of this. I feel like I cant talk to my parents about any issues/gripes I am having with my partner because they come out with all this every time. I have been engaged before to a really abusive man and it has taken me ages to recover mentally, physically, emotionally and financially.. I love my partner but this is becoming a real issue, and I don't want to hurt him. I feel really isolated, I have no one to confide in or to have coffee with anymore, everyone is busy with their own lives and its hard. Lately I feel like I just work, go to the gym and go home. I guess I am not having a great time of things at the moment.

I guess my biggest fear is that he is going to take this really badly and end up feeling inadequate and like he isn't good enough for me or my family, inevitably leading to his unhappiness and ultimately, the breakdown of our relationship. I will admit, I am struggling with his weight and the pressure from my family, but after being with a man who is the worst kind of human being on the planet, I know what I have in front of me, and I don't want to lose him. He loves me so much, everything he does is for me, and I have never had that before. Am I being young and niaeve? I have no idea what to think or how to proceed. We are engaged, and I don't want to break another engagement, people will think I cant settle down or that there is something wrong with me or something :(

Caldawg: Explain it to him like you did to us. Say that you love him, and you want to be with him for along time. Say that you're worried that if he doesn't care for himself, that he won't be around for much longer. Make the transition easy for him. Don't expect him to change all at once. Maybe ask him to walk with you. Change his diet a little at a time-example: cut sodas out a little at a time and replace each one with water. He doesn't have to be perfect-he just needs to move in the right direction. It might be helpful to watch videos that will inspire him-like on YouTube, there are people, guys specifically, that lost weight naturally. They have video blogs. They are only a Google search away.

Just noticed that my post from yesterday is missing, HATE these ads popping up in posts, and whenever I hit the submit reply button that I'm logged off instead of being able to see my post. Hey 3FC administrator.......you really screwed up with these latest programming changes that were made.

No time for personals today, but hope that everyone is doing well. Toby got his spring grooming yesterday so he's all perky. Reminds me that I need to make an appointment to get my own trim!

Struggling with sugar. No where near getting my gaming system for staying on plan for 30 days. Today is another day and I am going to stay away from the sugar!

More tomorrow.

Thanks Tootsieroll. I think the biggest barrier to him losing weight is the fact that he works away from home for half a week. If he was living at home with me all the time, his diet wouldn't be an issue as he would eat what I eat. He also doesn't move enough. He is really self conscious, and we used to go to the same gym, but I left that gym and went to another one, as I wasn't happy with the service I was getting, and I wasn't losing weight there either, because their was no support. He still has a membership at the gym though. My parents really do my head in. No one is ever good enough for them. I have had a number of serious boyfriends who I have taken home to them and no one has been good enough. My parents aren't small people either, yet they still judge. Worse still, they often actively encourage me to "keep looking around" for available men, when my partner and I have been together well over 2 years. The extra pressure sucks and I find it really disrespectful; I am in my mid 20s, I am hardly a lovestruck teenager. As I said before, my partner loves me so much its scary, and after the trauma I endured with my abusive ex for almost 2 years, gradually he has put me back together so that I don't feel as broken anymore. I don't want to lose him, period. Health wise, except for being overweight, he is healthier than I am; normal cholesterol, blood sugar, blood pressure, etc, which I also thinks makes him unwilling to change. Looking back, being told I have dangerously high cholesterol is the best thing that has happened to me, as it has given me the kick up the backside I needed to start looking after myself. Basically, if my levels do not go down drastically, I am at a significant risk of having a heart attack. I don't want that to happen, so I am looking after myself. I hope my partner comes around. What small steps would you suggest I start with? He is pretty sporadic with his soft drink consumption, he sort of binges on it? I want to have a serious conversation with him, and I need a place to start, so if you have any ideas, please let me know? Thanks again Tootsieroll.

Well, since we seem to be having a bit of a gloomy day here—not to detract in the least, caldawg, from the seriousness of the issues you're facing—I may as well admit that I'm not doing so well either. My walking adventures of a couple of days before have given me lower back pain that just will not quit, which makes it well-nigh impossible to sit up at a table and work on the collage I have rattling around in my head. I'm extremely frustrated about that.

A few days ago I discovered, more or less invented, a new meditation technique that seems to be capable of reducing my leg pain quite a bit, when I can pull it off right, and Mike was very impressed by it when I demonstrated it in his presence yesterday. But no sooner did I mention it to Bob than he's been after me to pull a rabbit out of a hat and somehow go poof! and all my leg problems are over. =sigh=

Plus we're both upset about recent developments with our favorite college basketball team. It's dumb to care, perhaps, but we've been caring a whole lot about this team since the early 1980s, so it's too late to get apathetic all of a sudden.

Plus we've been waiting for weeks now for the installation of five new energy-efficient windows in our 1960s-era house. The windows are ready, but the installation keeps being postponed due to snow, flu, rain, you name it—one thing after another after another. It's a real pain in the butt because three rooms in our upstairs are in a state of havoc due to the need to have the areas in front of the windows clear, and the hallway is partially blocked with piles of stuff that had to be moved out of those rooms, which means I can't use my wheelchair to get to my studio. The installation itself, now rescheduled for Friday, is going to be an ordeal when it happens, because Bob and I are private people and get miserable when outsiders are in or around our house. Plus we'll have to coop up the cats in our bedroom, because, like all purebred oriental shorthairs, they're absolutely indoor-only cats, and we can't risk one of them darting out through a casually open outside door, just out of curiosity. Not to mention all the labor that will be involved in restoring our upstairs to normality after the window installation is done... bleah...

And then, just now, to put the icing on the cake of Bob's and my surly mood, one of the cats just jumped up on a platform where we had a long beloved folk-art pottery sculpture, knocking the sculpture down and smashing it to smithereens. We've had the sculpture through two previous pairs of orientals without its ever being at risk, and it was well-anchored to a wooden base, but Oscar and Nénu are much more oriented toward jumping and climbing than our previous pairs, often up to the ceiling. We didn't see what exactly happened, just heard a big crash... and that was that. The two of us are sitting right now in the room where it happened, so shocked at the huge gap where that lovely sculpture used to be, we can hardly bear it. Damn damn damn damn... it's a big loss. We're in acute grief.

If I could just make the collage, I could probably pull myself out of this nose dive, but my back, which hasn't had to support me for walking since a whole year ago, is really weak and acutely miserable. So f**k.... never mind... there will be something positive around the next bend, but I sure can't see it right now.

Hi everyone.

Donna, I'm not exactly sure how vitamin C works to help the lungs function, but It helps to boost immunity to colds and other infections. I have asthma and COPD from having smoked for too many years. When I get a cold it inevitably ends up in my chest and I end up on Prednisone (a steroid). Since taking Vitamin C I have noticed that my colds are less severe and breathing is easier. I read recently that magnesium can help as well. I need to explore that more. There is a lot of information online regarding lung health and Vitamin C. My doctor told me it could help, and it seems to.

Sam, I didn't really want to leave my job either, but it was eliminated (makes me feel so important lol). It's one thing I really dislike about working for a large company. Decisions are made by people in other states that have no idea what goes on in the office they are making decisions about. You're doing great with your weight loss. Don't get discouraged about it. It will come off. I think the less you have to lose the slower that loss will be, but you'll get there.

Caldawg, I would let your fiance know that you love him but you're worried about him and his health. You can never force anyone to change, but you can certainly try to help him make better choices, at least while he's home with you. Even small changes can make a difference. I think parents always feel that no one is good enough for their child, but this is your life, not theirs. Deep down I'm sure they just want you to be happy.

Betsy, good luck staying away from the sugar today.

Not much going on here today, but I wanted to pop in and say hi.

I hope you all have a great day!

I like gyms in a way-the weight lifting, but at one point in my life, I was basicially living there-missing my spouse and family-between lifting weights and cardio. So I found Leslie Sansone's Walk At Home Videos. You can do them at home, in hotels, basically whereever floats your boat. You can modify them any way you want without feeling self conscious. Noone is there to watch you. Example: You can't do the arm movements, fine... just don't do them. Can't do a full mile? Get to the 1/2 mile point, then turn it off-try again next time.

As for the sodas... I really just did what I said. Cut one, replace with water. Wait a few days to a week and repeat, until you are down to a reasonable amount. They have flavored sugar free waters that are fairly good if water isn't something that he particularly likes. I found that ice water does the trick for me though. I didn't think that I'd ever be able to drink plain water.

Since he travels-he can make wiser food choices-choose a salad. Make sure that he goes easy on the dressing, though. Many people put more than they realize. 2 tbsp is like 120 calories if you're using ranch. If he can't, set aside half of the food for later. That way one meal feeds him twice in a day. I've been known to order kids' meals instead of adult meals from fast food restaurants. What are they going to do? Tell?

Hey Chicks,

Checking in..Its late and its been a very busy hectic week so far. There has been many meetings regarding the ongoing family crisis that ive been helping to navigate my friend and her family through. Early early mornings starting at 4 am with the kids waking up..then its breaky and off to take them to school. Then i go home to my house and i sleep for an hour and then i get up and go for a swim and then if its like today..i go out to different meetings at different government offices, trying to gather as much information for my friend regarding options and resources for keeping her family together and in town at the same time, looking for a creative solution to the single parenting dilemna. Then its grocery shopping and then home and then making and eating breakfast and then packing my lunch, dinner and evening snack before heading out to pick up the kids from school, to bring them back home, to give them snack, send them outside to play and then make dinner when they come inside. Then its lunch making time for the next day and dishes followed by story reading and bed time(somtimes showers first for all 3) Then when they go to bed, i proceed to sit and listen to my friend as she verbally processes everything from the day and looks to me for possible solutions. Then i have to drag out the mattress in the living room, set up my bed and sleep over to ensure the safety of her and her kids from the husband(he still has a house key). This has been my life since last Friday.

We have made some good progress. I talked to a social worker privately the other day and stressed my concern over her thinking she can cope and raise three kids while having severe cerebral palsy and mobility issues. I asked the social worker for all the possible options in making sure her kids are safe. Later that night, a team of us met with her and stressed the fact that none of us can continue the schedule that we have come up with for this week. Its just going to end up in burning us all out. It was a temporary game plan and now its time to look at longer term options for her kids since this court issue can continue for several months. We basically ad an intervention and told her that the reality is, she can not single parent or cope on her own and we need to find a better more permanent solution. I presented the options and later that night when everyone had left and it was just me and her, she decided that temporarily leaving and moving off the island and taking her kids to live with her mother and sister would be the best plan until the first court date. For a longer term plan, i suggested that she get a nanny. The government subsidizes child care so they can help out that way and when we max out on available funding or reach an available funding, she has decided to tell the husband "get your crap together and get a job that will pay for someone to take care of our kids so we can live here OR we are leaving and moving in with my mother off the island". So..my friend has decided she feels that is the best option right now. She believes that he should be able to show proof in the next 3 weeks that he can get a job and hold one down and be responsible and go to counselling for himself and get help from a professional psychiatrist. If he isnt willing to do that..she is going to file for divorce and full custody of the children.

Meanwhile we learned 2 interesting things.. His mother phoned the house asking for him..which means he hasnt told his parents what has happend. Why be secretive with your family?? We also learned that he has agreed to go to counselling for himself and couples counselling and he wants to see his kids. My friend is concerned that he doesnt really want to do counselling because why would you continue to hide information. Sh thinks he isnt ready to go to counselling yet as a couple. However she has decided to be nice enough to go to a counsellor so she can a) let him know she cares and is hoping for the best outcome and 2) that she isnt taking the kids away from him, she is making a temporary change of location while they wait to hear what will happen at the court date.

To add to all of this... The kids have been very candid at the dinner table about Daddy being not here and how they saw everything including daddy hurting mommy. The 5 year old is taking it the hardest. He is having emotional meltdowns and the oldest is refusing to talk. He is silent. The youngest who is 2 is super clingy. So..i started bringing my trained labrador puppy every afternoon so they can play. They love the puppy and look forward to it. It is somthing positive for them and it makes them smile and laugh. I also ask my husband to come visit every evening for dinner and bedtime stories. The kids have been missing that father figure in their life and they have been quite clingy to my husband, wanting to cuddle and curl up and play with him and talk to him openly about what they see and feel. So i think its a positive thing for them. We were able to contact the family counsellor in town and get the kids to go and talk to him so that was good..

(Sigh) Its been a loooooong week so far and im greatful that a) its saturday soon and her mom comes which meansi t have to be here anymore in less i want to and 2) that i never had 3 kids. Its waaaaay too much work for me.

Anyway... Sorry for not keeping in touch..just too busy. I hope you all are well. Take care my friends.

PS- still rocking this woe. Havent slipped yet..its now been over 2 months. Just cant weigh myself all week. Lets hope for good numbers on sunday.

Night.

port: I had no idea of the extent of your friend's issues. I missed the information about her having cerebral palsy. Hopefully they all get help soon.

In spite of the beautiful day outside, I'm in a mood and a half.......except for Cindy, I think I'll fit right in. What's my big trauma? I was rummaging in the freezer yesterday trying to find the chicken breasts and I took a frozen ham out, and promptly dropped it on my foot. Hurts like the dickens. On the positive side, not bad compared to what some of us are going through so I'll count my blessings that there are no broken bones.

Calda -- You have a strong bond with your boyfriend, and he sounds like he's a great guy. As we all know, no one can make us lose weight -- we have to do it for ourselves. But with that said, it's fair to tell him that you're worried about him and want to know what you can do to help. Several good suggestions on ways to remain on plan while gone during the week. Hope that some of them work.

Fi -- Do you get the feeling that you are living under a little black cloud that just won't entirely go away?! I hadn't thought about the onset of the back issues, but those muscles are probably screaming some sort of obscenity at you for daring to use your legs again. Losing artwork to our pets is always depressing because their normal modus operndi is to bring us nothing but joy. And getting work done on the house -- ugh. So I'd say that you have every reason to feel like you're in a world of gray.

Porthardygurl -- I'm exhausted just reading about what you're doing, and I doubt if your friend will ever truly understand how lucky she is to have you in her life. I'm glad that you are taking the necessary steps to make sure that there is a resolution to this as I'm sure she'd be happy to have you take care of everything for the duration. Not out of a meanness of spirit, but more out of a lifetime of needing help and getting it. You are a good soul.

Tootsie -- Hi there. Hope you're doing well.

Cindy -- Glad you popped in. Not much going on here either, but somehow it feels connected to at least read all the posts.

Donna -- What new and exciting thing are you up to?

Guess I'd better get going. Since my foot hurts so much, I'm not doing the gym today but am hoping I'll make tremendous progress on the photo album project. I'm tired of this and want it to be done!

Hope everyone has a great day.

Update
 

Hello lovely ladies!
Port...what an amazing friend you are. I hope your friend realises how blessed she is. Try to rest when you can.
Betsy....This week has been extremely busy! I started the training for an organisation that works with families with young children. Although it will be as a volunteer initially, I am hoping to find work in this area in the future. So that was 2 days 9.30-1.15 and will last 5 weeks. I also started a dance based exercise class today. It was hard going on my poor old knees but I enjoyed and managed the whole class. I then went swimming which eased the knees alot!
Fi.......I am so sorry that your back is painful. It seems such a shame with your progress with your walking. Hopefully it will just a temporary thing and you can get back to your walking ....and driving!

This week has been ridiculously busy.....and tomorrow is also likely to be busy. I had booked myself on to a Psychology course on Saturday but I am thinking of giving it a miss and having a rest!!!
Take care everybody,
Donna

Cal If you don't have the conversation about his weight with him and you ultimately decide to just leave him high and dry without even giving him a chance it's pretty selfish. I'm not trying to be mean or upset you, but think about it the other way around if you were in his shoes and someone decided that they didn't want to be with you because of your weight and lack of drive to do anything about it. How hurt would you be? Some people never care about their weight, or are happy with their size. Not sure if he was big when you began your courtship but there was obviously something that drew you near him to start dating him in the first place. The best thing you can do is talk to him about your experience with losing weight and getting healthy for yourself and how much better you are feeling. Tell him that you want the both of you to be around for a long time and that is part of the reason that you have started your journey, and that maybe this is something you guys can experience together. My husband is overweight...I have ALWAYS been bigger than him, and if he decided to leave me at the drop of a hat when I was at my heaviest I would have been heart broken. Honestly after that I would have probably not wanted to be in another relationship again. My situation is different because we have been together for 13 years and at my heaviest was just a couple of years ago, but even before that I would have smashed into a million pieces that someone would leave me just because of my weight. I know this is rough for you, but the conversation has to happen or else you are doomed to ruin your relationship before it's even started and it seems you really care for the guy so I think you'll do the right thing. He has to know how much his worth is to you even if he is over weight and has health problems. That doesn't define his character...and if he's going to do something about it he won't be able to do it alone. As for your parents and coming with the same experience...Don't listen to a damn word they say. They aren't the ones that have to live your life, you do and their opinion shouldn't matter if you are happy.

Fi Sorry to hear about the sculpture...it sounded like a pretty prized piece at your house. I hate having people that don't belong in my house either....When maintenance comes around here unannounced I cringe. I hope your back feels better soon but a so proud of your progress!

Cindy Hope you find another job soon. Thank you for your kindness...I'll get there even if it takes another 2 years :)

Port You are a great friend. You have gone above and beyond what you needed to in order to make sure her kids are safe and that they have a chance at a normal life. I think it's a good start that her husband is at least trying. As far as him not telling his family maybe he doesn't have that kind of relationship with them. Truthfully I don't tell my family anything other than the normal every day stuff because they are so critical and judgmental about every little thing. And if you tell one family member in confidence the whole damn family knows so I never talk about my personal business with anyone. I hope these kids are ok and get their own help...Talking to someone may help and that's a good start. You are AMAZING I just wanted you to know. :)

Didn't post yesterday due to the crazy weather and them not knowing what was going to happen. I didn't want my computer plugged in just in case and it was DH's birthday. I didn't have the money to buy him a present but I told him we could have anything he wanted for dinner and whatever he wanted for dessert. He chose chinese takeaway and my BIL decided to pay for it for all of us which I thought was really nice. He wanted brownies with ice cream and hot fudge so I took care of that and made the brownies for him. It was all really good and worth the cheat. I'm back 100% today so I'm hoping that doesn't hinder my weigh in this week. Officially done with TOM and time to start counting my days again. I'm trying to track my ovulation days and my cycles as much as possible. We haven't decided to start trying yet but want to at least get a feel of where I am each month so maybe when it's time to try for a babe I'll have an idea of things...Plus my doctor may want to know some of this information when I go see her next month.

Other than that everything has been the same. Just finished my workout....Gotta go take care of the kitties food and poop boxes and eat dinner...and don't forget a shower!!! Night ladies :)

Betsy— Oooo I'm feelin' for your poor foot! Strangely enough, I've had two other friends who did the same thing—dropped a frozen roast/ham/turkey on their foot. Apparently one should put on steel-toed work boots before handling such items! I'll be sending my best pain-soothing vibes in your direction, at least during the periods of the day when I don't need them myself for my legs & back. =laugh= You're quite right about our pets usually bringing us nothing but joy: Oscar and Nénu are in my lap now as I'm tapping away here on my iPad—purring up a storm, all sweet & warm. The folk-art sculpture just maybe will do a Lazarus number. I couldn't bear to look at it, but Bob carried the pieces down to his shop, and he says the damage isn't as bad as I thought. He is such a pro at glueing broken objects back together so you can't see the cracks or anything, I swear he could make money doing it. One time, for example, he flawlessly assembled the many puzzle pieces of a valuable Chinese bowl of my mother's that my sister's boys, small & boisterous, had knocked over. He finds it a soothing, satisfying activity. So we shall see...
Porthardygurl— Excellent job of calling for reinforcements and coming up with creative solutions! I am so relieved...
Donna— Dancing, huh? Jeez, I'm green with envy, even factoring in the balky knees. The only kind of dancing I can do right now is either from the waist up while sitting, or lying on my back waving my legs around in the air. But I'm seriously addicted to rock-n-roll, so I'm doin' both of those nearly every day, believe me. But you go girl! How are those pregnant ewes comin' along?
Tootsie— Good for you on clearing those sodas out of your life! I did something similar about a year and a half ago, except in my case it was aspartame-sweetened diet sodas—which are supposed to jack up your insulin almost as bad as the sugar ones do. It was a major deal for me, because I'd been getting almost all my daily fluids in the form of diet soda (especially Diet Coke—for many, many years) since the mid-1960s, when they were sweetened w/ cyclamates. (None of the followup sweeteners have ever been as good as cyclamates were. =sigh=) I'm like you in that I can't drink plain water. My stomach has been accommodated to bubbles for SO many decades, plain water, even ice water, gives me a stomach ache. Isn't that ridiculous? I'm a baby boomer through & through. So I weaned myself off onto bottles of unsweetened lemon-lime seltzer. That was a more difficult accomplishment than losing 92 pounds has been! But I'm cool with it now, and never even think about diet soda anymore. The end of an era...

Well, I'm in a pretty good mood tonight because I had a really great session with Mike—one of the rare ones that are 100% talk. (I adore conversation, if you hadn't guessed already from the length of my postings.) Chinese medicine is truly, truly WEIRD! I have lots to learn about reservoirs and flow patterns of light and energy in the human body. Did I say light? Yup, I sure did. It's astonishing to me, as a retired doctor in the full-fledged Western model, how much of an effect light can have on learning how to walk again. If I tried to explain it to you, you'd think I had totally lost my mind! So I won't. =laugh=

Evening friends,

Sorry im still not posting personals. Life continues to be hectic and i continue to parent three beautiful but difficult children. Its hard to find time to rest but at least im still capable of taking an hour every second day when the kids are in school, to go to the pool and swim laps. At least its a stress release. Only 2 more days of this round the clock care for the children and then grandma arrives to help out and sleep over. Im feeling relief about that at least a little because it will give me a chance to recoup. I must admit today i held my tounge. The mom(my friend) snapped at me because she was exhausted and wanted a break. For the first time in 6 years she has finally had a wake up call as to how much work is involved in raising three kids. You know..her husband(also my friend even prior to marriage) snapped from a combination of un-dealt with mental health issues and stress. I can understand the stress thing. She expects him to care for the children 24/7. Yes she has a disability but at the same time i know she is more than capable of doing simple tasks like dishes and cooking. She uses her disability to hide behind so she doesnt have to make an effort. He hasnt had a break in 6 years. Thats not an understatement. He has NEVER had a physical vacation or break since the children were born. I know it sounds harsh and trust me..i have empathy for her..but at the same time i know she can do a lot more then what she is doing. So..her husband not being there is giving her a real reality check.

Anyway...sorry for venting...just need to breathe out some stress.

Thanks SamIAm, I wouldn't leave him just because he was overweight, that would be crazy! I do love him more than anything, I'm just worried about him, I want to have a family with him, and I want to grow old with him, I am just worried if things keep going the way they are with his health, it wont happen. I will try to talk to him, but I am worried about how he will take it, because like you said, if someone had to have that discussion with me, I would be humiliated and sad. He really wants bariatric surgery, but he cant afford it.

I am not having thoughts of leaving him or anything, I am just worried. As for my parents, they can be really cruel. I know they want what is best for me, but they say some really hurtful things, and if they judged me on whether I was a catch or not based on my weight, I would die a spinster, because I am not an oil painting either!

Hi everyone.

No personals this morning, as I want to get to the grocery store and the pharmacy to pick up our prescriptions and get those chores over with.

My scale moved downward again so I must be doing something right. We have a grandson's birthday party to go to tomorrow with pizza and cake. I've already had a talk with myself about that (yes I do talk to myself - if only I always listened) and said that if I avoid the pizza and cake I can have Chinese tomorrow night, without the rice. Since Chinese is my favorite and the party is only a two hour party this should be easy. We'll see lol.

I hope those of your who are suffering - which sounds like just about all of you - are feeling better soon. Take care of yourselves and I hope you all have a great day.

It's another absolutely gorgeous day here. The daffodils are blooming along with the early fruit trees. It got up into the 60s yesterday and was warm enough to be outside without a jacket. And the mountain -- our beautiful, snow covered, majestic mountain -- was out in all her glory. After 10 years here, I still go out on my porch and just look at her. It's my form of calming and meditation.

Sam -- Thank you for writing my personals! ;) Actually, ditto on what Sam said. Hope DH had a good birthday, and it was nice of you BIL to treat for dinner. Glad you came through the stormy/tornado weather OK -- looks like the South took a beating.

Fi -- I do so appreciate the sympathy/empathy after my run in with frozen food of the large variety! There was an Alfred Hitchcock episode on once where the wife killed the husband with a frozen leg of lamb and then cooked it and fed it to the police investigating the murder. I thought of that as I was practicing using my inappropriate vocabulary! I'm so glad that Bob will be able to "fix" the pottery piece. I do that with things but seem to spend a lot of time removing the item from my fingers after using too much super glue. Man. I sound like a clutz.....I agree that Eastern and Western medicial approaches are far apart. There's a lot to Eastern medicine I don't understand, but I really admire your receptiveness to both learning and practicing this. And the image of you waving your upper body or legs to rock music will stay with me all day. You have a compatriot who does the same thing on the other side of the country.

Porthardygurl -- Breathe in. Breathe out. Have you been in touch with the husband while you're taking care of the kids and his wife? I know he has a restraining order, but wondered if he's tried to make contact with you during this. Not many good answers in this situation, and I doubt if your friend (the wife) will ever truly appreciate all you've done for her. I'm glad you can catch a nap and a swim -- sounds like you desperately need both each day.

Cindy -- Good for you for owning a downward moving scale. I need to get one of those (if only they made them without any dieting effort being involved). I totally understand talking to yourself. Some days the only conversations worth remembering are ones I have with myself. Have fun at the birthday party and enjoy having Chinese food sans rice.

Donna -- Were you this active before your marriage or are you making up for missed opportunities. Good for you for getting out there and doing. So much of what you're involved in sounds great. Are the workmen finished with the house? How are the ewes -- surely they've lambed by now.

I think I'll get Bill's dog, Becky, and bring her over for a play date with Toby. They love being together and both get a lot of exercise chasing each other all over the yard. And, more work on the photo album. I'm about 1/3 to 1/2 done with the last one and am eager to just be finished. Time to get it in gear. Hope everyone has a great day.

I am so sorry!! I completely misunderstood what you had said...Please accept my apology. He obviously already knows his weight is an issue if he is considering bariatric surgery. Maybe having the talk with him and offering to help since that isn't something he can't afford might cheer him up. He could also start a go fund me account to help pay for the surgery if that is something that would interest him. There's also a website that you can do the same thing but it's specifically for plastic surgeries and of the like. Just a thought.

Quickly checking in as I am still at work...scarfing down my lunch as we speak.

No personals today but just wanted to tell everyone to have a great weekend...We've all been having our own personal struggles here lately and just wanted to tell everyone...It's going to be ok. I'm having a hard time lately with not seeing any progress. I don't know what I could be doing wrong. Maybe I just can't lose anymore weight? I don't know...Do I really have that much skin that is taking up a good chunk of extra weight just hanging there? I mean how much does skin actually weigh? I'm going to keep pushing along even if it takes forever to get the rest of this weight gone. I'm so ready for it to be warm enough outside so I can actually get long walks in. As much as I love working out at home and going to the gym going on long walks/jogs is what I love the best. Especially when DH is with me. I remember in the summer time we'd get up to doing 5-8 miles a day depending on where we are and what we were doing. It was great and we both really saw some progress with that. I'll get it going in the right direction eventually...Just can't give up. Maybe this doctor's appointment next month will help me too.

Take care my friends. Sending love your way all day everyday!

My progress toward getting my life back was short-lived, to say the least. I had one day, last Sunday, of being able to walk without crippling pain, of being able to move around my own house without a wheelchair. The following day was my birthday, so I did what I wanted to do and ignored the evidence that the pain was back, as bad as ever. That one day now appears to have been a fluke: I have no idea why. I am in the same place I've been in for many months: unable to walk more than 6 feet or so, and each step is very painful.

I am so discouraged, so angry, so frustrated... I've been brooding over all that happened to me during the terrible year of 2015, and finding a lot of people to blame—my doctors, that is. But what does blame accomplish? Nothing. Nothing at all.

All I want is to get my life back. I am so down right now I'm thinking about killing myself. Not seriously—don't worry. I am just thinking—not intending or planning. The only reason I even mention it is to give you an idea of how horrible I feel. I don't want to live like this. But I have no choice. Suicide is not, and will never be, an option.

And I'm not depressed, either. I can't ascribe these feelings to an abnormal state in my brain. This is reality.

Sorry for being so dark in my last posting. It's been a very weird week. I need to give myself (and perhaps Mike, too) a good talking-to about how the progress of recovery from my Big Disaster of 2015 is going to be glacial. So we all (that includes Bob, too) need to settle down, quit roller coastering, and commit to this for the long journey it's gonna be.

Kinda like weight loss, ain't it? =resigned grin=

Good evening..

And what an evening it is.. More drama just when i thought it would end. So just as my friend finally made a good decision to go live with her mom temporarily with her kids..she now decided that she shouldnt go and she should stay in town. Why is this not a good move? Because she cant care for her kids by herself. Well no problem...the government approved funding for her to be able to get a live out nanny for 56 hours a week so she can be at home with the kids. This is great news for the future but not good news for the present. Why? Cause its going to take a lot longer than a week to find a qualified person or 2 people due to criminal record checks and reference checks and clean drivers abstracts. But apparently she is okay with that as long as someone is there to do her laundry and pick up and drop off her kids and etc etc etc. She actually asked me if i would do it and she could pay me. I said no..flat out no. Yes..we need the money but she is my best friend and i am terrified of 2 thing.

1) i will lose my best friend because she would be my boss. I try not to work for friends and family
2) She knows how to take advantage of me and she could ask me to do things beyond what the job entitles because im her best friend and im generous in helping her. So yah...i said no.

I guess i wish she would get it figured out.

Funny thing though. My husband had to go to a drs appt in the next town over so i arranged someone to pick up her kids and she dealt with them for an hour by herself. Well..i get there just a little over an hour later and her kids have literally been inside all afternoon. The schedule i wrote out says snack first then outside for an hour. Her kids have special needs and they need to get outside every day to help deal with the high anxiety and hyperactivity. Yah...not only were they not outside..they finished snack late. She also hadnt started dinner. She hadnt even gotten them in there pajamas. Yah...the schedule doesnt function when she is there by herself with her kids.

On another note..i just want to say how pissed off i am at the fact that her husband is the one that assaulted her and yet she gets the crappy end of the deal having to sort out her emotional baggage on top of caring for the kids. Meanwhile we found out tonight that he is living it up as a single guy. He is living free of rent. People are buying his food for him. He has zero responsibilities and going to all of these social things happening at night and yet she is stuck at home dealing with the kids unable to go to social functions of any kind and un able to have a break from life cause sue is too busy trying to make sure she has a pkan in place for her kids lives..or should i say..she waits for me to make a plan for her and then claims it as her own. Point is- the abuser gets to take a vacation from life and responsibility while she has to worry and stress and deal with the aftermath of being the victim of a crime..sounds fair doesnt it??

Sorry for spouting off..im still trying to relieve my stress at least a little so i dont get a stomach ulcer and so i can sleep tonight at least for 6 hours. I just cant let it out around her or her kids..i need to let it go somewhere and i hope here is okay.

Anyway..im so tired..im heading to sleep. Night night.

Hi everyone!
 

Good afternoon all my lovely chickens...well it is afternoon over here!
Oh Fi...I am so sorry you are suffering so much. Hang on to the thought and feeling that you COULD do it...all be it briefly. But I admit...it is almost like your body was deliberately being cruel to you. Hugs my lovely.
Port...I hope you are enjoying some "me"time? It was ever the way that men could walk out on a complicated family and live the single life whilst Mum ends up literally holding the baby. I know that he has had a hard time but you think he would be more invested in his childrens' well being wouldn't you? Or am I being too harsh? And for what it is worth I completely agree with your not taking the job as a paid carer. The lines would be too blurred. What a wonderful friend you are!
Betsy.....I have always liked being busy. I used to work full time and squeezed in as much as possible when I was in my 20's and 30's. However, having children and then a declining mental health(oh that sounds a bit wrong...I don't blame my children for my mental health problems....just my grey hairs!). And as I am not currently working I am seeing getting myself healthy and fit as "work" and try to use my time as positively as possible. I must say though that I have a tendency to do too much and leave myself rather washed out so I have to put rest days or rest periods in my diary to stop myself from overdoing it.
Sam...do not despair...see the bigger picture...blah blah! On Extreme Makeover weight loss the clients are doing at least 2 hours of hard physical exercise a day and their weight loss slows...so when confronted with real life it is bound to be achingly slow. Don't forget you are my hero so keep going!!!
Cindy....well done on the scale moving down my lovely!
Caldawg...how are you?

Well the scale went down again this morning. I know it is because doing anything other than sitting on the sofa uses about a zillion calories an hour and as I get smaller it will become harder but it pleased me anyway. I haven't put it on my ticker because I am going to wait until my official weigh day on Monday. I have just done 45 minutes on Wii dance ...much to the bemusement of the cat....I can't have the dogs in here when I do it...it would be chaos! A couple of months ago I could only do 20 minutes and then my knees really hurt so I was pleased!
I went to the gym yesterday and was able to use the static bike...albeit with the seat really high to accommodate my restricted knee movement.
I am off to have a modest pampering session and a shower!
Take care chickens...and for those of you in a bad place my thoughts and prayers are with you.
Donna

SO FREAKING MAD RIGHT NOW!!! HAD MY POST ALL TYPED OUT....HIT SUBMIT AND I GOT LOGGED OUT!!!!!!!

Too mad to type it all out again. Guess I'll have to go back to copying my post before I submit just in case. Will tell you at least I just finished the hardest workout I've ever done..Chalene Johnson's HIIT30 workout. It's seriously no joke...Look at my face LOL

Time to take a rest, have a snack and work on tidying up the house while DH takes a nap. Be well my friends!

Good morning. I think it's morning. It's so rainy, foggy, and gloomy that it's kind of hard to tell. However, I am in a really good mood because I finished the photo album project yesterday. And since I had ordered way too many supplies (the story of my life), the 2 extra binders, 3 reams of card stock, and 4 boxes of sheet protectors are going to my nephew who is a teacher. He said that his school desperately needs supplies like this so I'm glad they won't just sit on a shelf for a long time.

Sam -- To answer your question, yes, the excess skin can weigh a lot. I just googled, and average sized adult with no excess skin will have 8-10 pounds of skin. So, as much as we've stretched ours out, we would probably lose at least 5 pounds from having it removed. In terms of the slow down, maybe check your calories. I don't know if you are still tracking what you eat, but maybe doing that for a week will help with determining if you need to lower them. And maybe you've just hit one of those plateaus that are maddening. The important thing is you're not giving up and resorting to old eating habits. And I agree -- ready for spring to have sprung.

Fi -- I think you have every right to be mad at your doctors both for getting you into this and for not being more proactive on what it will take to get you back to being able to walk. The teaser day does give us all hope that eventually this will end for you. But glacial is definitely the speed at which this seems to be moving. It's so hard to remain positive and hopeful when our bodies won't let us do the simplest things.

Porthardygurl -- Please don't ever feel the need to apologize for spouting off with all you're going through right now. If it helps any, I concur that you made the right decision in not working for your friend. Maybe her mother can convince her to go stay with her until the workers are hired.

Donna -- Every day you just bring a ray of sunshine and hope into our lives. I love that all of your activities and efforts are resulting in a downward moving scale. Add in seeing improvements in the ever present sore knees and you are getting a win-win. So happy for you to have this happening after all you've gone through.

I FINALLY made it through a day yesterday without cheating on my plan. I am so addicted to sugar that every day has started with a "little" cheat which blossomed into a big cheat. And it always seemed to occur between 2-3 PM. So, I did some reading and found out that that's about when our bodies run low on serotonin and that tryptophan is the natural way to increase our serotonin levels. And, fortunately, tryptophan is found is several foods -- besides turkey. So, I had a snack yesterday about 2 -- which I never do -- and it definitely staved off the I've-got-to-have-some-sugar cravings. This probably isn't news to any of you, but I feel like maybe I've turned a corner on being able to believe that I can do this.

Does anyone else struggle with believing in themselves that they can lose the weight? I know all of the science behind weight loss and what I should and shouldn't eat and why. But actually believing that I can do it long term and lose the over 200 pounds that I need to lose just seems to bring out the I can't do it thoughts. And part of what pushes me has been my inability to stay on plan for even one day. Hopefully this will be the start of a better outlook on this.

I need to run to the grocery store today and get the tomato seeds planted so that they're big enough to be able to have tomatoes this summer. Toby needs a bath and so do I, so maybe I'll do that at the same time. Thank heavens for a very large shower! Hope everyone has a great day.

My legs are somewhat better today, enough in fact that I walked some 15'-20' feet (I'm lousy at judging distances) from the bottom of the stairway to the futon. Yes it hurt, but it was worth it. I think the weather affects them a lot: today is lovely and sunny here, with just a few wisps of clouds to show off the blue.

We are both immensely relieved that the window installation is finally done. They look good, too: the glass area is the same size as the old ones, and instead of shabby, leaky aluminum frames, they have nice, tight, white ones. Even the screens are an improvement: they hardly cut down at all on visibility. And of course the fancy new eco-glass is absolutely spotless. I can't wait for the crap to be cleared out of the hallway so I can wheel myself down to my studio and admire the new window in there.

Last night and today I've been reading Christopher Isherwood's semi-autobiographical Berlin Stories—the one about vivid characters, including gay men, in 1930s Berlin. It gave rise to the play "I Am a Camera" and the movie "Cabaret." It's a book I've promised myself for many years that I could read for the first time when I needed a pick-me-up. I've read so much about it, I knew it would be a splendid piece of literature. And it is—it's fabulous! It's not a collection of stories, but rather two novels, back to back. I've been so riveted, I've almost finished the first one. So many gay writers I admire were inspired to write by Isherwood; it's really something to be back at the source, as it were. So far the homosexual themes are quite subtle. I was surprised to read in Armistead Maupin's introduction that Isherwood didn't come out until he was an old man. How wonderful it is that things have changed since he was young... but of course they need to keep changing further before all human societies are fully accepting of sexual preference.

Let me say this to Sam (you poor dear) and to everyone else: once you find you've written a fair amount in a posting, select the text and save it to your clipboard. Then do so again before you submit it for posting. I've been lazy about doing that myself, but no more! It's such an easy precaution to take, and saves so much aggravation if disaster hits.

Betsy— I'm responding to your question, "Does anyone else struggle with believing in themselves that they can lose the weight?"

There are four things that come to mind:

(1) I don't think you should frame the question that way: it's too big of a thing to believe in. What I mean is, you don't need to believe that you can lose over 200 pounds. That's a huge endeavor, and a long one, and few people can pull it off. In fact, I don't even think you should try to believe that. What you need to believe is that you are changing your eating and exercise habits one day at a time. Just like alcoholics in AA do—they don't choose to be sober for the rest of their lives: they choose not to drink on just one single day, from the moment they wake up in the morning until they go to bed that night. And then they do it again, the next day. That way, if they do slip up and drink, they can start over the next day with an absolutely clean slate. No recriminations, no guilt, no undermining of your confidence in yourself. No past, and no future! Just today. As Mike (my Qi Gong instructor/healer) puts it, when he teaches meditation, "There is no next breath. There is only this breath." You've probably heard of mindfulness: it's about being in the moment, right now. This one day.

(2) My own experience—and yours may differ—is that I had to get mastery over cravings. When I'm standing there at 2 PM or whenever, and I find myself wanting something sweet, it's very important for me to identify that as a craving, an impulse—not a done deal. Back before I began losing weight, I used to think that if I strongly desired, say, to drive to 7-11 and buy some cookies, that the steps were already in motion, as if riding on rails: I was picking up my car keys and my wallet, out the door, in my car, and so on... (Please note, by the way: Except for the three bars of dark chocolate I have on my birthday, Hallowe'en, and Yule, I never ever ever have sweets in the house. I know that you do, because you make sweet things for your relatives. That's a whole 'nother issue you may want to think through some time. Is there a way to minimize that, so that the number of hours you're alone in a house that has sweets in it are as few as possible? You owe it to your grands to live a long time, too, not just to give them yummy stuff to eat. But like I said, that's a separate issue.) Anyway, about the "done deal" thing: It was as if my eating cookies was decreed from on high, that's how irrevocable I thought it was.

I changed that way of thinking. I decided to use the word craving like a sticker: as soon as the desire appeared in my head, I stuck that sticker on it. I told myself, "Don't act, not yet at least. And don't be afraid. This is just a craving." Now it helped me that I had already done quite a bit of pondering on the distinction between a thought and an action. Anyone who suffers from serious depression has to confront that distinction, because when you're seriously depressed, the thought of suicide appears spontaneously in your head. It's one of the symptoms of the disease, just like lousy mood, memory problems, etc. But it's just something that messed-up chemicals in your brain are causing: it's not a plan, it's not a choice you've made, and above all, it's not an action.

Here's an analogy: the distinction between fiction and reality. I think it's important that if you watch a movie that has a violent scene in it, like someone being killed, no matter how powerfully you've entered into the fictional story as if it's really happening (Coleridge called it "the willing suspension of disbelief"), you simultaneously stay aware at all times that you are sitting in a room, in front of your TV, watching a movie in which special effects of some kind are being used to create the illusion that someone's being killed. Same deal if you read a crime novel: it's fiction.

So getting back to that thought with the sticker reading "craving" applied to it... What are some things you might do in response to that thought? Sure, you could choose to act on it and get something sweet to eat. But that's only one possibility. You could decide to just observe it. Look at the clock and see what time it is, then let the craving sit there in your head while you do something else, or even just think something else. No doubt you already do that, telling yourself "Don't do that—don't eat something sweet" or "I have to stick to my eating plan for today" and so on. But here's what's wrong with those thoughts: you're fighting the craving. Fighting the craving just gives it more power. If you tell a little kid they can't have something, how do they react? They want it all the more fiercely! So instead of doing that, just let the thought sit there with its "craving" sticker on it, and do, or think about, something completely unrelated to food, dieting, eating plans, losing weight, etc. Go about that activity, and simultaneously observe the craving. Don't judge it. Don't judge yourself. Just observe how the craving waxes and wanes, changes, whatever. Eventually, I guarantee you, you'll check in on the place where the craving was, and you'll notice that it's gone. You no longer have that thought of wanting something sweet. Then look at the clock: how long did it last? 30 minutes? That wasn't so bad, was it, observing the craving for 30 minutes? The pain in your foot when you dropped the ham on it lasted lots longer than that, didn't it? However long the craving lasts, I absolutely guarantee you: if you don't fight the craving, if you just let it sit there broadcasting its idiotic little "ice cream" image or whatever, it will eventually go away.

If you need more help with this maneuver, if you're having a hard time just observing it, I highly recommend you read Kathryn Hansen's Brain over Binge. The book starts off with her detailed personal story about being an athlete, then a bigtime binger, and so on. It's an interesting story, and you get to know the author by reading it, but if you find you don't relate to it, just skip it. The true gold in Hansen's book is in the second part, where she tells you about her brain-over-binge technique. If you don't want to use the word "binge," just substitute the word "craving." That's what I did. But she's a really good writer, and she explains the technique in such a way that anyone can do it, believe me.

(3) You may want to do something else in addition to getting distance from the cravings so you don't act on them. You may also want to buttress your intention, your will to get through just that one day on plan. I've described more than once the slow breathing technique: the real ticket to using that technique is to get your breathing rate down to no more than four breaths a minute. It takes a little practice, but it's not that hard to do. But even if you just get your rate down to five or six breaths a minute, that will also strengthen your will. As I've said before, this has been shown, with functional, real-time MRI's, to activate the part of your brain involved in making deliberate choices, the "executive center" as it's called. The craving to eat something sweet does not happen in the executive center: it originates in an older, more primitive part of your brain, the place where you make split-second decisions you're not even consciously aware of, like suddenly running as fast as you can because a sabertooth tiger is after you.

Now how long do you need to do the slow breathing? Ten minutes is plenty; twenty minutes is even better. But no more than that is necessary. When do you do it? Whenever you want, but don't wait until you're having the craving: do it earlier in the day, and the effect will last, for several hours. And you can use it for other stuff, too, like getting the will to do some unpleasant job.

But do it every day. It's meditation, too, because you're just relaxed and focused on your breathing, so it's good for you. Long, slow, deep breaths. Soon you'll find you don't think of it as some gimmick Fi is telling you about: you'll like doing it so much, you'll look forward to it.

(4) One last, short thought. You phrased your question with the word "belief." One time when I was struggling with getting a Qi Gong technique to work for me, I asked Mike, "What's the role of belief in all of this? Do I have to believe in this stuff to make it work?"

He answered, "Belief is the training wheels for intention."

I love that! First you mount the belief: I believe I can get through one single day eating and exercising on plan. Then you find you're rolling on the bicycle of intention, moving through your day with your will holding you up. Once you get the knack of that, once you know you're going to move forward and not fall down, you don't need the belief anymore. You've got intention. You've got will. You're doing it. One day at a time.

P.S. You may think that my saying this indicates I have a swelled head, and maybe I do, =laugh= but I suggest you print out this posting so you can re-read it when you need to. These weren't easy lessons for me to learn, so they probably won't be easy for you, either. Learning challenging things takes repetition: you know that. Good luck! =smile=

SamIA - no worries, just a misunderstanding. I hope things improve for you!

Betsy - YES! I have felt like that for a loooooooong time! I am lucky that my exercise/diet regimen is very strict, meaning I don't have to guess or fudge up anything; if the food isn't on my plan, it doesn't go in my mouth.. That has helped me dispel the horrid self doubts I have had since I was a little girl. It didn't come on overnight, so we wont lost it overnight. We just have to keep the faith. Have you revisited your diet/exercise regimen? I honestly could not have made 5 weeks on my new life without the support of this forum, or the support from the ladies at the gym I go to.. Even my own mother doesn't really think I am taking it seriously.. She said "Darl, some of us are meant to be thoroughbreds, and others are bred to be Clydesdales" - in her words, she was effectively telling me to accept the status quo and just live with the fact that I am morbidly obese (according to BMI) and have been for most of my life. To that, I say NO WAY! Keep up the great work, you will get there! And lean on us if you need anything!

To update everyone, I had the chat with my partner.. He was fine with it, he wasn't upset. I told him that I am blatantly refusing to start a family until we are BOTH within a healthy weight range. He really wants to have bariatric surgery but cant afford it at the moment, however he is looking into avenues to have it paid for. I thought the talk was going well, we went for a drive and I spoke to him about my feelings, I thought he was taking it in, yet through the course of the day, he had 2 big sandwiches, 3 massive serves of soft drink, and to top it off, a coffee full of sugar AND 3 macaroons on the way home at about 10pm last night.. I cant help feeling like it fell on deaf ears..

I am only in my mid 20s, and its not like my biological clock is ticking, but I know as well as anyone that weightloss takes time, and I am worried that I will be cutting it fine with us BOTH getting our lives in order, and then starting a family. I have had several issues relating to my reproductive system, and I am scared I will waste more time trying/getting help with falling pregnant, and before I know it, it will be too late for me and I will have missed my chance.. I don't know what to do. I am pretty set on us both being healthier before babies..

I weigh in tomorrow too, and as normal, I am nervous.. Hopefully it will be fine! My cholesterol medication is going fine, I haven't had any other side effects, other that a bad backache, a splitting headache, nausea and muscle aches in the first few days of taking them, so fingers crossed they are doing their job! I will update my weight tomorrow night. While I am thinking about it, can anyone tell me how to get a weight ticker on my profile? I just want to personalise it a bit! Thanks, I hope everyone is having a great weekend!

Hope I don't lose this one!
 

I too have lost long posts!
Administrators....why do I have to log BACK in to post?
Fi....thank you so much for that long post which must have taken you ages. It was really interesting to read. One of the things that I struggle with is thinking of food as "the enemy" and being scared of it. On the face of it, that sounds like a ridiculous statement but I know there will be other ladies out there who understand! I was working with my therapist around the issue of allowing myself to have the odd blip in my healthy eating and exercise without feeling like I have failed and plunging into a massive binge period and low mood just because I have had one bad meal or even one bad day. This is forever this healthy eating stuff and it is unreasonable.....and highly unlikely that I can maintain ultra-strict control all the time! My "homework" was to go away from the therapy session and have a sweet treat in a coffee shop and accept that Yep, I enjoyed it.....but it doesn't mean that I have failed at my diet and I can go on with my day without being scared of failure. I actually had an ice cream that I shared with the dog, sitting in some sunshine by the beach. And ....the sky didn't fall in and I carried right on with my healthy eating and exercise!
Caldawg....It may be that your partner needs time to assimilate the conversation that you had with him? Good luck with your weigh in tomorrow!
Betsy...the improvement in my chest has really made a massive difference. Even if I go down with a chest infection this week.....it is still nearly 3 weeks since my last chest infection which is the longest gap in almost 3 years. It will change my life! The builders have also nearly finished which pleases me greatly!
Well....I had to take my jeans in again today. Once I get to 28lb lost (2 stone) I will treat myself to some new jeans as they will look a bit silly by then!
Sam and I intend going on the Wii-fit this afternoon and I might do 10 minutes on my mini trampoline later.
Have a great Sunday....Donna