[coolacrity]

Mostly depressed.

Hi. I was on here maybe two years ago, going on and on about how much weight I was losing and blah blah. And honestly, it was a lot and I had a right to be proud. But then life happened and I regained a lot. I tried to reboot my regimen, but that I quit soon after that. I tried AGAIN some other time but couldn't even get started. Now I have regained (and I think I just plain GAINED) past my highest weight before and I'm MIS-ER-A-BLE. I hate going back to never being able to go shopping for any clothes that are cute again; I hate this constant foot pain (feet, actually, though one is worse than the other) again; I hate my fat face; I hate not being able to lift my legs to get into my pants again; I hate that I was too ashamed to see my friends last year because I had regained; I hate having to listen to co-workers about their workouts and know they must be ashamed of me. My family must be, too. I know none of them SHOULD be, but I'm not stupid enough to believe that they aren't.

I know I am.

So much work, wasted. I hate that.

I also hate that I disregarded my mother's advice. She said that arounf 275 I would need some support (like surgery) and I was too arrogant to listen. Ugh.

Currently, that is my new plan. "Fit n Fun by Thirty-One" (I'm currently 29, and I want to visit my friend in Puerto Rico). Cute title, but the thought of starting again makes me sick.

Something I should look into is a fitness buddy. But I am told that a fitness buddy should have similar goals/have a similar schedule to you, and I don't know many people like me (29, no kids, no sig. other, don't drive, way over 350lbs, etc). I can see why you would be similar, but do you need to be the same within' ten lbs or something? I don't think so, really... I just don't know where to start on that.

[faiora]

Hi, and welcome back

It's going to be okay, because you're awesome. Sure, you've gained weight back, but you're back here and you're setting goals. And you can do it!

I think fitness is great but can be a huge additional stress at the start of weight loss, when really it's much more helpful later. If you can fit in some squats or something along those lines during the day at home (even just a few), and make sure you get enough protein, you can keep up your lean mass while losing weight, and that'll be an amazing help in keeping it off as you go. Cardio is great for burning calories but in my mind, I'm better off just not eating those calories to begin with. It's easier than going walking/running every day. :P

My advice would be to take it easy, and find something that's easy to stick to, even if it works slowly. Two years is a long time, and if you can stick to something slow that's a lot better than going with something fast and difficult, then dropping it when it's not sustainable anymore in 6-12 months.

[Samantha1776]

Hey Cool- almost the same weight (I weigh once a month) and almost the same age, I am 27 turning 28 in September. No children but I am married. I am starting over too, but not having had the success. I am happy to chat with you here or privately.

Good on you for posting, I lurked for a few weeks before I had the courage to post.

I biked 5 miles today, I meant to bike 8 but my seat was tilted wrong and was rubbing. Last September I could barely for 250 yards without wheezing, so I second the idea of starting very small and moving only as fast as you can WITHOUT wanting to quit.

[mountain walker]

Coolacrity my lovely there is so much hate in your post. I really felt for you when I read it. My family have always been ashamed of me. Nobody ever said anything.....it was just the very large, very loud elephant in the room. They were not as ashamed as I was though.
I have my daughter's wedding in 5 months and I am dreading it. Dreading having my photo taken, dreading being twice the size of the groom's Mum andl dreading guilt for letting my daughter down.

However......I have 5 months......nobody said it would be easy and every day I can wake up and start over.

We are all with you...good luck.
I am 48 years old, have 2 children and am unable to work due to health problems...oh...I live in Wales UK. But hey......am happy to be a buddy of any kind!
Hugs

[coolacrity]

Thanks for the supportive replies. They were nice to read during my break today.

@faiora: Yeah, I didn't plan on getting deep into exercise yet. But "fitness buddy" felt nicer to say than "diet buddy" for some reason. And I made the mistake of trying to run too early during my first downfall. Nope, not doing that again.

@Samantha1776 Coolio--how do you bike? On the road on on a machine? I actually like machine work. I'm more confident that I can make it back!

@mountain_walker: Yeah, my post was rather negative. Sorry to do that. But you do have 5 months until that wedding. Work it, woman!

[fireball15]

HI Coolacrity- Your post brought tears to my eyes... While we dont share age- we are about the same weight. Everything you said--I can relate to. It really has kept me stuck for quite awhile. I had gotten to a place where I dident think I could restart.... at 388 it seems lmpossible... I totally get it, i am sure my coworkers look at me and think- this chick has a gym membership and is the largest person at the office?
Those kind of thoughts(the ones you expressed and the ones I feel too) are really damaging- they keep us down. We need to be kinder to ourselves, we got where we are for a myriad of reasons, but we can find the strength to make changes and get to a healthier place.
I am no expert by any means and I am sure there are many other people on here to give better advice- but know this YOU ARE NOT ALONE-- there are others struggling right along with you....

[tootsieroll81]

I noticed that you have a lot of self loathing there. I have to say that I'm weird. I don't really notice weight when I talk to people. I notice the person. Are they nice to me? Are they nice to others? If they are then I'm nice to them. I think that many times, we are more critical of ourselves then others are. If people are criticizing you, not in a good way, you need to ask if they are worth your trouble. One thing that you're going to have to do is to stop criticizing yourself so much, and to at least like yourself. How are you going to care about your body if you don't like yourself? I'm still a work in progress, and liking oneself is really a personal thing, so I can't help you there. I'm learning that weight loss is more than just counting calories, exercise, and pounds on the scale. There's a lot of mental and emotional aspects that need to be addressed. I hope that each passing day gets a little better for you.

[Samantha1776]

Hi Coolio- I hop on my bike and cycle on the cyleway. I often bike to work which is 13 km round trip. I know I need to add weightlifting to the mix but for me the first month of a new exercise is so hard on me.

[ButterflySam]

Hi Coolacrity! I'm in a similar boat. I was doing so well 3 years ago and then life happened and I stopped trying to lose weight and instead gained it all back and then some. I've tried off and on in the past 3 years to lose weight but it never lasts very long. I'm back again and I'm feeling like I can do this. You can do this too! I'm trying to take things slow this time, I tend to try hitting things full force and then fall on my face. I think for me it's really a mental thing, I'm perfectly capable of following a diet but my brain gets in the way and I doubt myself a lot. I'm here to provide you support too if you want! I'm 26, single, no kids, weigh over 300. I changed my weightloss stats today, I'd actually forgotten how low I had gotten before (235 which never seemed good enough but at this point I'd love to be there again). Anyway, I just wanted to say good luck and you definitely aren't alone!

[orangeblossoms]

Hi, are you me?

I was here around two years ago, too, posting every other day about how happy I was to be losing weight and how dedicated I was to this life change. I'd got down to 260 from about 310 and was over the moon about it. But life got in the way for me, too -- I got sick -- and by the time I was better my diet was out the window.

I've since regained all the weight I lost and am back at square one. It's upsetting, but I'm trying to look at it sort of similarly to the way people talk about quitting smoking. Most people will fail several times and land themselves back at the start, but then with each failed attempt you're likelier to succeed in the end. And we know we can do this because we've done it before; it's all about getting back into the right frame of mind, which is the hardest part. I've started and failed many times in the past few years; my head just wasn't in the right place and I wasn't really in it. You've got to be ready and to really want it.

Good luck, and have faith in yourself. Forget the regain. Remember that you were strong and achieved something incredible. You can find that part of yourself again.

[pjvw34]

Hi...

I so feel what you are going through... I let life get in my way and I got off plan and here I am back 40 pounds heavier than before... I was out over a year from 3FC...

I had so much support here before (still do after returning) and just could not bring myself to come back sooner... embarassment more than anything that I regained a good chunk of what I lost... I finally decided it was time to swallow my pride and get back on track... so thankful I finally did...

I am working on improving my health by working on my lifestyle plan... I think that it will be so much better for me when I can actually get out and walk as opposed to being inside with a video (too cold for my liking)... I am a frugal person and I hate to waste anything (food included) so I am trying to get everything out of house without throwing it away... I think the the main things is that I need to work on getting that water in... taking my vitamins consistently... and as I said elsewhere tracking every single day...

I just wanted to let you know that you are definitely not alone... you can do this and we will cheer you on... I have been in a very similar situation... if you ever need anyone to talk to I am here... and I am pretty good at pep talks.... take care and have a great evening...

[IanG]

It was all going so well until I read you were 29.

You have wasted nothing.

Come talk to me when you are 40+.

In the meantime, get back to it and good luck! Every time you start over you learn something new. So it's not really something to get ashamed/embarrassed/depressed/angry about. Is it?

[silentarctic]

<3 I find it helpful not to assume others think badly of me. I know my family wishes I would lose weight for health reasons and I am working on that. You are trying again and that is something you should be proud of.

[cherrygarcia80]

I can really identify with all that's been said by everyone on here.

I was here like 2yrs ago, lost some weight and was really proud of myself, 2 years went by and i ended up at my highest weight ever.

Rather than look at the glass half empty i'm trying to look at it as half full. Rather than looking at my regrets I'm trying to look at the present...what i can do now to change my future.

@OP: I'll add myself to the above list of people you can feel free to chat with and walk this journey with....as it would otherwise be such a difficult and lonely path to walk alone.

[the_magpie]

Why didn't I find this forum on 3FC first? Clearly, I am home.

I did the loss and regain thing, and some of those pounds brought friends, and I felt terrible about myself. I feel a lot of the comments in this thread deeply.

I'm actually not even a full week into my diet (and it is a diet, though the whole life change/better approach to eating forever part is built in at the end!), and I find myself putting off social engagements with people I've known for a long time, out of embarrassment... and out of hope that I'll make progress quickly.

But we can't hate ourselves. Shame is a terrible motivator; it might be a good impetus to get started, for some of us, but it will not work long-term. In order to take care of ourselves in the way we need to, to meet our goals, we have to love ourselves very much. It's going to take effort to make these changes, and the only way I've ever found that I could sustain effort was through love. (It sounds cheesy, but it is totally true!)

There's another aspect to loving oneself, especially out loud, where others can hear: people who weigh more than you, or me, or whomever, might show up and see these posts, and we can unintentionally do a lot of damage. (Trust me on this. There are people at my goal weight lamenting how "disgusting" they are, elsewhere on this site, and it kills me a little bit, every time.)

It takes some work to cultivate love for oneself. Obviously, I'm not entirely there, myself. I'm interested in making a thread to exchange strategies with people, though, if there isn't already one about that (which there might be! ).