Good morning everyone. Just a quick pass through as I've got to get a move on it while the sun is out. Great day yesterday with my nephew -- such a treat to just get him all to myself for the day. Today is yard work after going to the gym -- LOTS to do!

Good Morning!
Betsy your rain cloud is lost. It is hanging out over my house. I've put a stamp on it with a Return To Sender note.
Fi
Gurl get back here. How are you?
Terra what time would be a good time for you to walk in the morning?
Sam 45 pounds! Good for you!
Betsy love the story about you trying to make your mom breakfast in bed. Hmm took your nephew a long time to find his way... sorta like us and weight loss. Sorry I couldn't resist!
Sugar thank you so much for posting. I LOVE hearing of others travels!
Off topic question but, is anyone experiencing more company/people wanting to visit? It has been like the olden days lately with people dropping by and visiting. Just wondering if it is a new trend.
Have a peaceful day.

Fi - Sorry you're havin g arough day. Hope you feel better soon.

sugar2go - your doing good!

betsy - don't expect it to last. Life is busy and I had a dull weekend after that. I spent saturday sorting through my makeup and jewelry, yikers. And movies both saturday and sunday nothing fabulously exciting sorry dolls!

Sam I'm jealous , swimming. Congrats on being 45 down, thats fab!

Ubee - Take care of you!

Busy day ahead feeling slightly overwhelmed so that is that. Mondays are an overwhelming day... work/volonteer/workout comitments. A friend and I have re-started our 6:30 am walking tradition after a LONG haitus. its finally "nice" enough that I can just go in jeans and sneakers and what ya'll would consider a winter jacket (but that I consider spring). Suppose to get up as high as Minus 3 celcius so I probably could switch it out for my lighter spring jacket. Now if only the sun would shine like it did yesterday it would be grand.

Ubee ~ The time I will walk in the morning is when it gets day light, I didnt walk this morning though cause it was raining and I dont know anyone who likes walking in the rain but it should be okay weather to walk after dinner.

Sorry about my morose posting earlier. I just got back from the post office, where I sent Ignace's 60th birthday prez on its way to Belgium. If she had not cancelled her plans to come visit me, she and I would be together at the beach right now. =sad face= But then she would've missed out on getting to meet the kittens, so maybe it's just as well.

I'm declaring today a melancholy day, which is a distinct improvement over yesterday's very depressed day. And I'm taking another day off from the BERP, since yesterday didn't really count as a day off. We have rain clouds here in Maryland, too, but rain in this area is so wimpy, it always makes me homesick for the serious tropical-monsoon-like rains of Houston.

Terra— Now you do know someone who likes walking in the rain, because I do! I'm a Pisces, so I enjoy just about anything that involves getting wet. I especially like walking in the rain in the woods, so long as the trail doesn't get too muddy.

I'm feeling very blah today....I called out of work today because I just didn't feel like going...I guess we all have days like that, but I woke up and decided I just needed to take a day and relax. I guess maybe because I was on the move all weekend with no time to relax that it took its toll on me. I basically do nothing during the week except work, and then exercise, shower, and bed so the weekends really are my free time, but if I'm doing something all the time I have no time to really relax from the past week so I guess I just told myself to stay in bed lol...I really shouldn't have done that but what the hey right?

I managed to do a 30 minute lower body work out tonight...I was going to do more, but I had a real tough time being motivated today. I'm one of those weirdos that talks to themselves to try and either make myself feel good or worse when no one is around :\ I started crying during my work out because I was having a hard time with it and calling myself a failure I feel stupid even telling anyone this but I don't feel like anyone here will judge me. It's one of those things I've done my whole life, I don't even know if it's normal lol...I'm just getting to where I'm not sure if I can do this and it really scares me...I want this so bad, I just hate that it is so hard...I got to speak to my brother yesterday and I told him what I was doing...Of course he laughed because he thought it was funny that I wanted to have kids...Like he is one to talk, he has 4 girls from 3 different mothers and barely takes care of any of them, One of them has never even met him...It breaks my heart that he is that way to his girls when he has no idea how long I have wanted one of my own...He told me he was glad that I am finally taking my health seriously before I ended up dead ....I sat in the back seat of my mom's car and just wanted to cry...No one in my family has ever once wanted to help me truly...I've always been told to just do it, like it's nothing and I should be thin like everyone else in my family...It's so heartbreaking that people think its so easy. I am only now slowly starting to overcome my mental issues with my weight and what how I was basically force fed as a child. I wasn't allowed to leave the table until my plate was clean, and even then my mom would sometimes give us seconds...Fruit and veggies were far to come by unless it came in a can... I'm so afraid of giving up because I will have so many people there to laugh at me again and tell me how much I have failed at life :'(. If it wasn't for this group I don't know if I would want to carry on...But I owe it to myself and for the sake of everyone else here who knows exactly what I'm going through to keep on going...I may lose 1 lb a week and it may take me 2 years or more to finally lose the weight I need to but I want to do it, I need to do it, I HAVE to do it....

Once I finally finished exercising my legs were so tired so I just threw in the towel. 30 minutes is better than 0 minutes...I will try to push through tomorrow..for now I'm going to shower and get back in bed and watch tv until DH comes home from band practice...

Night everyone

Sam— I just want to say that I read your posting tonight, and it really brought out some feelings in me. You have a lot of courage, girl, to keep on going in the face of how your family treats you. And I truly believe you have enough courage to carry this project through to the end. Losing one pound a week is just fine! I am listening to you, and I know how hard it is for you to do your workouts. I go through phases where I can't do my leg exercises, like yesterday and today, because of all the depression pain I've been having. But I'm still losing weight slowly, all the same. You're not alone, Sam. We are here for you. Please take good care of your inner self, too, as you go through this journey of working so hard on your body. Your inner self needs love, so take some time to give her that love. I don't use emoticons very often, but I'm going to use one now, because I don't know how to put this in words: I wish I could hug you in person! Good night, or good morning, if that's when you're reading this posting. =weary smile=

Fiona ~ Yes now I can say I know someone who likes walking in the rain

I already got one of my walks out of the way today and I'll walk again before we go eat dinner and I'll walk for the last time after dinner so I'll get 3 walks in today.

it' s beautiful around here...the lake in the middle of of the mountains. ..
when we've all reached our goals we should come here for a meet and greet;-)

am still doing good most of the time, hope the scale won't fool me at home

take care....so that i hav readers for my full report next week

Good morning. It's another gorgeous day here -- after all the rain of the last few weeks, we've earned some nice spring weather.

Sugar It does sound like the perfect setting. Love the idea of a meet and greet......I'd better start saving my pennies now!
Terra I don't like walking in the rain either, but if you live in western Washington state, it's one of the givens in life. Of course, rain out here can vary from it's a gentle mist which is actually kind of refreshing to a pouring rain that not even the natives who so proudly walk around without umbrellas venture into.
Fi Glad you're doing some better and glad that you're taking an extra day off from BERP. I realized a few weeks ago that I was driving myself nuts with trying to get all the projects done around the house in preparation for a friend's visit in July. Now I'm still working on them, but I've switched to a more relaxed approach and am actually enjoying them instead of feeling driven and dreading each day and what is in store. I know you have talked about the impact of stress on our bodies and hope that pushing through the BERP project isn't adding too much stress to your life.
Ubee Sorry for sending the rain clouds your way, but we really needed some sun. It's supposed to start raining again next week. Sigh! I think my nephew could be considered to be on the fast track compared to my dieting efforts over the last 40 years. Good analogy! To answer your question, I haven't had more people dropping by, but then I live in a town where we see each other frequently just because there's a high degree of likelihood that we'll run into each other. I will admit that the rule of you only run into friends at the grocery when you look your worse still holds true even in small towns!
Sam I'm with Fi in just wanting to reach out and give you a hug. I'm also a firm believer that there are the families that God gave us and then there are the families that we create through our life experiences. So, just consider us as part of your family and know that we can all relate to what you're saying. And, Sam, you're doing a great job. You've lost 45 pounds and can keep on losing more. But even if you maintain, you know now that you can do this. You're much stronger than you were -- both physically and mentally -- when you started this journey. Hopefully your reward from this effort will be that you learn to love yourself. I truly admire the effort you're putting into this and hope that the melancholy passes.

Off to the gym and then I'm going to plant the annuals in my BIL's planters. A guy is coming to cut the hillside (very, very steep and it gets cut twice each growing season). All the food has been mapped out for the day. Have a great day!

Sam - Sorry for the rough day, I wish you had a more supportive family. I'm lucky that no one treats me like that. 30 minutes is WAY better than Zero minutes

Terra - Our Walkstar, you are so dedicated!

Sugar - Glad you are having a amazing vacation.

Betsy - Hope you had fun gardening.

Good Afternoon!
Our daughter is home sick so I will keep it short for a change.
Silent Mind if I ask what kind of volunteer work you do?
Betsy thanks for the answer. I see everyone at the store but they still stop by. The economy sucks around here so maybe I am cheap entertainment.
Sugar how is the food temptation going?
Terra do you plan what you are going to eat before you go out?
Fi you are so supportive and wise. Thanks for posting even when you may not feel up to it.
Sam sorry you are going through this my chest bumping buddy. You are strong and we are here for you.

Well, yesterday turned out to be another day lost to depression pain. I went from melancholy to acutely miserable not long after I posted. Bob helped me by encouraging me to go upstairs and get in bed, so he could spoon around me and hold me. It was hard to move when I was hurting so bad, but Bob's idea was a good one: I actually fell asleep with his arm around me, and slept through the whole evening and night.

And I've got some good news: I analysed the progression of my mood decline over the week and into the weekend, and I realized that it might be due to my having cut in half the daily dose of one of my medications. I did it because my shrink wants me off that particular drug, and I did it gradually over the course of a month. But all the same, maybe now, with all the BERP pressure, is not a good time to be doing that. So starting with yesterday's dose, I went back up to what I was taking before. And guess what?! I feel much better today, like my normal chipper self again—even in the middle of the afternoon, which is always my worst time of day. I'm so relieved, I just can't tell you!

I see my shrink tomorrow. I'll show him my mood chart so he can see what happened when I cut that medication by 50%. Maybe after the BERP is over and the kittens have arrived & settled in, I could try weaning myself off that med... but much more slowly next time!

Ubee— Thanks so much for your kind words!

sugar2go— A lake in the mountains! That sounds idyllic. Could you tell us what lake it is? I would like to google it and look at photos of where you are. Have a fabulous vacation!

Betsy— I really like what you said about the families God gives us versus the families we create through our life experiences. All my life I've had rather a negative reaction to the very word "family," because of my childhood history of physical and emotional abuse from both of my parents. What you say gives me a new perspective, a more positive spin on the concept of family. And it leads me to hope that some day, when we've all reached or at least made a lot of progress toward our goals, the members of this family can get together in person. I even know of a vacation spot where we could gather—at no cost, in the state of Wisconsin—but we can talk about that later on... =mischievous smile=

Fi Thank you so much! ((Hugs))....I really needed that. This is why I come here because even though my family is "supportive" of what I'm doing, they don't go about it the right way and end up hurting my feelings. Other than DH, my grandmother is the only one I feel like I can talk to without judgement when it comes to my family. I know that they worry about me and my health, and I love them for that, I just wish they could go about saying things to me in a more positive way. I'm sorry you have been having depression pain again. Doing a mood chart sounds like a good idea especially when it comes to showing your doctor why you went back up on your medications. I think you're right in saying to wait until all of the craziness calms down a bit at your place <3

Sugar A meet and greet would be so cool!! Time to start saving now lol

Betsy (((Hugs)) (I don't know how to use emoticons on here lol) You're right. You guys really are my family. There's things I post in here that I don't even tell anyone else...I really feel like this place is my escape sometimes when I just need to pour my heart out about what I'm going through because nobody else would understand. I told DH about my break down yesterday and he told me not to worry about what my family or anyone else thinks..He said that he is proud and that he knows I'm doing it for me, and that's all that should matter. I must say I am proud of him too...He has really cut back on the junk food and started juicing again AND taking vitamins! I put them in a pill holder for the whole week with his medicine he takes during the day while I'm gone and he hasn't forgotten yet. We're on week 2! I really do appreciate everyone in here because I know I couldn't do it without you guys. Finding this website, and this thread has been such a life saver for me. Love you guys!

Silent Most of the time I just ignore them because I know how they are, and screw them, they could stand to lose a few lbs too, except my brother who is in perfect shape lol...but I'm not going to give up the fight!!

Ubee Thank you love...I am feeling a better today...we all have those days I guess...But I love you all for being so supportive and loving when anyone is down in this thread

I am feeling a lot better today. I went back to work and everyone was in a good mood so that made things a lot better. We had a couple company reps come in from a company we represent and they offered to buy everyone lunch. Since they were going to the diner next door I knew my only option was to get a salad, and needless to say I've had one of their salads before and it isn't worth their money to spend when I had one that was good enough in the fridge, so I ate that instead. I've been 100% on plan today..I feel good. Maybe I just needed a slight meltdown to make me realize that I can do this...and I have to keep pushing on...I'm trying real hard not to think how long it will probably take me to lose the amount of weight I want to lose...my overall goal weight is 160, but I'm even thinking if I could get back to my weight when I met DH, 185, I would still be happy. I do have to remember that even though the scale is only moving 1 lb at a time, that my measurements are showing the difference. Technically tomorrow is my 4 month weigh in, but since I weigh in on Sundays I pushed it a couple days for this Sunday to be the official day, and it still falls into my time line. I am real excited to report to you guys my total losings on Sunday...I am hoping for an 8 lb loss for the month, I'm only 1.2 lbs away from that goal...So I really do have some things to be happy about, I just need to take the time to look at what I'm doing, and how far I've come...not how far I have to go...Losing 45 lbs in 4 months is awesome! I have pushed so hard and I am going to continue pushing...and I'm glad to have everyone here by my side!! I just finished up a 45 minute cardio exercise. Tomorrow is my rest day, but on Thursday I am going to work on cardio and abs! I was never able to patch my balance ball, and for some reason my mother said that I didn't want my grandmother's ball because I am worried about the amount of weight it can hold, so I'm just going to buy another one when I get paid tomorrow.

Anyway, I'm off for now! Going to meet a friend for coffee...Hope everyone has a great evening and thank you all SO SO much for the kind words, you'll never know how much they mean to me. <3 One love!!

Well I'm feelin' mighty fine tonight, because I made a new collage. Be sure to keep the title ("exodus") in mind when you look at it. Bob's too depressed to give me any positive feedback, but I'm pleased with it. =big smile=