Because I have to be..
 

A friend I hadn't seen in ages and I met in CA for a girls' weekend a few months ago. She's blonde, pretty, and a size 6. When we were at the airport waiting for our respective flights home, she admitted that she'd been anxious about vacation because I always looked great--outfit, shoes, hair, and makeup--and she always felt frumpy with me.

I probably should have some sentimental epiphany about a smart, thin gal's insecurity. I just haven't felt it.

I'm those things because I have to be. I have to dress nicely--if I don't I fit the sloppy stereotype. I have to be fun and happy so I'm not a miserable fat chick. I have to work harder in the office...because I won't be the lazy one. I smell pretty when you invade my personal space bubble because of the perception that fat people smell.

These are all good things. I'm good with them. It just gets old feeling like it's mandatory instead of simply being like that.

Welcome!

I feel you there!

And I was (mostly) the stereotype. Ouch!

Welcome.

I feel you too.And I worked in Plus retail so it added pressure.

It can be exhausting. Of course I say that and I almost never wear makeup.

Your post reminded me of this: http://youtu.be/zFmVj5BXCxM

I try to dress nicely, do my nails, hair and makeup. Not because I feel like I will be judged as a "fat slob" (I do it at any weight), but because I truly feel like people are nicer to you when you look nice. Oh, on occasion I go somewhere looking like I just rolled out of bed (I probably did and I am probably there for something we need urgently). I feel like people treat you better if you look like you care about yourself.

Everyone says you're supposed to have those epiphanies. I never get there. I'm still very jealous of my thin friends. It's something that I'm working on. I perhaps don't put in enough effort even yet - My hair is usually in a knot at the nape of my neck and if I bother with makeup more than once a week it's a rarity. But I do choose my clothing carefully and mind my hygiene. And then I look in the mirror and feel ridiculous for putting in that much effort when I still look like ****. I had this though the other day at my inlaw's when I had full makeup, earrings and a dress on. The moment my sister in law walked in wearing yoga pants and a chive t shirt with zero makeup on I wanted to curl up and cry because she STILL looked better - and 250 pounds lighter than me.

I have days like this. Every once in a while I'll spend a decent amount of time getting dolled up, and after checking myself in the mirror I think why bother? All that work for nothing.

Then there are days I feel totally put together and sexy. It's gotta be hormones. haha

Nail. Head.

There are days that I break my neck trying to look good and that means the whole package, clothes and hair and jewelry. The bathroom looks like a hurricane came through, the closet looks like a tornado came through and I'm all wound up tight and stressed which makes my face red!

The days that I don't try as hard, that I just throw on capris and a sweater and flip flops, grab my favorite hoop earrings, throw on my lipgloss and blow out my hair quick, that's when I get the most comments that I look good!!

I wish I could do that casual throw together every day but it doesn't feel like enough. I feel like if it's not a huge production to get myself ready, I took the easy way out. And after those huge productions, I never get compliments or comments. I must wear the stress on my face and body maybe?

I don't think it's going to matter how much weight I lose. It will always be a battle in my heart that I don't look good enough. :(

I know how you feel!!