[mountain walker]

Hello everybody. I am sorry if this post seems a little wierd.... stay with me!
I have lost just over 3 stone in about 10 or 11 weeks exercising like a demon and really enjoying it.
The wierd thing is now people have started to notice and comment ( which should feel great yes?) I feel more self concious than ever and have to say to every compliment " well I have a long way to go" which I do.
Part of me wants back the anonymity of being as big as I was when I started.....go away stop noticing me....it will only get worse as I lose more weight.
I have been over 23 stone for so long now I don't know who I will be if I lose more.
Does this sound bonkers?
Please advise!!

[Unicorn67]

Not at all bonkers! I'm the same. It took a long time for people to start noticing and I was kind of ticked off that no one would notice and now that people are starting to say stuff I'm sort of brushing them off - "O, it's just a little bit, I've a long way to go etc". I've lost over 65 pounds - that's not a little bit. I guess it takes the brain awhile to catch up!

[toastedsmoke]

It definitely takes the brain a while to catch up! I sometimes walk by reflective glass or mirrors and startle myself. Or people will say I'm tiny and I'm taken aback, having been obese all my life. Eventually, your brain will catch up and you'll reconcile your mind to your progress.

Don't let it put you off. No one ever stays the exact same person. Life and experience change us all the time, of course. We're always growing as people. But not to worry, in the things that matter, you'll be the same person. The same person with a body that it living up to it's full potential to do wonderful things. The same person who appreciates their health and feels better. Well done and keep going!!!

[LiannaKole]

Sorry this is long, but it does have a point at the end.

I had the same reaction when I first started losing weight. I didn't tell ANYONE (if I could hide any weight loss until I'm done, I would!). Actually, someone I know literally grabbed my arm and forcefully sneaked me away from our group to whisper urgently, "Are you losing weight?!" I was really thrown, but she actually was excited for me (in a weirdly aggressive way).

Then at about 25% loss of my body weight, I got a TON of compliments all the time. It threw me for a loop.

Then I had people begging me to stop losing weight (I was only barely in the healthy range for my height). That hit me kind of hard, because they were people I love (but who I now know knew nothing about healthy weights), but they were so concerned that I let myself fall off the horse and gain 25 lbs back.

Take it from me, don't pay too much attention to the comments and compliments. Say, "Thanks you" or "I've discussed this with my doctor and I'm going to keep going" and move on. Stay true to your own opinions on it. I KNOW I wasn't done losing weight (still had a high fat percentage), and I shouldn't have let them get in my head, even if they didn't mean to sabotage me.

Don't let yourself get thrown by this. You will ALWAYS be you. Some things might change a little, but people do change as things happen (marriage, moving, jobs, children, and even weight loss or gain). It's natural, but you're still going to be "mountain walker" forever.

[NotTheCheat]

From my experience, when no one really knows what you are doing, there is no outside pressure. If something happens and you fall off the wagon, no one is the wiser. Once people start to notice the changes, they start expecting more. It can get even more awkward if you not only don't lose, but regain some weight.

The other thing I know for myself is that having people notice my body has never been a comfortable thing, which is also why I think I have used fat to hide it away. Of course this is false logic as people do still notice your body when you are overweight, it is just a different type of noticing.

[Burg]

In the past, I've never liked people noticing for one reason. More people that notice, means more people will know if I fail. I'm not letting failure be an option this time, so my outlook on this has changed

[mountain walker]

Burg and notthecheat, I think this is the crux of it. I have mentioned in other posts that I lost alot of weight when I was training for a charity trek in Iceland. Due to breaking my leg I was unable to exercise for some months so of course my weight went up and up. I then had my previous marriage break up.
I wish I had a pound/dollar for everyone who said " but you did so well a few years ago............" It's one thing to accept the compliments but quite another to allow people to express an opinion as to why you have put it all ( and then some) back on!!
Thank you so much for the advice

[napalmtree]

I read in your other thread you have joint problems. Your weight is only exacerbating the problem. Almost everyone here can sympathize with how awkward compliments mid-weight loss can make you feel. It's only going to get worse if you're already feeling nervous now...but you've got to get used to it and accept the compliments or accept them graciously while mentally ignoring them.

Imagine what happens if/when you get 10 to 20ibs close to a 'normal' weight for your height...I'm there right now, and people act like I'm crazy when I tell them I'm still trying to lose weight. It's taken me over a year to get to where I am now, and I think maybe they're also thinking I should just give up or something. Well, I'm not.

You shouldn't, either. I understand the feeling of being invisible while overweight, and it's odd when people notice you more. It's awkward because you're not used to the attention, and sometimes frustrating because you notice people are nicer to you and you wonder why they weren't before. Being overweight is also the worst kind of invisibility; people may seem like they're ignoring you, but they're judging you. :/ I don't ever want to give them that chance again. Heck, I'm sure some of the more jerky people in this world still judge me.

Er, the point of this rant is...don't let other people get in your way. Do it because it's what's best for you.

[mountain walker]

It's funny I can have such confidence going swimming and doing my walking etc but give the school playground to cope with and I turn to squidgy stuff!!
You are right I am doing what is best for me and knickers to the school gates harpies!!!

[mnemosyne]

Folks in my office are doing in-office Weight Watchers. If one completes the 10 week program, my work will reimburse you all the fees associated with the program. They have weigh-ins and meetings here at work and are on the second 10-week course. Last time, they gave a $500 prize to the person who lost the highest % of weight.

I'm not doing it. I've considered joining WW - meetings or online - this time around, but I don't want do to it with people at work. Normal looking, thin (or thin-ish) people who have significantly less weight to lose than me. Who are taller, more athletic, or who call being 40 or 50 lbs overweight a lifelong 'weight' problem. (Well, and also I hate any discussion of weight watchers points. "This is X points and that is Y points and blah blah blah."

Still, I'm at the point where people are noticing too (at least when I wear appropriately-fitting clothes, rather than clothes I've worn all along), and I feel the same way. Heh, I bought a new dress that is totally work-appropriate, but have only worn it once, when I went out of town to the opera, because I don't want anyone saying "I have never seen you in a dress." or "Why are you wearing a dress!" or whatever.

Sometimes they even ask me how much I've lost, and I demur with "It depends when you start counting."

Oh, and I blush. I am very fair-skinned and I blush like mad whenever I have attention on me, and all that blushing makes me blush more.

I do think, mostly, that I am the author of all that expectation, more than anyone else around me. Generally, people only think about themselves, except in limited circumstances when they can gossip about others. I try to remind myself of that, but even things I know intellectually I do not know emotionally, so it is still really hard to get around.

[TiffNeedsChange]

I guess you could say that being big never did give you anonymity because people noticed what you look like then and notice the change for the better now. I would embrace the comments and use them as fuel to work towards goal - then most people won't say anything because you will be staying the same "goal" weight. It is better for someone to notice that you've lost weight rather than wonder other negative things

[stranded]

So many people think that our bodies are their business. As far as I'm concerned, that's not true. I've already lied and told a couple people I haven't lost weight even though I have; when I worked at an office a few years ago I was 335 lbs, so at 302-ish now it's a significant change (size 34 to size 28) but I lie. It's not their business, and I'm not keen on the "Good for you, your weight was making you sick" comments that are allegedly helpful but are really just bossy. So I'm not exactly wearing a halo when I lie, but I do it anyway.

The trick, if there is one, is to do this for yourself and no one else. Find a way to be pleasant but noncommittal, or whatever it takes so others don't try to own your weight loss.

As for being self-conscious, I combat that by deliberately courting attention. It's not going to work for everyone, but I like it, at least right now. I can wear Lane Bryant and Avenue size 28s now, so I bought a couple of pretty hot shirts and some nice sandals to go with it, new makeup and am getting my hair done in a couple of days.

Knowing me, someone will ask if I've lost weight and I'll say "no, it's just my new haircut" LOL

[Chubbygirl253]

I am one of those "shout it from the rooftop" dieters. Everyone around me knows I'm when I'm starting my diet. So don't offer me any cake! They know when I lose a pound. They know when I cheat, they know every milestone I hit. I'm even one of those annoying dieters who talks about WW points constantly. (coworker: "Ooooh your lunch sure smells yummy" My giddy reply: "It Is! And it's only 4 points on WW!")
The things I am secretive about is my goals. The things in my life I'm tired of missing out on. All of my wildest skinny dreams. It's easier for me to lie and pretend I only want to lose to get healthy. Pah! Of course I want to get healthy. Duh. But I project the outward facade that I am happy in my fat body. I have always had good self-esteem and I'm very outgoing. So saying I want to trade in this body for a healthier one sounds so much better than wanting to trade this body in for a sexier one, a prettier one. I usually look pretty put together. Hair done, flattering make-up, nice clothes, accessories to match. And I like how I look. Meaning I like how I dress. Like how I apply natural looking makeup. Like how I accessorize. I like my hair. But when I look in the mirror I wish I saw a thinner girl looking back. I would trade this body for a slimmer one faster than God gets the news! And that's my lie. That sometimes all the confidence I project is just window dressing. Like putting lipstick on pig. I'm a firm believer in dressing the body you have, not the body you want. Make the most of what you have like great skin and hair and fashion flair. So in that respect I'm not a fraud. But do I really love myself just the way I am? Only on the inside.