Stand back: I'm emoting!
 

Ok, I don't know where to start. I'm having an emotional breakdown today. I have realized that I've been in denial about my SIZE for a long time now. I look at the number on the scale, and it just doesn't compute that I'm THAT BIG. I went shopping last night at our local plus-size store, and the biggest pair of jeans they have barely fit me. Only stretchy shirts fit over my stomach, and that looks scary. Lately I've been unable to find shoes that fit. And i kept thinking that they have changed the sizing but, doh! My feet are just fatter, and probably wider. My back hurts now. I've started to waddle. I mean, it just hit me today that I am that person that I see sometimes and hope I never become. I'm already her!

I just remember being 200 lbs (just a few years ago) and thinking that my life was over. And here I am, over 300 lbs and (let's be real) only half-halfheartedly committing to my weight loss plan. I can't believe I let this happen to myself. I mean, I never thought that I had so little respect for myself.

Anyway, I'm sorry to bring negativity to your day. But today, I just needed a friend.

The good news is many many of us can relate to how you're feeling right now. We've been there.

My low point was when I fell down the stairs carrying our puppy at about 300 pounds and was in severe pain for weeks from my coccyx. I kept wondering if the immobility I was dealing with was my future. That still wasn't enough. Right around then I had ordered some clothes online (I didn't fit in store clothes - not even plus size) and some size 28 pants came and didn't fit! I wanted to scream! Several events together combined to give me the WILL to lose the weight.

I say use how you're feeling as motivation to say ENOUGH and make the commitment you need to really get going. You CAN do it!!

:hug: I have been there my friend. And even sometimes I still get a glaring realization that even though Ive lost a lot of weight Im still OBESE. I still cant wear knee high boots. Or buy a bra from a normal store. Its okay to have bad days. <3

I am on the same point. I can't go to our normal stores and buy clothes. It makes me want to cry. We can do this ladies. I know in the 3 days I have gained back 5 lbs. I am more than ever commented to getting this weight off.

Elvish, I'm sorry you are feeling this way. Unfortunately, I know exactly how you feel. I remember when there was no way I would get over 200, then it was 250, then it was 300, and then 350. That's the thing everyone forgets when they get frustrated with their diets and say, well then, the **** with it, I'll just stay fat! There's always fattER, and it's just a matter of when we finally say, okay, enough is enough, this is rock bottom or whatever you want to call it. I wish I would have hit "rock bottom" at a lower weight, but eh, I've got nothing but time to chisel away at this hole I dug myself into, and I feel better with every pound gone.

Use the emotions to get you REALLY started, then settle in somewhere and just do what needs to be done. It's only REALLY hard at first. :hug:

Wondering if I was going to outgrow the largest plus sized clothing on the rack, combined with a visit to the endocrinologist, turned things around. I was wearing TIGHT 26 pants. Some of the 26/28 shirts were too small.

:hug: Use it to motivate you too. You can do this, even if you don't know how. Take it pound by pound, day by day.

Nobody in this world has the ability to shame us, humiate us, berrate us the way we do to ourselves. I've been there. I started this journey at 307lbs, my self worth has ALWAYS been measured by the scale. If I was down I was elated and if I was up I was so very very deflated. My emotional highs and lows have been as drastic as those of my weight losses and gains.

You're here. You're ready to do something about this and THAT is what matters. It's been said...but you CAN do this...we are doing it together!

:hug:

I buy my shirts off the internet because they are the only ones long enough to cover what i don't want to show. My size 28 jeans are getting tighter and the only store i go to to get my jeans doesn't go up any higher. We've been there, and some of us are still there. But we can do something about it. You have taken the first step in acknowledging that there is something about you YOU want to change. We all want to deny we are as obese as we are... but denying what we've become will not change us into who we want to be... and will certainly not change the size of pants we can wear. So good for you for choosing to end that trip up Da Nile in your big canoe. We can do it!

Right there with you and it sucks!!! I am down to a few stretchy shirts that barely fit and I fear going to buy new clothes. I already wear the largest size at some plus stores and there is only one more size option at another. Shoes are terrible for me too...I am only comfortable in "comfort" shoes, even my mother doesn't wear those. I feel your frustration and disgust...I also am so down sometimes that it feels like it will never get better. But we must deal with it and figure out a way to help ourselves...cause like everyone else, I don't want to feel this way for the rest of my life and we have to use that as our motivation.
:hug:

I want to thank you all from the very bottom of my heart for your words of encouragement and for letting me know I'm not alone in my feelings. Of course, I'm not. But you know when there is pain involved it always feels like you're the only one who has that particular problem. Silly!

I took your advice to let my feelings really push me to make a change. My BF and I cleaned out our pantry and fridge/freezer of all the foods that don't need to be in our lives anymore. It was a lot of food, and I couldn't stand to waste it, so we're taking the non-perishables to the local food bank, and the perishables to his parents.

As hard as this realization was for me yesterday, it has served its purpose. I am finally, FINALLY ready to do the hard work and make the real changes.

Again, thank you so, so much for your support!!!!

Elvish Mistress -- It so pleases me to read your recent post. It's great to see you take charge!!!

Sometimes the lowest points can bring us to great heights!!

:hug::hug::hug:

i read everyone responses...they are all excellent...and so glad you can see that YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

i can so relate to shannon....i said the same thing, ok, so i am 200 pounds, i am still active, then it was 250, 300, 350 and i was oooh so close to hitting 400 pounds.

DON'T LET THAT HAPPEN TO YOU.....PLEASE.

just look at how close you are to getting back into the 200's....work hard this week, push yourself...the number on the scale is just a number, even if it is a good indicator that you are going in the right direction....moving that clinker...down to the 200's plus something is SO WAY MUCH BETTER THAN HAVING THAT 300 CLUNKER on that Dr.s scale....trust me.

i cannot even believe i ever let myself get so close to 400 pounds. even now...i get tears in my eyes and have a HARD TIME HOLDING THE TEARS BACK...as i realize just how close.

ask yourself this:

IN ONE YEAR FROM NOW...WHERE WILL I BE??
DO I REALLY WANT TO LET ANOTHER YEAR GO BY THAT I DON'T AT LEAST MAKE EVERY EFFORT THAT I CAN TO INVEST IN THE LIFE I TRULY WANT TO LIVE AND HAVE BEEN MISSING????

i am so proud of you for coming here to 3fc...there is so much support and encouragement...these ladies are sooooooooo extremely wise...listen to them....learn from them....and become the YOU THAT YOU ARE MEANT TO BECOME.

hugs
susan

Elvish Mistress, you are in the right place. We understand.

Thank you, ladies. Your reply really hit home, Susan.

And babble, it really is great that my BF is supportive. He's doing this with me. He had lost 108lbs before meeting me. Then when we got more serious, he and I both put on quite a bit of weight. I'm lucky to have support in that area, and I try hard not to take it for granted. :)