[Irish Michelle]

What do you think was the difference? I'm about to start what I hope will be my first successful, long-term weight loss, but every time I think about it, I just get scared. B/c clearly, every time I've ever started before, I've ended up failing. And not even failed in the sense of losing a small amount and maintaining that, when I need to lose more. Oh no. I lose a small amount and then gain it all back, plus some. After repeating this cycle so many times over my nearly 35 years on this earth (bday is Friday), I'm at my all-time highest weight now.

But I want SO badly to succeed - all this excess weight has finally begun to have a serious impact on my quality of life, especially in terms of what I can do with my kids, and that just breaks my heart. I want so much to be a better mom to them, for them to have fond memories of playing with me and doing fun, active things with me. And I want to be able to sleep at night without shoulder pain. And I want to be able to be...creative...with my husband. And I want to lay on my back and read without feeling like I'm going to suffocate.

And yet...every time I've started, I've felt like there were so many things I wanted to change every bit as badly, but I've never been able to hold on for the long term. I lose at most 40 lbs (usually more like 20 or 30) and then suddenly I can't sustain it anymore and I backslide until I'm back in a worse place than I was before.

So, please - inspire me. I know I'm not the only person who has started many times and failed. And I know some of you who have been in my shoes HAVE succeeded. What was the trick for you? What do you think finally made the difference?

[Irish Michelle]

To be honest, I guess I'm just feeling defeated before I can even begin. It feels completely overwhelming hopeless. I know it's NOT hopeless. Other people have done it before. It's NOT impossible.

So I KNOW I have to change that attitude. I just don't know how.

[Thighs Be Gone]

Hey there Irish Michelle. Welcome to the 3FC. You have done a good thing by coming here. You will find answers--true answers from ladies just like yourself that have been there, are there--we all can identify. I would like to really encourage you to come here and get involved. When the chips are down and you need support there will be someone here for you---24/7 most likely.

Next, love yourself--really, REALLY begin to love yourself. I didn't do it for so many years. I decided to treat myself like royalty. I began making my house organized and beautiful. I began lotioning my body after showering--getting dressed nicely each day--treating others as I knew I myself would want to be treated. In short, living beautifully.

Last, you put yourself at the very tip top of your priority list. By that, I mean let nothing and I do mean nothing come between you and your weightloss---not a sick spouse, not the dishes, not a kid that needs help with homework. Your health is paramount the impact you can have in this world and more directly, the impact you will have on your family. YOUR SLEEP, EXERCISE and NUTRITION need to be paramount--at least for now and possibly forever.

I am glad you are here.

[Thighs Be Gone]

I just want to tell you too--I am always a PM away if you ever need to chat one on one.

[catherinef]

Well, it seems to be working for me this time, or rather, I am working for it. I started at the age of 41, in 2008, at 375 pounds, and I'm down well over 200 of that as of right now.

About all I can say in terms of why I've been so successful this time is that I just didn't quit. I accepted that this would be for life, that I would never be able to eat "normally," again, and that I would be counting calories and weighing myself daily, or near-daily, for as long as I wanted to be thin. That I would have to say no to myself a lot, probably multiple times a day, and that was just...how it has to be.

I know that sounds kind of grim. It's taken a long time to get to the point where I am now, but it took even longer to get as fat as I did. From the starting point to the point where I felt I was truly, actually, slim was over two years. It may take longer for you, or you may be able to get the major weight loss portion of your project over more quickly. I don't actually mind how long it took now -- although it should be noted that I averaged about 2lbs per week, which is how you're "supposed" to do it -- because all that time helped me to establish the good habits and lifestyle it's going to take to sustain such a massive weight loss over the long term, which is what I am determined to do.

So, yes, it can be done. I did it through calorie counting and exercise, and that has worked well for me, so far. You may find something else works better for you, and there's really no way to tell until you try. All I can say for sure is that once you find your plan, if you want it to succeed, you must NOT GIVE UP. You can't let setbacks or occasional off-plan days set a pattern of consistent failure to adhere to your plan. You just have to keep going.

Best of luck to you.

[Thighs Be Gone]

fyi--calorie counting and exercise here too....and like the above poster said...realize this is forever..not until Spring..not until next holiday...not until the wedding this summer...FOREVER...

My first week or two was absolutely the hardest..once you get past that, you will have a much easier time..

you have a path ..see it ahead of you??? It looks dark as you enter the forest but believe me..there is a gorgeous clearing just ahead with a trickling stream, gorgeous wildlife and the bluest sky you've ever seen. JUST TAKE THE PATH!

[kaplods]

I was put on my first diet in kindergarten, and I dieted my way to nearly 400 lbs, because I was always either on a very strict diet and losing weight fairly rapidly or I was off a diet and gaining weight rapidly.

I had two modes Gung-ho perfectly following a strict plan or eating everything in sight.

I have never lost so slowly in my life as I am losing now, even when quitting previous diets, I quit when I was losing faster than I'm losing now -- even though I always quit because I felt like I was failing.

I didn't quit because I was failing, I quit because I wasn't seeing slow success as success.

It's taken me six years to lose 88 lbs (not all of those months and even years were spent actively losing, but it's been six years since I gave up, and six years on a consistently downard trend (no serious regains - or at least no regains I allowed to last for more than a couple weeks while I worked them off).

For me, this unprecedented success has been due to a lot of things. One was low-carb. I lose best and have better hunger control on low-carb, so I'm learning to eat fewer and fewer of the foods that make me hungriest.

But if I had to credit one thing it would be deciding to look at weight loss as if it were mountain climbing. Whether I slip or backslide - whether I've lost a little or a lot of ground, I don't decide that backsliding is justification for throwing myself to the bottom of the canyon.

I never once in my life (until this time) caught myself in the middle of the backslide - I always threw myself over the cliff. For some insane reason, probably because it's how I always saw weight loss being done by everyone I ever knew to have done it, I always regained all the weight and then some, before even attempting to lose weight again.

It was if I believed there was a rule against starting over until I had returned to my starting point or worse.

In some sense, I really think there was such a rule. Not as in it was forbidden to do otherwise, but in that it is the pattern that we see most often. Even though we know better, we follow allong with what everyone else is doing, just because that's how it's done.

It's a bit like the justification for speeding (at least a little over the speed limit) in many areas. The official rule is stay under the posted speed limit, and yet many people consider (or act as if) the actual rule is "up to five miles over the posted speed limit."

It becomes like a lot of common habits, you do it without realizing why you do it, just because almost everyone you know or have heard about does it that way.

To be successful, I didn't have to learn nearly as much as I've had to unlearn.

But if I did have to consolidate it into one piece of advice it would be:

Don't throw yourself to the bottom of the cliff - every choice matters, every ounce counts so there's never any logical reason for letting a small slip turn into a nosedive, and as importantly there's no reason to turn even a bad fall into a fatal one. When you're heading in the wrong direction you always have to choice to turn back, but the sooner you turn back the better.

It's still going to be tempting to do it the harmful way, and it's still going to be your autopilot, your default mode, so you have to avoid autopilot as much as possible.

[starbrite]

Irish Michelle. You have taken a very positive step already just by coming here. The support and advice I have had on this site over the last 8 months has made a phenomenal difference to my success. I am a low carber, I eat oatmeal for breakfast, protein and veg for lunch and dinner, and I drink at least 100ozs water a day. I am not currently on any major exercise regime, but am very active.
The difference this time for me is the low carb. I am a carb addict, and am very affected by sugar. Once I cut all that out of my diet I began to feel almost immediately better. I had far more energy and far less cravings. Infact, very quickly I learnt to love the food I was eating, and to not want anything processed. Now I don't eat anything processed, I eat tons of veg, lean meat and some cheese. I can adapt my eating to suit whatever particular situation i may be in, and am able to make healthy choices based on my knowledge about food.
I have been very rigid about no licking, nibbling or cheating. Of course I'm not superhuman, and have had a chip on occasion. Previously I would have seen this as a green light to binge. This time, I have not.
I have also set myself goals. I had a lot of weight to lose when I started, and decided if I were to look at the 145lbs as a whole, I would not achieve it. So I have broken the main goal into ten pound goals. Watching myself slide into a new decade has really been a bonus for me. It has given me something to strive for and to focus on.
I am also a daily weigher. I know this does not suit some people, but it suits me. I have learnt to see a pattern, and see clearly how some foods affect me, and how time of eating, sleep etc affect my weight loss. It was hard at first, and days I gained half a pound were sometimes very depressing. But at least I understand whats happening, and why.
The last thing, is I began this journey at a very difficult time in my life. I have done this before, and regained the weight twice. Both times were due to extreme stress and an emotional overload. This time I began at a time like that. I said to myself if I could continue at a time like that I could continue always.
I hated being fat, I hated what it did to my personality, my attitudes, my confidence and my self esteem. I want to be the best I can be, and I believe i have found a way to do that.
I wish you so much success, losing weight is no mystery, just can be emotionally very challenging, and can push your personal boundaries a long way.
Keep us posted- I hang out in the 100lb club daily weigh in thread. There are some wonderful people there who have helped me solve some difficulties along the way.

[Hiya]

Persistence is the most under-rated quality in weight loss.

That and portion control. Seriously.

[Heather]

Well, wanting to do it and being willing to do it seem to be two different beasts, at least to me. I could have written your post 5 years ago.

I don't know that I can put into words what made the difference, but I think I was finally able to be willing to do what it took. It actually wasn't that painful. Once I made the decision, I was able to regularly avoid foods that had tempted me before. I was willing to write down everything I ate. I was willing -- eager even -- to find substitutes for the poor food choices I was making.

And because I was willing, I guess it was pretty easy!

Fast forward a few years, and I had lost 120 pounds and kept it off and stopped being so willing and have put back on almost 50 pounds of what I lost. In order to succeed I have to be willing again...

Don't know if that helps or is just a ramble...

But welcome!!!

[Sunshine73]

For me it's different this time because I finally realized that this wasn't just something that I could do "until..." Until what? If I want to be healthier (and this time I made the change for my health - got some disturbing test results from the doctor that scared me enough to take action), then this couldn't be a temporary diet. Eating healthy, counting calories, etc. has had to become my new normal.

Over the Christmas holiday I put on a few pounds by eating things that I haven't eaten for a while. Once upon a time I would have allowed that pattern to continue. I would have used it as an excuse to say "oh well, another failed diet" and I would have gone back to my old eating habits and put on every pound I'd lost plus some.

BUT. This time? This time I said "wow, I really let myself get off track over the holidays and I need to get myself back to normal". I was frustrated and disappointed in myself to an extent but I'm not going to allow it to be a failure. I haven't failed and I've gone back to my normal way of eating - which is healthy, calorie counted, portion controlled meals and snacks.

[lifeasme]

You have gotten a lot of well though out replies here, I'm just going to add what I think my hang up is. I totally know what you mean about losing 20-30 lbs and then things get out of hand. Been there, done that.

I think what happens is that after losing that much weight, we start to feel like we're in the groove, we know what we're doing, and we start to get lazy about it. I count calories and I know once I got to 30ish lbs last time, I started to not log my food on The Daily Plate every day anymore. I figured I knew how much I could eat...and things started to slide. I started to snack and since I wasn't logging....well....before long I was gaining.

This time I have decided that I will not stop logging. I will not get overconfident. I just think the 20-30 lbs mark is when that starts to happen. I am about 1 lb away from 30 lbs and part of me is saying "okay, you have the hang of this, time to stop wasting time logging" but the smart part of me knows that I can't stop or I won't make it this time.

you will only fail if you stop. Just remember that. If you have a bad day, slip up, eat something you shouldn't, treat the next meal as if it never happened. It's so easy to quit because you feel like you blew it, but you won't have blown it unless you quit! Quitting is the only way you will fail. As long as you refuse to quit, guess what? You will get there!

Hope this helps!

[Irish Michelle]

Thank you all so much for these replies! I think the one thing really resonating with me right now is the idea that I need to learn to treat the (almost inevitable) backslide as just that: a backslide. Not an excuse to go tumbling all the way back down the mountain. lifeasme, your statement that really resonated with me was, "you will only fail if you stop." Something about it that black and white and that simple really makes sense. I think this is what I need to focus on.

Sunshine73, I also really related to the getting lazy, or getting into a groove, part. That is where I usually end up allowing myself a splurge that turns into a backslide. And yet, I have to walk a fine line, b/c if I think to myself, "It's going to be like this forever and you will never enjoy your favorite foods ever again," then it becomes too overwhelming. I think I need to marry strictness with the knowledge that I'm still human and WILL make mistakes, and that, as lifeasme put it, will only mean failure if I use them as an excuse to stop, rather than to dust myself off and get back on the horse.

Gosh, this has been such a helpful thread. I'm glad I started it, even though I cried while I was writing it. I know losing weight won't fix all the problems in my life, but my weight has always been the one thing in my life that was COMPLETELY out of control. I figure if I can lose weight, I can do almost anything. I know I will be bookmarking this thread to return to for inspiration regularly.

Thank you SO MUCH for the warm welcome!

[lifeasme]

The whole "I will only fail if I quit" thing has been my mantra this time. Saying that phrase to myself has really helped me a couple of weeks when things have been hard. I had a week when I didn't lose at all, and it was hard not to throw up my hands and say "See, I knew I couldn't, it's over." I just had to tell myself that it's only over if I quit, and I'm not going to quit. The weight will come off, just be patient...and the next week it did. I also have had a meal here or there that lead me toward the old "I've blown it" syndrome...but I just remember that I haven't. The only way it's blown if I don't dust myself off and treat the next meal as if it never happened. None of that "I'll get back on track tomorrow" If I had a lunch that got out of hand, I start getting back on track at dinner. No self hatred, no punishment, no emotional bs, just back to business right away.

It's been hard, but I think that is a lesson that I have needed to learn.

I have never told myself that I can never have <whatever> food again. I do want to enjoy my food and eat things I like. I'm just learning to make good choices that I like so that when it comes to something not so good that I like, I have room for it. I find that when I am on plan all week, it feels good to have something I like one meal. It's not a "cheat" meal, I don't eat as much as I want. I have correct portions of those things that I like, and it works just fine for me.

Just don't quit. Keep your eye on the prize. Don't get complacent as you start to see results, and you'll get there!

[MyBodyisMyTemple]

this is a great thread. thanks for all of the tips and advice that everyone has shared.

For me, one philosophy that I use in all other areas of my life (and yet until now I have neglected to use it in this portion of my life) is 'as we know better we do better'.