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Old 12-29-2010, 04:38 AM   #1  
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Default Dr. said I can't lose weight on my own...

Hi everyone. I haven't posted here in forever. I forget how nice it is here!

I have gained a good bit of weight. I am up to 363. In early 2009 I had gotten down to around 280. So I have gained quite a bit in the last year and a half. It is mostly to bad choices with food. Have a hard time not turning to food. And the last two years have been the most stressful of my life. Huge, huge marriage issues. We are still trying to work them out .I had a child in Dec. 09. After I had him I really started gaining the weight back. Mostly because he was in the NICU from being born early. And he came home with major medical problems we are still dealing with today. So to say I have constant stress is a understatement. But combine that with turning emotionally to food equals disaster.

So the doctor. I went to see a new Dr. today. She is very nice. But was HARDCORE pushing bypass surgery for me. I am 29 years old and have been between 250-365 for around 8 years. But to be honest I have not really tried to lose weigh most of those years. I spent most of those years just getting bigger until late 2008 when I started to lose weight.

She would not let it go. She asked me to contact a surgeon and everything. I was like um, I can't try this on my own? I started on antidepressants for the stress/depression and plan to get therapy as soon as I can. I am hoping therapy will help my emotional issue with food. But still she was like no, you have WAY too much weight to lose. You will never do it on your own. Most people can not. I was sort of shocked, I know plenty of people that have. I mean yes I gained all my weight back, but I DID on my own lose almost 100 pounds just a year and a half ago.

I was just wondering has anyone else had this come up so hardcore? I mean she would not discuss any other options. Nothing. She was like you need this as soon as possible.

And the kicker? I had my gallbladder out two months ago. The surgeon who did that actually does a lot of gastric bypass surgeries! He actually told me he thought I could lose the weight since I had lost 100 pounds just under two years ago. He said I would be a candidate for gastric bypass but he does not recommend it. I told my Dr. today what he said. And she said no, I will give you another surgeon to contact. WHAT???? She refused to listen to anything I was saying!

Needless to say, I came home and just cried. I knew things had gotten out of control again. So much eating out and just barely making it through the day. I have had to focus so much on my son's health this last year that I have totally put me to the side. And I just didn't care what I ate.

I feel so discouraged and was made to feel really bad. I just felt like she was basically saying, oh no you are WAY too far gone. You HAVE to have surgery.

I don't know what to think. But either way I am getting back up and starting to take care of my health again.
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Old 12-29-2010, 05:51 AM   #2  
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Personally, I'd switch doctors. She may well have your best interests at heart but she's not listening to you. A good doctor listens and also explains her side of things and then helps you reach the right decision for YOU.

I've never been over 300 pounds and I've never considered weight loss surgery but I still know this: it is not a magic wand. WLS doesn't fix your food issues and you can learn to eat around whatever surgery you have. So, if she doesn't think you can do it on your own how does she think you'll manage after the surgery?

Surgery is a wonderful blessing for many people but it is not the only way to lose weight, even a huge amount of weight. It may be easier in some respects but I'm sure it is harder in other ways. It's the right choice for some people, it may even be the right choice for you. But it should be the choice you want.

Welcome back to 3FC! Whatever you decide you know there are people here who know EXACTLY what you're going through. And there are people here who have lost phenominal amounts of weight and kept it off. You can too!
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Old 12-29-2010, 06:42 AM   #3  
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Couldn't agree more that a good doctor is one who listens.

Forgive me for saying it so baldly, but it seems downright irresponsible of your doctor to refer to WLS as the "only way out." It is only one tool for losing weight, and it is neither a quick nor an easy fix; people (even doctors) who say otherwise are misleading their patients.

It's a life-saver for some people, but that doesn't mean it's right for YOU. The fact that your gallbladder surgeon didn't recommend it to you despite his familiarity with the procedure tells me that your new doctor may be talking out of an orifice other than her mouth.

I would definitely seek a second opinion. Maybe you can talk more with your gallbladder surgeon, since he has a lot of knowledge of WLS and seems to know your medical history well enough to say he wouldn't recommend it for you? He might give you another doctor to try--one who will work with you to find YOUR best course of treatment instead of just suggesting a one-size-fits-all procedure.
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Old 12-29-2010, 07:25 AM   #4  
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You can lose weight without surgery. Just limit your daily calories like I do.
I eat between 1500 and 1650 calories every day.
And I write down everything I eat...all day long.
It is so easy to get carried away and take in too many calories if I don't.

Ruby Gettinger is my inspiration. You can google her and see her videos.
She weighed over 700 pounds and is still losing weight by eating around 1500 calories daily - like I do.

There are a lot of doctors out there. Just find one who will support you with a diet and regular checkups.

And a lot of people on this website are also an inspiration to me.
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Old 12-29-2010, 07:52 AM   #5  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Vladadog View Post
Personally, I'd switch doctors. She may well have your best interests at heart but she's not listening to you. A good doctor listens and also explains her side of things and then helps you reach the right decision for YOU.

I've never been over 300 pounds and I've never considered weight loss surgery but I still know this: it is not a magic wand. WLS doesn't fix your food issues and you can learn to eat around whatever surgery you have. So, if she doesn't think you can do it on your own how does she think you'll manage after the surgery?

Surgery is a wonderful blessing for many people but it is not the only way to lose weight, even a huge amount of weight. It may be easier in some respects but I'm sure it is harder in other ways. It's the right choice for some people, it may even be the right choice for you. But it should be the choice you want.

Welcome back to 3FC! Whatever you decide you know there are people here who know EXACTLY what you're going through. And there are people here who have lost phenominal amounts of weight and kept it off. You can too!
I really wish we had a "like" button around here. I'd "like" this!

Your doctor may well never have seen anyone lose significant amounts of weight on their own. Apparently we're a rare breed. But that's what is so wonderful about 3FC. Here we all are! This place right here shows that it CAN be done and it's done every day. Honestly, I trust the wisdom and experience of the folks right here over that of a doctor when it comes to weight loss.
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Old 12-29-2010, 07:53 AM   #6  
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So go ahead, prove to that doctor that you can lose the weight without WLS. Wouldn't that be fun? Show her that you can do it. Go ahead, show her!!!
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Old 12-29-2010, 07:56 AM   #7  
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First let me say I wish I could give you a hug. I feel for you!! Life can be so stressful at times.
WLS works great for most people. My brother had it but almost lost his life due to complications. He is still suffering with alot of problems that stem from the surgery. I know many who have had great success with it! I have also heard a few talk about how they have to deal with the overeating issues still.
I truly believe your dr should listen to you. I know she is thinking it will get the weight off fast. Please find another dr.
Give it a try on your own...I know you can do it!! Set up a plan and stick to it. Try to increase your exercise a bit each day. Counting calories worked best for me. I tried many other plans but it all comes down to calories.

If your dr is hardcore tell her to give you say 6 months and see how much you can lose on your own. Prove to her you can do it on your own.
Im one of those who doesnt like to be told what I can and cant do.
please keep up posted on how your doing and feel free to post your menu on here daily if it will help. Also feel free to join in on the daily threads.

Last edited by dgramie; 12-29-2010 at 07:58 AM.
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Old 12-29-2010, 08:33 AM   #8  
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New doctor time, IMHO. Your post resonates so strongly with me, because I know exactly how it feels to feel like a "lost cause". I mean, we have a hard enough time convincing ourselves that we are NOT too far gone, that yes, WE CAN DO THIS, only to go a health care professional and have them reinforce our worst fears, that we are helpless and hopeless. Oh, that just makes me so MAD, and I would have for sure been in tears for DAYS over that exchange.

Here's the deal -- if this doctor does not have a weight problem, then quite simply she knows less about all this than we do. PERIOD! Even if she were in weight loss research, which I know she is not, all she has to go by is her handful of overweight patients, most of whom may have never lost significant weight. None of us are surprised by the gloomy statistics, but that isn't stopping ANY of us here from losing significant weight and getting our lives back!!!!!

Mechell, I am a NICU nurse, I see families going through this experience every day, and even I have absolutely NO IDEA how people get through it intact and whole. You have had every reason in the world to have put your own freakin' calorie counting and exercise on hold this year while you put every ounce of energy in your body toward helping your child.

As things settle out some, you can start to get your head back, and if you can, start turning your mindset toward the fact that to really help your son, his mama needs to be at her best. Slowly start to come back to a place where you can carve out just a little time to care for YOU. You have lost weight before, you most CERTAINLY can do it again. There is absolutely nothing wrong with WLS, but it is NOT the easy way out, and right now, in my personal opinion, only YOU can decide if now is best time to go the surgical route when you have so much on your plate (and probably A LOT of medical bills already!!).

Finally (and I know this is getting long), there ARE doctors out there that will support what you are trying to do. My primary care doc and gyn are my biggest cheerleaders. I am of the opinion that people you PAY to counsel you on medical matters need to show some respect, as Vlad said, LISTEN, and then stand back and let you shine. You deserve NOTHING less.

Last edited by shannonmb; 12-29-2010 at 08:36 AM.
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Old 12-29-2010, 09:23 AM   #9  
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There have been many, many people who have lost significant amounts of weight by diet alone. I think you need to change doctorsl I like the advice that your doctor who did your gall bladder surgery gave you. He seems much more sensible to me. Can tou see him again ? Look around these forums and you will find people who have lost 200-300 pounds by diet and exercise. I believe you can do it, do not let this doctor bully you. Good luck !

Last edited by bargoo; 12-29-2010 at 09:23 AM.
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Old 12-29-2010, 09:36 AM   #10  
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Ditto what others are say and also take a look in the goal and mini goal section there are plenty of people who have lost and kept it off. The word CANT doesnt exsist to me. If you want it you can do it!!!!!
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Old 12-29-2010, 09:43 AM   #11  
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Definitely time to change doctors. All the other issues aside, any time a doctor starts trying to bully you into their way of thinking and won't even consider the patient's side of the story, that doctor is not doing her job, plain and simple. Sure, there are emergency situations where a doctor has to be forceful, but you were, I'm sure, in no danger of taking your last breath right there at that minute in her office, so that attitude from her was uncalled for.

If you don't want to have the surgery, don't have it. Most insurance plans call gastric bypass "elective" surgery for a reason. Tell your doctor where she can cram it, and either go to a different doctor, or tell her she needs to come up with a different plan for you.
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Old 12-29-2010, 09:55 AM   #12  
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I was exactly 100 lbs. over my optimum weight. My dr. told me she didn't think I could do it, but she gave me the chance. She was stunned when she saw me 3 1/2 months later. I was down over 40 lbs. All my blood work was excellent, pulse and blood pressure great. And I am still going.

A doctor cannot force a specific medical option on you. You are allowed the choice to accept or deny what they offer. They are allowed to deny to be your doctor anymore if you don't do what they say.

IMHO, I would clean out the pantry and find a new doctor. You might try visiting WW (The first meeting is free.) Folks there might share the names of their docs who are supportive of old fashioned effort.

Don't put off starting to lose. Begin making your success today.
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Old 12-29-2010, 10:06 AM   #13  
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Quote:
Your doctor may well never have seen anyone lose significant amounts of weight on their own. Apparently we're a rare breed. But that's what is so wonderful about 3FC. Here we all are! This place right here shows that it CAN be done and it's done every day. Honestly, I trust the wisdom and experience of the folks right here over that of a doctor when it comes to weight loss.
I want to emphasize that your doctor, from a purely statistical point of view, is being accurate. Most people cannot lose and maintain a significant weight loss on their own. If your doctor is concerned for your health due to your weight, his/her best recommendation for getting that weight off of you may in fact be weight loss surgery, based on previous experience with people attempting major weight loss.

I also know, though, that you are not "too far gone" to lose weight and maintain that loss. For an excellent example of this, look at Matt's CNN story, here: http://www.cnn.com/2010/HEALTH/12/29....html?hpt=Sbin There are plenty of folks at 3FC doing what you need to do, without surgery (although there are plenty for whom surgery was an important tool).

So before changing doctors, I'd say "I am not interested in surgery at this time, but want to discuss my weight loss plans with you", then present your doc with a diet and exercise plan that you're going to adhere to. Mention that you have an online support group that includes people in all stages of weight loss and maintenance, and that you want to give it a shot before considering surgery. Only if your doc still rejects the idea would I switch.

It's not that uncommon for a maintainer to be the ONLY successful 100lb loss/maintenance patient that a doctor has who didn't have surgery. I know that my wife and I are the only ones my doctor has ever treated in 20 years of practice. For a doctor who sees the medical ramifications of morbid obesity, and has never seen a patient lose weight and keep it off without it, it makes sense to push for surgery to save a patient's life. But if you present him with another plan, say you have support, and ask for him to give you a time period to start showing results before you have the surgery talk again, I'd hope that he'd support you. And if he didn't, I would definitely be switching at that point.
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Old 12-29-2010, 10:56 AM   #14  
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Thank you all for such wonderful replies!

First, I did see where she was coming from. I guess what bothered me is the whole fact she would not listen. I did try to tell her that I realized things had gotten out of control again. And I told her my plan. My first part of my plan was to address my anxiety and depression. Those things have really paralyzed my life. With all the things this past year alone I simply ran out of the ability to cope. I literally was/am starting to shut down. It just finally became too much.

So I told her my first step was to find a therapist and I would like to try a medication I knew had helped me years ago. She did prescribe the medication and said it would help with what I explained. I then told her I knew how to lose weight and I wanted to get back on the train I feel off of a year and half ago.

And that is where it went downhill. She actually said...no no no. She literally said you will not lose weight on your own. She said not possible. Even though I told her that I had and I knew I could. Told her I do know people who have lost a lot of weight and have fought to keep it off. She then said you are too beautiful and young to be living this large. I agree, none of should have to live this way. She said she has had many patients do well with WLS. She was to the point of interrupting me. She was beyond pushy. Did not ask me if I wanted to contact a surgeon she told me to do it. She actually left the room mid sentence to go find the number.

She then came back on and on saying that it works so well and is best option. She herself is about 40 pounds overweight. She also tried to push some pills that help, but didn't want to due to other meds I was taking. Guess it wasn't good to take. I didn't really want to take pills anyways.

The surgeon that did my gallbladder surgery was VERY nice. It was easy to talk to him. And I basically almost cried telling him how stressed I was. How I was so weighed down by not just the weight. He actually said he would not do the surgery before seeing me get help for the anxiety and depression. He said as well that I needed to give myself a chance. He firmly felt I needed to try it on my own, and if I couldn't get it off to look into WLS. She saw his name and they are under the same hospital and she said he was a very good Dr. But she said that I needed to go to another one who would want me to get the surgery ASAP. Again refusing to see past WLS, even with another surgeons advice. He himself did tell me he has had many patient within a couple of years gain all the weight back after WLS due to not dealing with their original issues. He thought therapy would help me a lot.

Again thank you all for the replies! I am so glad you all understand how I feel. I know I can do this. My biggest obstacle is going to have to be staying constant with trying to lose weight even though things around me are beyond hectic/stressful. I think addressing the depression and anxiety will help a lot. And I do feel better today that I started the path of feeling better mentally.
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Old 12-29-2010, 11:44 AM   #15  
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OK, yes, if you presented her with a plan and she rejected it and didn't listen...NEW DOCTOR TIME!
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