Back at square one :(
 

So, my scale is hovering around 309lbs. My appetite has severely gone down, I no longer eat to that full feeling or else I get really uncomfortable, but as I have been subsisting on sugar and carbs, I am not surprised by the lack of weightloss.

Lately things have been beyond hectic at work. Just beyond it. I was very afraid of being treated with bias at work and being viewed a certain way, and more and more, I feel like my boss is treating me unequally. Her actions are so apparent that everyone knows it, but as croneyism is involved, and we are in a touch job market, no one is going to talk about the issue as no one thinks that anything will really change. It is just accepted that my boss treats some co-workers more like people, and other co-workers like idiots. I feel like I have so much to contribute to my workplace, but because I am treated more like an errand person, I don't feel I will be allowed to progress. There are only a few people at work I can talk to, but because of how difficult everything is, no one really expects my boss to change if the conversation is had----again. :( I have been looking for other work that pays the same or more. It is so difficult right now and I feel my self-worth in regards to my job abilities is slowly being eroded.

I have been escaping a bit from the workplace drama by getting out more and trying to date more. I met a guy a few months ago who seemed to have a lot in common with me and I really liked him. But, he has a mental disorder, and is totally erratic. He told me that he is so busy that he felt it would be better if we just remained friends....yet, he kept trying to be romantic with me and buy me things. Totally mixed signals. And, he works less than I do, so, I just didn't believe that he was too busy. He has flaked on me a lot. :( So, we stopped talking around the same time that I met a new guy.

The new guy I met had some issues, for sure, but I liked him. First it was his looks, and then his personality. I was also really shocked that he was so enamored with me and so attracted to me. He really laid it on thick to the point of telling me that he was falling for me. I felt it was odd that he was saying it so soon. But, he was going through a really rough patch in his life, and I was being very nice and kind to him, so, I don't know if that swayed his beliefs.

All of a sudden, in the span of less than a day, he decides to tell me that certain things I do really irritate him and that he has a red flag about me and that I should leave him alone. Of course I would never bother him and was shocked at how he said it to me. He was so mean about it. He did tell me that when he breaks up with women, he does get a bit cold about it. :( Well, he was definitely cold towards me and doesn't want to see me anymore. He also mentioned something that scared me and my friends, so I have no intention of talking to him or seeing him again. We were only dating a short while, so I am not terribly sad about it, but I just felt the way he went about things was kind of hard.

I just feel a bit down and blue right now. I have got to get my weight under control and start eating 1) more food and 2) more of the right foods and 3) less of the not so good foods. I am feeling pretty sad right now cause I feel like I have accomplished absolutely nothing this year, except being dumped 3x by people that many of my friends say they would not have dated, and that I was waaaay too nice to. I am very scared about dating now cause it seems like the men keep getting worse----alcoholic, then psych meds, then possible abuse. :( I don't want men like that, but I just don't seem to attract regular guys.

I have got healthy food in my fridge and will cook some good protein today for work. I have a cool event coming up in about 15 days, and I want to lose as much weight as possible. I feel like weightloss would really help me to get re-focused and feel like I can achieve positive things.

Bummer. I am sorry he was a jerk. Even though I know that it is good rid dens... it is still a break-up. Take good care of yourself. Be gentle with yourself and be kind. BTW, great job posting about it all! Cathy

Thank you for your support, I really appreciate it.

I feel like since my breakup with my ex, which I totally agree was for the best, I feel like my life is spiraling out of control. I am working a lot to make ends meet, which makes me resentful of some of the people around me who are still buying flatscreen tvs and eating lavish dinners, etc. Sigh. I am just having a hard time right now. I am hoping that I can work on myself and be able to be happier and achieve more.

Ugh! I've dated my fair share of frogs in my life and it sounds like you've recently found a couple of real winners from the swamp! You can do this. You can put yourself first in both your eating habits/health and in the dating world. You deserve nothing less than the best from both yourself and the people you allow into your life! :hug:

Thank you. My family is worried about the guys I have been meeting lately, as they seem to just get worse and worse. :( And part of the fear is because I have been trying to open up more and so, I haven't been probably as cautious as I should have been. Sigh. I really worry about dating now because I worry that the next guy will be even crazier than the previous 2, which is pretty darn scary.

I know that it is probably for the best that the guy I was dating and I didn't work out. There may be some violence in his past, but I am not sure about that. My family wants me to stay away from him, and I will. It just feels weird and hurtful to just be kicked to the curb so quickly without much of an explanation. He has already told me he has "turned off" his feelings and is done with me. Wow. I don't think we were in love or anything, so it isnt a deep relationship, but I still find those kinds of comments kind of cold. Sigh. I wish we could talk about it like adults, but, I can't do that if he doesn't want to. Sigh.

I am so grateful for my very close friend who made it very clear, once I mentioned that my date had a possible history of domestic violence, that I am not to speak to the guy, no matter what, and that if I do, that he and I need to also discuss why I am not putting my wellbeing first.

I admit that lately I have been feeling so horrible and have not been thinking well of myself lately at all.

I had a rough night last night, and I feel like I am on an emotional rollercoaster.

On one hand I feel like hey, I only knew the guy a short while, and I shouldn't have allowed myself to feel so happy and hopeful too soon. It would have been a difficult relationship anyway because of his and my issues, etc.

On the other hand I feel like I am alone again. I am in a job where my co-workers talk down to me, no matter how peppy and how much I try to do my bosses don't consider my potential for growth, and despite cutting way back on food, my weight is still around 308lbs. Sigh.

I am just going to work on myself and get back to working out and really, really restricting and watching my food intake. I know I shouldn't say this, but I just wish I could eat the exact right food and drop this weight and be happier. Sigh.

Why shouldn't you say that? And you CAN! There's no magic about it, just plan it out and do it. It's only hard at first. ;)

By the sounds of it - you know what you "should" do but you're too depressed to do it..... Well May i just say that any guy who thinks he can treat you less than a princess is not worthy of sharing your castle!!!! And trust me...(cause I know) you don't want to end up with anything from the swamp!!! Take one gooooooood look at yourself, hold your head up high and say to yourself "I am worth a prince!" because life is too short to waste it on the frogs!!!!
Tonight- write yourself a note that says "Today I will be great!" and put it somewhere you will see it when your eyes first open in the morning!!!
I am cheering you on - whenever something bad happens think of me with pom poms saying "you're great, you're great"
:cheer2::cheer3::cheer::cheer3::cheer2:

A friend of mine said a stupid catch phrase to me about 8 months ago that is totally cheesy, but I swear, I have LIVED by that ridiculous sentence from the beginning of my journey:

There's nothing to it, but to DO it.

If you want to get healthy (only part of which is losing weight), then do something about it. I came to this site almost 1 year ago and have lost 130 pounds in that time. I am not special in any way, shape or form. The only difference is that I made up my mind, and I moved forward with my goals. And I continue forward every day, counting every calorie, saying no to the piles of homemade baked goods that are streaming into my office every dang day from my co-workers, saying no to Halloween candy, and saying yes to my Thanksgiving dinner which is going to be a low-fat veggie feast. My biggest struggle at this point is getting out in the cold rain and take my daily walks. I don't make it every day, but I try.

So, let me pass on the bit of piece of cheese I was given: There is nothing to it but to do it.

Yes, love this saying!! I for one am the girl that would continually plan out my weight loss program but was always hard pressed to actually do it. This is spot on, just do it! You never know how far you can push until you try. I'm sorry that you've been stuck with lots of jerks lately. I'm glad you're not trying to hold on to them though, out with the dirty water they go! I personally decided that I wasn't going to actively date anyone until I reach goal. I just feel that I really need to focus on getting this done right now, and new boyfriends can really derail that sometimes! Not sure if that's something you want to do, that's just me. I can definitely tell you that the more you lose the more the quality of guy that hits on you seems to go up. And there are some guys that are interested, but I just spend friend time with them for now. Good luck darlin, check back often!