I got on the scale today and it read 349 lbs and what did I do...go out to breakfast at the only restaurant where I can fit into a seat! I am out of control and I just can't stop eating. I can't walk far, because I can't breathe and now my legs ache! I am eating myself out of house and home and don't know how to stop...I think I want to stop because I am sick of being sick and fat. I need bigger clothes for the winter, but I don't want to buy them. I haven't been to this site for a very long time, because I am ashamed that I just keep getting bigger...oh and the depression is crazy!!! Well I need to take a baby step, just need to figure out which direction to go.

KTFaith05,
Hang in there... usually after a few days it will get easier. I love to eat at night after supper. One thing that has been working for me is telling myself "The kitchen is closed." I got that from someone elses post when I was on here reading looking for inspiration/motivation and for whatever dumb reason my brain listens to it. Another thing that has helped is to plan my food the day before. If it isn't on the plan I don't eat it. I've only been to restaurants a few times and make sure there is something there I my plan I can order. Please don't give up. You are fighting for your life.

I would suggest that the step you take tomorrow is to write down everything you eat and drink. Not modify it, just right it down.

When it all feels big and chaotic and un pin downable, the best way to start is by establishing facts. Once you have written down what you eat for a day or two or three, that will make it easier to decide what step to take next. Just the writing down gives you power over the food instead of the food having power over you; and that sense of control is the key, both to weightloss and managing depression. imho.

And after you have a week or so of data, start building your team. Get a nutritionist and therapist on board to help you with this. It's a big project, and professionals are fantastic to help with something like this.

And breathe.

Thank you!!! I know that I have to make some serious changes and you all have given me ideas on how to take those first steps. I think one of the reasons that have made weight loss difficult for me in the past, is that I try to to do too much at once and then it becomes overwhelming so I give up...and then the mess I have made of my life gets bigger!!!
Baby steps, one foot at a time...

I know exactly what you are going through since I started off 1 lb heavier than you. It's not an easy place to be, I know. My legs were aching if I tried to do any walking, in fact, just walking in to work from the parking garage seemed like an almost insurmountable task. My legs had started getting really swollen, and I was scared. Scared that I was approaching the point of no return!

What helped me immensely to get started was to see my doctor (which I had been putting off for a long time -- I didn't want to hear it because I KNEW I was in bad shape and that I needed to lose weight, and I guess I was scared of a lecture). I dragged myself in to the doctor, got a baseline of my labs, my blood pressure was high, and I was exhausted all the time. My doctor and I discussed the possibility of sleep apnea, and she set me up for a sleep study. It has 100% changed my life. I have no idea if this applies to you or not, but there are millions of people with it who are not diagnosed, and let me tell you, it can ruin your life. Since I started treating it, my cravings for food have diminished to a really unbelievable level. I can eat a healthy meal now, and simply not think about food again till it's almost time for the next meal. Amazing, amazing! I never had any idea that my bad sleep was affecting every aspect of my life, including my overwhelming desire to stuff fattening food in my face. The only reason I mention this is because I have a hunch that many, many morbidly obese people who just can't control their appetites are suffering from this. It can't hurt to read up on it and see if it sounds like you.

Since then, it has been, dare I say, easy for me to stick to a realistic plan of calorie counting, and the scale has done nothing but go down, down, down ever since. I also wanted to mention that the sheer amount of weight you have to lose can seem insurmountable, but I can tell you that just the amount I have lost so far has made ALL the difference in how I feel.

There IS a reason why you cannot stop eating. I do not know what it is but I do know this: the reason you cannot stop eating IS NOT lack of will power or a moral failing. It is so easy to blame ourselves, to punish ourselves, to berrate ourselves. It is easy, but TOTALLY unnecessary and counter productive. :-)

Ok, now that this is out of the way, I suggest you go about discovering the reasons WHY you cannot stop eating. Here are some suggestions that have helped ME:

1. Treat yourself like an experiement - with detachment. "Wow, I got on the scale, have gained weight, and then took myself to a restaurant to eat. Isn't that interesting?" Detachment helps you not beat up on yourself.

2. Like other people here have mentioned, you may have a physical problem that needs to be addressed: sleep apnea? thyroid? hormonal imbalances? untreated chronic depression? Go to the requisit experts to help rule out any physical issues you may have.

3. And speaking of physical issues - if you are going to make just ONE change in your life, I suggest this: cut out ALL beverages except for water, milk, and black unsweetened coffee. Drink at least 8 glasses of water a day. Many times I reach for food cuz my body is totally dehydrated and I don't know it.

4. Are you using food to cope with your feelings? If so, there are many sources of help out there. Eating Disorders Annonymous is a great, free one. Books on compulsive eating or emotional eating are helpful as well. I have a list of books that have helped me. Let me know if you're interested.

5. Take it one day at a time. Love and compassion for yourself will go a long way.

:-)

KTFaith05,

I started out in the 340's too. I was so miserable. I would eat too much, too often, and never move. I worked in a kitchen, which didn't help and I had to use a stool when I was prepping food because standing for 8 hours killed me. It was embarassing, but I kept getting bigger. Working in a kitchen didn't help either because I was always around amazing food!

One thing that worked for me in the past was when I had to go gluten free. I had a sensitivity so I adopted a strict gluten free diet. If I told myself, "Gluten is not good for me, I can NOT have it." Then it would not tempt me.

At 340lbs I knew something had to change. I decided to go vegetarian. It would cut a lot of fat out of my diet and in a way, force me to eat more fruits and vegetables. If you cut out one thing at a time, it's a lot easier. I told myself, "I'm a vegetarian now, I can't have meat." It then would not tempt me. In the first 3 weeks I lost 20lbs just by becoming a vegetarian! I still allowed myself to have eggs and eat low fat dairy items.

After a few months I cut out milk, then all dairy, then eggs when I told myself it was time to take it to the next step. Now I am a vegan. I've lost 62lbs to date and it really hasn't been a struggle.

By adopting a vegetarian and then vegan diet, I would not deprive myself of other things I wanted. If I wanted pasta, I would have a vegetarian pasta dish. If I want a cookie, I have a vegan cookie. I can eat as much fruits and veggies as I want.

I don't know if this method will work for you.. adopting a "label" and being strict on it, but it worked for me when NOTHING else would.

I recommend starting with a week. Commit to a week. If you're still alive and happy (and lighter) after a week, try for a full month. Take steps. Stick with it. Don't give up. And know we're all here for you.

Usually when I'm down in the pits and I feel like there's no lower I can go, what I do is binge and binge.
I've found inspiring myself is the best way to get out of that state.
Say "I'm starting fresh tomorrow and I'm forgiving myself for everything."
You just have to begin again and take baby steps. Don't cut out all unhealthy food. Do one thing at a time and just make sure to exercise a few times a week, even if it just walking.

The best thing to get yourself mentally stable right now is to watch maybe some inspirational youtube videos about people who have lost weight, because most likely they've been in the same boat, and have hit this low point themselves and had to pick themselves up. You just have to realize this is going to be a long term gradual change that you have to commit to, not just a day to day thing. You have to stay strong, but sometimes you need people to help you. And watching youtube videos helps me get that closeness. Even if I might not know them, I know they're similar to me in may ways and that motivates me to do better.

Thanks again for all of the great insight and taking the time to share your wisdom with me...it really helps to hear from people who are making a difference in their own lives. I do feel better and I went online and made a doctor's appointment for next week...I think that this was a start and I am going to begin writing down everything I eat from now until then. I really want to be healthy and feel better, but I have to get it out of my head that it's impossible!!! I need to just keep telling myself, "one step at a time"

Thank you...I am a reader and I would love to know about books out there that have good information about emotional and compulsive eating.

Below are the books I recommend. I've listed them in order from the one I found most helpful to the least. Not that the last one is not helpful, mind you, just my preference. :-)

Best wishes!

~Nettie

• When Food Is Love: Exploring the Relationship Between Eating and Intimacy by Geneen Roth
  
• The Binge Eating & Compulsive Overeating Workbook: An Integrated Approach to Overcoming Disordered Eating (The Whole-Body Healing) by Carolyn Ross
  
• It's Not about Food: End Your Obsession with Food and Weight by MFT, Carol Emery Normandi and CCHT, Laurelee Roark
  
• It's Not About the Food: A Woman's Guide to Making Peace with Food and Our Bodies by Esther Kane
  
• Breaking Free from Emotional Eating by Geneen Roth

Thanks for the list, I actually went out and bought a book by Geneen Roth today...so I am glad to see her on your list.

inside out weightloss free podcast.
was really helpful to me. i highly recamend it. no ipod needed. just listen on the computer.

One thing I seriously considered doing before finding a diet and exercise program that works for me was to join Overeaters Anonymous. My understanding is that its a free group support system in almost every major city. I love the suggestion to look on youtube for weight loss inspiration stories, and weight loss story books. Being on here, talking about your weight, being honest with yourself, those are all big steps forward.

Before I started getting serious about weight loss I couldn't even talk about it. I've been married 8 years, but my husband's only known my true weight for the past 6 months. I hid my weight, I hid food, and the person I deceived the most was myself. Now I can talk about it, I can admit my weight! I still have a long journey to my goal, but I'm not hiding from the scale anymore.

I did cut out all sodas in my diet though. I refuse to waste precious calories of unfulfilling drinks. I was practically addicted to coke, but after a few days it stopped tempting me (although I still get a little nostalgic for it when I see a commercial- another thing, avoid tv commercials! Food, especially bad for you food, is advertised all the time! I now dvr most of my programs). I also greatly upped my water intake. I drink at least 2 liters a day, but aim to drink half my body weight in ounces of water. It really helps me from giving into snacking and cravings!

Just remember, you can do this, you are in charge! And every day is a new day, a new chance to make good decisions no matter what choices were made the day before.