Negative comments when in public?
 

Hi all. I was wondering if anyone had bad reception in public due to their weight?

I live on a very quiet street (with older residents - at 24 Im by far the youngest!). Yet when walking in my front door the other day a car drove past full of young lads (who had come out of the old folks home opposide my house!!) and shouted "Oi, saggy arse!" really loud and echoed down my small quiet street. I was shocked, being in my 'safe area', and hadnt had something so pathetic shouted at me since school (usually the comments are slightly more intellegent). When I didnt turn around they stopped the car and shouted it again, just to make sure I was humiliated, with my neighbours being around, good and proper. I was suprised that I wasnt as bothered by it as i thought i would be, but i still had the overwhelming urge to retreat to my bedroom with an extra large bar of chocolate. Old habits die hard I guess :(

I was lucky enough not to have been bullied in school, despite my weight, but I constantly had negative off the cuff comments thrown at me everyday, usually by younger boys showing off in front of their mates, and apparently still do. I dread walking past a group of teenage boys when out and about. Its made me very untrusting of men, to the point where i fear talking to them, even in a friendship capacity as Im scared of rejection and humiliation in front of others. Being big sucks :(

Yes, when I was walking through a mall with my hubby, some rotten teenager said 'Thar she blows' at me T_T It hurt badly...

I was terribly bullied all throughout highschool because of weight issues, 'Whale' was a typical name for me, which is why the mall incident 5 years ago injured me so. Walking past teenage boys is the worst because they think they will be the bigger man by putting down others. They don't realize that they make themselves look like fools. I am glad that there are guys out there who appreciate that not all women need to look like Paris Hilton to grab their attention.

Ugh, lyndzro, so sorry that some ignorant fools did that. I suspect that everyone who has weight issues has had mean things said to them about their weight before (I have); you are not alone. It stings.

Hold your head up. Your are doing really well with your weight loss. They win if they succeed at demoralizing you. Don't give them that power.

Keep on keeping on!

Cheers,

J

Yes I have and the thing that bothered me was I hadn't had such comments for a long while and suddenly I experienced two rounds in one night while shopping! I got snickers and laughs from a group of young boys (I would say men, but they were not in my eyes) and a group of young vicious women! It really upset me and I spent a few days to get over it to be honest. I even said something with the women incident and that made them run away, which I have to admit I did find joy in that. I embarrassed them as they had me basically and what a shock, they didn't like it.

Now, I haven't had any kind of comments or stares or whatever since the last time, but the next time it happens I'm going to try not to let it get to me, even though it will a little bit. I mean it does bother us to some degree.

You're not alone! *HUGS*

When I hear teen age boys making these rude comments I think to myself "In a few years these guys will have beer bellies and will likely be bald, too "! A little visualation makes the insults more bearable .

Sorry it happened to you!:hug: I know how you feel. It has been done so many times to me,especially when I was at my highest weight of 335lbs. I think to myself I am big now,but I won't be soon.I also believe in karma,so they will get theirs in another way:D

Being an old broad, I have a couple of approaches with rude boys of any age, and neither one of those approaches is to let them get away with it.

For the drive-by rudeness, I'd turn around and blow them a big kiss. LOL, I'd probably had wiggled my behind at them too. If they were stupid enough to stop the car, I'd have headed over for a personal conversation.

For up close and personal rudness, I'd say something like "Is this how your mother taught you to act? She must be so proud of you. How would you feel if someone acted this way towards your sister or grandmother?"

Here's the deal girls. Being fat doesn't make you unworthy. No one deserves to be ridiculed. Rudeness should never be ignored. If someone is rude to you, tell them so. While we are at it, if someone hurts your feelings or makes you mad, tell them so. Keeping what you feel inside and not dealing with it makes you fat!

And for the record, there are a lot of fine men out there who know how to act properly. If more people would take rude boys to task, there might even be more :)

This is something I'm nervous about with going into substitute teaching this fall. The vast majoirty of students do not respect subs, and being fat is the obvious and easy target. Although in my student teaching I had the opposite issue. One of my students incessantly hit on me. Probably thinking I'm so not used to such compliments that I'll be overwhelmed with flattery and go easy on him (it took everything I had not to grade him 2x harsher than everyone else).

Oh boy, I could write a book on this subject!!!!

First off, I wanna say to you all...can you imagine the low self-esteem they must have to put "larger" people down!!!! Ladies, keep your heads high because we have much more personality then they will ever have!!!!!

Ok, now for some sh** that I deal with daily!!!!

I'm a home care worker. I go into peoples home (mostly elderly), and provide care for them (baths, morning care, transfers etc). Well, some of them are very ignorant. I'm very good at what I do despite my weight. On Friday I was filling the bath (bent over testing the water), and my client says to me (under her breathe) "Look at the size of that Tuckas"!!! I replied to her, "isn't it a lovely tuckas, just more to love"!!! I made her feel very uncomfortable for saying that comment! LOL!!!

I have been called everything under the sun and have had tons of "trying to help comments". Things like, you have such a beautiful face, but if you could only lose weight; maybe if you would eat less you could lose weight;

The kicker was about 5 yrs ago. We were at my fiances parents place and we were all drinking having a good time. His Aunt and I were the last 2 up...still drinking. When she said to me, "Why don't you lose weight for him. Do you think he really wants you looking this way?", I replied, "If he doesn't love me the way I am-THERES THE DOOR, PLUS I have had many offers from men to date me!!! So, I'm not losing weight for him or ANYONE!!!". She never brought up that subject again!!!

In the past, I would deal with the pain of insults like you would-hiding from the pain, using comfort food as a crutch! But this time around, things are different (maybe its my mindset this time around). I know I have the support of the people from 3fc PLUS if I'm ever having a lousy day (because of insults), I know I can come here and ppl will understand.

We are all here for you!!!!! Don't let those dirty little beggars get to you!!! We love you for who you are!!!


Also, just on Friday, I had some little boy fixated on my bottom!!!!! He wouldn't stop staring!!! It was funny because staring so much that when we were going through the door it closed on him lmao!!!

I've had that happen to me, too. I haven't felt so bad about it happening since I've thought about how they must be pretty miserable/pathetic people to feel the need to be so mean. I've thought rude things, I'm sure everyone has, but to actually deliberately try to hurt a completely stranger who has done nothing to me? And I can't think of a single thing to say or do that would change their behavior. I did see a movie once where the target through a rock through the window of the car, and that makes me smile when I think about it, but of course I wouldn't do that. Still makes me smile. :)

The comments and stares used to bother me but not anymore. It carried over from childhood... kids can be the most hurtful. One day I 'woke up' and realized the only one that remembers and obsesses about this is me. Those people who make those comments don't even remember them 2 seconds after they say them.

Now I give a rats behind what people think or say to me about my weight... I'm me, take it or leave it. As long as I'm kind and treat others like I would like to be treated I make no apologies. With the new attitude comes a new freedom... I go into public swimming pools, wear shorts in public, do anything and everything I want because why should what others think stop me from enjoying my life to the fullest.

I think it comes from within... once you feel comfortable in your own skin it doesn't matter what others think.

Thanks so much for all your lovely comments everyone. Im also in the caring profession Betty girl, Ive worked with kids and people with learning difficulties, and their comments I was able to brush off more easily, as they thought nothing of saying what they thought. BNut to be so nasty and deliberate as those boys were just bewilders me. I know it was just an easy way of showing off in front of their friends. I am much more confortable in my skin now, I think it comes as we get older. At one point I would never go out without some makeup and my hair looking perfect (I guess I thought that would lessen the nasty comments), but now I do what I'm comfortable with. Its sad when people act that way, to deliberately want to hurt another human being, in any context. Most likely they wouldnt dream of humiliating me based on the colour of my skin or if I had a disability, so why is it ok to attack those who are overweight? I guess because they think we eat donuts 24/7. How I wish!! :)

Sadly for me..it is usually family!!! Long story but my aunts son..she is my aunt by marriage..her son called me all kinds fo names in front of her when he was younger. Between the ages of 5 to 10. She would never tell him not to say that..and kinda laugh. One day..I said to her..I would never allow my kids to talk to you like that. She laughed..oh come on..he's just joking. Mind you my family is very vocal and loud and jokes alot. So one day..when he was 10..I asked him to go with me to the store..to get some soda and chips..as soon as I got him in the car I pulled over..turned to him sitting in my front seat..and I said to him..I want you to know that when you call me names that hurts my feelings. he said so..I said I would never make fun of you becuase of your faults...he said soo.. and I then said..if you EVER call me a name like that again...I will personally whip your A** and if you don't think I can...just try it. He looked at me..I said go ahead...your mom is not here to help you...let's go call me something I will whip your butt right here and you can bet I don't care who sees me. LOL

Needless to say...he has not said that again and he is now 16.


I don't know what to say about people talking that crap in public. All I know is that KARMA is real...and although we may never see it...it will come back around. The sad part..is they probably drove away...and never thought about it again..and here we are talking about it.

HUGS SWEETIE!!

Yes! Not too often, but each time it stings and I never forget it.

Once, on the subway coming home with a coworker I didn't know too well, a young guy getting off mooed at me really loudly. For the rest of the ride, she and the other passengers kept looking at me out of the corner of their eyes and it felt like they were disapproving of me too.

Last year I was at a mall whose shops were not open yet, sitting on a bench waiting for my nephews to arrive. A young guy, obviously on something, came straight at me yelling at me that I was a fat b*tch that needed to stay out of the fridge. He kept yelling it over and over. I had had my eyes closed previous to this, just trying to relax a bit. I started yelling back to him to not blame me for his impotence, that his failure to perform was his own problem. That made him run away like a schoolgirl LOL

But, I find it's women that are the worst, to be honest. People that we work with or that are supposed to be our friends who make *friendly suggestions* but are really passive aggressive attempts to put us down.

I find most men are honest in what they like physically, but objectively, and have never had a problem with a man in my life as a friend, coworker, or acquintance put me down - that I know of anyway.

sweety those kind of people don't deserve the time of day. you are definitely not the only one. I understand how painful it is but I am now using negative comments to push me further and work harder.

People have said hurtful things to me but I am not letting them define who I am. I remember when I was a teenager an older man said in front of me, "I won't let my daughter get fat and look like her" referring to me --I was crushed that an 'adult' would say something so hurtful. And for years, because I was fat and my mother wasn't, people would constantly remark on how I couldn't possibly be my mother's daughter. And the list goes on and on. But I am not letting those comments define me.

Ugh, I'm sooo sorry that happened to you. I live on a relatively quiet street as well but I ended up having to buy a treadmill because when I went out in the morning to go walking I'd get some nasty comments like that. :( People can be soooo rude!

(hugs) I've had such things happen to me too. I try to not let it bother me. I know I can (and am!) change my weight; it won't be so easy for them to change their crappy attitudes, and they'll be all the worse for it when they grow up.

when i was younger this used to be a big problem for me as i was to quiet to say anything back, but now as the years go by i get a little more of my voice back and now i really cant help myself from shouting abuse back at anyone that even thinks of saying anything to me, probably not the mature attitude i should have for others but i have reached a point where im just not bothered, if they are stupid enough to think that shouting stuff at someone is hilarious, then i really do pity them and by talking back it usually stumps them and they cant think of anything to say back, hence making them look like the idiot they tried to make you feel.

I posted on one thread that I was shopping with my friend who is also a plus size lady, we were standing there in our clothing section, and not in anyone's way this woman is near us and she goes move your fat As&*^ I turned to her and I said my aren't you ugly, and she goes I am not being ugly and I go honey you are ugly and she goes well I would rather be ugly than be fat and I go you know what I can lose weight what can you do and she laughed and started to walk off , she was one of those bleach blond , fake nail, teeth whitening, boob job , daisy duke, heel wearing, women , I also said to her at least I am real. I would have never said anything like that before, I would have just looked down and said oh I am sorry and moved, but I am finding this new sassy me inside.

I too was made fun of in school, Kids can be so mean and even more so now, we need to take the upper hand with our youth as they are our future..It is very scary.

I've learned that people that say things like that to people like us is that they themselves are insecure and have no self worth. So they find someone who they think is weaker than they are to lash out at. I also know that you all don't have to take it and don't ever be afraid to give em' a little of their own medicine back, it shuts them right up! Especially young men in a group, your rebellion will embarass the heck out of them in front of their friends and will think twice before doing it again.

*hugs* to everyone that has had this happen to them. I know how difficult it is. I was bullied badly as a kid. Around my teens, I didn't get anymore direct remarks. However, I started getting looks and snickers. Those hurt just as bad! It's terrible that people feel the need to humiliate others.

I still hear the taunting, sometimes. And there are many things I regret avoiding just because I was terrified of being laughed at. Though it was a painful time, it helped make who I am today. I would never treat others that way and it always reminds me to be friendly and respectful to everyone, regardless. Taking the high road can be hard sometimes but it's worth it. Just remember that you're above those people and that they're insecure themselves!

About a month ago... I ran into a few people that bullied me years ago. Lets just say that I ended up in a far better place than they did. They spent too much of their time bullying others and not enough time trying to get ahead. I definitely got the last laugh. :)

For the teenage boys, "I can lose weight, but you'll always have a little winky!"