Hello fellow chickies!

I have been so busy with classes this summer, but thought I'd sit down and jump in today. I have been doing okay with going to the gym three times a week since february, and I am still eating pretty close to chemical/processed food -free. I am just struggling with the snacking at night that is taking me down!

Here is a question for fellow chickies, because I am not shy about confronting somebody I feel is 'weight phobic' I am going to try a new approach. A little background here, we joined a CSA, if you don't know what that is, it is Community Supported Agriculture. You pay a set amount up front and pick up your produce once a week for 24 weeks.

This place is a local farm, we have to pick it up on the way home, at their store, because we live 50 miles outside of town, so my husband and I take turns getting it. The woman and her husband are probably in their early to mid thirties. My husband said, he went in and she acted like we didn't know what produce was. Now, he is fit...I obviously am not.

She had met me... he said she was nice but sort of condescending-ish. I went in the next time and she told me how to cook beets in a way you might explain something to a five year old. I said, well, I am familiar with all kinds of produce, I love to cook and experiment. I am not a potato only person.

I thought that was enough to give her a clue, I thought she might just be trying to be nice and give me recipes. I let it go. I am not a weight phobic-paranoid...until today. My husband picked it up and she said, how is your wife? He said fine... then she asks if I know what the vegetables are that I am buying.. He was offended. He is NOT easily offended believe me, he is always the one saying I am paranoid.

So, he said, no, she cooks a lot of stuff so none of this is new. It is only squash, zucchini, lettuce, beets, carrots, pole beans and peppers. Nothing remotely exotic, which I do buy those things too, just to try.

He told her I cooked and I was really into produce and I was fine. He said she didn't really stop and said, Dave, that's her husband, will put recipes up on the website so I could figure out how to cook them. Okay, now I am offended.

I told my husband I'd email Dave and ask if HE needed anymore recipes to add to his news letter, and do it all nice, and see what he says. But I will be picking this up next week and I am thinking I might just have to ask her if she is used to people not knowing what her items are. I mean, really, this stuff is run of the mill farm veggies here.

I am not sure what road to take here, because I have paid up front for the entire season, and yes, I might really not go back because of her density but I am thinking the first approach is to just ask her what her experience is with customers, not just fluffy ones, but in general.

I knew it was bad when he came in and said if we hadn't paid up he'd be done because every time he goes in she does the same thing, so today, he said he really laid it out that I cook and am not afraid of veggies. To me this is screaming dense woman here. She is super thin, has long black hair and ice blue eyes. She is sort of strikingly pretty, but really now, she is seemingly strikingly stupid.

I guess it takes me back to a few years ago when a woman married to one of my husband's coworkers asked me if I had ever thought of eating a carrot once in a while. WOW... believe me that didn't end well for her at all.

I don't want negative juju all over my veggies, so I want to keep this really positive.

Do any chickies think emailing farmer Dave with a recipe suggestion for his news letter might get the point across to them? I have never met him, but saw his picture on the website, and he has a pooh tummy of his own, not huge, but not thin either.

I am thinking that might be my first approach and then if she continues this tone, like fat people are slow to understand veggie talk, I am going to lay it straight out for her, she might not realize how it really sounds to a paying customer.

Believe me chickies when I tell you, I have been able to flat line my weight loss on veggies... let's just say avocados are my best friend. LOL but really, I do eat a ton of them, and I am not making excuses for my being heavy, I know what the deal is here.

I personally wouldn't fool around with a recipe to the husband - it's not his issue, it's his wife's, and I wonder whether sending either of them recipes is going to help. Since she doesn't seem to respond to hinting, I think a more direct approach is in order.

My tendency would be to tell her straight out that she is being a bit pushy, rather than helpful with her suggestions, and that you were offended (or with a smile say that a person who isn't as patient and understanding as yourself would have been offended, and you wanted her to know so that she doesn't chase customers away with what they might perceive as rudeness).

Personally, I would take an amused and condescending tone myself. Saying how I find it so "cute" that she would think I didn't know my way around a vegetable, but that (out of kindness, of course) I thought she should know that "some people" might find her manner and tone offensive, and I thought she should know so that she didn't lose customers over it.

If she didn't take the hint after that, I would tell her that she was offending me with her refusal to take the criticism, and probably would ask for a refund for the remainder of the season. I wouldn't suspect I'd have to take it this far, because CSA's rely on word-of-mouth, and one bad review is more powerful than a hundred recommendations (I would remind her of that fact, also if I had to).

Unfortunately, nothing you say can change the fact that she's clueless. You'll most likely be wasting your breath as far as changing her attitude or behavior. But if it makes you feel better, go for it!

It seems like she's pretty clueless, but could it be it has nothing to do with your weight? Maybe she thinks other women just don't know as much as she does!

But as to the main point, I would probably try to say something less forceful, but that gets across that I know what I'm talking about.

I would take my veggies, thank her, and leave. Don't waste anymore energy on her or her issues. And definitely don't stop getting them.

I don't know, maybe she was being more just a little clueless and wanted to be helpful just in case. I've never done the CSA thing -- though I'm really wanting us to do the produce next season -- but from what I understand, they sometimes encounter folks that have a hard time with the idea that their produce is so seasonal instead of just being able to waltz in and pick whatever they want week to week.

Some people are just way too high maintenance and nitpicky, it's way less stressy to assume it's people sucking in general until it's something blatantly personal. It might just be a spiel she rattles off to whoever comes in, especially newer, less familiar folks, to make sure they know what they are getting and know what to do with it, so they are happy and keep coming back.

I'd probably just ignore it and get my money's worth, then go somewhere next season if she's still as condescending by the end. Though if it's really bothering you to the point you're thinking of not going, better to clear the air than to lose all that yummy produce!

I agree with seagirl, take your veggies and go. If she doesn't shut up just say "sorry, I really have to be going"

I agree with take the veggies and go. I mean just ignore her comments and I know how frustrating those type of people can be. I really really really find that kind of behavior annoying. I recently had an experience, online actually, with someone preaching to me. Nothing I said seemed to do any good lol. I wanted to say "i got it thanks" but you know I just let it go and moved on. Sometimes that is best as you can't change people. You have to just tolerate them and wish them the best. You never know, she might get a clue and tone herself down a bit. She probably means well though, I mean she isn't doing anything intentional probably. She just doesn't have a clue haha.

I don't have a suggestion but I just wanted to tell you that this is the funniest thing I've read on this board in at least a week. I actually laughed out loud in an empty house.

I like your idea of offering to share your vegetable recipes with them. They still probably won't get a clue, but at least you're repaying the negativity and cluelessness with kindness and generosity, which is a good thing for the universe!

I am glad you got a laugh out of it! It depends on my frame of mind when dealing with this stuff.

It made me smile that you smiled, Windchime! BTW are you getting the massive heatwave we are getting on this side of the mountain??

That's probably just the way she is - I get folks telling me how to garden all the time! She probably is like that with everyone - it makes her feel superior.

Don't waste your time and energy - just say "Thanks, I know that" and leave.

This is interesting!!! and seriously, she's clueless. but Jiff the B**** would give some serious thought to taking my veggies, and, as an afterthought, turning and saying something like: 'i've been looking for <insert exotic, interesting veggie here> - no one seems to have them these days.'

and then walking straight out the door!

Hi Thinchickie, yes, we are getting the heatwave here but it's normal for Eastern WA to be super hot during July and August so we're prepared for it; most everyone over here has some kind of air conditioning so we're not suffering like the folks in Western WA (Seattle area) were suffering. My sis lives over there and she was miserable for several days because of the "no AC" thing. But I guess it's getting better in Seattle now. Are you on the East or West side of the mountains?

After her pulling this on you several times, seriously, I would just ask her straight out: "Ma'am, do you think I'm too stupid to know how to cook these vegetables or just too fat to want to eat them?"

Really...that should do it, I would think.

I'm pretty sure at this point I would say that, word-for-word.

Hmmm, I would blink as if I were completely clueless and simply ask why she thinks you don't know how to cook the veggies?

She'll either be forced to make a complete idiot of herself, or she'll likely shut up after that.