Hi Jenny!
Welcome Back! I'm sorry to hear you're having such a bad time right now.
I totally know what you're saying about some aspects of dieting being expensive, but I've found that you really don't need to spend money to live a healthy lifestyle. There are lots of free or at least economical ways to get started "releasing" the extra pounds. I can only speak from my personal experience. Since I've committed to eating as healthy as possible, I have had some bad days and even a horrible week, but each morning I start over.
Start by walking. All you need is a decent pair of shoes and 5 minutes to get started. Every other day add a few minutes and before you know it you'll be looking forward to the extra oomph of energy that exercise gives us. Last year I was finding myself getting out of breath just walking up one flight of stairs. I stopped taking the elevator and instead of looking for a parking place close to work (like near the back door) I park 1 - 2 blocks away. Now I have no problem with average daily physical activity.
Cutting portion sizes doesn't cost a thing, in fact you start to save. The leftovers help stretch the budget even more and are great for taking to work for lunch the next day.
Use free Internet software to monitor your daily nutrition levels. Many 3FC members use FitDay, I use The Daily Plate. TDP gives you totals for calories, carbs, fiber, sugar, protein, fat, sodium and more. You can even log your exercise and use the journal features. All for free it's a real eye opener as to the kind of junk I had been eating. Keep in the forefront of your mind that you need to eat nutritionally sound food daily.
Visit 3FC. There are so many inspirational stories to get and keep you motivated. The people who post in the forums are quite nice and always there to keep us going. There is every kind of information and tons of experience from real people just like you and me.
Read as much as you can. Educate yourself about nutrition, vitamins and minerals, learn about digestion and how the body works. It's a real motivator to learn how some food can really undermine your health. "You on a diet" by Dr. Oz was one of my motivating factors. Another is "Body Clutter" by Marla Cilley and Leanne Ely. I highly recommend both.
Just start doing something. Give yourself a target date, like two weeks. You can do anything for two weeks. At the end of that time, evaluate how you've been doing. Add another new task to the first and do both for two more weeks. Before you now it, you're beginning to change. Look at just the 1st 10 pounds. Don't fixate on your end goal, just work on the 10 pounds and when you've achieved that goal, go on to the next.
Make sure you take your measurements. Write them all down with your starting weight and date the paper. Put it away and look at it in 30 days. As long as you stay mostly on program (no one's perfect), you will see improvements.
I hope these are some ideas that you might find helpful. Anytime you need to talk to someone we are here, 3FC is here. I'm sending you good thoughts and would love to hear how you're doing.
Blessings to you and your family,
Miz M
Trying to jump back on.
I REALLY wanna start again, I just seem to be throwing lots of obstacles in my way:
And I need to commit to myself again. I did really well last fall, went to the gym and ate really well. 
I just need to be organised and plan things properly. There is what, 5 months left in the year?! If I set a small goal of say 10 lbs a month, that's 50 lbs by New Years!!! Which is totally doable. I haven't been that weight in like 6 years. 
