Morning ladies,

Sorry I wasn't around this weekend. I've been down in the dumps since Friday.

When I fed the horses on Friday morning, I looked at Ginger working so hard to walk over to the feed trough and just knew in my heart it was time. I called DH from the car and said that its time and not to tell me when or how. Then I cried half way to work. Later that afternoon, he said on Monday his brother is coming down to help load her to take her somewhere. I went nuts at work because 1) I had said before over my dead body is she leaving this place alive to go have a bolt put in her brain (as he had said previously they do) and 2) he wasn't supposed to tell me. He did explain that he talked to whatever this place is and that it will happen just as if the vet were doing it. He just couldn't find anyone to come out and take her away after the vet. I know in my heart this is the right thing. She hasn't been good since last June when that other farrier cut her too close and then we had abscesses again. The new farrier has tried and yes can probably over the long haul do something. However, the bad days for her are more than the good. I just can't stand to see her having so much trouble any more. I just feel bad that I couldn't fix her and make her feel better. BUT as I told my sister, she'll give Bear something to do up there on the rainbow bridge. He loved to bark at the horses like a fool and now he can bark at her.

Sorry for being a downer. I will have something more positive to talk about tomorrow.

to all!

I'm so sorry Terri. It is one of the most gut wrenching decisions to make when it comes to our precious animals. We all have to trust our hearts when it comes to times like this, which is what you have done. I'm sure you did everything humanly possible for her and gave her a wonderful life. Try to take comfort that she will be with your beloved Bear and waiting on the other side. My prayers are with you.

Much, much love to you, Terri. Doing the right thing is hard, but you're sparing her the pain and I'm sure she knows how much she's loved.

Terri, my heart goes out to you. I am so sorry about Ginger. Having a beloved animal put down is the hardest thing in the world to do, but we don't have to let them suffer. I had that job once with my little poodle, and I swore I would never have another pet. You are putting her needs first. Ruth

Oh Terri, I am so very sorry to hear about Ginger. I know you already know that you are doing the right thing and sparing her any more pain, but it hurts all the same. I wish there was something to make it all easier for you. I have to admit, these two pups of mine are the first animals I've had that meant the world to me and I have many years before I'll have to make that tough choice, but I can imagine the sadness just the same. You are in my thoughts.

Not much to report today. The scale is back up...but I expect that it's due in large part to the fattening Friday and Saturday and eating late last night, although I did end it with points to spare. I'm hoping to see the drop by Friday again. I couldn't get out of bed this a.m., but did get the elliptical in Sunday. That's something.

Must run. WAY too much to do at work - as always.

I just noticed the most weird thing...under my avatar it has 494 posts. I thought that can't be right, I have been here since 05 and posted a lot, so I started looking back at the threads and mine has had 494 for the last couple of months. LOL! What exactly keeps up with the number of post you make? Shoot I remember seeing 499 one time....funny!

Terri -- Oh, wow. That is gut wrenching. I don't want to think about the day I will have to face that for my boys.

Ruth -- The number of posts is always your current number. So if you look back at your old posts right now, you should see 495. And then if you make another post and look back, it will show 496 on all the old ones. It's the same with our signatures and avatars. Even for the old posts, it always shows the current version.

As for the number being right... I don't know, but I do know that from time to time posts have been lost or very old threads deleted and those posts disappear from your count and maybe that's what happened to some of your posts!

Today I'm trying to work against the Chaos Lifestyle. It's hard, because Monday is my worst workday, but I made it through stage one. I came in and prepped for my morning class and taught it, then prepped for my evening class and even managed to take care of a couple of the things that woke me up at 5 a.m. with anxiety. My office hour will be over in a few minutes and I'll be able to leave, go home and make sure Mom's set for dinner and the evening. Then I come back and teach again, from 7 until 9:30. Then the longest workday of the week is over, and maybe tomorrow I can take 2 or 3 baby steps toward organization, instead of only one.

Sorry if this is tedious to listen to. I really, really need to talk myself into doing it, if I want to keep losing. And I'm getting so close to 299, I really want to recommit myself.

Angela -- I think it's great you're posting that here!!! Good luck!!

Hi ladies,

Thank you all so much for the kind words. Now that I know she's no longer in pain, I can let her go and not be hard on myself.

On a positive note, I am really happy with the things I am getting done at both the office and at home. My home office is now organized and clean enough that I would not be embarassed if anyone saw it. And it feels comforting to be able to work in there. I was cleaning in the bedroom and found a notebook that I have been looking for for six months. It was just a spiral notebook but it had horse notes in it. What made me nuts was that I could not figure out what the heck I had done with it. Well, when dusting the TV in the big armoire, I accidently knocked a VCR tape behind the TV. I found the notebook back there when I had to jam my arm between the TV and the cabinet to get the tape. Go figure.

The next room is going to be the exercise room. I need to figure out how to hook the TV/VCR/DVD/direct TV up so that I can do exercise videos in there.

I've been doing fairly well with food. I have caught up on my journal for over the weekend so that means I have journalled now for two solid weeks. I haven't been doing any stress or emotional eating lately so I feel in control of that. I have done some stupid eating but not a lot. The thing with Phase 2 of SBD is getting the right balance of good carbs/no carbs so that I'm losing and not maintaining. That's my food focus for this week. I might be getting too much good carbs in to be losing. Or else its pre-TOM dragging on forever as it occassionally does.

I'm out of here to head home.

Hello all. Well, with a current weight of 344.8 and my current age of 42, I suppose I'm in the right place!

First - Terri - I'm sorry about the decision you had to make. Over the past 5 years we've had to do this 3 times, it's not easy.

A really fast bit about me (if anyone wants the entire sordid story I put it in a blog post). I started losing weight in February 2004, and did well until the summer of 2005. I ended up in the hospital which side-tracked me completely. The basics were I was eating too little, working out too hard, and not sleeping enough. It threw me off for the next few months and I never really got back on track. This summer (by my own choice) I was unemployed and the weight crept up again.

In fact it crept up enough that I was off the scale that stopped at 330 and I was in denial about how much. So, I bought a new scale in December and freaked out - almost 360. Since I'm unemployed I have the time to cook good meals (although I actually always have, I freeze), and spend time exercising. It's not settled yet, but there's a chance I may go back to school in Sept. It's complicated, but until I know for sure I'm only interested in a job in my field (quality engineering in the automotive biz). I've done clerical in the past but once I go back to it I can pretty much kiss off a decent quality job). So, until I know about school I'm looking for work and not working. Once I know about school I might look for a temp job. So, this means I have no excuses for not eating well and exercising!

My only real problem about posting is that I'm, by nature, a lurker. This is something I'm going to try very hard to fix, as I know that's also part of the problem. I've seen how supportive people can be here, and I know I need that support. It was losing it (when changing jobs) that started the slow decline of good habits, and the slow increase of weight.

ANNE!It's fun to "Lurk" but it's actually more helpful and beneficial to you to post, even if it's a quickie!

As for me, I swore I would stay off of the scale til weigh-in Friday, but NOOOOOOOOO, I got on this morning because I was feeling super confident and it said I am up 3 pounds!!!! How is that possible????? Man, that knocked the wind out of my sails real quick! I have been fighting off urges left and right and to have the scale go up is so darn frustrating!!! UGH!! O.K., deep breath, I'm calmed down. I'll be o.k. Just keep on keepin' on!

Angela...that's what we are here for!

Make it a good day everyone!

Good morning ladies!

Anne, Welcome! I think you have joined a terrific group of women. Love this bunch! Hope to see a lot of you and get to know you.

Well ladies I am still op and the scale is not showing me anything! Ah well, sooner or later it will decide to move.

I just finished ironing a basket of clothes. UGH! I sure wish my washer and dryer were in the house instead of the garage. The clothes always get wrinkled before either my DH or I rescue them. I can't even imagine why anyone would build a house and put the washer and dryer in the garage. We have a nice big wash room over there, but handy it is not! They built a very large utility room just off the kitchen and a large pantry, why not use one of those for connections for the washer and dryer? I could have drawn up better plans myself.

On todays menu we are having leftovers. LOL! We had chicken and rice, stir fry squash and asparagus yesterday and today will be reruns. At the price of groceries nobody can afford to throw things away, can they? I try to use every thing we buy. If it is something that freezes well, I will do that and save it for another time. I think I am just too lazy to do something else for today.

What is going on with the rest of you? Anything exciting going on? I lead such a dull life. I need to hear about someone elses exciting existence. LOL!

time for me to move on. Have a wonderful op day chicks. Ruth

Good Morning Ladies!

I had a belated Christmas party to go to last night and crashed and burned diet-wise, even though I really did have good intentions. Some turkey, some hummus, some fruit - that was the plan. In reality, it was lots of artichoke dip, lots of pita, hummus and gyro meat, lots of turkey, lots of smoked almonds (my biggest weakness), lots of food in general. I feel like a total , but there's nothing to be done for it, so I just logged off ALL of my flex points for the week. I'll try not to even get to my daily for the rest of the week and see how it goes. It was made worse by trying to find something to wear this morning. It's COLD and I put on my slacks and they were disgustingly tight. Apparently, every lb I've regained is sitting right on my butt! I HAVE to relose this weight and the rest! If only I had an iota of will-power.

I overslept and got in 14 minutes on the elliptical...better than nothing.

I may not be able to pop in too often in the coming days. Our reports of delinquent cases were turned in to the big boss yesterday, so I'm expecting the hammer to fall in the next two days. Everyone is at least a little behind...what are they going to do, fire the whole staff? Still, this place is always SO unpleasant anymore.

Anne -

Ruth - I hear you about wasting food. I actually took home the turkey bones from the party last night! Someone brought a deep-fried turkey and they were offered to the host for his wife to make soup with, but she's expecting and he thought she wasn't up to it - she's in the exhaused and sick phase. So when I saw them going for the trash bag I snapped them up! I LOVE turkey noodle soup!

Karen- Don't panic! Those lbs may not be there come Friday!

Angela - Don't be silly! You are never tedious!

I have noticed that many of you have mentioned getting organized and out of a "chaos lifestyle". That's me - CHAOS everywhere! Is that the FlyLady term? Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome? My house, my office, my food, my life. I've often felt that is part of my problem with my weight. Everything is connected after all. If my house was neat and organized and my thoughts were neat and organized, more would get done at home and at work, my stress would decrease and my life in general would be easier to manage, including my diet and exercise. And yet, though I acknowldge it to be a problem I often feel that I'm without time or the ability to change anything. Of course, I felt that way about my weight too, and I have managed to change that - although keeping it that way and finishing my mission there is more of a struggle than I thought. Related as well I suppose. Half my clutter is unfinished projects. Sewing not done although planned and materials bought, weaving and embroidery projects started but not finished, curtains for the house not made, home improvement projects started but not finshed - ie: THE BATHROOM! We've owned laminate flooring for our kitchen and dining room for three years and it's sitting in the boxes in my exercise/sewing room!

Went off on quite a ramble there didn't I? Maybe I need to get my head out of whereever I stuck it and get to work?

Well, time for hearing #2, so I best run......