Ammi: I guess I just didn't "hear" you when I was reading your post about your being able to walk to the Mumbles in 1/2 the time as last year! I am so happy for you and proud of you. What a wonderful accomplishment. You are doing amazing.

Patti: Hugs. Yeah for you on the exercising. Way to go Patti. I'm proud of you too.

Donna: Huge hugs. Sorry that you are down right now. It really stinks when we are releying on other people to keep their word like we would keep ours. Hopefully he will quit messing around. I will be keeping my fingers crossed that the Dr. will contact you about your orthodics!

Battle: Great job eating out and chosing correctly. You are really making some great changes. Don't worry about posting to everyone, there are many times I don't but remember that quite a few of us that post to everyone are "at home" gals/guys, so we may have a bit more time to do it than you do.

I just got back from swimming for the day and I'm rather slow today. I am tired and I think I was more stressed out about the heart thing than I even knew. I need to clean my house today. It is a mess. I just need to get motivated to get it done. I guess being on here isn't much help in that department. lol.

Blessings all,
Annie

I have been very emotional about my new weight loss journey. I don't know how to explain this. But, I am teary a lot and have been thinking about all the years wasted on abusing my body with food and hiding behind the fat. It colored every area of my life, and held me back from so much. I have done a lot, had some good times and reached important goals, but there are many ways I shrunk from the world and hated myself at the same time. I think I am grieving for the lost years. I am also anxious, but optimistic, about the future, and ready to live. These emotions may be surfacing in part because I'm not stuffing them down with food. It's been weird.

This time is way different from any other time I have tried to lose weight. I feel it deep in my soul. Every day I am dedicated to taking care of myself and my health, and determined to find ways to deal with problem areas instead of letting them derail me. I know there are no guarantees, and I pray that I will allow myself to stay the course.

I don't know what else to say...it's been emotional.

BattleAx -- I didn't start feeling like that about grieving for lost years until I'd lost a bunch of weight. It was only when I regained some of my abilities that I realized what I'd done. I mean, I'd always been pretty healthy and even managed to live abroad in China and Japan for 4 months while morbidly obese! But every single experience was colored by my weight. Once I started losing, it became really apparent what I'd lost, as I started to gain it back again. I think for many people this is a normal part of the journey.

I think that prioritizing you and your health is paramount. I've stayed most successful over the past 2 years when I do that. When I take the priority off me, I struggle. Keep that attitude!!!

Hi everyone... I don't post in the weekly because I'm bad with keeping up with the personals, so I hope you don't mind my spuratic pop-ins.

Battle - You said "This time is way different from any other time I have tried to lose weight. I feel it deep in my soul. Every day I am dedicated to taking care of myself and my health, and determined to find ways to deal with problem areas" ..... I feel this too and I'm really hoping I picked up enough through my ups and downs in the past, that I've found the right keys to make this the time. Its great that you have that feeling too! I wish there was a way to help others find that because losing and then regaining really is hard on your esteem.

I have a general question for everyone. Can anyone recommed a treadmill that isn't more the say $1500 that is good for heavier folks? Its hot hot hot here and I about died walking yesterday. I'm in the city so theres not a whole lot of malls to walk around in. I considered going to the airport and strolling around baggage claim! Hehe!

Ideal -- It's hard to do personals, and I think we'd rather hear from people than not!

As for treadmills... not sure I have an answer. We bought a nordic track rated for 250 pounds (I think), though I did use it when I weighed more, but I'm pretty sure it was more than $1500 new. I really liked it, just can't use it much anymore because I need to do low impact stuff because of my knee.

Ideal, I researched treadmills before getting mine. The best rated in the $500 range was the Proform sold by Costco and Sams. I must say, that it does the job and I like it very much. Of course, this past month and a half, this treadmill has seen more action than any other time!!! A great thing, btw.

Luv,
Rat

Just popping in to say Hi.

I had a splurge day today and ended up eating 2100 calories. I'm not stressing about it because I enjoyed it. Cheese is my big downfall and I ended up eating 5oz between lunch and dinner (3 and lunch and 2 at dinner) Thankfully my sons ate the rest or I might have had another 3oz. I also had 5 bananas today. At least I was actually hungry every time I ate and wasn't snacking from boredom.

I guess I'll re-start my "eating only what I've planned" mini-goal tomorrow. I'll just remember to plan in an occasional splurge day.

About epiphanies...

I must say I haven't had one. There were times before that I thought I had...like the first time I was introduced to Richard Simmons or to Susan Powder. I was on fire those times, yet.. it didn't last.

Everything I've read about people with long term successful weight loss says that the people have had a life altering moment or moments. I can't seem to find any one moment this time. There are things that I regret (see "Because of my weight" thread), but like Battle, I am successful in many areas of my life! I have a PhD, I have a good job, I own a small house with a cool yard, I have a close knit family, I have and drive a car, I have a small zoo (ok.. just 2 cats, 2 big dogs and a neurotic parrot).

I don't know what's different this time! I also don't know if I should be concerned about analyzing it all. As a scientist, I have a tendency to over-analyze things.

On a good note.. I had a salad tonight YAY me!! I sure hate veggies.. hehe. I did want some chocolate at work (dang vending machines), but decided to go home and fix my salad first. That worked! Highly unusual for it to work, btw.

Luv and hugs to all,
Ratkity

Hi all. I haven't really read up on posts and I will catch up tomorrow, it's just that I had a really bad day as far as my healthy eating plan went. I just got so fed up with all that working out and cutting my calories without any payoff on the scale... I'm just so impatient. But I'm coming forward and admitting to my slip-up, forgiving myself for it, and moving on tomorrow. I will NOT try and starve myself tomorrow to make up for it, nor will I feel like it is hopeless if I see a gain on the scale. This isn't going to happen overnight and I need to accept that. I am only human.

Okay thanks for listening

(saying to myself) Be accountable for your actions...be accountable for your actions...

Hi all,

First let me start by saying, you are all rock stars!! Even on your down days, I feel like you have much more chance of succeeding than I do. Externally, I show confidence. I am a smart-butt, graduated in the top 5% of the my college class with a BS in biology. I work at a great biotech company, making drugs that help save the lives of people with horrible illnesses such as cancer. I have a fabulous husband. Life is good darn it. Internally I doubt myself, my looks, my intelligence, but not my husband (gotta love him).

Tomorrow is August 2nd. Since on August 1st (yes, 5 minutes ago) I ate a big old chocolately piece of cake, let's not call today a good start. But tomorrow. I will eat on plan....I will exercise at least 30 minutes (does weeding count as exercise?). I will I will I will. I promise you...and I promise me. So there.

So many great people on here, I cannot address you all. Wyllen, you rock. You all do.

Annie, I am so concerned for you. You are doing great!!! I know you are having gastric bypass, and I know it helps so many people. My best friend had it Feb 14th, 2000. She lost LOADS of weight and truly found this happiness and confidence in herself. I was talking to her in December of 2000, and she said she was having horrible pain. She went to the emergency room and they said it was constipation. She was sooo embarrassed, that when the pain continued/came back, she did not return to the doctor. She drank some on New Years (2001), and she felt very sick....lots of pain. She endured to pain the entire day, and went to the emergency room late in the day on the 1st. The scar on her stomach caused tearing on her intestine, and she had leaked liters of bile into her abdomen. She quickly went septic and passed away. I still miss her to this day!! So much. Sorry, a little teary and heart broken. I know there are success stories, but had she not had that surgery I feel like I would still have her as a best friend. Ugh. I just pray everything will be well for you...

Sorry about that.

Again, I think you are all great. I am going to make tomorrow a great start.

Real...

Battle – I know what you mean about feeling the grief of lost opportunity and time. I think it is something that we all have felt over the years of being fat. The way that I reconcile myself with this is that I did the best I could. I know that if I honestly could have lost weight before, I would have done it. But I couldn’t. Some part of me needed to be fat at that time in my life. It ended up changing my experience of the world, but I also think in some ways it enhanced it. I have a much deeper understanding of myself then I think I would have needed if things had been easier. I also feel like I have a lot more empathy towards other people going through difficult situations. It has given me a perspective on where beauty truly comes from – down deep in our souls. You can never make up that time you lost, but you can lose your now by wallowing in regret over the past.

Annie – I am so unbelievably blown away by your commitment to exercise – I don’t even know what to say. You are unbelievable. You are an absolute testament to the triumph of the human spirit.

Luan - I am so sorry to hear you are going through such a rough time. I hope you have some good friends to help support you. I know your family life is rough and so you won’t get much help from that corner, but I am really hoping you don’t feel totally alone with what you are going through.

OK – I know I must be PMS’ing because I am half in tears writing these. I think I should stop now.

I remembered to take my vitamins last night!

Why, oh why do I always seem to decide to eat soup the night before my weigh in? I can feel myself completely puffing up already.

I went ahead and signed up for a 5-class yoga pass at my gym. I missed today because of a conference call, so I will start next week. It should add an interesting mix to my overall routine.

Wow, many of us on emotional jags lately. Is it something in the water?? Or just this place?

I need to announce something:
- Today I ate three wonderful pieces of bread that I had not planned on (one with pb, 2 with honey)
- Yesterday I ate 4 balance bars (each at 210 calories). Apparently peanut butter balance bars are now on my "can't bring into the home" list.
- Monday I ate an extra pudding (2 total)
- Sunday... oh yes, on Sunday hubby and I had our little date and there was wine and chocolate and cheese (and lots and lots of fruit).
- Saturday... another "extra" pudding and some dark chocolate.

I could go on, but will stop there.

I guess my point is 2-fold. One, I apparently got a little off track of my plan to get back on track. Ever since I hurt my knee last Monday. I do need to buckle down.

Two, this is really no big deal. Not at all. And for several reasons. First, none of these days was a full out binge fast. On many days I believe I still had a calorie deficit because I did balance things out a bit and I exercised. Second, I wrote it all down. Every bite. I'm accountable. Third, this is a long term marathon. We are going to have days and weeks when we can't quite pull it together. That's not ideal, but it also doesn't mean we have to push the panic button (yet). Do not panic.

I'm seeing lots and lots of people writing that they "blew it" by eating something they "shouldn't". Heck, I do that frequently. Granted, I can't do that and lose weight, really. But it also doesn't mean I have failed. In my case, I think I know some of why I'm going off track, and I'm working on it. Today, despite my carbfest, wasn't really a high day. If you have bread and pb as part of your dinner, it helps make up for it.

I guess what I'm trying to say is there's a balance. We DO need to be concerned about what we it and try not to go overboard. But we really don't have to beat ourselves up when it happens. If I did, I'd be one big bruise!!!!!

today sucked I'll have to catch up tomorrow on whats going here. Hope everyone has a good day tomorrow.

Nancy - thanks for the thoughts. its really my own fault. im just working on being a better person now.

Ammi - i decided to not keep it.

Annie - its been a while for me. what have you been doing to lose weight? was it the liquids? you seriously look beautiful

I feel like a sponge. A big round puffy sponge.

I am really getting weary of this hot, humid weather. Between this and TOM, I shot up 5 lbs literally overnight Tuesday. I know it *must* be water weight because I am OP, but shoot....enough already!

I feel better now...