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-   -   Unintentional saboteur (https://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/30-somethings/313792-unintentional-saboteur.html)

Aunrio 07-30-2017 12:21 AM

Unintentional saboteur
My hubs is out of town for business and I feel like it is so much easier to prioritize me in regards to working out or eating right. He packs leftovers for my lunch with massive serving sizes or decides takeout on a whim and gets my favorite. Gee thanks honey. How do I get him on board with the all or none mentality I need to get this process really going?

JellyBelly1908 08-13-2017 04:27 PM

Is he overweight as well or just an unhealthy eater?

JBurton 08-13-2017 07:01 PM

My hubby does the same thing. When you figure it out, please let us know ;).

Thousandsunny 08-18-2017 06:19 PM

Have you tried just talking to him? Communication is key, maybe just a light-hearted conversation about how you're grateful he packs your lunch but go easy on the portions. Or, if he does take aways, have a pre-chosen new favourite that fits your plan and he's aware of. You said yourself it's unintentional, just clue him in so he can be unintentionally supportive instead! My girlfriend always offers me bites of her fries or the last chicken nugget, I just have to remind her of what I can and can't eat and she adjusts. Talk it out! It works!

Emma121 08-22-2017 11:22 AM

My hubby is onboard
I have tried something new this time. My hubby is not overweight. And it took a long talk with tears and real honorsty from both of us. He Said to me, that he could see how much all this extra weight tortured me - mentally. He never had a weight problem so he needed to really listen why this is so damn hard. He is now on my team. And the dat i wanted to go to the bakery. He Said. Why?

So try to talk. Am sure the things he does, is in a good spirit.

toastedsmoke 08-31-2017 08:05 PM

I'm not married but I have a dad that would do this and it's because feeding me and treating me is one of the ways he shows love. You have 2 options when it comes to dealing with this. The first and the one I would recommend is having the honest talk with him as recommended above and be prepared to keep reminding him till he gets used to it. This isn't what I did. But only because I have a phobia of my family becoming the food police. What I did instead was say things like "I don't really want to eat x anymore because it doesn't make me feel well. My digestion must be aging." or "lunch was delicious I'd just re pack my lunch by myself into the smaller portions I want to eat or get new designated small lunch designated as my lunch bowls which can only be filled so much. This second option is a lot of effort in my opinion, but good if you're worried about conflict or push-back.

Wendiendi 09-02-2017 07:20 PM

All or none mentality? I'm not sure I would go with this approach. In my experience this is what leads to binge eating and falling off the wagon.

Maybe you could try -

If he packs leftovers with large portions, only eat part of what he packs?
If he brings home takeout eat a small portion and supplement with healthy choices?

While a conversation might need to be had with him about eating healthier and your goals, depriving yourself with an "all or none" mentality might lead to bigger issues?

Aunrio 09-20-2017 11:58 AM

Thanks ladies, I did appreciate the replies. We both have extra padding often indicative of 5+ years of marriage and kids. I talked to him about how serious I was about things this time and things have generally improved. I guess he realized that while he is not an avid gym goer, he could improve his eating habits and see improvement in his waistline.

exstastika 09-26-2017 01:06 PM

I had a hard time with my xh when we were married too. It was really hard to not have stuff in the house because he ate like crap. If we didn't have that stuff in the house, he would spend so much $$ on gas station food and such. He was very rarely ever sweet but once in awhile he'd bring home an ice cream....I really hated to ask him not to do that because I was afraid it would leave nothing (which, FTR, it did). We were very bad at communicating together -- well, bad in that I'm a communicator and he refused...so we never got to one of those meeting-of-the-minds where he could really understand how I felt and the issues and how I couldn't it do it without him. I actually was doing really well once we got divorced...I controlled the food and the money and the excursions, money was really tight at first so we never ate out, and ate at my parents' a lot, no eating out lunches at work. I felt like I had all this time since I wasn't taking care of him and his crap. Then the novelty wore off and I got too much in life like we all do, and all those habits died away. Worse now that I"m in school. I'm really struggling to get there mentally....so I know that the problem is definitely me in my head. He definitely didn't help, and might I have been more successful with support? Probably. But it definitely wouldn't have fixed my head about it all.

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