Unsupportive friends/family
 

Okay, so while my daughters are spending most of the summer with my ex-husband, I have been staying with the bf quite a bit. I went grocery shopping, got all of my "must-haves" to stay on track, and even got some of the stuff he likes that I can manage to stay away from. I came home the other evening and he'd been to the store. I look in the cabinet and see a HUGE bag of peanut butter M&Ms, which he KNOWS are one of my biggest weaknesses. Wait --- that's not the worst part!! I was eating my last snack of the evening, half a bag of 100 cal popcorn, and he steps in front of me with a handful of the M&Ms TAUNTING me with them!! He even put one in front of my face and said, "come on, eat it!!" I don't think he understands that I constantly battle with my food addictions and it was not the least bit funny for him to make such a joke out of my commitment to staying healthy. Have any of you out there had to deal with a similar situation - a lack of support from friends or family in your quest for a healthier lifestyle? :?:

He sounds like a little boy to me, not a man. A man supports you.

Tell him how you feel and if he doesn't change, go out and find a man. I promise you will appreciate the difference.

I feel for ya. :hug: That sounds just awful. It wouldn't surprise me if he really didn't realize just what he was doing and how hard it is for you to resist. He may take the matter much more lightly.

I hope you can tell him and explain clearly that he can eat all the crap he wants but he needs to get out of your face with the sweet stuff and keep it out of the house. If that's something he just can't do, then I think there's a bigger discussion there.

Hang in. And good for you for not caving to the M&Ms.

What they both said.

This is hard enough. I cannot imagine having to do it with my significant other sabotaging my every effort.

Some people are just so insensitive! I find that the naturally skinny people in my family tend to be worse about it. Just hold your head up high and tell him how it feels to you when he taunts with food. Any loving, caring person should understand. Good Luck!

Good for you!! Good decision, good follow through

This is extremely disrepectful. If you eat it though, you're just reinforcing that "no" means "yes".

I hope that means you get up, put the ice cream back in the container, rinse out your bowl - all quietly and without comment. If asked, "I didn't want any right now."

:hug:

S'pose I hafta side with the people that say how terribly disrespectful that is. Though I will say that sometimes I am guilty of not letting people know how I feel about something that they think is "just fun and games." If you don't speak up, you are just a doormat.

Please, let him know that it's just not funny. Also, it seems like spending so much time there is optional. Choose YOU and do what you need to do for YOUR health. You will be a better Mom, a better girlfriend, and a better woman!

Chuck him love.

He doesn't respect or support you, he wants you to stay on the tubby side because he is frightened of you finding someone else when you are slim and trim. If he can't support you in this, just imagine if there was a big problem in your life like serious illness. He'd be off like a shot. You deserve better

Stay Strong! Do not let him get away with such disrespect. The next time he taunts you with M&M's take what he offers you and go directly to the garbage disposal and get rid of them. You must let him know that you are serious about improving your health.

It's not that uncommon for men to feel threatened by "their woman" becoming more attractive. I broke up with a guy after about 6 months, partly because even after telling him numerous times there were certain foods I needed to stay away from, he was constantly wanting to get them, pizza, fudge, etc. It seemed like a control issue more than a food issue, and there is no fixing control issues. Best of luck to you!

Confront him about it?

"Why do you do that for? I really struggle with my self control, so when you do that and I give in, I really hate myself afterward. Why do you do that for?"

An answer would be interesting.

As a rule, I think "sabotage" is an overused term, because I don't think most people are intentionally or even subconsciously trying to prevent your weight loss. They're usually just unaware or not focused on your goals.

But this is a case where the word does seem to apply. Taunting you and putting food up to your mouth to get you to eat it, crosses a line in my book. It isn't cute or funny. It's not "normal" either.

I'm not saying he's a horrible person, but he's crossing some boundaries that I think warrant direct confrontation. You've got to make it clear that such behavior isn't acceptable to you, and if he still won't respect those boundaries, I'd recommend counseling. This seems like it could be a power/control issue.

I've never had anyone put it to my mouth, but I have had people continue to offer it even after repeated no's. I think it is because they feel guilty themselves, especially as they watch you losing the weight and they aren't doing anything to help themselves.

I agree with ewimsatt. No real man would ever do that to you. My DH has jumped right on board with my diet, especially since we have a son and don't want him growing up with my issues.

I say continue your journey with someone who will love and respect all you do.

Couldn't agree more!

This is a rough one. I'm going through a separation leading to divorce right now, and while there are a lot of reasons for it, a large contributor was the realization that I was never going to be happy fat, and he was never going to be happy with me trying to be (and hopefully finally being) thin.
Hopefully everything will work out for you, but I wish I had realized this years ago at the bottom of my 30's instead of the top.

This is terrible!! I can't imagine anyone doing to me, especially my husband who met me at 185 and married me at 207 and watched get to 252 (pregnant) and then remain at 227 until I got serious at losing weight and he NEVER said a word or made me feel bad or guilty. Just by side loving me. He is supportive of most things I choose to do (except maybe spending money!).

The only time people don't listen when I say no is at work for birthdays with that :censored: cake being offered over and over.

Oh and my mother in law who brought me 2 DOZEN doughnuts the day after I told her about my diet. Maybe coincidence? :p She is overweight also and I think it's the same thing you are talking about with your boyfriend, a combo of guilt and maybe even fear of being "left behind"

Ahhh, yes, my boyfriend is overwieght and can't stick to anything either. He and I have talked about his negative feelings toward my loss thus far, and I have assured him that he won't lose me to a gym jocky lol. He has been a help and a hinderance. I can see how it may make your BF uncomfortable. Talk it out w/ him, and don't let him rule the conversation, be sure of what you want to say.

Sounds like this is a tough one for you two.

I don't know your boyfriend, but it sounds to me like he is rather childish. Lay it all out for him, how you feel and what taunting does to you. If he doesn't listen, respond, and start treating you with respect, it's time to move on. There are men out there who will treat you right. Nuts on that nonsense.

Wow...I think I would've been really upset w/ that. I'm not on the "dump him" wagon, though b/c you don't mention if you told him how much it bothered you or not. My advice would be to sit him down and tell him bluntly how hard it is for you to commit to something like this and you really don't appreciate him taunting you w/ foods that he KNOWS could be a trigger for you. And if he does it again, I personally would grab the entire bag of M&Ms and put them down the garbage disposal and then ask him "NOW...are you going to EVER put an M&M in my effing face again???" LMFAO

My husband is an excellent match for me. I dated *a lot* before meeting him, and I knew he was keeper early on. There are a lot of ppl out there that are great matches. . . for *other* ppl. What your BF did is really disrespectful to you. Maybe he can change that behavior, but I bet there are other things he does that are disrespectful to you. Do you think there's a better match out there for you? I do.

Thank you all so much for your support. I got married at 20 to a man I met when I was 17, spent 12 years with him in a bad marriage, and started dating the bf about 6 months after my separation. I haven't had a whole lot of alone time, and haven't dated much. Bf and I broke up twice in the last 3 years, both times for 3 months or so, but always came back to each other. I have SO much to focus on right now - losing weight, I'm going back to finish my Bachelor's degree on Tuesday (taking a full 12 credit hr courseload), working 30 hours a week, and taking care of my two children. My ten year old has cerebral palsy and is wheelchair bound, and requires a great deal more care than most children her age. So, without worrying about the bf I have plenty on my plate. He hasn't done anything like that since that day, but things are stressed between us in general. I don't know where it will go, but I am doing what I can to keep from letting the stress of our relationship from affecting everything else in my life.