This is totally disfunctional of me but whatever motivates you. My healthy place says "tell her to just do this for herself, no one else". Then that little, small place inside me says to tell you "get out there and prove her wrong. Her lifestyle WILL catch up with her then YOU'LL be the one looking fab". Listen to my healthy place even though sometimes the 'in your face' kind of motivation can get you started, it will never sustain you. Belief in yourself will.

Originally Posted by kaplods:
I know that "I'll show them," can be a powerful motivator, but it also is a stressful one, because it often stirs up the negative emotions that inspired it. In a sense to keep the motivation, you've got to stir up the negative feelings that inspired it - remembering the pain of that letter and how much you were hurt by it. You don't need that in your life.

Wow, this is a really good point. It is tempting to use this kind of an incident as an "I'll show THEM!" type of motivation, but if we have to recall the hurt and upset that we felt when the incident occurred, that's not positive motivation! Best to just keep on track with positive thoughts of good health, well being, and the cute jeans we'll be wearing!

Originally Posted by kaplods:
I know that "I'll show them," can be a powerful motivator, but it also is a stressful one, because it often stirs up the negative emotions that inspired it. In a sense to keep the motivation, you've got to stir up the negative feelings that inspired it - remembering the pain of that letter and how much you were hurt by it. You don't need that in your life.

I agree. I have done this before, think I have something to prove, and then when the inevitable slip up or bad day happens, I am 10,000 times harder on myself. Even now, my nutritionist asked me why I wanted to lose weight, and I had to really think for a second. I am still thinking.

In any case, I have learned that my closest friends are the ones I attracted when I was really being me. Friendships develop for different reasons, but the ones that stick are the ones who you can be yourself. If she doesn't like you for you, then we all know where she can go.

I also want to comment on how you aren't telling other people for fear of failure. I do the same thing. In a way, I think it is a good thing, so that way you are doing something for yourself and not for the approval of others. In another way, I am not so sure... hmmm. :?:

:hug: Thanks again for all your thoughts......the not telling anyone is a conundrum for me......I get scared that if I tell people that I am dieting and they dont see an instant improvement, they'll talk .....but as most of you say, friends DONT talk......most times on diets I didnt really announce to the world, people just noticed one day I was looking better and healthier, and it motivated me to keep it up......so for now I think Ill still keep it on the down low....Ive told 2 of my close friends, parents and of course DH who is more on board with me this time around than ever.....:D

I haven't gotten a chance to read everything and I will go back and do so as soon as I get a chance, but I saw your sn and had to say goooo WVU! woot :)

I think people are generally either open or closed about their weight loss. I'm an open person. **** I'll sit down and have a pow-pow with you and discuss weight, healthy eating, and my own journey. For some reason I don't care what the world thinks of me in that respect. I think my being open actually helps the people around me not feel uncomfortable. They feel like they can relax and not fuss over silly things. If they have something to say, they can say it to me if they would like. I welcome comments, even negative ones.

Saying that I would never put my feelings toward weight loss or myself onto other people, especially my friends. I think your ex-friend has a few issues and to be frank, I think she clearly did not appreciate or respect you as a person. It is good that you found this out and have made changes so that you can focus on you and not what some misinformed woman feels. I find it irritating when people assume that everyone who has weight issues are "lazy." I think those people are ignorant and just plain rude and it shows a lack of respect and character on their part.

I will say though that one day you might change your mind about not having contact with your friend. People do make mistakes. Perhaps this will be motivation for your ex-friend to become more educated on health issues and weight loss.

Don't change your life for other people. Change your life for you. The rest of it is just icing on the cake. And don't we all love cake? :)