I don't think that this is true in every case. My husband isn't worried about me leaving him, and he loves me thin, heavy, or the curvy inbetween. He just likes his junk food now and then...and when he wants it, he doesn't really think about the fact that it might be hard on me.

It is the same thing if I send him to the grocery store-he ALWAYS comes back with a couple of things not on the list, because he walks by them and they "looked good". Usually Doritos, Chips Ahoy, etc...

I have to deal with junk food being in the house ALL of the time. Right now there are corn chips, vanilla ice cream, Frosted Flakes, and regular Cokes in my house. My husband eats healthy 90% of the time, and he lifts weights and runs...and he is fit, and not overweight. So, if he wants ice cream or a Coke, what am I supposed to do?

I have just learned that no matter where I go, there are always going to be temptations. It isn't that anyone is trying to sabatoge me...it is just the way it is.

I agree that boyfriends and husbands often act in a way that's not consistent with our weight loss efforts, such as offering us foods we tell them we don't want to eat and talking us out of exercising in favour of doing something else. In some cases, I think the intent (conscious or unconscious) is to sabotage because they are afraid if we get thin we'll leave them or we won't be as powerless or dependent upon their affection (because they perceive we will have more alternative options if we're thinner).

In other cases I'm not sure the intention is to sabotage, but that they are reacting to our suddenly putting ourselves first and making our own needs a priority. I'm sure there are a lot of relationships out there where it's all about the woman meeting the man's needs and any sign of upsetting the status quo (by the woman suddenly saying, "I'm making this change for me" - which has nothing to do with meeting the man's needs) would be met with behavior that tries to reinforce the status quo. For example, the woman says, "I'm not eating pizza with you anymore because I want to lose weight." The man then proceeds to order pizza and persuades her into eating it. This could be about the man not wanting the woman to lose weight and leave him, but it could also be about minimizing or plain old not hearing the woman's needs. The man's attitude could be "Oh ya, since when is it about you?" Or, maybe statements about the woman's needs just don't register on their radar screen, as if they don't hear them.

In still other cases, it may not be about us at all. My experience has been that people are pretty self-interested a lot of the time. If the man buys a tub of extra rich ice cream, it may just be about him wanting extra rich ice cream and have nothing to do with us. In an ideal world, others (especially our husbands and boyfriends) would adjust their needs to support ours but this doesn't always happen and like aphil says above, sometimes you just have to live with temptation. It would be nice to be able to negotiate an agreement where they store their ice cream in a separate freezer you don't go into or whatever - some demonstration and follow through of support for us and acknowledgment that dealing with temptation is hard for us.

I also think women could get into the sabotage as much as men, so I'm not sure it's a man thing, although I think as a general rule it's more challenging for women to assert their needs in a relationship than it is for men.

C'mon guys self control is key to be successful in your diet. One thing that you guys could do it is to say to your partner, you have one day to eat all that stuff because tomorrow everything that's left is going to the garbage :)

We both just agreed to start loosing weight and made pretty plans on what to buy etc. Two hours pass... He volunteers to go and buy a packet of coffee and then "what about pastries?" PASTRIES!!!? He tried to play the "we could start tomorrow"-card, but I said no. No no no.

I don't know about your husband, but I'm definitely feeling like mine is sabotaging me. Last saturday night I told him I wanted "a treat" and was going to go get a small bottle of wine. I told him I was only having one glass. He called me twice while I was out, asking me to pick up ice cream and donuts... luckily I didn't hear my phone! So when I got home he said he was going to go to sonic and get a blast.. which is highly irregular for him. He won't leave the house for food. he only orders in or else he does without.

Anyway, I told him if he went and got a blast then I was going to the gym to work out or barracading myself in the bathroom to take a bath until all evidence of it being in the house was gone. he didn't go get one, but the next day while we were driving around he stopped and got one and ate it in the car. I got so mad I wouldn't take one single bite that he offerred a couple of times.

He's definitely got some self esteem issues and is afraid that if I look great, I might wander or look for other guys who look great. He just needs some personal motivation to get in shape himself! But he never seems to find it...

He used to imply that it was my responsibility to check on his calorie intakes and to make him wake up in the morning to exercise. I told him no until he quit. But he hasn't done it on his own either which is frustrating.

I don't mean to rant about him, this is frustrating me but otherwise he is generally a very considerate and sweet guy. But eating that sonic blast was a mistake for him, because now I'm SO DETERMINED. hah!

I think men want what they want when they want it, and really just don't think things through. So they go to the grocery store and see chips, they want it, they get it. That's the well-meaning SO, who just does unthinking things. Then there's the guy who wants you to stay the way you are. Since his wants are generally to the forefront in his brain (not always, just in a general way -- I think they have to consciously think to put others first) then if he's decided to eat like crap so you eat like crap, he will.

My SO has gone the opposite way, and is like a bootcamp instructor. It makes me so mad that I want to eat in front of *him*. He keeps asking me if I've worked out, what I did to work out, how my workout was, how much weight I've lost, what I've eaten, what my calories are... we were at a family party the other day and he SLAPPED A COOKIE OUT OF MY HAND. Sure, I shouldn't be eating cookies, but it was one cookie, and I'd been exceptionally good on the diet *just* so I could eat a few bad but not so bad things and feel like I wasn't depriving myself. I picked up the cookie and ate it, looking straight at him.. and he wouldn't talk to me for the rest of the night.

Is there some forum for support of relationship-challenged dieters? I don't want to bash him, but I'm feeling the need to BASH him ;-)

Anyway. For the most part, I think they're well-meaning. Just a little bit selfish. Most guys I know admit to that. Not only admit... but... are proud of that. Like they're beating on their chests while they say it. :-D