Thankfully, my size 16 jeans are getting rather loose. Really, I should have stopped wearing them, but I have no size 14 jeans while I have many size 12. So, I'm holding out for 12! (I can actually squeeze into the 12s now, but there's a little too much squeeze for comfort!) Two years ago, I stocked up on maybe a dozen or so pairs of size 16 jeans. I plan to never need them again, so I want to get rid of them as soon as I'm comfortably in my 12s. Anyhow, I think both my closest friend and my sister wear size 16 jeans. I know the friend is trying to lose weight (with limited success so far), but I don't think my sister is. It'd be most convenient for me to give the jeans to the friend because she lives close and I see her all the time. But, as she's trying to lose weight too, I think it might seem unkind to give her my "fat" jeans. I'd have to ship them to my sister, but it might go over better since she's not trying to lose weight. And, her finances are pretty tight (while the friend, while frugal, is financially set). But, still I can see how she might feel like I was pushing my weight loss in her face. Should I just forget about "blessing" someone I know with them?
Honestly, it depends on your relationships with these people. Seems to me like your sister might be able to use them more/longer if she isn't trying to lose weight, but if your friend started at a higher size, she might be lacking in "transition" pants.
I wouldn't frame it as "hey, I have some fat pants, want them?" I'd say, to either, "I was spring cleaning my closet and I have some clothes to get rid of...could you use some jeans before I give them to Goodwill?" That way, it isn't size-based, but need-based.
Were it I, I would offer by saying "I have a few pairs of jeans I no longer need, but they're in good shape and I hate to see them go to waste. Let me know if you're interested and I can give you more info."
I tend to be quite practical by nature, and would not be offended receiving such an offer, but that's just me. YMMV
I agree, the strategy of the spring clean sounds good. I don't know who to give your jeans to, but seems your sister is less well off financially and would probably get more wear of the jeans.
I think it's a great idea! Me being frugal, would totally appreciate them. I had a coworker give me a bag of pants once, because she grew out of them. But I was certainly grateful.
I agree that there's no need to even mention that they're too big for you. That way you're not rubbing her/their nose in the fact that they are your "fat jeans."
I might try the spring cleaning/"extra jeans" approach, but both women have been in the loop on my weight loss. They'll know the real reason, but maybe we can avoid the elephant in the room.
Last edited by LessEveryDay; 04-08-2008 at 02:33 PM.
I think most of us are realistic and aware of the "real" situation when it comes to our size (or financial situation for that matter) in relation to others. The point isn't that you think these ladies are smaller than they are, but rather that your motive is generosity, not judgement or pity to emphasize your success or their failure. For your sister, you also don't want to come off as the successful sister giving her cast-offs to the less fortunate one out of pity.
A gift that's given with a generous spirit is generally appreciated, but we've all known people who have alterior, selfish motives in the giving. Because of this, we sometimes have to go out of our way to show that we're not one of those people.
I agree with everyone else. The ladies in your life shouldn't be offended but thankful. My mother lives with me (and is a bit larger than me), and when I get to cleaning out the closet and dresser, I take everything to her and ask if she could use them. If she can't use them or doesn't care for them, we put them in a box to be sold at garage sale. If they don't sell, they get donated. On a different note, I'm a nurse and there are many of us trying to lose weight within the entire campus. We just bring our scrubs that don't fit, put them in a box in our breakroom, and whoever wants them takes them, no questions asked.
I would just be careful on how I worded it. I would say that I was cleaning out my closet and getting ready to take some things to Goodwill/Salvation Army, and that I thought I would ask if anyone wanted them before I donated them.
Don't mention that they are too big for you now. If she is interested, just say something like "If you don't mind me asking, what size do you need, and I can set those aside if you would like to come by and try them on."
Just don't say anything about wearing 14's now...just say you don't hardly ever wear them anymore if asked.
My sister gave me her fat clothes when she started to lose weight, I was happy both for her and for me I think holding a pretence that it is spring cleaning is wrong, just say hey I've got some jeans I don't want any more do you want them. Maybe your weight loss will help inspire them (this is what happened for me, and its been great because my sis remains why size smaller than me so I get all her clothes and don't have to buy new stuff as I shrink!)
I think that's the whole point of the spring cleaning is to find a way to say I don't want them, do you? without bringing weight loss into the equation. Some people are alot more thin skinned than others about the topic of weight loss. I've known people who were offended that I even implied they might wear above a size 12 (when it was obvious that a size 24 might have been snug). I had a friend in college who had to be a size 20 (if she would have worn clothing that fit), but because she could squueze into size 18 t-shirts and sweat pants in a "regular" store was very offended when I mentioned a sale at Lane Bryant as something she might be interested in.
Heck, I'm so thick-skinned, if someone were offering me free clothing in my size, they could refer to them circus-tents, and call me a whale and I would happily accept them.
You basically have to know your friend and sister as to whether "spring cleaning" or some other pretense is needed.
Gift of "fat" jeans = blessing or no?
But I was certainly grateful.
