3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community

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-   -   Single Thirty somethings!!!! (https://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/30-somethings/129711-single-thirty-somethings.html)

Persistent Pam 04-13-2008 08:16 PM

Helllooo.
 
Hi Everyone, I've been mia as well...it's hard to write every day. okay...it's hard sometimes to write as well....miracles of miracles...I'm still losing weight...I've been at it about 2.5 months. I've lost about 12-13 lbs. And I'm thrilled. I've actually been committed and willing to let go of eating and watching tv at the same time! for 5 days now....See....I've cut my food intake to up to 2000 calories a day....in the last 2.5 months I probly binged maybe 5 times...not too bad...But I was cheating...cause I was reallly eating very little all day so that at dinner, I could eat 10 low cal ice cream bars....it's amazing how I can fool myself...so now no more eating in front of the tv...and so I don't need to binge so much...

I'm also starting to date some one. Tomorrow is our first date...we've been involved in a working relationship since the fall...he's older than me, by about 10 years and much more successful...I'm very scared and very excited...the addict in me is already seeing wedding bells etc...so I have to remind myself that this is a date...nothing more...sigh...and then the other part of me is ...well if it doesn't work out I dont' have to worry that I have no money and am not anywhere near as successful as he is...

jen jen, I hope your weekend went well

wyoming: body pain...used to happen to me alot when I would first start losing weight...Its sort of like a release...emotions are why we usually eat and the pain gets trapped physically in your body...when you diet or are less medicated with food the pain is then felt/released....there is no way out except to feel it...you can try breathing exercised...sit quietly...close your eyes and for about half an hour a day deep breath and breath into the painful area...it gives it the attention it needs to heal. I used to get so frustrated cause it would stop my exercise routine when I would get these aches and pains.

kde80 & wennygrrl: I have tendonitis too...I can still exercise..but have to do 15 minutes of yoga b4 and after my runs...if you're not up to aerobics...just try yoga...I've read too that it's not really the aerobics that makes you lose weight...it's the amount of oxygen you take in and with yoga you can concentrate on your breathing...too.

Welcome to the new people....my latest things that have been really good for me:
writing down everything I eat. If I binge write down all I eat with no judgement and what led up to the eating.

give yourself credit every time you do something good for your self

eating 6-8 fruits and veggies.

exercising ever day.

I've gone on a bit too much. :-) over and out.

Persistent Pam 04-13-2008 08:18 PM

Helllooo.
 
Hi Everyone, I've been mia as well...it's hard to write every day. okay...it's hard sometimes to write as well....miracles of miracles...I'm still losing weight...I've been at it about 2.5 months. I've lost about 12-13 lbs. And I'm thrilled. I've actually been committed and willing to let go of eating and watching tv at the same time! for 5 days now....See....I've cut my food intake to up to 2000 calories a day....in the last 2.5 months I probly binged maybe 5 times...not too bad...But I was cheating...cause I was reallly eating very little all day so that at dinner, I could eat 10 low cal ice cream bars....it's amazing how I can fool myself...so now no more eating in front of the tv...and so I don't need to binge so much...

I'm also starting to date some one. Tomorrow is our first date...we've been involved in a working relationship since the fall...he's older than me, by about 10 years and much more successful...I'm very scared and very excited...the addict in me is already seeing wedding bells etc...so I have to remind myself that this is a date...nothing more...sigh...and then the other part of me is ...well if it doesn't work out I dont' have to worry that I have no money and am not anywhere near as successful as he is...

jen jen, I hope your weekend went well

wyoming: body pain...used to happen to me alot when I would first start losing weight...Its sort of like a release...emotions are why we usually eat and the pain gets trapped physically in your body...when you diet or are less medicated with food the pain is then felt/released....there is no way out except to feel it...you can try breathing exercised...sit quietly...close your eyes and for about half an hour a day deep breath and breath into the painful area...it gives it the attention it needs to heal. I used to get so frustrated cause it would stop my exercise routine when I would get these aches and pains.

kde80 & wennygrrl: I have tendonitis too...I can still exercise..but have to do 15 minutes of yoga b4 and after my runs...if you're not up to aerobics...just try yoga...I've read too that it's not really the aerobics that makes you lose weight...it's the amount of oxygen you take in and with yoga you can concentrate on your breathing...too.

Welcome to the new people....my latest things that have been really good for me:
writing down everything I eat. If I binge write down all I eat with no judgement and what led up to the eating.

give yourself credit every time you do something good for your self

eating 6-8 fruits and veggies.

exercising ever day.

Oh and I'm terrifed to lose the weight! So no wonder it's hard. I'm terrified of the successes I'm having. and I'm scared to change.

I've gone on a bit too much. :-) over and out.

jenjen 04-15-2008 07:45 PM

Hey gang! How's everyone doing?

Pam, Congrats on the loss. How did the date go? How exciting! It's always scary to start off in a new "relationship" & I too find it hard not to get carried away.

Wyoming, How's your neck. Hope you're feeling better.

Sorry I've been MIA. It's just been so crazy. The weekend at home was good. I maintained my weight over that weekend, so that was good.

I've applied for a new job--still at the same place, but it would be much more $$$. Keep your fingers crossed. It's not that I don't like my job, but this would be an awesome career move for me.

So far, I've lost 30 pounds since January. I'm excited & am proud of myself. Those days I really don't want to work out, I keep telling myself that it's necessary. Plus, working out really helps me with the stress. I just hate that I end up getting home so late.

Does anyone lie about how much weight they've lost? I usually tell people I've lost less than what I've actually lost--like right now, I tell most people I've lost 20 pounds rather than 30. I think some of it is because it's really not their business. The people I want to know, know how much I've lost. Am I just weird??? (Maybe you shouldn't answer that! :devil: )

Hope everyone else is hanging in there. Take care!

jas2010 04-19-2008 08:03 PM

Yay for the 30something singletons!! New member here, and looking forward to having some support this time around! I just started LAWL a couple weeks ago, but I am such a self-sabotager!! Why is it I can't eat healthy for longer than 3-4 days at a time?? Anyway, i'm trying to stay positive, and I love hearing about everyone else's stories!!
Jules

Sapphdia 04-27-2008 10:47 PM

Hi I'm relatively new here and I am single and SEXY, dammit! lol I have no children, unless you count my cat, Bella, and I like I said in another forum, I have recently decided to make a conscious effort not to apologize for who I am or how I look. I'm not putting my life on hold until I lose weight anymore! I'm going to get busy living... starting with... um... Let's see... Ok, I gotta think about this, but I'll be back!!! lol :P

grneyegrl 04-29-2008 12:27 AM

Hi everyone, I am new to the site and thought this group looked interesting. Everyone I know is married with kids, looking for people who understand how it is not to be.

In response to Jen-Jen. I just started out and this is the first time I have tried to lose weight. I dread dealing with the attention - good and bad. One of my friends suggested saying you have dropped a size or two. That is vague enough. Another suggested turning the question into a compliment and don't answer anything. Just thank the person for noticing.

jenjen 05-03-2008 12:41 AM

Hey gang! I just don't know where the time goes.

Jules, I sometimes self-sabatoge...especially on weekends. I tend to revert to bad habits--ordering pizza, buying ice cream, etc. I've been doing better. I've started doing challenges, which helps me become more accountable.

Sapphdia, What a great attitude! I'm trying to break out of my shell. I venture out on my own more than I have been. I used to go to movies, restaurants, museums, whatever by myself, but over the last couple of years, I stopped. Now, I'm trying to get back into being active--if there's something I want to do & no one else does, I'm trying to go by myself.

Grneyegrl, I totally agree. I try to down-play it some, but sometimes people just go on & on. I just makes me uncomfortable.

I've been eating well & excercising. So far, I've lost 32 pounds. Last weekend I went "shopping" in the back of my closet. I found some great clothes that actually fit now. Yesterday I wore one of my "new" dresses, and everyone raved. It was a bit embarrassing, but also flattering. Oh, and another victory is that a couple of rings ALMOST fit. I haven't been able to wear them in years. Hopefully, after the next 5-10 pounds they'll slide on easily.

Have a great weekend everyone. I'll try to check in & write more often!

JenJen76 05-08-2008 06:42 PM

Hey all, iam 31 & single too, never been married or engaged,no kids. Iam in the mind set that i will be single forever cause men suck!! Iam not willing to give in and do things they like or want me to do cause i have anxiety issues and hate driving to wherever they live. SOUNDS silly but true, just like i hate movies... I dunno but being lonely sucks, iam trying now to focus on me & fit my problems first before i start looking 4 a man...

ViolinJenn 06-07-2008 11:41 PM

Hello Ladies!:wave:

I thought I'd give this thread a little CPR!

So when I last left you...*insert cheeze soap opera music*...

It was March....

I was telling you about that Chemist I had met on an online dating site. He had emailed me through the service on a Friday, but I had been sick..again....and didn't get the message till Monday am, but by Monday evening when I replied sadly his profile had come down in that short time span.:(:( The service said I can still communicate with him, but I don't think he had gotten any of the messages I sent. His last email was "Hey good looking". He would have had to log back in to get them. I pulled my profile off shortly after. I only wanted to get to know him. So lately, quite randomly he's been on my mind! Badly! I believe that there is a reason for everything, even this. There is a reason that we met at that time and a reason for the result. We were at complete ends of the spectrums...I was EXTREMELY stressed out *(I've since done a lot of thinking and cleared off alot of stuff from the "Priority" pile.) and he was a bit bored with his life at the moment. Right two people, just the wrong time.:( I have a bad case of "Charlie on the brain now" I miss getting to know him.:(:(:cry::cry::cry: I guess it's not having any closure. If we had met and gone out a few times and it just wasn't there then fine, but it was abrupt..ya know. I go on the site every so often and do a free search to see if he pop's up. But...I have a feeling I'll never cross paths with him again.:(:(:(:(

I even thought it was a great idea to buy a fish and name it Charlie to try and get some closure!!:o:o:dizzy::dizzy::dizzy:

Anyhoo....I'm still working out at the gym, but I'm now working out on my own. No trainer. My contract came due and I just didn't have the funds with this wonderfully crappy economy we have. But I did pay attention and ask questions so I know that I can do this!!!


So how's everyone?

Come on Ladies...let get moving and lose those pounds!!!:tread::tread::strong::strong::lifter::li fter:

emeraldjules 06-12-2008 09:25 PM

Feeling ya
 
I am with you on the never married, never had children...
Actually had a man (my currently boyfriend - but not for long) tell me recently that we could get married just as soon as I lost all the weight. I'm like, WHAT?!

Yeah so I'm 37 not seeing that children are going to happen before 40 and most likely not happening after I hit the big 4-0...so the weight loss is for me. I'm feeling a little jilted today. Maybe I'll be cheerier tomorrow.

Keep up the :carrot: woohooo moments and maybe we can cheer each other on and give each other a :hug: on those down days.

cheers!

emeraldjules 06-12-2008 09:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ViolinJenn (Post 2215888)
Hello Ladies!:wave:

I was telling you about that Chemist I had met on an online dating site. He had emailed me through the service on a Friday, but I had been sick..again....and didn't get the message till Monday am, but by Monday evening when I replied sadly his profile had come down in that short time span.:(:( The service said I can still communicate with him, but I don't think he had gotten any of the messages I sent. His last email was "Hey good looking".

From my own experiences Jenn, he was probably a scammer and that was why he was down so quickly. It is a possibility.

jenjen 06-12-2008 10:53 PM

Hey Gang! Sorry I've been away from this thread for so long.

Jenn, I think a lot of it has to do w/closure & only having "positive" experiences. If there was some negativity it would be easy to tell yourself that your better off without him!

Jules, welcome. Okay, to be brutally honest---kick that guy to the curb!!! Seriously. If he doesn't love you for who you are, then he doesn't deserve you.

I've been doing a lot of self-reflection recently. The whole "what do I want to do with my life?" questioning. I think I'm going through some sort of midlife crisis at 36! I like my job, but I'm not passionate about it. I want to LOVE LOVE LOVE my job. I feel like I may need a serious career change.

I'm still exercising, but eating hasn't been the greatest the past couple of weeks. I'm maintaining, but again I feel so burned out...

I'm so glad the weekend is around the corner. Have a great one. Maybe we can breathe some life back into this thread!

jollygirl 06-15-2008 12:30 PM

Hi all. I am 37, single, never married. Used work to keep me too busy to meet others, and my weight as an excuse - "See, nobody likes a fat girl."

Jenjen, it is never too late for a serious career change. I work in human services, and last year decided I wanted to take it into the legal area. I start law school in August :fr:

I don't know if I am in the middle of a mid life crisis, nervous breakdown, or finally freeing myself from unnecessary baggage. But I applied and got accepted to law school, got a tatoo, ran a sprint triathlon 2 weeks ago, lost 45 pounds so far, and am training for a 1/2 marathon. I am getting more physically active, and really assessing my life - what is important to me, and what is holding me to what doesn't work anymore. I am really thinking I want to get a violin!!

Anyway, hope I can join in, as I continue to work to lose the weight, and the chip on my shoulder, and discover who I can be.

:wave:

emeraldjules 06-17-2008 10:52 PM

thanks jenjen...i'm almost ready to drop kick to the curb...next comment and he's toast!

jenjen 06-19-2008 10:31 PM

Hey Gang,

Don't know about y'all but I'm glad the weekend is around the corner.

Jollygirl, Welcome! I think we may have been separated at birth. :D Congrats on law school. That's so awesome. I actually tossed around the idea of law school for a while. I wanted to go into healthcare law. But, what I really want is a bakery! When I reach goal, I plan on getting a tatoo.

Jules, I'm glad your evaluating your relationship. It's sort of funny, but I've never had a boyfriend when I was thin. Even now, one of my guy friends (we dated for a while) who's totally supportive of my efforts to lose weight keeps telling me, "Don't change who you are because you're already awesome!" What an ego boost.

I have a busy weekend ahead. I have to bake a cake for my friend's birthday & I also want to make some marshmallows for my nephews who I'll see next week. Sunday, I'm going to get a pedicure--which was my 25 pound reward. I'm so excited. I rarely get pedicures & I feel like they are so indulgent. I also have to take my "fat clothes" to a thrift store that supports a women's crisis center. I hope they'll be able to put them to good use. I have business suits that I never wore & still have tags on them!

Happy Friday everyone & have a great weekend if I'm not able to check back in.

jollygirl 06-19-2008 10:48 PM

Of course pedicures are indulgent. That's the point. Particularly for those of us who emotional eat, food = love. You have to find other ways to love yourself. I set markers for the BIG weights - when I hit 250 I got a mani/pedi. 225 was a facial. When I get to 200, a massage. And $100 shopping or salon spree for 175. That's the fun Jenjen.

ViolinJenn 06-28-2008 12:24 PM

Hi Ladies!:wave:

Well as for the chemist on the brain, you were right. He probably was a player and I was able to make peace with it. LOL...I wrote a letter that pretty much verbaly tore him to shreds then I rolled it up....set on fire and watched it but in a dish pan full of water!:devil::devil: It was nice way to close that off. I've developed a stronger belief that life will put you where you need to be when you need to be there...and not a moment sooner. When the time is right for us to cross paths...whoever he maybe....I've given control and destiny to life, nature and God.

Jollygirl-Welcome!:welcome3:
Congrats on Law School!:bravo::bravo::cp::cp::cp:

I'm 34 and returning to school this Fall as well! Part time one class at a time. I recieved my Associates Degree in Accounting from Community College in Dec of 95. I've been working since then or as I like to say, I just spent 13 years in the college of LIFE. I transfered my Associates to Temple University in Philadelphia! I'll finish up my Bachelor's in Accounting and then hopefully go on to Grad School at Temple then at least attempt the CPA exam. I'm feeling really anxious and freaked out since it's been 13years.:fr::fr::fr:
:book2::book2::book2:

It's never too late to start something that make you a better individual in anyway!


I have about 20lbs till left till I hit my goal weight. I'm at the 91lb marker now. When I hit 95lbs lost, I'm going to reward myself with Season Two of Criminal Minds and a tee-shirt I found on the internet that says "Behind Every Successful Woman...is Herself". It fits every aspect of my life...weight loss, working out and school. For the 100lb mark I want to mark that with something special. I decided I wanted something that will last forever that I can use everyday. I settled on a sterling silver, emerald ring with diamond chip accents. I'm still looking at jewelry stores to find the design I want though, but I really like this onehttp://www.helzberg.com/product/oval...by=newArrivals . The Goal 110lb mark...well I'm still working on that reward. Maybe sterling silver emerald stud earrings and a pendant to match my ring?

Emerald is my birthstone. So I figured that was a good choice of stone because I can wear it with anything!:D

Have a good weekend! Don't forget to :woops::lifter::wl:

jollygirl 06-29-2008 09:45 PM

Hey, great to hear from someone! First off Jenn, way to go. You have come so far! I am at that almost midway point, where typically I self destruct. All those old tapes start playing, yadda yadda yadda. But, I refuse to let it. Yes, I have not had the greatest week. PMS, flooding keeping me from reaching my gym, and some poor food choices. But, I am still committed to being the best me I can be. I am proud of what I have accomplished so far. As of today's weigh in - I have lost 50 pounds since March! I have already registered for a half marathon my sister is helping me train for, so I can't give up now.

I love the t-shirt. Where did you find it?

OK. Off to do yoga, I think. Have a great day all.

carol2208 07-01-2008 12:37 PM

Hi guys !
It´s great to see such a thread, I´m an almost thirty year old, single, never been married or had a long term relationship girl, so I hope you´ll allow me to post here as well !:)

Jollygirl, I´m also training for a half-marathon in october, I´m trying to run everyday, changing the type of training I do, usually is intervals on weekdays and a longer run on weekends, I´m really looking forward to the half-marathon. Are you running any other races before the half-marathon ? I´ve decided to do a 10-k mid august, just to see how I´m evolving...

On another topic, I hate the effect that men have on me, and how they can throw me completely off base... I fell head over hills for a guy that lives in another country, we met twice for a week while we were both travelling, it was pretty obvious that he didn´t want anything more, but it´s very hard for me to let go, when I was finally getting over him, he reapears, but just to mess with me and now it´s the same process all over again... and everytime I go through this, what pisses me off the most, is that it´s my eating that suffers, I always end up gaining weigh in the process...

Arrrr, I need a vacation from all the drama...

Persistent Pam 07-03-2008 08:06 AM

Hello Again
 
Hello Everyone. I was in this group b4 briefly and got sidetracked...moved and stress...I really enjoyed it b4 so now I'm going to try and write regularly. To those who don't remember me. I am Persistent Pam and live in toronto. I'm out of work. Recently got a freelance contract. Great money...not tons of work yet. Just praying that everything works out. Moved to a condo down by the water. Have a great view...Enjoyed it alot at first and now obcessing. I've been doing a lot of meditating and writing. I have lost weight. Went from 165 to 145. However I am a bulimic...so it's not over. and I want to get over my fears of food and getting fat and the bingeing. I had a large binge yesterday.

I think it was a result of past stuff coming up. I'm reading this book by Geneen Roth and she says when every you feel afraid of things you need to "go back" and so when you're upset about somthing she says "how old are you".....Subconciously I went back to the age I was when "itimacy" became blocked...I was binging yesterday and the day b4. But this morning I had this image of me standing as a little girl and my mother yelling at me. For some reason in my mind...I was alone in a white/gray expanse and my mother wasn't visable...just this spirit of hate and yelling.

In the image in my mind I saw myself feel a need for her love and want to give love to her and then this onslaught of hate and yelling...and then I felt completely and utterly alone. and Lost. I could feel myself pull away from life and visibly shut down...I know I always feel lonely and I knew this loneliness didn't have to deal with people. And I think this morn helped me to see where this lonliness really originates from. I cried for about 1/2 and hour and really felt and experienced and held this situation in my awareness. then I wrote about it.

And I'm writing here about it. I'm very excited. Everytime I have a huge cry I'm releasing pain and the compulsion to eat. I will keep you posted about if I make it through today...I hope and pray.:carrot:

Persistent Pam 07-04-2008 08:43 AM

hello Again
 
Hi everyone.

Jollygirl! congrats 50 lbs! that is alot. Good for you.

As for relationships..I have realized that my relationship has been with food and that is why I am not in a relationship. I keep being interested in men who aren't interested in me and then I obcess or we date a bit. the solid great ones who are interested in me I find something wrong with.

It's interesting. A month ago I moved into this new condo and fell madly in lust with my landlord. I couldn't stop binging every 2nd or 3rd day and I didn't know why. In the end I figured out it was because he liked me and I liked him and this could work out, and that would mean change. and my eating disorder doesn't have room for change "yet". It's too scary. Being an "addict" I had us married with children...in my mind. then we were supposed to go out for coffee and didn't...I was upset..but I realized that as soon as I thought he wasn't interestd I stoped binging.

So then I looked at this pattern closer..I always get obcessed about men. Then when they like me...I push them away. I'm not really looking for a boyfriend/husband. I'm looking for a father.

I want someone to take care of me emotionally and hold me and look after me and nurture me. Until i fully acknowlege this...and let go of the shame I have connected to this innated need I will keep trying to make a man be my father and never be happy.

It was interesting to when I wrote about this I felt alot of shame and guilt and disgust at wanting my father's love and attention. I guess since it wasn't there I "made" my self pretend I didn't want/need it. and so in the end when this desire/need comes up I feel guilt and shame for this. As a child I had to block this need/desire inorder to survive. i couldn't say then. Hey Pam wanting your father to love you and hold you and take care of you is a normal human desire. Cry over this and don't feel bad. Your father is sick and he can't take care of you the way a normal little girl needs. It's not your fault. As an adult if I'm brave enoguth I can say this.:o

ViolinJenn 07-06-2008 03:10 PM

Hello Ladies,

Well I hope all of you had a better weekend than I did. I fell off the wagon and a few binges on top of not feeling well. :(:(:( But I now know why I was binging. I tend to binge when I'm bored and exhausted. It's been so humid and just plain disgusting here in SE PA, so I wasn't able to enjoy the outdoors. So I was stuck inside most of the weekend and that lead to my binges. On the positive side, I now know my triggers and can work on seeing them coming and prepare to face it head on.

So... today, I'm still under the weather but a bit better. I'm sticking to tea and toast for my upset stomach. Tomorrow is another day and a clean slate.:D I took 4 days off from working out too. If I'm sick, how I can workout effectivly? Pushing my body when it isn't at it's healthiest isn't going to help me.


Pam-Isn't it amazing how losing weight is more than calories in vs. calories out. I've also had to deal with so many emotional issues. For me it's trust. I've learned that I need to trust my gut instincts regarding people. They are usually right. I've been teased about my weight since I was in 3rd or 4th grade by my classmates, then my own sister would tease me about it at home. She "was only having fun" she said. But she doesn't just tease, she humiliates and ridicules and doesn't know when to stop. My parents said I needed to stop being so sensitive. I say there is nothing wrong with being a sensitive person. So now, I tell her nothing. I have better relationships with friends, online and in person, than I do with her. I don't feel bad about it. She needs to realize that she cannot have fun at other people's expense. She maybe having fun, but the others are not.

It was hard, but I'm okay with it this way. I now just need to learn to listen to my own instincts about people.

Jenn

amandamn1 07-07-2008 07:23 PM

hi there, I am new to this site as well as the whole single, over 30 and I have kids....3 boys, the youngest just turned 1

Persistent Pam 07-10-2008 11:26 AM

Happy Thursday...
 
Good Morning all... Welcome Amandamn1, and ViolinJenn...you'r not alone, I've sort on been binging at least 1x a day for 8 days. I feel llike a train wreck...have been eating badly for about a week and a half...am letting myself at lunch......have been feeling alot of self hate and insecurities..have gained back about 6lbs...I know not that much in the grand scheme of things. I'm terrified to lose weight. I think cause if I lose the weight I might not have that crutch to lean on...See I think now I can say...no one likes me cause I'm fat..(and really I'm not fat) no one likes me cause I'm bulimic...I can't get a job cause I'm fat. I can't get a boyfriend cause I'm fat. I can't do this or that...it's a way to hate myself and I can't stop it. How do I stop hating myself. I have no Idea. I'm so used to it. It's how I was brought up and I don't know how to let it go. Its sad.

ViolinJenn, you are so right...it's so much more that the food. The food we think is the easiest to control...cause my thinking anyway is often way off.

I live in Canada, Toronto...so I'm going to this group for eating disorders and it was really great on monday and friday. I am so hard on myself cause I think, I should have fixed this problem. lost this weight by now...June 26 I went down to 141 lbs. My goal was 140...1 lb away and I gained 6 back by bingeing...its fear I tell you fear.

oh2Bthinagain 07-13-2008 01:29 AM

I haven't read all 13 pages of posts yet, but wanted to say "Hi!"

Also had to comment on the OP's comment "I am also concerned about starting a new relationship while working towards my goal. I don't want to be distracted. Is there anyone out there like me???" Yep, you aren't alone. I've been on eharmony for almost a year and have "chatted" with several people and talked on the phone with a few, but I never go out with anybody. For me it is part of not wanting to be distracted, but also partly fear. You know - that fear of rejection. "Things are ok........but, what if we meet and he sees how 'big' I am??" I've gotta get over that fear.

"A month ago I moved into this new condo and fell madly in lust with my landlord. I couldn't stop binging every 2nd or 3rd day and I didn't know why. In the end I figured out it was because he liked me and I liked him and this could work out, and that would mean change. and my eating disorder doesn't have room for change "yet"." Oh, that sounds familiar, too. I built a house a few years ago (had been dieting for a year prior and had gone from 199 to 171 - was doing good IMO) and started dating my contractor. Things were going really great, and for some reason, I got scared after about 6 months into it. I don't know what happened. But, I started eating. It wasn't depression. (And, I initally blamed in on all of the going out to eat on dates - I had been divorced for 5 years at the time and had not dated anybody since the divorce). But, I finally realized that it was a fear of rejection (there's THAT "issue" again) and I guess I figured if I gained weight and then he left, it would be because of the weight and not because of some other reason.

Yeh, I've got issues to deal with (doesn't everybody?) LOL!

Anyway, "Hi!" to all, and I'm gonna go read the first 13 pages. Be back in a bit. :)

carol2208 07-14-2008 03:29 PM

Hey girls,
Hopefully you had a great weekend !

I have also sort of been binging for the past week, was doing really well, then family (cousins) came to visit and things started falling apart... I think life catched up with me and I freaked out... going on vacation next week, I think it will be a great time to put my head into place and things into perspective, it´s about time I stop using my weight as an excuse for all that it´s going wrong in my life...

Wish you all a great week !

jollygirl 07-17-2008 09:22 PM

Hey all :wave:

The other day I realized I could reach 200 in 5 weeks if I keep my head out of my arse, and my arse in gear. I was equal parts excited and freaked! I have not been below 200 in almost 15 years. i have always been overweight, but I just skyrocketed after college. I need to figure out why I am freaked by success. Why getting healthy would be scary.

I got my invite to my 20th high school reunion. That also is scary. A) I don't have enough social skills to enjoy working a room of people I used to know. B) I guess I am not proud enough yet of myself and what I have accomplished. Sad. all ties in to the self esteem I know I need to work on. Sigh.

I did take a step outside my comfort zone, and signed up for a wine dating event. Like speed dating, only you try different wines while doing it. Hmmm.

Take care all.

EarthShaker 07-18-2008 08:05 PM

Just popping my head into say hi.

I'm 34, and will have been divorced five years in December, and, with the exception of being in a long term relationship for about a year and a half of that, I've been single ever since.

My highest known weight was in February of that year. I dropped 90 lbs within just a few months, but it's been stuck there until I noticed last year that I had gained almost 35 of it back. I have about 10 lbs to go till I hit that "Where I was stage" and enter all new territory.

Off to walk before work, but thought I'd join in.

HCGuser 07-18-2008 10:21 PM

New member
 
So I have just read through the postings from single 30-ish girls and am glad that I did! Sometimes I feel like I am the only one like me in the world so it was comforting to read everyone's words. I have never been married, only engaged once and not in a relationship since. I am quite anxious and spend a lot of time worrying about "what if" scenarios! I sometimes think I would like to meet someone but I am so unhappy with how I look so I am not exactly radiating with confidence or anything that might even halfway attract someone. And I wouldn't know how to act on a date if I met anyone! I am not expecting my weight loss to change my life completely but hope that I at least gain some much needed confidence. But when I think about it, even when I was a thin person I wasn't confident so who knows?! Glad to know this group exists and I hope everyone has a great weekend.

jollygirl 07-19-2008 10:35 AM

Good morning all. HC, I feel like I am the only one too. Most of my friends are married, while i couldn't be more single if I were living in a convent and singing "Climb Every Mountain." I don't feel comfortable in vague meet and greet settings. And I don't feel confident enough in myself to put myself out there. You are right, that losing weight won't change your personality. It takes a lot of soul searching to find those links between self confidence/self esteem, weight, etc. I firmly believe that unless your weight is due to a medical condition, the mind and body is firmly linked. You have to delve into the mental issues to take off and keep off the weight. I have been trying hard to do that.

A friend recently challenged me to really think about how I felt and thought about myself. And if I really felt so badly about myself, why. What had I done to earn it. It is a hard thing to do. I was talking about my issues with the upcoming class reunion last night with my sister. I know that this too is due to my self esteem issues, and not feeling "good enough". Not being proud of myself and what Ihave accomplished. She told me flat out I had better do something about this mindset if I wanted to get to my goal weight and keep it off.

Weight is about so much more than calories in/calories out.

AnnRue 07-19-2008 05:39 PM

New Here also...
 
I think I posted here once before but lost track of the thread. Great to see it again. I am 37. I actually lost 48 lbs (to 164) but I gained back about 10. As I seem totally stuck here, I am trying alli to lose the rest. We will see. Everyone I know is married. I am the only single person in my entire workplace (of about 200 people). I am IMHO actually a great catch. I am I think decent looking. I am actually an attorney and have a fun, well paying job, and I think I have a decent personality. In fact, it is hard to say this, for feeling like duh maybe I am wrong, but I think I have several married or otherwise unavailable men with crushes on me. If I was to describe myself, it would be Mary Tyler Moore with a few extra lbs on me. Yet, like her, I am utterly devoid of great guys.

1. Where did all the men go? Was there some line up when I wasn't looking? Since about 25 years old almost every man I have met that I liked and liked me was married or in a long term relationship. I take the train into work and I see a lot of guys that seem single... no rings. But they totally don't look at me, never strike up a conversation... almost seem unfriendly. I don't get it.

2. I have tried dating services but hate to say it, for me, I have to know the person first and have feelings develop. I find people so boring at first and so far, the dating services guys - either are total scammers or just aren't decent men. Sorry there may be a few but it is so hard to find them.

3. I was fat for about 9 years and although I did have some relationships... to say I am rusty. I am so rusty, if someone was actually interested in me now, I might not be able to tell. I mean really. Someone I know actually said to me the other day that he calls me a particular pet name because he likes me and it is a term of affection and it went right over my head. I didn't even respond and someone else insisted that I was very rude not to respond when he put himself out there. To this day I cannot really wrap my head around it really being meant meaningfully. But at the same time, no one lately seems to have the ** to actually step out and say *would you like to go out with me?*. It is all semi nice things that could be taken one way or another.

4. Because all my friends are married, it is hard to talk to them about stuff. I mean they don't seem to want to talk about it. So it is great to find single women.

5. I am actually quite happy and content. I don't think I am going to get married and have kids... it is just too late. I have rather made peace with that. I do want that... but if it doesn't happen... well. That doesn't mean I am not still looking but bottom line anyone who comes into my life has to improve it. I won't put up with it being a hassle (which too often is the case). If I can't have an improvement, why bother? Still it is very hard and lonely staying single. Being not obviously ugly. People say the most outrageous things to me. And it has drummed up after losing the weight.

One lady came over to me and actually lectured me on *not being married at my age* about 2 weeks after her divorce was final. My boss went on for hours at a party about this girl who was retiring and how there must have been something wrong with her because she didn't marry until she was 45 -- but was very pretty. Doh awkward for me. Either he doesn't think I am pretty or forgot that I am not married.

MetroChick 07-20-2008 05:41 PM

Newish...It's been so long, it counts as new...
 
So here I am...back again. And pretty psyched to see the Single 30's group. It does help to have this thread--especially when you read all the others talking about cooking for their families/husbands/etc and how their lives are busy with those things related to family. I think it's wonderful--don't get me wrong---but it's different dieting when you are single. Adapting recipes to single portions...trying to incorporate your diet into your single life--which often involves happy hours :devil: and eating out more as a way of touching base with your friends and how easy it is just to sit home and not go to the gym. Well, that's how it is for me because I work from home and it's so easy to hole up in my apartment and be lazy. There's no one here to hold me accountable and frankly, it's what I need in some ways. Someone to say, hey why didn't you make it to the gym today? My friends that live in my neighborhood have significant others or belong to work gyms--so no workout buddies for me. I know that I really don't need one but it helps get me going at least at first until I can get into a routine.

I digress. I'm single, soon to be 35 and dying to get about 45 pounds off and looking for a reasonable way to do it that I can stick to. I live in the metro area of NYC so some methods of exercise aren't as simple for me (like swimming). I actually trained and ran a half marathon last October but my neighborhood now isn't conducive to starting running again and frankly it's too blasted hot. So for me, it's the gym or workout dvds or exercises I can do in the privacy of my apartment. I am looking for any suggestions from you girls that have found ways of eating and exercising that work for you. I've been seriously considering a meal delivery plan as a means to give me a rapid jump start...but can't decipher which might be the best and worth the cost. Knowing my prior history with successful weight loss when I was younger, if i could drop 10 lbs in a month, well that would be the fire I need to get to the gym and keep up the good work in eating healthily. So if any of you have any suggestions for me in regards to a jump start for my motivation and then a tried and true, steady plan--I am all ears!!!! :?:

Looking forward to getting to know you gals...Happy Sunday!

ViolinJenn 07-20-2008 06:56 PM

Hello Ladies and Welcome!:welcome2::welcome2:

AnneRue-- Your points 1-4 I completely identify with! I must have missed the line up as well! :lol: Where did they all go! I did the online dating thing and all I found were guys who were A)scammers, B)had HUGE egos C) had no idea what they wanted in life, D) were unhealthy and had no desire to be so E) just too old for me. Now in hind site there was one guy that I sent a no thank you note too that I would now like to get to know. But that's now my loss. I said no because at the time I was deadset on only those who had no children. Now, after some thinking I'd like to get to know him. But I guess it just wasn't the right time.

Can I join your club of rusty daters? For me I just don't see what is right in front of me. Why can't they just say something! :?::?: I admit I lack confidence as well, but people have never been nice to me. Right now this dang heat and humidity is causing me to retain water like the Hoover Dam.:lol: I am working on seeing in the mirror what others see. However, I have improved to being 50-50 with it, I'll take the progress though.:) It better when I'm wearing clothes that actually fit and are not baggy. I should be soring with confidence. I bought a pair of shorts at the mall yesterday...size 10! But alsa, I still see myself as fat, even though as of Friday I'm 5'10" tall, 172.2lbs and 24.8% body fat. I bought a fat loss monitor that they use at my gym. My main goal is to change my body composition. I lift weights 4 days a week with cardio and abs as well on each of those days so I'm working on not putting much into the number on the scale.

I find not just my married friends, but my friends that are in relationships also don't understand, forget what it's like to be a single girl and take the "well I got my man" attitude. It's glad to see new life in this thread. LOL..it just may help me keep my sanity and remind me I am normal and worthy of waiting for the right guy and settling is not fair to me.

MertoChickHave you tried keeping a food journal? I keep one and will for the rest of my life. I count my calories and make sure that I stick to lean protein(I'm a vegetarian), veggies, fruit, whole grains, FF dairy 1 protein bar a day and a protein shake made with water after my workouts. That journal is what keeps me inline and accountable for what I eat and drink and I can get a good picture of what I am doing so I can tweak it and make it better.


As I previously posted, I'm returning to school this Fall after a 13 year hiatus. That will also do wonders for my confidence and a nice way to meet new people. If I happen to meet someone great, if not oh well. Being single means I spend my time and money the way I want, when I want! :carrot::carrot::carrot: I don't NEED anyone in my life, I'm independent, but I do WANT to share it with the right person.

It's nice to meet you ladies. Stay cool!

AnnRue 07-20-2008 07:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ViolinJenn (Post 2278287)
Being single means I spend my time and money the way I want, when I want! I don't NEED anyone in my life, I'm independent, but I do WANT to share it with the right person.

Exactly. I wonder sometimes if my weight did hurt my *prime* guy attracting years. That saddens me. I get the feeling the guys get married at the drop of a hat. They will marry someone they merely like just as kind of filler and presume that if they meet someone else they can just leave.

I also feel like many men use me to get affection and excitement without actually having to leave the *sure thing*.

I also still see myself as fat. And I am disappointed that my fat upper legs are still there. So even though my bottom legs are thin and great, I can't wear skirts because my upper legs still rub.

Metro Chick: I found the best way for me to lose weight was to not go to the gym. I hate the gym. So I started incorporating exercise into my day. Skipping one subway station. 15 minute intervals keep you from getting too hot and do burn calories. So what is better, 40 minutes at the gym 3x per week, or 15 minute walk to work, 30 minute walk at lunch, and 15 minute walk home? Also, I stopped the hassle of dieting per se. I picked a calorie amount that I thought would make me lose and stopped at that calorie count. Even if that meant I didn't get dinner per se.

jollygirl 07-20-2008 08:55 PM

Hey all. ViolinJenn, I almost had to laugh. I really feel some days that someone is playing an elaborate hoax with my scale and my clothes, and that I haven't really lost weight. I don't see any change when I look in the mirror. I still just see fat. But self acceptance is an issue for me.

I am trying a speed dating event combined with a wine tasting. I need to just get out to social events more, not looking for anything other than the chance to practice some (or rather, develop some) social skills. I have a chip on my shoulder that nobody likes me cuz I am fat, which I really think sends negative energy out. I need to work on that.

Have a good one all.

Persistent Pam 07-21-2008 07:34 PM

hi everyone
 
I'm just coming off 3 weeks of erratic eating...gained 9lbs. I was 1 lb away from my goal. I think the reciprical landlord lust thing...couldn't stop bingeing started the 3 weeks...it's on hold...we're supposed to go out sometime this week. I also am aware that this past Jan and Feb when I was in a new relationship I gained 10 lbs. It has something to do with being loved or maybe sex? I'm afraid to get close. My ego wants to continue to be "right" that I'm fat, I'm unloveable...so when things start working out I think it goes into overdrive in trying to ruin things for me. IT's like I'm terrified to be happy/loved/successful. I've lost the weight so many times and then I just binge it back on. I guess I really am trying to protect myself from living a real life where I could get hurt?

I also realized that I'm feeding the negativity...the" I'll never get thin, I'll never be happy, I'll never get married. etc...so I recognized that yesterday and have now replaced that with "my life will get better". It does stop the downward spiral.

MetroChick like ViolinJenn... I keep a food journal. detailed. the night b4 I plan what I'm going to eat and I write down my activities. and during the day I fill it out and add anything else in that I eat. I weigh myself daily and write down my excersise. And if I binge I write down what I eat and anything that may have happened. (usually filling in the binge day happens after or the next day... cause I'm feeling too crappy). filling it in helps me be able to look back and see which foods and combinations made it easier for me to stick to my plan.

ViolinJenn 07-22-2008 08:09 PM

Hello Ladies!:wave:

I had to write to tell you...I think I had a major break through that will get me past this current plateau! I've gone over my food journal and my workouts, there is nothing negative on a daily basis that I can see. I do have a cheat now and then, but no one is going to be 100% perfect.
The breakthrough came yesterday. I was reading my horoscope at work and it mentioned that I've hid in the shadows for a long time, but now the time is coming to step into light or something like that. The weight has been a form of armor and protection, alot of people have hurt me in my life so if I was fat, they'd all ignore me and leave me alone. But losing the weight has put me in the spot light sort of. It gets you attention. I am by nature a shy girl who does not like the spot light. The weightloss does just that. Some of it is good(the nice, cute, sweet honest guys:love::love:), some of it is bad(the nasty, dirty old men oogling you:barf::barf::barf:). By breaking this plateau, I'll be in the spot light and feeling naked at that. No matter what I wear, everyone will see that I am a tall girl, all leg with big boobs. That freaks me out!:fr::fr::fr::fr: NOWHERE to hide! :coffee2::coffee2: It feels like they all will be able to see right through me to my soul.

So now that I've identified one of the remaining two, I just need to come up with a plan on how to deal with it! Any suggestions?

The other major obstacle is that yes I've lost 90lbs, but I'm sooooo afraid that all that hard work will have resulted in lose skin in my abs and inner thighs!:(:( That even after all I've done, I'll still look flabby and horrible and no normal, healthy, average man will ever see past it to the rest of me, despite that I'm losing the pounds slowly with diet and exercise. I may, as I near my goal, see my primary care doctor and see what she has to say.

Anyhoo, I just wanted to share my good news!
But one issue at a time I think.

carol2208 07-25-2008 05:09 PM

Hi girls,
Oh Pam, I can totally relate to your situation... I know that Im sabotaging myself and not letting myself suceed, and I keep doing it, if you find out a way to stop doing it, please let me know !:) Im still trying to figure it out.

Me Im trapped in family snow paradise this week, I love snowboarding so I came to South America to enjoy a week of pure snow pleasure with my little sister (she had never seen snow before).. but on wednesday I took a nasty fall and injured my ankle... now I have to sit on my butt the entire day looking at the beautiful, perfect snow and not being able to go out and enjoy it... it feels like Im a kid trapped in toys r us but without being able to reach any of the toys... and its a least 2 weeks without any form of exercise !:(

Oh well, there are worst things in life...

I wish you all a great weekend !!

Ufi 07-27-2008 06:34 PM

Hi. I'm 36, never married, no kids, haven't dated in years, and right now I'm feeling the only part of that to change will be the age. Sometimes I'm OK with that, as I've had some pretty unpleasant interactions with men over the years, but sometimes I feel pretty sad about it.

I know what you mean about the idea of feeling naked because of weight loss. I wish there was a way to attract a nice guy, someone who would treat me with respect and affection, without fearing the creepy guys or getting sucked into men who "need saving" but ultimately drag you under. I've never really had a good relationship, which feels shameful to admit, and it's so much easier to blame it on fat than inability.

ViolinJenn 07-27-2008 08:26 PM

Hi Ladies!:wave:

I have good news for you! I lost 2.2lbs this week and a half inch off of my abs!:dancer::dancer::dancer: I had gained that much last week in water retention from the heat wave the NE was having! But I found that watching my sodium intake and sweating it out at the gym was good for it!

Have a good week!


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