Single Thirty somethings!!!!

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  • Yay, I'm glad I found this thread/forum. I am 35, not married no kids and I do think it's very important to have that kind of space. I feel weird posting on threads when people my age have kids and stuff. I don't think it is their intention to be alienating, but I have found that women my age who have kids seem to act as though I don't have a "real" life or "real" problems. And that husbands and kids are "real" issues.

    I'm not saying this has happened here, but my life is very different than a person who has a hubby and kids. I am in graduate school working on my PhD, most of my friends are in the same boat as me. I mean I can't relate to women who were thin during courtship and then got fat after having kids, which seems to be the dominate trope of many weight loss forums. I have always been FAT. I also can't relate to thinking that world ends at size 14, which is another recurring trope of many of these once-thin-now-fat-trying-to-get-thin again tropes. It's not for me.

    Anyway, I hope I haven't offended folks.
  • Hi Sharky
    I understand your dilemma. I am also single never married, no kids and it sometimes it is hard to relate to those with children. I don't think the MwKs mean to alienate us but as we don't have the same concerns or trials they do, it is a little difficult to appreciate their issues and vice versa. However once people are genuinely caring the marital status becomes irrelevant

    Secondly, I also do not know what it's like to be thin, but I think the mindset of life ending at size 14 has more to do with your culture and the 'glamification' of stick thin people which is unfortunate. Where I come from (the Caribbean) big girls are HOT!
  • In an emotional slump prompted by the wedding anniversary of a man I loved who married someone else.
  • UFi
    I empathize with you. These situations are always difficult. I went through a similar thing a few years ago. At least my best friend/ex didn't marry the girl though they dated for 5 years. Not only was i still in love with him and hurt as a result, but I also beat myself up emotionally because I thought that I should have been able to just forget about him and move on yet somehow could not. It was very, very frustrating and I cried a lot.
  • Hey gang... another girl in the same boat dealing with all the same issues. 35, single, never married don't have or want kids.... I am in the burbs of philly and got a kick out of seeing a bunch of others in here from the same area...
    Dating in this area SUCKS.
    I broke my leg in january and prior to that was diagnosed with insulin resistance so it was a double whammy of disaster. I am just starting to be able to walk with no pain now. i broke my fibula and my ankle in two places. Being single and hurt like that sucked. I am lucky to have a wonderful family though.
    Yeah I am really going through it with hating myself for letting my weight get away from me. I used the metabolic syndrome as an excuse for too long now. I am so nervous about meeting anyone now because I am so preoccupied with the notion that no one would want to date me because I am overweight and forget about all the things about me that would make any man lucky to have me. I have to work on that. Good to be here.
  • Welcome Sharkey, Jenny and Cherry!
    Cherry-I'm also in the Philly burbs(Levittown) and you're right dating in the area sucks, but I remind myself that Life always puts me where I need to be when I need to be there(the good and the bad). Right now, I need to focus on school.

    However Ladies, right now I'm embracing my singleness! Classes started this week, yesterday 9/2 actually. So right now I have no time to date since I need my time to adjust to being in college again after a 13 year hiatus! It's going to be rough, but I'm excited. So I may only be around on weekends.

    Let's keep our meals and snacks healthyand our bodies in motion!
  • Hey Ufi -- how are you doing? I know it's hard, I totally get where you're coming from. I'm trying to pull myself out of a slump too. Do something nice for yourself, and keep writing here -- we're all pulling for you!

    Cherry -- Sometimes it's hard to remember we are not our weight! I'm just coming out of a relationship where he said I was the perfect girl for him... *if* I lost loads of weight, and got skin surgery when I was finished. Everyone on here gave me so much support, and reminded me that I'm a worthy, wonderful person no matter what my weight may be, and I want to do the same to you. Any guy worth his salt will see you for who you are, and love you for yourself. Take it from me, any guy who doesn't isn't worth all the trials and tribulations

    Bumble -- you sound just like me! I was doing good, then... well, stuff just happened and I abandoned ship. Now I'm back trying again. I definitely need to cut back more on the diet soda & work on my diet, but really, the only thing that works for me is a whole bunch of cardio & weights. Must. Sweat. Alot.

    ViolinJenn -- What are you getting your degree in? Are you going back for a BA or an MA? I've been thinking about going back too, but haven't decided if I'm brave enough to give up a steady paycheck for homework.
  • Naia... ugh that's awful And I agree with you. I could never date anyone who didn't want me for me either. And you are seriously gorgeous!! You may have dodged a big ole bullet with that one. Yeah my ex is getting married to the girl he cheated on me with this upcoming weekend. Fabulous. But actually with him I am relieved he's not my problem anymore and now it will be official that he is someone else's problem... for as long as she puts up with him. I am taking off and getting out of town so I don't let it bother me. It's not now but you know how that stuff sneaks up on you.
  • I'm doing better. Still a bit glum, but I thought back on an old cheater boyfriend and felt so glad that I'm not with him. It may be hard, but at least I'm not worried about getting an STD. Also, I bought myself a flower, and that made me feel better.
  • Cherry -- Thank you!!! I feel like I dodged a bullet, too. Although sometimes I miss him and get or , for the most part I'm just concentrating on why its better now.

    Ufi & Cherry -- Doesn't it make you feel better to think, at least *I* don't have to deal with his problems & cheating & BS he dishes out? I know it makes me feel better I keep reviewing the lists of things that drove me crazy, and things I just couldn't stand anymore to keep me feeling glad its over.

    My x-bf didn't cheat, but I know at the end I was just... I don't know.. just almost hoping he would cheat, because then I could really stand up and say, "Okay! It's over! Let her deal with you!" And really, you're so much better off, especially on the STD front!!!

    Ufi - I'm glad you're feeling a little better! Flowers make me feel better too. Just looking at them can make me happy. And btw, thank you for all the good advise & support on the other thread! So far so good, with the whole x-bf situation right now.
  • Naia, you're welcome! I've been through my share of sad sacks, and I figure someone ought to benefit from my earned wisdom!

    Single and mostly happy is better than attached and often miserable.
  • Quote: Naia, you're welcome! I've been through my share of sad sacks, and I figure someone ought to benefit from my earned wisdom!

    Single and mostly happy is better than attached and often miserable.
    You can say this again! And again! And again! I went thru a hellish weekend. Had to go to a wedding that my ex & I had originally been invited to together. I had to go and was hoping he wouldn't... but he did. And no one had seen us lately, and a lot of them were older family friends. Which, as I'm sure many of us here have experienced, want dreadfully for you to get married. Because being so old and unattached is just such a dreadful thing! So, they all assume we aren't married because he has commitment issues and want to give me advice on how to "get him to marry me". And I'm like... I wouldn't marry him if he asked!!!! Which just gets shocked looks, and tsk tsks.

    So, during all this as I try to explain "WE ARE BROKEN UP" as in "BROKEN" as in "NOT FIXABLE", he is there telling everyone we *are* together. Or at least, he's not telling anyone we're broken up, and the people I've told we are broken up he tsk tsks back and says I'm just upset.

    So this goes on, and then today I have it out with him, which turns into a big emotional scene. When you have 4 years of history together, there are definitely buttons that get pushed and you can't help reacting, even as you know those are just buttons being pushed.

    Anyway. Now he says we are *really* going to date other people, like it's some sort of punishment to me for rejecting him. I'm really not sure which was worse, the conversation tonight or the wedding yesterday.

    If one more kindly older lady or grocery clerk or well-meaning relative asks me why I'm not married, and "don't I want kids???!" I'm going to go insane and drive my happily single two-door non-family car right into them! Or burst into tears and say I can't have children Which is (seriously) what I did to the grocery clerk who would NOT leave me alone with the questions. Given, it was a PMS moment, but he's never bothered me with the questions again!!
  • Oh girl, that's awful! I am so sorry! It's sucky to have to goto weddings. God, I haven't gone to one in over 4 years, lol....
    I had some good news today myself. I don't know how many or if any of you are using the South Beach plan for your "dieting needs" but wow!
    I had some great news this morning at my endocrinologist's appointment. I can't believe the dramatic results I am seeing in my blood work after just 3 weeks on SB. I have had pretty severe insulin resistance and cholesterol issues from metabolic syndrome. Since my last appointment in May my insulin levels have dropped 17 POINTS!! And my triglycerides dropped 50 POINTS!! Its unreal! Total cholesterol dropped 11 points!! So even though the scale seems to have completely STOPPED moving, something good is going on in my body. I should be out of insulin issues in a month or two if I keep up what I am doing. So i am excited and though I would share. Hope you ladies all have a great week!!
  • Woooooo, scary. Going to date other people. Now you're shaking in your boots. What a doorknob.

    I so understand the "don't you want kids" thing. Unless it's an emotional day, I try to answer with humor, like, "Yes, to boil them in my cauldron. Oh, so yummy." But it hurts to see people with their little babies or even their older children that they aren't appreciating.
  • Quote: Since my last appointment in May my insulin levels have dropped 17 POINTS!! And my triglycerides dropped 50 POINTS!! Its unreal! Total cholesterol dropped 11 points!! So even though the scale seems to have completely STOPPED moving, something good is going on in my body. I should be out of insulin issues in a month or two if I keep up what I am doing.
    Yay!!!!! That's so good!! Don't you just love it when you finally see something positive?! Like, finally! All this hard work is paying off!! Plus, it's really encouraging to see real documented results - you can do this!! Keep us updated !!!

    Quote: Woooooo, scary. Going to date other people. Now you're shaking in your boots. What a doorknob.
    I know! It's such a punishment, I just don't know what to do! Hmm... maybe... go out and celebrate, do a little dance! He's so clueless.

    Quote: I so understand the "don't you want kids" thing. Unless it's an emotional day, I try to answer with humor, like, "Yes, to boil them in my cauldron. Oh, so yummy."
    LOL. I do that too! Or I say, "you know, I really do, but last time I tried to take some home from the store, their parents got really mad at me." Sometimes I just get too fed up with it though. Especially when it's people acting like it was some big choice of yours, like you're anti-children or something.

    It's such a stupid question, because either way its really none of their business. Either you chose not to have children (for whatever personal reasons) or you haven't been able to have children (can't, haven't had the opportunity, etc). Whichever it is, it's none of their business. If they really wanted a truthful answer, then their asking for some very private information. What if I had been trying to get pregnant for years and was infertile? How would they like the answer then?!

    Just a little venting, still sore over some of the comments at the wedding. My favorite was an old family friend who came up to me and pinched my cheek (which annoys me already), and then tells me I'd have such beautiful babies... when was I going to make her proud and invite her to a baby shower? Like... she can't be proud of me until I procreate? I almost said, "as soon as I pick out a sperm donor, I'll let you know" but caught myself before it came out of my mouth, and changed "sperm donor" to "father". I didn't want her calling my mom to tell her what word I said! My mom still considers "sperm" a bad word. If she heard my day-to-day vocabulary...