[Persistent Pam]

I'm just coming off 3 weeks of erratic eating...gained 9lbs. I was 1 lb away from my goal. I think the reciprical landlord lust thing...couldn't stop bingeing started the 3 weeks...it's on hold...we're supposed to go out sometime this week. I also am aware that this past Jan and Feb when I was in a new relationship I gained 10 lbs. It has something to do with being loved or maybe sex? I'm afraid to get close. My ego wants to continue to be "right" that I'm fat, I'm unloveable...so when things start working out I think it goes into overdrive in trying to ruin things for me. IT's like I'm terrified to be happy/loved/successful. I've lost the weight so many times and then I just binge it back on. I guess I really am trying to protect myself from living a real life where I could get hurt?

I also realized that I'm feeding the negativity...the" I'll never get thin, I'll never be happy, I'll never get married. etc...so I recognized that yesterday and have now replaced that with "my life will get better". It does stop the downward spiral.

MetroChick like ViolinJenn... I keep a food journal. detailed. the night b4 I plan what I'm going to eat and I write down my activities. and during the day I fill it out and add anything else in that I eat. I weigh myself daily and write down my excersise. And if I binge I write down what I eat and anything that may have happened. (usually filling in the binge day happens after or the next day... cause I'm feeling too crappy). filling it in helps me be able to look back and see which foods and combinations made it easier for me to stick to my plan.

[ViolinJenn]

Hello Ladies!

I had to write to tell you...I think I had a major break through that will get me past this current plateau! I've gone over my food journal and my workouts, there is nothing negative on a daily basis that I can see. I do have a cheat now and then, but no one is going to be 100% perfect.
The breakthrough came yesterday. I was reading my horoscope at work and it mentioned that I've hid in the shadows for a long time, but now the time is coming to step into light or something like that. The weight has been a form of armor and protection, alot of people have hurt me in my life so if I was fat, they'd all ignore me and leave me alone. But losing the weight has put me in the spot light sort of. It gets you attention. I am by nature a shy girl who does not like the spot light. The weightloss does just that. Some of it is good(the nice, cute, sweet honest guys), some of it is bad(the nasty, dirty old men oogling you). By breaking this plateau, I'll be in the spot light and feeling naked at that. No matter what I wear, everyone will see that I am a tall girl, all leg with big boobs. That freaks me out! NOWHERE to hide! It feels like they all will be able to see right through me to my soul.

So now that I've identified one of the remaining two, I just need to come up with a plan on how to deal with it! Any suggestions?

The other major obstacle is that yes I've lost 90lbs, but I'm sooooo afraid that all that hard work will have resulted in lose skin in my abs and inner thighs! That even after all I've done, I'll still look flabby and horrible and no normal, healthy, average man will ever see past it to the rest of me, despite that I'm losing the pounds slowly with diet and exercise. I may, as I near my goal, see my primary care doctor and see what she has to say.

Anyhoo, I just wanted to share my good news!
But one issue at a time I think.

[carol2208]

Hi girls,
Oh Pam, I can totally relate to your situation... I know that I´m sabotaging myself and not letting myself suceed, and I keep doing it, if you find out a way to stop doing it, please let me know ! I´m still trying to figure it out.

Me I´m trapped in family snow paradise this week, I love snowboarding so I came to South America to enjoy a week of pure snow pleasure with my little sister (she had never seen snow before).. but on wednesday I took a nasty fall and injured my ankle... now I have to sit on my butt the entire day looking at the beautiful, perfect snow and not being able to go out and enjoy it... it feels like I´m a kid trapped in toys ´r us but without being able to reach any of the toys... and it´s a least 2 weeks without any form of exercise !

Oh well, there are worst things in life...

I wish you all a great weekend !!

[Ufi]

Hi. I'm 36, never married, no kids, haven't dated in years, and right now I'm feeling the only part of that to change will be the age. Sometimes I'm OK with that, as I've had some pretty unpleasant interactions with men over the years, but sometimes I feel pretty sad about it.

I know what you mean about the idea of feeling naked because of weight loss. I wish there was a way to attract a nice guy, someone who would treat me with respect and affection, without fearing the creepy guys or getting sucked into men who "need saving" but ultimately drag you under. I've never really had a good relationship, which feels shameful to admit, and it's so much easier to blame it on fat than inability.

[ViolinJenn]

Hi Ladies!

I have good news for you! I lost 2.2lbs this week and a half inch off of my abs! I had gained that much last week in water retention from the heat wave the NE was having! But I found that watching my sodium intake and sweating it out at the gym was good for it!

Have a good week!

[Ufi]

One of the problems I find with being single and living alone is when I get home after a really bad day and there's no one to talk to, no one to share with. Or even to share good news. Most of my friends are wrapped up in their own lives and families. I just feel so full of DAY. Home alone in the evenings is my most dangerous time for eating.

Anyone else feel that way? How do you cope with it?

[ViolinJenn]

Hi Ufi and Welcome!

I completely know where you're at! I have the same issue. I feel that my friends, the small group I do have, are either married or in relationships and so into their own world they rarely look outside. How do I deal with it, you may think that I'm completely nuts, but I come home after work and working out and share my day with my dog! If you don't have any pets, what about starting a blog? Also, what helps me is to remind myself that as a single girl, I have what all those women that are married and in relationships DON'T have. I have FREEDOM! The ability to come and go as I please as spend my $$ as I please! To me until the guy comes along that will love me for me as I am, I'll cherish my freedom!

And you always have us here at 3FC!

[Ufi]

Originally Posted by ViolinJenn

And you always have us here at 3FC!

That IS helping, thanks!

[darling clementine]

Finally, a thread I can REALLY relate to

I'm 31, never married (though plenty of dysfunctional relationships in my past...) and am currently single/not dating anyone special. AND am from NJ, too!

I feel like I'm in transition -- I recently made the commitment to getting healthy and fit, and almost feel like I should just concentrate on THAT and not worry about dating/etc right now. A little confusing, if I do say so

Anyway, I just joined this forum today and haven't really decided what weight loss route I'm going to go with...am thinking South Beach Diet. My mom has been doing that for over a year and lost about 30 lbs -- she's 58 and her main form of exercise is going for power walks every morning.

I look forward to hanging out and chatting with you all

[dla]

Ladies...

A forum I can relate to. I just joined the forum a week or so ago and am doing MRC. It's my 9th day on it.

I wish I could say that I think it is going to be easier to do this plan being single, but I am going to need someone to kick me in the pants every now and then. Do you know what I mean?

I hope you meet you all soon!

[jenjen]

Hey Ladies. Sorry I've been MIA for so long. Work has been crazy and I've just been exhausted.

Welcome to all of the newbies.

Jenn, Congrats on breaking the plateau. You know, there are creepy guys everywhere---some that pray on the "poor fat girl" because they think the girl has no self-esteem and will be so thankful that someone is interested (I admit--been there, done that) and other men that pray on the "thin pretty girl" because they know how to treat a woman right (HA!) But, I do know what you mean...how does someone attract the RIGHT attention? If anyone figures that out, they'll be BILLIONAIRES instantly.

Ufi, The evenings and weekends are hardest for me...especially because I'm alone and there's no one there to say, "you shouldn't eat that" except for myself. And, sometimes, I just don't want to listen to me! I work out after work so that helps me some. By the time I get home, all I want to do is eat, take a shower & go to sleep!

DLA, I think sometimes losing weight is easier being single. I don't have to worry about what I have to cook for someone else or if they'll like it. I just have to do for me! At the same time, it's really easy to pull through the drive-thru because no one is at home saying "no no no".

I'll try to be better about posting. Have a great week everyone.

[Naia]

Hi all! I haven't read through the whole thread yet, but I just had to post and say hello -- this is the right place for me!

I'm 36 (!!! I can't believe it sometimes), have never been married, no children. I've had a few relationships, and I'm in one now... but all we do is break up and get back together. We're in a "let's be friends" phase right now, but neither of us will actually date someone else. Sometimes I wish he would, just to get it over and done with for good. He can't handle the plateaus and the slow weight loss, or the loose skin so every now and then he freaks out. I understand it, but I'm getting pretty sick of it. Dating while being heavy just sucks.

I'm also the only heavy one in the family, and the only single one too. With no kids. Add that to being the eldest... and you have a very concerned parent breathing down your neck. I want to say, "leave me alone, I'm 36 and this is just how it's going to be. No grandchildren for you!" But that would really be too mean, and I just can't do it. Except inside my head :-)

Now I've promised myself I'm going to start getting to bed earlier. My goal is before midnight, so I didn't quite make it. But at least it's before 2am! And I have the bed all to myself! (have to think of the positives!).

[zacharysmom]

I've never been to this site, but makes sense for me. I'm 32, never married with no kids (zachary is my sweet-boy doggie). I'm not in a relationship now, but was until 6 months ago, when i found out the dude was hiding a kid in the wings. Um, suffice it to say I said BYE BYE. Anyway, on the fourth of July, and old boyfriend from 8 years ago found me on facebook, and now, of course, wants to make a plan for a visit. GULP, I'm 30 pounds heavier now with no sufficient excuse. I've put him off for over a month now, and I'm depressed about it. So I've decided to get on Nutri-system. I've tried it my way for over 4 years now, and it's not working. Sad that a man, in the end, has been motivation for me, but I guess beggars can't be choosers. Well, if anyone can relate, its gotta be someone reading this! THANKS FOR READING.

[bumble]

Hey Peeps! Hope everyone is doing well.

I have recently joined the ranks of "thirtysomething". I turned thirty in july. I am also of the single without children persuasion. I am so happy to have found yall. After reading through the posts I don't feel so alone in my own predicament.

I was moderately active on the boards in january and had a great start to the year, a lot of positivity, very proactive and optimistic. Life then decided to happen, as life tends to do, and I lost focus which was then followed by a complete abandonment of purpose.

I am currently in school and working. So, a social life really poses no hindrance as I am completely lacking in that area. (I am not sorry for this particular detail at the moment as I am totally in love with school and would rather be there than at a bar or club.)

My biggest obstacle at the moment is rolling my backside out of bed earlier in the morning in order to workout. My eating habits aren't horrendous (too much soda right now, but that is easily corrected). No, my extra weight will not be shaken by a mere diet. I have the stuff that won't budge without some serious cardio and a LOT of sweating.

The emotional situations that have been presented throughout the thread have definitely resonated with me as well. I definitely have a distorted sense of self and use being fat as the reason I have intamacy issues.

So thank you all for sharing. Your views and struggles are very insightful and helpful to me. I look forward to sharing more with you myself. I also look forward to hearing about your own progress and wish you much success.

[ViolinJenn]

Originally Posted by bumble

Hey Peeps! Hope everyone is doing well.

I am currently in school and working. So, a social life really poses no hindrance as I am completely lacking in that area. (I am not sorry for this particular detail at the moment as I am totally in love with school and would rather be there than at a bar or club.)

Welcome Bumble and newcomers!

Bumble-I am at the same point! I start school however on the second, only a week and a half away. It'll be my first semester since I graduated from Community College 13 years ago! I'm so excited I cannot wait! I'm looking forward to the challanges and meeting new people, friends and maybe that special someone, ya never know! The way my luck tends to run is when I'm not looking and can least afford it time wise, WHAM! Into my life walks a great person and I won't even see it coming! I'm not a bar or club girl. LOL..I can't dance and don't like to drink my calories.

Anyway ladies, not much new to report from me. School starts on 9/2 and I'm taking an Algebra class to start off. I need the refresher before I can take Pre-Calculus and Calculus. I've been glued to the Olympics lately. OMG! Have you ladies been watching Men's Beach Volleyball?! Here's a reason, Phil Dalhausser! 6'9" of smokin hottness!!!!

I'm slowly starting to come around from burning out at the gym this summer. It's finally fun again!