Has your Family ever nagged you about losing weight? - 3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community

CreativeDame · 10-29-2002, 10:27 PM

I've been engaged for several months, but only after I've lost some weight and started on Weight Watchers has my mom mentioned that she wants to pay for my wedding gown. She has nagged me about losing weight since my engagement, asking, "don't you want to look good in your dress?" She's always nagged me before that though, usually in negative ways.

Anyway, I talked to her last night and I mentioned to her that I'm up to 13 pounds gone and she did not congratulate me, she just sort of gasped (as she usually does when I mention my weight) and she said, "you have a long way to go".

That made me feel bad just because I'm FINALLY doing it and that's all I get. *sigh*

The funny thing is, when I weighed 170, she nagged me about my weight. And as you can see from my signature line, I'm a long way from that. I can understand though...if you've never been overweight, you don't really understand. My mom is 4'11 and 115 pounds, pretty good for being 50 years old. She thinks she's fat herself.

Just wondering if anyone else gets the family treatment stuff...

CD

2cute2Bfat · 10-29-2002, 11:19 PM

CD ... don't look to your mother for support. Trust me... I am 51 years old and my mom STILL hates my fat. She doesn't nag me so much as make negative comments about fat people ALL THE TIME. How she finds it disgusting to watch them eat, or how she can't believe how fat they are. She always refers to "other" fat people.. not directly to me. DUH... I know she is expressing her feelings about ME.

Do this for YOU... not her. And don't try to win her approval... you will never get it 100%. No matter how much you lose.... she will want more. Just as you stated.... "she doesn't understand".

In fairness to her... I have a friend who is addicted to gambling on race dogs and bingo. She has called me to ask for $800 because she gambled away all of her rent and food money. She was scared to death her husband would find out. I don't understand how anyone could gamble away all their money on dog races and bingo. I have never been there.
When I think of my mother is those terms... it is easier to forgive her for her hurtful negative comments.

To top it off... I married a man who likes pleasing plump.. but not fat. So I have spent my ENTIRE LIFE with people who hate people like me.

LenchikSD · 10-31-2002, 11:28 AM

Hey CD! I don't know if you remember me - we chatted for a bit a few weeks back. I'm happy to see you're still on the diet track. As far as parental nagging... Don't even get me started! I love my mother and honestly think she's the greatest - except when it comes to her kids being overweight! I was about 40-45 lbs. heavier in high school, which was bad enough on it's own, but when your mother constantly makes your life miserable with never-ending commentary about how boys don't like fat girls and nobody will ever want to marry me, it was just that much more horrible! She even tried to bribe me with a VCR, which seems pretty silly now. And then after I lost some weight, my skinny sister started gaining and the focus shifted on her, making her just as miserable as I remember being. Now that I've lost most of the weight, she's very complimentary, but sometimes that just reminds me that in order to get love from her, I must be thin. Sigh... But other than that, she really is the greatest - I guess I can't expect her to be perfect. Anyway, the point to all this is to not worry so much about what your parents think - it's irritating not getting unconditional support from them, but you can only do so much.

CreativeDame · 10-31-2002, 06:29 PM

Thanks for replying! It is very annoying and I do want to please my mom, but I'm definitely not doing this for her! No way! I can't believe how she's acting. I feel bad.

But I'm trying hard not to have a "well I'll show you" attitude because that could cause me to go down. I will continue with what I'm doing and just think about myself.

CD

2cute2Bfat · 11-01-2002, 12:23 AM

CD.. "Attitude Is Everything" in success in the weight loss journey. A "positive" attitude especially. The "well, I will show her" attitude will only hurt you.. not her. Let it go. I know that is easier said than done... but it is doable. Let it go on a daily basis. An hourly if necessary.

Focus on an "Attitude of Gratitude". That will take you a longgggg ways in the right direction. Use your mom's negative attittude as a teaching tool for positive in your life. Be grateful that you can learn how NOT to be. LOL

Hang in there .... you will make it !!!!!!

scoobysnacks · 11-01-2002, 01:43 PM

HI
Yea i think all moms want thin daughters. Believe me i grew up in an overweight family. And it was hard to hear all the negative comments from my parents especially since they were overweight themselves. Parents are kids worst critics sometimes..its only because they see them in u. They want you to be treated the best and for some weird notion they think thin will get you that treatment. My parents dont bother me about my weight anymore. I dropped 80lbs and my mom is really happy...she is happy because she was scared for my health. However my mom could not say a thing about my weight because i told her that it really hurts when she says such negative things. She doenst do it anymore. I rem telling her i didnt want to go home for thanksgiving cause i was ambarrassed about my weight and she told me just come home and that she loves me no matter how much i weigh. So if they know it hurts u so much they will ease up on u. they for some reason they think they are doing you a favor by saying such negative coments.

dollar · 11-01-2002, 03:43 PM

I hear you CD I was there growing up. My mom put me on every diet in the book even had the doctor put me on diet pills and when I look back I just wasn't that over weight then. Guess what my mom was heavy and yet when she put me on the diets she never joined me and never changed the foods we ate or stopped making desserts just expected me to do it myself. As I got older she didn't mention it much but my sister inlaw nearly got her lights put out for her. I had lost 70lbs with ww and then got pregnant with my second child I put on 27 lbs which is normal and then had to have an emergancy c section whe I spoke to her the next day she said" so are you going to take back off all the weight you gained" My reply was I have other things on my mind at the moment like recovering from surgery and a new baby. Shut her up pretty quick. Of course she is thin. Now that I have lost 72.6lbs this time she hasn't even said anything,my daughter has lost about 40 and my sister in law will say oh she looks so good but never mentions my weight loss. I just don't care Im doing this for me and me alone, my kids and my husband are so supportive and my hubby has never mentioned my weight gain in all these years. He is thrilled with the change in me says it is like having an affair because i look so different.
Theonly thing I do wish was that my mom was here to see me she would be so happy for me. I hope that helps to let you know that you are not alone we have all gone through it at some point.

CreativeDame · 11-01-2002, 06:25 PM

Hey there! Thank you for your replies. It really helps to hear your stories. My mom is so stubborn you know? Like I said, she weighs about 115 herself and she's thinking about doing Jenny Craig or something and she's quite small. She's from Japan and most Japanese are just small overall. My dad's side of the family are all large and I'm the "smallest" of them all!

Well, I'm proud of myself!

Dollar: good for you. Wow, I'm impressed with your loss. I'm glad that you're doing it for yourself!

CD

Nyree · 11-17-2002, 10:51 PM

My Mother: Grrrrrr. She's much better now, but I
have a funny story. After my first son I was able
to get back into my jeans within weeks, but they
were tight. I showed my mother and she said, "well you still have a ways to go." I ended up going the other way and gaining. At 160, she made me feel like I was huge!!!! Well I ended up probably getting as high as 180. Then I decided I
was going to fix it and dieted and exercised. Got
fit, weighed 158, stopped by to visit Mom. Guess
what she said. "you aren't going to lose anymore,
are you!!!"
Two pounds less then I was when she considered me a write off!!!
I said, "mom! I weigh 158"
Well here I am at 220. She isn't saying a whole lot.
I think some parents see their success and failure through their children.
My mother wanted me to be the perfect weight so she could look good!!!

Nyree

gigglez · 11-17-2002, 11:22 PM

I was reading everyones replies and I agree that your parents see their success or failure in you. Only recently has my mother said anyting to me. I lost 40 but I have been but on meds that arent too friendly and some has creeped back on and she said naggin things but for the most part i ignore

CreativeDame · 11-25-2002, 01:15 PM

I agree. I feel like I can't do anything to make her happy! She was harping on my when I was 160 after high school and so now I feel like when I get that low now she'll still be nagging me!

She hasn't really complimented me at all...she just says things like "well, keep going.". Oh well.

gigglez · 11-25-2002, 09:44 PM

You know that I was talking to one of my friends today and they said something that makes sense. Our mothers sometimes act they way they do towards us because they know that we love them and we wont go nowhere and the reason that they are like they are with us is that they love us more. They are able to be crotchy with us and we wont care. However, I think that they have found themselves in a simlar mess at one time in there lives. Today was also the first time that my mother said anthing about the meds that I have been on. It actually shockes me. So how is everything with everyone else?

Here's to a BLESSED DAY to all,
sandy