I am feeling rather disheartened. My boyfriend (A marine who has been in shape his entire life--is in better shape than I am and he is 14 years older) is trying to sabotage me. I know he is not trying to but he "doesn't see why I want to lose weight, he likes how I look now." I had an eating disorder for 6 years and he knows that... so now that I am not eating a lot throughout the day (snacking) he is convinced that I am sick.
So, now he forces me to eat in front of him (which I have a problem eating in front of anyone because I feel like I am being judged). He wont let me go to the bathroom until an hour after I eat... He has not been a controlling person until now. He doesnt see that I DON'T LIKE LOOKING LIKE THIS. I am so so sad.
Uhh..okay this is mind boggling to me. How come he can force and control you so easily? This disturbs me and quite frankly I won't post what is in my mind for fear of crossing a line.
I will just say good luck with your goals.
Hugs
Michelle
Last edited by Onederchic; 07-21-2009 at 02:34 PM.
That's emotional abuse and can quickly escalate into physical abuse. Get out now. Here's more info: http://www.ndvh.org/ Seriously, that is not normal behavior, you are a strong, powerful, beautiful woman and you deserve a lot better than that.
Well, I don't think your boyfriend needs to monitor your behavior--but I can see why he might be concerned.
I'd suggest that you find a dietitian who specializes in eating disorders. This is a relatively new specialty, but they are out there. He or she can help you come up with a program that will both help you lose weight and avoid triggering any ED behavior. Your doctor is a good resource--and local clinics and hospitals may also be able to give your some names of accredited people.
Share that you are doing this with your boyfriend--to help reassure him that you are being healthy in your approach.
Thank you, ladies. I don't think he is intentionally being abusive, though... It's my fault for being sick before... had I not been sick, he wouldnt be this way
im so sorry you're going through this!! and as hard as it might be to read, i hope you follow the advice of our fellow chickies (getting out of the relationship)...i have a friend who has not been able to get away from her verbally/mentally/and physically abusive boyfriend, and its tearing her apart..i hope you find the inner strength you need to get away from this-and until that happens-i will keep you in my thoughts and pray for you..i look forward to reading abt the success i KNOW you will have keep your chin up honey-we're always here for you!
I am going to say this from the perspective of someone who is anorexic. You didn't "have an eating disorder for 6 years". You have an eating disorder NOW. Eating disorders are like alcoholism. You have it for life.
My husband has done the same things. He has forced me to eat (by putting a plate in front of me and standing there until I eat it). It seems controlling and counterproductive, but once the fog of having "control" of what I eat passes, I've seen that he was doing what was in my best interest. Your boyfriend may be seeing the ED tendencies reemerging and may be attempting to help prevent a complete relapse.
However, you really need to step back and analyze his behavior. The boyfriend/girlfriend relationship is much different than the husband/wife one. While his behavior may be in your best interest, it may simply be the beginning of a truly controlling, manipulative and ultimately abusive relationship. I'd suggest thinking carefully about the other things he does.
Thank you, ladies. I don't think he is intentionally being abusive, though... It's my fault for being sick before... had I not been sick, he wouldnt be this way
You are making excuses for him. I agree with the other ladies, this is abuse.....after this , what ? I think you had better rethink this situation, this is not healthy. You are a grown woman with a perfectly good mind and can and should make your own decisions.
Have you told him how it makes you feel when he does that?
I don't think you should be "just snacking" but I'm not your doctor. My advice is that you should eat 5 to 6 small MEALS a day. I like to use a salad plate as my dinner plate. That way I greatly reduce the amount of food I eat, yet I still eat what I like...just make it in healthier ways now.
Have you told him how it makes you feel when he does that?
I don't think you should be "just snacking" but I'm not your doctor. My advice is that you should eat 5 to 6 small MEALS a day. I like to use a salad plate as my dinner plate. That way I greatly reduce the amount of food I eat, yet I still eat what I like...just make it in healthier ways now.
Unfortunately, I was burdened by both. If I didnt think I could get rid of something, I didnt eat it.
Have you told him how it makes you feel when he does that?
I don't think you should be "just snacking" but I'm not your doctor. My advice is that you should eat 5 to 6 small MEALS a day. I like to use a salad plate as my dinner plate. That way I greatly reduce the amount of food I eat, yet I still eat what I like...just make it in healthier ways now.
Unfortunately, I was burdened by both. If I didnt think I could get rid of something, I didnt eat it.
I'm with cfmama. Get out of the relationship ASAP. Your body is your own. NO person has the right to control your eating habits or to "force" you to do anything.
I also have a few choice words for him regarding his attempts to control your bodily functions. If you have to use the bathroom, use it regardless of what he says! Your doctor would tell you the same.
You say you had an eating disorder in the past. You also say you now want to lose some weight. You're the only person who can control these things by making sure you eat enough healthy calories to nourish your body while also balancing the food you eat with proper exercise. But again, the decisions you make regarding your body and your health are YOURS to make, not HIS!
The bathroom thing is still making me want to curse his ears off!
unsupportive boyfriend
keep your chin up honey-we're always here for you!
