[Thighs Be Gone]

Hey Ladies.

I need your help planning the next few weeks. Here is my dilemma.

The kids are out of school and we (me and kids) are going to an out-of-state summer camp for 2-4 weeks. I leave Saturday. The camp program runs from 8-4 during the day. We will be staying at my adoptive mom's house.

Here is the problem. She is morbidly obese and doesn't want help. She has all kinds of things in her house--swiss cake rolls, donuts, cookies, chips, etc. I cannot ask her to put those things out. I am making a pile of things to take with me--PB2, Shiratake noodles, almond milk, raw almonds, 6 grain cereal, etc. She has a Walmart close (well about an hour away) so I hope to find some decent produce and yogurt and eggs there.

However, she WILL NOT eat the kinds of foods I do. I think this somewhat limits my cooking choices. These last several months I cook several times a day and it has been part of my lifestyle. How should I feel about preparing things I know she won't eat. She likes very few veggies and turns her nose up @ almost anything not fat laden. Sorry, I love her. But, it's the truth.

I need some advice on how to get through this. Can anyone offer any words of wisdom or do you have anything to suggest over stockpiling "my" foods for the trip?

She does have a 1/4 mile track near her. I am taking my running gear of course, and plan to run after dropping the kids @ camp each morning. I am also bringing my scale.

I signed the kids up for 2 weeks to begin. I am hoping things go well and I am able to stay for additional 2 weeks. I have made the decision though that if I have difficulty (nutrition wise) I will return home @ the end of the 2 weeks.

She is in very, very poor health. Emotinally she has really been there for me for many years. I feel like I need to spend this time with her. There may not be another chance.

Please help if you can.

[MotoMichelle]

It sounds like you already have a good plan.

Take your healthy foods and don't feel bad eating them over her unhealthy choices. If she wants to make herself an unhealthy meal that is her choice. She's not choosing to eat your healthy food so why should you choose to eat her unhealthy food?

Remember to drink plenty of water and have your healthy snacks. Making sure you don't get overly hungry will help prevent poor decisions come meal time.

Honestly, being with someone that is in poor health due to their weight would help keep me motivated about my own food choices.

You'll be fine!

[bargoo]

Cook healthy meals and if she wants something else she can prepare her own. Maybe with your influence she will find healthy food can be quite delicous.

[kiramira]

Hi there!
It is so great that you've identified the challenges and are addressing them BEFORE you go! So many people don't do this, and falter once they are in such a situation.

I think the best advice is to separate your meals from hers. Tell her you're changing your life and you can't eat the way she does any more. Tell her you are going to take responsibility for your meals and your kids' meals and that you won't be a burden on her because she can cook her own meals and eat what she likes, just like she does when you aren't around. And then carry on with your plan.

Fortunately, you have the kitchen and the ability to cook for yourself. The key for you, I think, is to let go of taking responsibility for cooking for your mom, and to let her go on her own path like she would when you aren't around. Perhaps, after the 2-4 weeks of seeing your dedication, efforts, health and vitality, she will be inspired to make a change. You can't force this on her. But you CAN take responsibility for your own food choices while you are there!

You can do this!!



Kira

[Thighs Be Gone]

Great ideas from everyone. Please keep them coming.

I CAN DO THIS! Absolutely.

[Onmyway]

I agree with the above. You say she will not eat what you eat. Maybe offer to cook a healthy meal. Don't say that it's healthy, just fix what you might normally fix for dinner. You may be surprised that she might enjoy what you fix. Hopefully she will see that healthy doesn't have to be horrible.

Sounds like you are planning ahead. You've come too far to blow it now. You know what you need to do! Enjoy your visit!

[rockinrobin]

I haven't anything to add from the find advice that's been given.

I do think it will be absolutely ESSENTIAL to keep Mom's food - Mom's food and YOUR food - your food. Now of course she can have some of *your* food, but you're not to touch any of *her* food. I would make a vow to keep it that way. I might even write out a *contract* of sorts and have yourself sign it.

And yes Thighs, you CAN do this. I sure hope you'll have internet access. For your own accountability and plus we want to know how you're doing! Although I know you'll be doing, just fine.

[SunshineCA]

Wow! Looks like everyone took the words right out of my mouth! 'Nuff said!

[Fressca]

Hi TBG: Has she seen you since you've lost the weight? Maybe you'll inspire her by how fabulous you look. And since the foods you'll be eating are so delicious, she just may realize that it's not so bad to eat healthy.

I have no doubt that you'll keep to your new way of eating while you're gone, but definitely keep us posted if you can.

[Thighs Be Gone]

Thank you so much ya'll. Each and every one of you--a big hug to all who replied!

She *sometimes* has internet access. I will check in as I am able. If all else fails I will check her library. Certainly it should have access? I must find a way to get to 3FC!

Last summer I spent about 4 days with her when I was just beginning my journey to health and a better life. I tried to encourage the healthy ways, without AT ALL nagging. She just wouldn't go for it. She gets upset (sort of like a child) when I try to use just egg whites in something or spray butter or whatever. I know I won't have her much longer so I have just about given up hope where healthy is concerned. I guess I have resigned myself from trying to help. Her issues are completely weight related too!

I did have some inspiration from her last year though--seeing her and spending time with her made me even more determined to be healthy. I hope I find the same inspiration this year. I don't want to live like that. I don't want to be a burden to my family, friends or taxpayers at large.

[thinpossible]

Do you have to cook for her? Will it cause a problem between you if you only cook for yourself?

[Thighs Be Gone]

I don't *have* to cook for her but since it is difficult for her to move about, it only seems natural for me to make her something. But I know deep inside me--people all the time "doing for her" is one reason she is in the predicament she is. She has no reason to leave her chair. She even sleeps in it because she can't lie down anymore.


It's lucky for her that my HG Cookbook 200 under 200 arrived in the mail today! I am sneaking it into my suitcase too.

[Qualera]

I live with my parents who are much like your mother. I used to eat the same awful stuff that they did when I first had to move back home (long story). But now my husband and I cook everything separately. My mother often insults the things we make, complaining about the smell of the spices or saying that it looks disgusting. But every once in a while, she will ask me some small question about healthier eating.

In the rare times I cook for my parents, I pretty much do what they want me to. If I can find a way to make it healthier that is acceptable to them, I do it. Otherwise I help them to eat how they want. I usually only cook for them at times where something is wrong, like my mother having surgery. It grieves me that they eat like they do, but refusing to cook what they want for them when they need help wouldn't make things any better.

Maybe if you cook what your mom wants and then stuff for you separately, she'll consider the double work and be a little more flexible. I know she probably won't, though. My mom has never really eaten anything we've made. My dad, on the other hand, was eating veggies and hummus tonight. He still generally eats badly and likes mostly fatty awful food and refined carbs. But occasionally I can get him some good stuff. I figure anything I can show him that he ends up liking makes them a little better off. Maybe your mom will surprise you. I hope so.

[KnitALisa]

Originally Posted by Thighs Be Gone

I did have some inspiration from her last year though--seeing her and spending time with her made me even more determined to be healthy. I hope I find the same inspiration this year. I don't want to live like that. I don't want to be a burden to my family, friends or taxpayers at large.

That's great that you're able to find the silver lining in this situation! Hope your stay goes well!

[thinpossible]

You could try making somewhat healthier meals for dinner, like tacos with ground turkey and 2% cheese. You could make yours a salad and not eat the shell.

Spinach lasagna with fat free cottage cheese and part skim mozerella

Skinless chicken thighs with salsa cooked in the crock pot or on the stove

grilled salmon


If you've remake old recipes as healthy as possible, you've done your best. If she doesn't like them then I guess she can have ho-hos for dinner My mother in law was the same way too. Obese with horrible diabetes. Ate instant mashed potatoes because they didn't have any sugar (um, hello glycemic index?!). She never saw her third grandchild.