my mother drives me crazy! - 3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community

suzie76 · 10-11-2002, 03:38 AM

Hi,
Okay, I figured that repsonse line would be a common sentiment!

Last Sunday, my mom came over, and said she had some sweaters to give me. I thought, "oh, that's nice, she bought me clothes." (I'm so naive)

She hands me a bag and says "I've lost so much weight-these sweaters are all WAY TOO BIG on me, so I thought maybe they would fit you." (MAYBE?)

I said "thanks a lot." I guess it then dawned on her that she hurt my feelings and said she didn't mean anything by it, but it was too late by that point.

Anyone else had something similar happen? My mom had actually stopped bugging me about my weight for a while, but those subtle little digs are coming back again.

Sigh....
Sherry

MzPen · 10-11-2002, 09:11 AM

Just right out, that story doesn't sound like your mom was trying to insult you -- more that she was being thoughtful and figured you might like the sweaters, rather than giving them to Goodwill ...

BUT - only you know your history with you mom, so I can understand how you might have taken it as an insult. However, only YOU can turn it around and decide that there was no nefariousness on her part. Doesn't it feel better to think "my mom wanted me to have some nice sweaters" than "my mom wants to remind me all the time how fat I am"?

About 20 years ago, I was in college and on some diet program, and I remember calling my mother and being excited that I had lost some weight and mentioned how soon I might fit into size whatever jeans ... Now, my mom is one of the sweetest ladies in the world, but she said "I don't think you'll ever fit into a size (xx)" (I don't remember what size it was!!). I can't tell you how this burst my balloon, and it bothered me for the longest time.

I guess my point is that you can't worry when other people say thoughtless things ... How you take it is what matters. Don't waste time agitating over what your mother might or might not think ... Concentrate on your own positive attitude!

Pen

Jenniffer · 10-11-2002, 09:17 AM

As a fellow "drivencrazybymymother" woman..I can relate.

We all are a bit more sensitve to our weight then other people may realize. I am sure you were hurt or insulted, it does hurt, it's human. You're Mom should have thought a minute or two before saying anything, but as we all know, most ppl do not think.

She should have jut said "I was going to get rid of these sweaters, but I wanted to see if you'd like any of them first" Nobodys feelings would have been hurt.

My Mother is barely 5 ft tall. About 110 lbs if that. She looks 19 from behind, long blonde hair, long nice nails, petite little body wiht petite little clothes. Enough to drive someone nuts. And she's never wanted to be Motherly type. She wants to be "friends". She complains about the size of her butt, her stomach, her 3 lb gain...and I want to swat her. I ignore her now and walk away.

Not worth it.
Take a deep breathe.
And exhale..

muelledk · 10-11-2002, 10:55 AM

Yep, my mother makes me crazy as well. But for me I guess I am just angry because she picks on my weight, but my kid sister (who is larger than I and 9 years younger) is perfect. I keep getting told that I was so pretty and thin in high school and I would look good like that again. Never mind that I am now only 15 pounds more than I was in high school and have two kids now to boot.

I'm sure that she means no harm and really does care, just as I am sure all of your mothers do. Jennifer is right when she gives her advice.
Not worth it.
Take a deep breathe.
And exhale..

snowball1 · 10-11-2002, 04:34 PM

Oh, my mother drives me batty, but not about weight, thankfully. She is going through her own weight & food issues & has for a loooong, looooong time now. As much as I wish she would lose weight (for health reasons only), I'm thankful she has been where I am & is supportive of my efforts.

Now, just about every other topic, she drives me nuts!!!

lorelei1 · 10-11-2002, 05:22 PM

I guess this wont fit in---but my mom is awesome! She is a plus size herself 5'9 and wears an 18-20. She is supportive cause she is losing weight too-but has always been this way even when I was my biggest weight.
But...I have had people give me things that were too big for them and they thought I could wear them which does make you feel like the Goodyear Blimp or something!!

Jen · 10-13-2002, 04:05 PM

my mom drives me crazy in that she will feed me all kinds of stuff then complain about my weight. we had it out about this issue and now she doesn't bug me nearly as much.

jiffypop · 10-14-2002, 09:07 PM

<sigh> MOTHERS!!!! mine made me nuts about my weight, and still does. but it's taken a bizarre new twist. for reasons that i've NEVER understood, she thinks that i am her!! she hasn't managed to separate us.

now that i've lost 240+ pounds, she's been eyeing my clothes!!! she's about a size 16, but she still asks me for whatever i'm no longer wearing.

she managed to get hold of a pair of my old size 28 pants, and put them on!!! she had to hold them up so that they wouldn't fall off!! but she'd put them on the in am, and i got home around 7 pm, and there she was!!!

she's 80. and has alzheimers. life is too short for me to take what she's saying personally these days. she's lost her mind anyway, and nothing i can do or say will change that or bring her back.

but she STILL pushes my buttons! hey, i'm only human!

Jennelle · 10-15-2002, 11:10 AM

You know, it wasn't my mom who would needle me about my weight, it was my grandmother. I always felt as if I had to justify every single bite of anything that was going into my mouth around her. She would comment about my weight every time I saw her. The sad thing is, when I look back at photos of me in high school...I WASN'T FAT!!! I was strong and athletic and curvaceous. I don't know why she needled me so much...she was about 150 lbs. overweight herself.

Sandi · 10-15-2002, 04:38 PM

ah, mothers, love em...hate em. Mine is really pretty good, but she does a little of what Jen said. Feeds me until I'm overflowing and then asks me how the diets going. And if I want to walk, well she's just too tired.

But, sweetie, I think Pen was right. I think she meant well, just said it wrong. Blow it off.

LainieinGA · 10-15-2002, 10:40 PM

My mom used to bring up my weight all the time. Her favorite thing to say was she was so worried about my health. She didn't want me to go through what she went through with diabetes and dialysis. When I had my son, she was worse. She would go on and on about how my son needed his mother. I needed to do something about it. I would try everything. I was like a yo-yo. I'd lose and gain over and over. When I was losing, she would tell me how proud she was of me and what a great job I was doing. Then something would happen and I would start gaining again. I'm an emotional eater. She would start in again. It would bug me to no end. There came a time where her health became too bad for her to live alone. She came to live with me and my son. So we both became more aware of each other's eating habits. It would never fail whenever I was doing great, she would have a craving for one of my trigger foods. Then it was the end for me. Once I eat a trigger food, it's over.

Well, right now I would give anything to have my mom here to tell me what to do and how I needed to lose weight. Unfortunately, she passed away from heart failure when she had to have surgery to change the shunt in her arm for dialysis. I miss her more than anything. So please try to take in stride the comments you receive from your mom, because you never know how much longer you have with her.

After she died, I was determined to lose this weight, if not for myself than in memory of her. I did really well for the first few months. I actually lost about 30 lbs. Then we found out my younger brother had stage 4 lung cancer. I was already depressed about my mom passing. So that made it even worse. I got to the point of not even caring anymore. My brother died last September, just 8 months after my mom died. I was in a deep depression for awhile. Now I am trying to get back into the swing of things. I keep in my mind the words my mom would say to me. I want to make her proud of me up their in heaven.

Wow, I didn't mean to go on and on like that. This thread just brought back all the memories of my weight yo-yoing and my mom. This is what I needed to get me motivated again. Thank you.

MzPen · 10-16-2002, 08:34 AM

Wow, Lanie, you've certainly had to deal with a lot of painful loss - I'm so sorry. As crazy as she may have made you, your mother was obviously concerned that you would end up like her and wanted to prevent that - unfortunately, there was really nothing she could do ... it's always up to us and us alone. It sounds like your eating is very tied up in the emotions. The good thing is that you're aware of that, so you know what you need to work on. I wish you strength in that endeavor -- and get those trigger foods out of the house!

Pen

LainieinGA · 10-16-2002, 01:44 PM

Thanks MzPen. I am definitely staying away from the trigger foods and cutting out the fast food. I know my son won't like it, but he needs to lose some weight too. We've done it before. I know we can do it again.

SuchAPrettyFace · 10-16-2002, 02:50 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by JacobsMommy
ah, mothers, love em...hate em. Mine is really pretty good, but she does a little of what Jen said. Feeds me until I'm overflowing and then asks me how the diets going. And if I want to walk, well she's just too tired.

YES!!!! Praise Jesus, Allelujah!!!!

My mother is the best lil baker on this earth. I lost 70# when I moved out of her house the first time (w/the help of phentermine), and 15# the next time. But now when I go over there she overfeeds me. And never wants to go for a walk. Bah.

Quote:

Her favorite thing to say was she was so worried about my health.

My grandmother used to say this, along w/her "Honey, you're so pretty when you take time w/your makeup & hair". I, too, wish she were still around to see my loss since her death. I'm doing my best to honor her wish of a healthy happy grandchild. I know your mom is rooting for you as well.

muelledk · 10-16-2002, 05:01 PM

Lainie, your post has really made me think about my mothers comments and the other hurtful comments from loved ones. I never sat down and really thought about it in terms that they are really just trying to help me be better prepared for a long future. I should remember to tell them thank you and try not to be hurt when they talk about my weight before I must look back and regret that I never did.
Thank you Laine for putting it in perspective for me.