has anyones husband/boyfriend told them they were fat? - 3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community

hayhurst · 01-29-2009, 04:35 PM

My husband is 15 years my senior and told me my weight was a problem in our marriage. He is not attracted to fat women! I want to lose weight for me and have lost 20lbs. in the past month from healthy food choices and exercise an hour a day. I just can't believe he said this to me. I now feel so uncomfortable around him. I am feeling angry, and confused.

froggie83 · 01-29-2009, 05:04 PM

leave him for someone better?

RRB2 · 01-29-2009, 05:34 PM

I'm sorry...{{{{HUGS}}}}

kaebea · 01-29-2009, 06:02 PM

i don't understand, you lost 20 lbs, then he tells you you're too fat???

doesn't he see you're putting an effort toward loosing weight and getting healthy?

men are such bums....

Leeesa · 01-29-2009, 06:06 PM

And I suppose he's going to be the next cover of GQ? He's probably projecting his own insecurities onto you. Don't let him get under your skin, you're better than that and worthy of anyone at any weight. He needs to get real, and good for you for doing this for yourself!

beerab · 01-29-2009, 06:11 PM

That's terrible- what a jerk! I mean dang is he still the same exact weight and build when you first met him? My husband is like 50 lbs heavier than when we first met 12 years ago- I'm about 60 lbs heavier (been working at it) and he has always said I'm so beautiful and so on. In fact since I've lost weight he just gives MORE compliments.

I say screw him- take care of yourself- then when you lose the weight decide what you are going to do- me personally I'd move on... lol just to drive him nuts.

My friend was dating a guy who told her something similar- while they still see each other now and then (my friend says she's lonely) he told her the same thing. She's joined a gym and got a personal trainer (for herself) and said as soon as she loses all the weight she's gonna start dating again. He must know cuz NOW all of a sudden he's not supporting her weight loss- PFT!

fractal · 01-29-2009, 06:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hayhurst

I just can't believe he said this to me. I now feel so uncomfortable around him. I am feeling angry, and confused.

Hugs, girl! Look, your weight will go away, but his insecurities will stay on unless you two have an honest talk about his issues.

It was a boyfriend in my case, or sort of. He was full of his own insecurities, one of which was that there was a time in his life he had been very much overweight because of medical treatment. He knew that I had medical problems myself, directly resulting in weight gain. Yet... he shared his feeling that fat women are not so much a sexual problem for him, as the fact that he considers fat women overall freaks. Oh yeah he was fair - he said fat men were freaks too. And oh yeah he was out of my life before he could even apologise. I was so grossed out that I didn't even feel sorry about losing him - and how can you lose something you never had, even if just a friend?

Msahaller · 01-29-2009, 07:01 PM

Actually, we just had a HUGE fight last week after I was confronted over being fat, lazy and not taking care of myself.

At 1st I was extremely angry and hurt. After talking with my BF I got a little reality check Everything he said was TRUE!Sometime men don't think before they blurt things out. Which has prompted me to actually take some action
I would ask how he said this to you...was it malicious name calling meant to hurt you? If so then I would say yah he's a big jerk!
Men and Women have such a different way of communicating. He may not have meant to hurt your feelings in the way he did.

mariamherrera · 01-29-2009, 07:58 PM

me and my husband went through a phase like this a year and a half ago..it was horrible.. he said he didn't feel in love with me any more because I had gotten so fat! well guess what so did he!! but I felt horrible like he broke my heart- it took me a long time to trust him again... that is a terrible thing to say to some one...

anyways I told him untill he could learn to love me AS IS- I would NOT lose weight! because I was going to lose weight for me! NOT for him! He should already love me! that is what marriage vows are all about of course! for better for worse! well his attitude changed tremendously! I actually took a break from him for about 2 weeks -i just left I went and visited some family in another state to get away from him...when I came back he realized how much he did love me.. and realized he was being selfish and vain! now! our marriage is stronger then ever and I've lost 22 lbs

and he's lsot 25 and were doign it together as a team!

PhatPhoenix · 01-29-2009, 07:59 PM

I worked hard to lose the weight after my 4th child was born. After a few months I was almost down to my old size again. We were going out for the day - first sunny day in ages so I was excited as I got back into some of my pre baby clothes. I'd measured myself too and my waist was 29". OK it used to be 26-7", but it looked pretty well the same anyway. All proud of myself, |I told my ex I was back to 29". He just laughed and said 'Yeah right!' You know that hurt more than any insult - because I had worked hard, looked OK and I was telling the truth!

Another time (when I was a size 12 - hardly fat at five foot 6) he told me he'd never take me on a holdiay abroad as I had 'fat' thighs.

I had high confidence at that point and laughed at him and called him a prat. But it still hurt.

Those remarks amongst others told me he didn't love me - yes they can be tactless, but anyone who sees you with such contempt they don't say things in a kind way to you - has gone beyond that.

I split up with him and didn't see him for over a year or two. When I saw him again - I'd lost 40lb. He'd gained 3 stone by the look of him! He'd been an extremely goodlooking bloke - when younger. I think I saw his insecurities as he got older and lost it.

When I used to do interval training/running, every time my foot smacked down on the road I'd tell myself it was his face! That aggression did wonders for my weight loss! And seeing his face when I'd lost the lot - and he lookedto have gained what I lost - well worth it.

Don;t waste your life on a sad, insecure loser who has to project the bile he feels about himself on you. Some men see women as indicative of their status and if you're overweight they think it reflects bad on them.l But take a cold hard look at him. Could he pull [insert here name of woman of his dreams!] Course he couldn't!

Making you feel bad about yourself is a male way of exerting control over you. Or this is how my ex operated.

Maybe you have 12 or 13 stone to jettison before you start on the weight loss.

junebaby · 01-29-2009, 08:47 PM

My dad use to tell my Mom she was fat all the time and then he use to tell me that all the time.

AngelsEulogy · 01-29-2009, 10:29 PM

A friend of mines boyfriend used to say things like that to her all the time, and she was in the mid level of the healthy range for her weight. He was also about 16 years older. We quickly realized that it was his way of trying to get her not to feel as though she was too good for him, and leave him.
I honestly think you need to think about your relationship, if this is a constant problem that is NOT healthy.
NO ONE deserves that.

Puccikat · 01-29-2009, 11:39 PM

I'm actually going through something like this right now. And I am so glad I found this thread. My ex boyfriend told me that if he and I were to get serious I would have to lose weight. Mind you he told me this 3 months ago and at that point we were dating for 1 in a half years! He has always had a problem with my wieght from the very beginning of our relationship, but I never paid attention. Its not like we were togethor and I gained a bunch of weight, but he met me like this, makes me wonder if he ever liked me. Not only was he telling me he didn't want to get stuck with somebody like me with all my "shortcomings" but he barely showed me any affection and refused to accept a relationship request with me on facebook. (not a big deal, but we've been broken up for about 2weeks, and I saw his facebook profile and low and behold his status is "in a relationship" with so and so, and of course she is skinny). But to make a long story short, I found what he told me very offensive, for the simple fact that he was treating me like a doormat (and I allowed it) because of my wieght. This guy is not a catch either. He is 31 and delivers pizza, I am 23 and in Grad School (im not trying to sound snooty). But I never looked at the fact that he was not highly succesfully, I loved him for him, but at the end of the day he could not do the same for me. After some introspection and talking to some friends, I realized that he's insecure and was trying to bring me down, selfish, and a user. I am getting healthy now, and its not for him and it will never be for anyone else. I'm doing it for myself, my health, and for fashion! But I will admit, it still hurts sometimes, and I'm still going thru the process of breaking up with someone. He was the first guy I ever brought home, he knows all my family (and I am very close to my fam). I considered him my best friend, but it is what it is....

PhatPhoenix · 01-30-2009, 05:05 AM

Aw Puccikat you so did the right thing, and he'd be a dead weight on you. Good on you for being in grad school - you are bound to meet someone who is right for you when the time is right. You have got a great attitude - getting things straight for yourself, not for any man.

Looking back now, I can't believe I put up with my ex as long as I did. Like you, I thought he was my best friend but ANY man that says those things to you is your worst enemy. The fact he's doing it because he's insecure is no excuse. And done it once, they'll do it again when you're down to target and stray from the straight and narrow, once in a while!

One thing I noticed about my ex was he was always going on about other women he'd been out with before me, and making them sound all glamorous and exciting. Then, months later, when I saw the particularly talked-up one before me, on one of his old videos - she was twice my size. Beautiful looking woman and with a lovely personality I thought- but definitely way heavier than me. As time went on I used to envy her lucky escape from him, and wondered how much she'd put up with. And I realised he probably couldn't believe his luck to have pulled me. I was a UK size 12 (US 8? not sure) but with a very curvy shape - and yes I have big thighs but at that time they weren't out of proportion and I had other blokes after me left right and centre, which he probably knew....

The comments about me being fat had clearly been to stop me from eating that cream cake so I'd STAY a trophy bird! And when I figured that, at that point, I should have run for the hills!

waiting2exhale · 01-30-2009, 08:15 AM

Me and my boyfriend got in a fight before and he lashed out and said i am so fat and gaining weight by the minute ! That was2 months ago and it made me so upset! Never had someone put me down like he does, so i started my diet then. when i get to my goal i am gonna rub it in his face so bad, dump him and show him i can have men 10 times better than him!