Can't remember if I ever checked in with why I disappeared. My ex-husband died very suddenly Aug. 31. He and I had remained close, always celebrated holidays, traveled together and enjoyed our daughters together. He was a wonderful father - the best - and my children, although adults, have been devastated.
I had lost 14 pounds and was walking every day. After he died, my daughters stayed here for almost three weeks. I was a good mom and held it all together. But when they left to return to try to put their lives back together, I fell apart...I quit walking, stopped eating well, and gained five pounds very quickly.
We've survived Thanksgiving, their birthdays, his birthday, Dec. 12, and Christmas. I'm proud of all of us. And I'm back. I went back on Atkins last week, and I lost 4 pounds. Still not walking; it's really cold for the NC coast, and I still feel exhausted at the end of my day. Physically and mentally. But I'm eating well, and I'm going to stick with it. Continuing to be fat will not make him not dead! Does that sound obnoxious...maybe, but it's true. I have to do my best to keep going and keep trying. I need your prayers and support.
So sorry for your loss. I will be praying that you will continue to find peace after such a sad occurrence. One day at a time and life will begin to get better.
You are right though- and another thing is he most likely wouldn't want you to stop your weight loss because of him.
One day at a time is all I can say- I lost my aunt years ago to breast cancer and it was a shock for all of us- it happened to fast- one day she was a beautiful and vibrant woman then the next day she was on her death bed
I appreciate your prayers and encouragement. And you're right. He always supported me in my efforts to better myself in some way. He would be proud of me, and I know he'd want me healthier so I can be here for the girls.
It felt really good to find friends at my computer. I live alone; my girls are three hours away. And sometimes I eat for company - that makes NO sense, and I'm giving up that relationship again.
I know how hard it is to get back into the groove after loosing someone. I lost both of my great grandmothers within months of each other. One I was really close to (October 20th) and the other Dec. 31st, it has made staying on track one of the hardest things to do. I want to cry and I want to eat everything I shouldn't most days. I'm learning to take it one day at a time but it's not easy!
Thanks, everyone. I'm having a good day; I'm busy cleaning up and throwing out - another challenge - one of my daughters is coming to visit for the weekend tomorrow. And she decided we should host a little Sunday afternoon lunch for some friends who were so kind to us when their dad died. It'll be good for both of us.
Our menu is Atkins friendly - except for two desserts. My daughter and our friends can afford to indulge! I've already planned to make yummy Atkins treat ice cream in my Cuisinart ice-cream maker for me, and I'm sending everyone home with the left-over desserts and, of all, things - crackers. I love crackers, and they can trigger binges for me, even more quickly than sweets. I'm a carboholic for sure. I don't even keep bread, crackers, etc... in the house as a rule. If they're here, I'll eat them. All of them! I guess that's the big red flag that says "You need to live Atkins, girl." Have a great weekend. Stay safe, and stay warm.
That sounds wonderful- I hear ya with the crackers thing- I LOVE carbs! I have PCOS and it gives me insulin resistance issues and our bodies CRAVE carbs even more so than the average person.
This is especially for Meganbeth, but for everyone who loves her grandmother. My grandparents were my parents in many ways. I was devastated at 34 when my grandfather died. We moved to the coast to be near my grandmother, and we took care of her as she grew older and ill. When she died, I felt so alone. My grandfather came back to me in a dream - only once, but it was a comfort and an affirmation of our relationship. But I missed her terribly. She adored my twin daughters, and they loved her dearly.
Years later, one of my daughters was living alone in New Orleans, making her way as a lawyer. A hurricane came into New Orleans in the middle of the night. It was more of a tropical storm by the time it hit the city, but lights were out all over, and the wind howled and shook the old house where my daughter rented the top floor. I worried about her - couldn't get through on the phone.
The next morning, she called me. When I asked her if she had been afraid, she said, "It was really scary, but I finally fell asleep. I guess I was asleep, but I felt a hand on my cheek. It was Granny; she told me I was safe and that she loves me." I asked her if she were afraid. "No, I knew Granny was watching over me."
Your beloved grandmothers are with you always. I'm not at all surprised my grandmother guards my daughters; love is eternity. When I'm afraid or anxious, I wear my grandmother's engagement ring on my right hand, and a tiger's eye cameo my grandmother gave my grandfather on their tenth anniversary on my left. It works for me. Time helps; friends help; you will find your own way to connect with the love you will always share.
I need your prayers and support...
