I have this friend that I've had since high school. We've grown apart but still stayed in contact, until today, when she decided to delete me from her myspace.
What I'm upset about is because this is over politics. She's a hardcore Marine girlfriend, more hardcore than most, which in itself makes me uncomfortable to hang out with her (because all she talks about are the Marines and her Marine fiance, but not enough to just cut her out of my life), but it got bad when she posted this link on Nov 5th saying "To those who voted Obama:" and posted a link about 35 missiles were fired from Gaza. I didn't understand what she meant so I messaged her just asking what she meant by it and she got mad, because apparently she was being "attacked" here on FB (and has deleted her account because of it) for posting her die-hard support of McCain and smears against Obama. But I digress. So I asked what it had to do with Obama and she said that it's just shades of what is to come (Whatever that means), and that he hates the military, that he wants to cut their pay, do military budget cuts, immediately pull out of Iraq, she said his supporters are bad winners, that it wasn't a fair election, yadda yadda yadda.
What KILLS me is that in AUGUST she tells me that she hates BOTH candidates! And then all of the sudden she's a huge McCain supporter. She even changed her profile picture to one of McCain that said "A vote for McCain is a vote for the troops."
So basically everything she said was total bull****, and I told her very tactfully and gave her sources saying that she's misinformed, and rest assured, he isn't going to pull out of Iraq or cut pay, that he's pro--military, and she never responded.
And then she deleted her FB account and I just knew she was angry with me, and come a month later, she deleted me. I don't know why she wouldn't say anything, either. I think Dane Cook had a joke about people deleting old friends from their cell phones, and wonders if they "evaporate." I feel like I just evaporated :-(
I know we had our disagreements, but this is just too much. I wouldn't have ever considered not being friends with her because of who she voted for, or because of her support of the military (And FTR, my boyfriend was in the Army for 6 years so I'm no stranger to military relationships). And, I didn't even tell her I voted for Obama. I just said, "Look, these are his stances, and since he's our President, don't freak out."
I'm just really at a loss of words right now. This really sucks, especially since I've had very bad health problems and haven't been able to get a job for the past 6 months (and only now have prospects).
So, needless to say,
::headdesk::
Last edited by sunflowergirl68; 12-10-2008 at 04:52 AM.
Sounds like your friend isn't handling this with the best of maturity.
Honestly, even though it must p*ss you off to no end, I'd ignore the reaction.
When you have something to say to her, tell her, without mentioning this incident. If she ignores you, you can contact her again, but after a few attempts with her ignoring you, I'd either call it quits or give one last huge effort to find out why.
It may end up that you've just outgrown the relationship. It may end up that she realizes she overreacted in a few and will try to keep in touch with you.
Whatever the future holds. You be the mature one. And NO MATTER WHAT never talk about politics with her again. Even if you completely disagree and it offends you that anyone on earth could feel the way she does, it's so much easier to never reply to what she says about them. And once again, makes you the mature one.
It may end up that she realizes she overreacted in a few and will try to keep in touch with you.
That actually happened to another friend of mine. She was dating this Marine and I didn't really like him... he seemed like a jerk to me, so I told her that I didn't think he was a good guy for her, she got defensive and stopped talking to me. Anyways, she marries the guy, has a baby with him and a couple of years later, they're getting divorced. Long story short, she did decide to contact me by sending me baby pictures, and it was an awesome gesture, and we're on good terms now. And then I found out she was getting a divorce and my heart just went out to her... anyways.
It just sucks when old friends act like this. I'll send her a note, just asking how she's doing, and what she's doing for Christmas and hopefully she'll respond normally and with some kind of explanation.
I would be fine if she didn't want to be friends anymore, as long as she told me why and did it maturely instead of just deleting me from her myspace.
And I know she's going through tough times, with her fiance in Iraq again, but she knows I am there for her, yet she does this. I don't get it.
Thanks for the advice and for responding. It really helped.
As far as the politics thing, it doesn't really matter anymore who supported whom. Obama is our elected official and as such he should receive every respect a person in his position deserves. Besides, our country needs all the help we can possibly get at this point. I want him to use every ounce of energy getting things back on track if it's possible--not defending himself from attacks of haters.
I know exactly how are you are feeling right now! My best friend from forever who was also named my son's god mother up and dissapeared when my son was 9 months old ( and that was the end of it ). We had plans to hang out one night and she never showed up, so I called to make sure everything was ok and never ever heard from her again. I have made several attempts to ask her if I did something wrong but they all went with out response. To this day I have no Idea what went wrong, and I probably never will. My son is 4 1/2 now so this was in like may of 2005 that she vanished. I have learned to accept it, but it does make you feel super rejected!
I'm going to make an assumption here...Your gal pal is one of those who probably would not of had an opinion about the presidency without this new man of hers.... And he probably goes way overboard to her about his political thoughts because of others that he is surrounded with daily who are in the military....chain effect.
I personally am one of those people who should pay more attention to who are elected officials are going to be, but for some reason, get annoyed with everyone arguing about it so I tend to stay out of it and avoid it...until this year...
I am military and so is my husband. It's like ALLLLL I heard about...every day, all day, coming up to the election. I found myself arguing for McCain just because I knew so much about the "good" stuff for him and the "bad" stuff for Obama just because I heard it so much. It led to little arguments with my Obama supporting friends. Now we look back and laugh.
In your friends defense, she is probably so surrounded by it, it's hard for her to see it any other way.
Yeah, you're right JamieJo.... she was never political until this guy. I never liked him, I thought he was kind of scuzzy. I've come to learn that there are two types of guys in the Marines.... hardcore badasses, like true badass guys, and geeky guys who WANT to be badasses... and he's the latter. She never had an opinion until recently. And I've always had an opinion and we've talked in the past about it, and it's only now that she has some kind of problem with it. Oh well.
She's also become the kind of person to incessantly complain about everything, but won't change her circumstances, and won't take advice. She told me how she wants to lose weight (and this was when I was like 20 lbs lighter), so I gave her suggestions of what kinds of foods to eat, and she said her mom won't buy them, and I told her that she can buy them herself, and she said no, her brother will just eat it. So I told her to buy her own minifridge and put it in her room, and she still said no "it won't fit in my room."
*frustration*
Maybe it's better this way. the only thing that I'm honestly the most upset about is the zero explanation part.
Politics can get really nasty. I know that on another forum we visited we had an "Obama won - celebrate!" thread and it turned into this really nasty political discussion between a hardcore marine wife (noticing a pattern here) and basically everyone else. I just tend not to discuss it with people whose political ideas differ very much from mine. If it's the only thing she wants to talk about I don't know what to do either... and deleting you is just weird. Are you sure you still want to be friends with someone who acts like this?
That's why we don't allow political discussion here...people get too heated, and it never ends well. We all have enough to worry about!
My response when there's no middle ground (and with politics, there RARELY is a middle ground) is simply "We aren't going to agree, so let's close the topic". And if the other person persists, "This topic is not up for discussion. End of story". Repeat until they quiet down and close off the topic of politics in this relationship for the foreseeable future.
It sounds to me like you simply outgrew your friendship. Clearly, as mentioned by others, you are the more mature one. Maybe it's time to move on?
For example, my best girlfriend and I rarely speak now. She got in with "the wrong crowd", started partying, lost her virginity to someone who was a one night stand, had her "other best friend" get pregnant and dropped out of school. Meanwhile, I work a full-time office job while going to school at night and I live with my boyfriend of 3 years.
See how we might not have anything to talk about anymore? Haha.
Anyway, I'm bummed that it made you upset since clearly it's a relationship that you value(d). Hopefully, the issue will be resolved with as little hurt as possibl.
I'm super careful not to have discussions about politics, religion or money with my friends for the most part...everyone has such strong beliefs and it's no use trying to tell them their views may be skewed.
I don't touch those topics unless I fully trust the person, and even then I'm sure not to linger on the subject too long! My parents are the absolute worst...
I really believe that there is a lot of value in learning how to say "This topic is off-limits".
I am a partnered gay woman. I have LOTS (and lots and lots) of family who believe that being gay is a sin, and feel the need to try to tell me. There is no more useful skill in life, and in getting along with people than the ability to be strong and say "This topic is not open for discussion".
What's more, I have BETTER relationships with those people by keeping that topic off-limits...we end up talking about other things that we have more common ground on. Your common ground with your friend might be being overshadowed right now by this one area where you don't see eye-to-eye. If you end that conversation, you might find you are back to talking about what you have in common.
OT... I'm SO upset right now.
