I don’t know if this is the right place to put this or not, but I really need some support.
I found out late Sat night that my favorite uncle had died. It was sudden (a blood clot to the brain) and I am not dealing with it well at all. I’m far away from my family, and really have only one person close to me here that I can share this with. I am not going to be able to go home for the funeral (which hurts so much) because I am going home on the 23rd for Christmas. So while my family is able to comfort each other in this terrible time, I have found myself turning back to the comfort of food. I’ve binged a few times since I got the news. And I can’t seem to stop.
I had been doing so much better lately, eating better, working out, no binges, handling the way I think and feel about food, but this, coupled with the stress of working two jobs, and struggling to make ends meet, has led me right back into old habits. And suddenly I find myself focusing on me, rather than my uncle and what happened… and I feel such guilt about this… How could I be thinking about me at a times like this… and then that guilt of course leads right back to food and its temporary comfort… which leads to you know where. Guilt…
I can’t seem to figure out how to stop. I have spent the last few days crying, and not sleeping well… I’m falling apart again… How do I get through my grief, be strong about this, and not continue this unhealthy cycle?
I feel so alone and so uncertain about everthing.
I value all your thoughts and opinions and welcome anything you have to say.
Thank you.
Kel