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Old 10-09-2008, 09:12 PM   #8
caligirl98
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Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Bay Area
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From the time I was 12 years old till I was like 22, I thought I was dog ugly. So bad I hated going places and would cry when I had to leave the house. I don't know if it was necessarily my facial features or my clothes or the way I wore my hair, but I was damn sure that Fat = ugly. I had (have?) a total ugly ducking/swan complex...I thought when I grew up, I would shed the weight magically and suddenly be beautiful. I think that may be why I didn't seriously start to try to lose weight until I was 21; because I didn't magically become beautiful over night.

I've had jacked up self esteem all of my life and I still suffer from it. I know it's different now...I have the diary entries to prove that I was a sad, sad case back in the day. In my own defense, I really was a funny looking teenager. After I started losing weight, I started feeling better about myself and I could finally look in the mirror and not cringe. I'm actually more on the vain side. The problem is, I think I look good (in the non conceited way, that is), but I feel that everyone else still sees me as the funny looking (read: ugly) teenager I used to be. And if I'm completely honest with myself, I think I still have the thought process that if only I lost weight, I'll finally be pretty.

But I do wonder if that is the case...What if I still look in the mirror after losing 100 pounds and still dislike myself?
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