I am Big and beautiful!!! so why do people try to tell me different?
Warning:this is a rant!!!
I am tired of people telling me I would be so much prettier if I lost weight!
No offense, to the weight loss community but WE ARE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE! Extra weight doesn't make us ugly. Extra weight might make us unhealthier, or makes it harder to shop, but it doesn't make us ugly.
Not to sound totally conceded but when I look in the mirror I don't see ugly. I am not perfect and I know there were things about my appearance that I would like to improve but thats something that I am doing for me, not so someone else can be happy with the way that I look. And there are people in this world that find larger men and women attractive. Its all about preferences.
Now when I hear a compliment I have to wonder if that person is being genuine. How can someone other than myself see me a beautiful? Then I have to remind myself no matter if I lose my weight or of I gain it all back I am still me. I shouldn't let other people convince me of anything different.
I am not a slob. I don't eat around the clock.I am not lazy. I can walk a mile in 15-20 minutes. I love to dance. I love to swim. I go to the gym 3-5 times a week.
I don't want to be Jennifer Lopez, Halle Berry or Kate Moss! I want to be me. I don't want to walk with a knee brace. I want to touch my toes without bending my legs. When I have children I don't want to have complications because I never lost the weight.
My weight doesn't define me. So why can't people stop judging me because of it.
It is my theory that only "pretty" fat women hear this (If people think you're ugly, they don't tell you how pretty you'd be if you lose weight). People notice that you're pretty, but can't reconcile in their mind that they find a fat girl pretty, so they always seem to have to add the disclaimer. Like they can't leave it at you're pretty, they have to add "for a fat girl."
I used to hear it alot, and I got so sick of it, I started with smart aleck replies (and you'd be really sweet, if your compliments didn't come with an insult attached).
For the same reason people tell my 9 year old who happens to be 5' 2" -- you must love basketball (he sucks at it -- I love him dearly, but he lucked out -- what he lacks in coordination in makes up for with his love of the arts). People have preconceived notions of what is attractive, what appearance means to them. Next time -- be sure to tell them -- "wow you'd have such a pretty face -- if you only had a nose job, your chin lifted, etc." -- see how they like it
My mom tells me all the time "you have such a pretty face, if only you'd lose the extra chin" -- she's suck a dork!!
"You would be so pretty if you lost weight" is just about the most offensive thing someone has ever said to my face. The last time I heard it was in the 7th grade, if that says anything about the maturity of those that make comments like that. Why don't you just shovel cow poop over my head and tell me I smell?
While I was unhappy being obese and didn't feel good about it, I never thought of myself as an ugly person. And I didn't really appreiciate those little backhaded compliments. I don't think in my entire life I've ever told someone to their face that they are lacking in the looks department, so I really have no idea what possesses people to say stuff like that.
My granny says this all the time. Actually, no...she says "You're too pretty to be fat." >< Sorry, grans, it's a reality.
What REALLY gets my blood boiling is when people have to cover up the fact that they're attracted to you...as if being attracted to a "fatty" is some kind of coma-inducing condition.
I've heard that before!. This guy once had the nerve to say to me, "If you were skinny you would be the hottest girl I've ever seen". I hit him with my purse . I can't wait to become "skinny" and walk past him and be like.... YEAH AND WHAT. lol.
yer i had similar experiences....
just waiting to bump into the twit now....
over 60lbs lighter....
i saw him and his gf late nite shopping last year at crimbo....
his gf was bigger than me!....
I got that a lot.. >_> I think part of it was a self-esteem issue, though. When I weighed more, I was easily a hundred times less confident, and I'm sure that it showed. Confidence is a beautiful thing.
My granny (long dead but I've been fat for ever) used to say, out of the blue 'ah well, but you've got lovely skin' - even at age 11 I knew she was scraping the bottom of the barrel!
At the weekend I was in town shopping with my partner we were walking down a flight of steps and I strated chuckling to myself. He asked what was funny and I explained: walking up (or should I say struggling to get up) the steps was a girl I went to school with - She and her posse used to be so cruel to my friend and I. We were always the "big girls" in the class and constantly suffered abuse from her about our weight.
I know that I am still fighting the weight battle and would never normally comment on others but she must be double the size of me now, was just walking up the few steps had made her puce in the face and struggling for breath. I wonder what her comments would have been if she knew what was to come!!!!
Well, I know many people will disagree with me on this, but I am not as pretty as I can be, being 90 lbs over weight.
My dad also once said that I am to pretty to be fat - and he is absolutely right. He didn't say it to be judgemental, we were having a heart to heart.
When I started gaining weight, I lost all my features. I had the most beautiful gray eyes and a smile and facial shape - Now all you see is a round face when you look at me. - seriously, a guy once walked into a pole because he couldn't stop looking at me - but know, after the weight gain, I just look overweight. I use to get asked 3 times a week if I am a model (being 6' tall), but now, the other day, I little boy pointed at me and shouted "Gush mom, look at her, she is HUGE". - Being tall and overweight isn't fun - I feel bigger than half the men on the planet - and about 95% of women on the planet.
Don't get me wrong...
...Am I happy with myself? Yes, I have accepted it, and nobody can tell me differently.
...Will I be prettier without the weight - Yes, because I will get my facial shape and my smile back (my cheeks are eating my smile), and my eyes will me more noticable (I even gained weight between my eyebrows and my eyelids). I will also get my body back to a point.
The thing that I do agree with, though, is that it is rude for somebody to point out that you will be prettier if it is uncalled for. We don't go around telling people what they should do - why should they do that to us.
Snoozles -- I totally agree with you. Although I'm not as tall as you (close ) I feel mammoth being this tall and overweight. Having been thin in the past, I was much more attractive -- I have awesome cheek bones buried under these puffy cheeks, deep brown eyes and even overweight, I still love my thick hair!! I definitely was attractive thin -- now I feel like I'm just "there" -- nothing to "write home about". I also agree -- it is no ones place to tell me what I already know!
Well, I know many people will disagree with me on this, but I am not as pretty as I can be, being 90 lbs over weight.
I agree with you too! And I'm 5'4" - considerably shorter than you are and was 110 lbs overweight.
I know I have good features and good bones, but they've been hidden under layers (and I do mean layerS) of fat for years. I know I have lovely high cheekbones and a dimple in my right cheek ... but who could see them until recently. I know that I actually have a fairly long, slender neck, that was hidden in rolls of fat before (I love being able to wear necklaces again w/out having to use an extender!). I know that I have really pretty feet and ankles, but until recently my ankles just bled into my calves (cankles, anyone? ).
And believe me, I've never suffered from bad self esteem - even when at my heaviest. I'm smart, I'm talented, and I take good care of myself (grooming, dressing well, etc). But I love that I know that I'm much prettier as I lose weight.
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Last edited by PhotoChick; 09-02-2008 at 01:29 PM.
I don't think the truth of the statement is the issue here. Fat is not seen as pretty in this culture, and most people who lose weight become more attractive by our culture. I've met a few people who were more attractive with a little weight on them than when they lost it, but I would never dream of saying "you were prettier fat, because your face is saggier now and has more wrinkles."
The worst insults are "true." Which of course makes sense, it's harder to pull off a good insult, if it's obviously false. How can I be hurt by a statement about me that I know is not true (unless I'm afraid others might believe it).
The point is, that it's a rude thing to say because we don't generally tolerate very similar comments (regardless of how true they are).
You'd be very pretty, if you didn't have cystic acne
You'd sound more intelligent, if you didn't stutter
You'd look less like a bimbo, if you had smaller boobs
You'd be prettier, if you had bigger boobs
The "pretty face" comments are just as inappropriate.
I am Big and beautiful!!! so why do people try to tell me different?
-- I love him dearly, but he lucked out -- what he lacks in coordination in makes up for with his love of the arts). People have preconceived notions of what is attractive, what appearance means to them. Next time -- be sure to tell them -- "wow you'd have such a pretty face -- if you only had a nose job, your chin lifted, etc." -- see how they like it 
And I'm 5'4" - considerably shorter than you are and was 110 lbs overweight. 