[xYourBelleMortex]

Well, I succeeded today in humiliating myself.

My mom called at about 3 p.m. and said that she had bought me a bicycle. I was pretty surprised because usually she is a banshee who loves to rain on my parade and is just queen of killing any kind of good mood I am in. So I was all gung-ho about sucking down the fresh air and beginning my first day of intense activity.

So, off I went on my new bike, around the corner and felt so amazing until the incline started and kept going for the next hour. In five minutes I was starting to sweat. I began to get concerned about my butt swallowing the seat and the people driving by me wondering what I was doing and how terrible I looked. I was almost out of breath. Almost a mile uphill. My heart was pounding. I was getting dizzy. I see another small hill and I almost started to cry. I decide to get off my bike and pretend to adjust my seat as a truck filled with guys approached.

That is when my legs give out from under me and I hit the ground and the bike collapses on me.

I sat there for a minute and was bordering on screaming and I wondered what the **** I was thinking for those years and years as I ate and ate and ate and sat down and remained inactive. I wasn’t giving up… I was furious. I mean just plain and excruciating anger. If someone had stopped and asked me how I was I would have decked them in the face.

My heart was pounding and my hat was filled with sweat. As I decided to trek back to my house I could barely peddle. I was spitting mad when I finally made my way into my house. My dogs jumped on me and I yelled at them. I stormed around my house kicking doors and piles of laundry. I drank water and then puked it up. Then I sat on my floor.

I didn’t cry until my dogs came and lay on my lap – they obviously knew I was upset and attempting to comfort me in true doggy fashion.

How the crap did I let this happen to me. How could I have been so complacent for all of these years?

I am still fully motivated because any kind of experience like the one I had today is either going to make you or break you… but the lengths of how guilt ridden and pissed off I am at myself is infinate.

I want the weight gone and I want it gone now. I swear to god if I can’t make it up that hill by the end of the month… I am going to have to take a cardio beat down class to lay out some kind of punching bag.

[carinna]

I think you could use a

[FB]

I hope sharing my experience may help you.

When I started in January at 295 pounds I did not have any energy whatsoever. I bought a stationary bike knowing I somehow needed to exercise.

I'd do that thing for 5 minutes at a time, stomach hitting my lap. I'd huff and puff, generally feeling ashamed and wanting to collapse. I couldn't walk right or sit straight for a month. My butt felt blistered. The moments at my stationary bike were the lowest of my fat career. Humiliating. I too would reflect on how I let myself get that way.

After the weather got nicer I bought a real bike. People yelled nasty crap from cars, I sweated like a beast, It sucked, big time. I didn't know if I could do it.

I did. I stuck with it. 8.5 months later I ride 18 miles in an hour. I like it now, I look forward to it. There aren't many people who pass me on the trails anymore, I can't remember the last time when.

You will too. You're determined, I can tell that. You'll be typing your success story in no time.

Get a punching bag. They're great!

[Eves]

Don't feel too bad, though. When starting a different exercise it will always be harder. This year I started riding my bike to work. It's only 2 miles and I thought I was going to be fine, I mean, I can run a 5k in under 30 minutes.

Nope.

2 miles later I was sweaty, my legs were shaking, my bum was sore, everything. I thought "no way can I do this". But I stuck it out. The first week was hard, the second week, easier. By the third week I could go 5 miles without a problem (get a gel seat, I thought I was going to get calluses down there!). Two weeks ago I did about 13 miles and felt like I barely got a work out. Even my HRM has told me this. When I started going to work my heart rate would peak at 165-170. Unless I sprint to work now, it barely gets above 130.

Give it time, don't give up. You'll love it. GOOD LUCK!

[auntie g]

That is a great story! No offense, and I certainly feel your pain, but that has got to be good motivation! You go, girl!

[xYourBelleMortex]

Originally Posted by FB

I hope sharing my experience may help you.

When I started in January at 295 pounds I did not have any energy whatsoever. I bought a stationary bike knowing I somehow needed to exercise.

I'd do that thing for 5 minutes at a time, stomach hitting my lap. I'd huff and puff, generally feeling ashamed and wanting to collapse. I couldn't walk right or sit straight for a month. My butt felt blistered. The moments at my stationary bike were the lowest of my fat career. Humiliating. I too would reflect on how I let myself get that way.

After the weather got nicer I bought a real bike. People yelled nasty crap from cars, I sweated like a beast, It sucked, big time. I didn't know if I could do it.

I did. I stuck with it. 8.5 months later I ride 18 miles in an hour. I like it now, I look forward to it. There aren't many people who pass me on the trails anymore, I can't remember the last time when.

You will too. You're determined, I can tell that. You'll be typing your success story in no time.

Get a punching bag. They're great!

I have got to ask.... what program are you on that you had that much success??

It really does make me feel better to hear your story... i really thought I was gonna let the crazies lose this afternoon.

<3 - Paula

[xYourBelleMortex]

Originally Posted by auntie g

That is a great story! No offense, and I certainly feel your pain, but that has got to be good motivation! You go, girl!

lol... Thanks. I literally just needed to vent and I think you guys on here are the only one that feels my pain. I'm glad you enjoyed the story. lol.

[Lovely]

Don't be too hard on yourself.

This is something small, but something I'm very proud of.

I used to be practically wheezing by the time I made it up the stairs to my fiancee's apartment on the third floor. Huffing... puffing... omg I even had to stop for a break a couple times in there. I began walking on a treadmill, slowly... sweating a lot. Months pass. Probably about 6. Suddenly one day I climb the stairs and my fiancee says to me "You've made so much progress!" I look at him, a little confused, considering our conversation up the stairs had very little, ok nothing, to do with weight loss. He notices my confusion and clarifies "You just took those stairs without so much as breathing deeply once." I looked at the stairs. I looked at him. I looked at the stairs again. "Oh... my ... god... you're right." There it was. This small thing. A few stairs. And it was so gradual I didn't even notice it until someone else had pointed it out.

It takes time. But with commitment, I have every confidence that you'll be riding up that hill easily!

[HelenKellerMoment]

I don't know much about the site yet...I am still learning. But your story helps me get started again...I am a regainer..I lost 150 and gained it back...I didn't want to bring anybody down is there a thread for me?

[BellaHTH]

xYourBelleMortex -- You are far braver than me, I give you so much credit and kudos and whatever can be given. I can't wait to read about you dominating those hills and looking back at this moment and laugh! Laugh because you are so far beyond it and everything ahead of you. I can't wait! You are going to do so great!!!

[xYourBelleMortex]

Originally Posted by HelenKellerMoment

I don't know much about the site yet...I am still learning. But your story helps me get started again...I am a regainer..I lost 150 and gained it back...I didn't want to bring anybody down is there a thread for me?

You know, i figured there would be the need to have that final binge... but it was like some kind of awakening that I was just sick of it. That night I made low fat chili and changed my life. I know it has only been a month... but I feel better already. I am glad my story helps someone because I really need this website to vent my aggravations and frustrations. I think you will find a lot of stories like mine on here. I suggest checking out the people who have reached their goals... that really helps me.

[shelby897]

on so many levels -
Congratulations for taking what could have been a negative action by your mom and making it positive.
Congratulations for having the courage to try.
Congrats for sticking with it, even when it got difficult.
Congrats for not giving up but setting a challenge to succeed.
Congrats for not being "too far gone" to even get on the bike in the first place.
Congrats for doing all these things to take care of you

(I only trail ride my moutain bike because with my behind, it looks like I forget to buy the seat and I'm not ready for my friends to drive by that yet!!)

[SunshineCA]

Good for you!

I plan on getting new bikes too! My daughter wants a new one as well. May wait until Christmas for her. Who knows?

[Cokia]

Oh, I'm sorry your first time went to terribly but with determination you will get to where you want to be!! It also sounds like you got a healthy case of heat exhaustion, and dehydration too, so go biking when its cooler (like in the evening) and bring water with you!! You would be surprised how much this helps!

[Beverlyjoy]

You CAN do this. I know your first time back on a bike wasn't a pleasant experience. Start slow is any new form of exercise. Sorry this was so hard. Stick with it!