Let me preface this with saying I know that it will get better, I know that in order to lose weight and keep it off I have to do so slowly, and I know that it took me 9 months to put it on (okay, closer to 11 lol) and so I should give myself at least that much time to take it off.
But.
I'm feeling so down about my looks today.
I'm a photographer by trade, and I wanted to take some pictures of me and my two boys for my mother's birthday this weekend, so I set up the light and camera settings and blah blah blah so all hubs had to do pretty much was point the camera and push the button. So he took tons of pictures of me and my babies
And then I saw the pictures.
And my heart just broke.
I knew I was big. I'm obviously trying to do something about it, being over halfway through Phase 1 (and 11 lbs down, btw!). But I'm so disgusted and depressed about what I saw in the pictures.
You know when shows like Tyra have some skinny chick in the "fat suit"? That's what I look like. My face looks...... swollen for lack of a better word. And my chin? Well, my chin has given birth to a second one apparently.
I'm just so sad that I have to look like a flippin marshmallow in the pictures of me and my kids. I'm sad that they're going to look back at these and be shocked at how gross and flabby I was. I'm sad that I'm ashamed to show off pictures of me with the most precious fellas in the world.
I'm so depressed. *sigh*
On the very minor bright side though, I'm not quashing my depression with food as I normally would, because I know that would be counterproductive.
Jess, I KNOW how those pictures can hit really hard. I didn't see myself as fat until I saw a picture of myself and for a long time after that I didn't let anyone take a picture of me. I could not believe THAT PERSON in the picture was me!!!
But, you will be VERY glad you have that picture...hey, how many of us have a good professional BEFORE picture!!!???
This time next year, you take that picture over again and you will be so proud of yourself and you'll be happy to show off this years picture because it will show you and your kids your big accomplishment. I guarantee you'll be thrilled you have the first picture!!!
You can do it. If I can do it (Miss weak-willed here), You can most certainly do it. Just take one day at a time and one day you'll wake up one day and that fat will be gone...and that is just the most wonderful feeling ever!! I'm still amazed each morning!! Just think about going to buy cute fun clothes and going out in them...it's a real motivator!!
Last edited by femmecreole; 07-09-2008 at 05:49 AM.
Jess, I hope you are feeling much better today after venting your feelings. I know how you feel, I was shocked to see a picture of myself, too. They certainly didn't look anything like the image of myself in my mind! But, be proud of yourself for doing something about it! Look at the weight you've lost so far! I'm sure your clothes are getting looser and you must feel so much healthier. Before you know it, you'll be looking as great as you feel - and if that is you in your avatar, you are a very pretty girl already.
Last edited by cottagebythesea; 07-09-2008 at 06:03 AM.
Jess, I've been there too.. It's a complete bummer.
Hey - but you're already doing something about it! That's 1/2 the battle. Think of those people that continue to be unhealthy and wallow in their sadness. You've grabbed your boots and your DOING IT!
Jess, I think many of us have been there. I think it might be a good thing to see yourself in a picture so that you realize that you have to do this to regain your health and self-confidence. I have been so afraid to get my picture taken recently because I don't want to know how big I have become. You have inspired me to take one so that once I reach my goal, I can be proud of how far I have come.
Hang in there and use that picture to keep going. 11 pounds already, you go girl!
Jess,
whine away, that's what we're here for. Cat is right, hard as it is to believe you will be glad to have that picture. I have been searching for a before pic but I have none due to camera phobia. For now, use that picture for motivation, and when you are done you'll have a great before.
Not all your days on this journey are going to be up days but the important thing is to keep going. You will get there!
Jess ditto what the others have said and let me add, your kids won't care what those pictures show in the years to come. When I moved my son back to college last fall he pulled out this picture of me that he was hanging up and I about fell over! I was ashamed of how I looked and he didn't care, they always talk about parents and their unconditional love and our kids have it too!
You mirrored exactly how I felt a few weeks ago after looking at some pictures taken of me at my best friends wedding shower.....I was SHOCKED when I saw them because I just don't feel as big as I look....so it caught me totally off guard (I am also dreading the wedding pics).....I just knew it was time to do something about it and the following week I bought womans world magazine and it had an article about SB and here I am in week 3.....instead of being depressed I tried to turn that around by thinking I have this huge opportunity to totally reinvent myself and be a healthy, thinner person...not many people can say they have done that.....so I put one of my shower pics on the fridge to remind me why I am doing this when I feel like giving up because I am so overwhelmed by the distance I have to go I look at it to remind me of what will be if I do give up....so far so good .......so please don't let this get you down....it can only get better from here and then you can take a bunch of new pics and when your kids look back they can see your accomplishment and know if you set your mind to something you can do it.....
Jess, I really don't what to add that hasn't been said already... Your on the right path! I know the pain oh too well! Glad your here!
BTW, I'm also just over 1/2 way through phase 1. Hang in there! Your doing great!!!
The cruel lens of the camera . I understand totally how you feel and it is why I avoid having my picture taken whenever possible. I'm sure your family will love the picture regardless, and you can look forward to more flattering photo ops in the future. Hang in there mama :hug
Hang in there, Jess, you're doing a great job, and it's good to vent Similar situation with me, my son graduated in May, tons of pictures, and I wanted to cry when I saw my big, fat face. But it motivated me into finding a "diet" (still can't think of this as a "diet") that worked. I'm about a week and a half into P2 and am at a weight that I haven't seen in years. And the best part of it is, I haven't starved to get to that point, have just made better choices. You can do this, 11 pounds is awesome. Oh and your avatar pic is lovely, is that your own work? I love black and white photography
Jess, I'm so glad that you felt comfortable enough to share what you were feeling with us. That's what's so fantastic about this forum. Know that you are making great strides already in becoming stronger and healthier. Days like yesterday can be a real blow, but today is a new day and it can get better.
Feeling Down (long and whiny)
I know how you feel, I was shocked to see a picture of myself, too. They certainly didn't look anything like the image of myself in my mind! But, be proud of yourself for doing something about it! Look at the weight you've lost so far! 
I'm sure your clothes are getting looser and you must feel so much healthier. Before you know it, you'll be looking as great as you feel - and if that is you in your avatar, you are a very pretty girl already. 
