Dating Site RANT! | Fat guys DON'T want fat girls.
They want . . skinny! Slender! Athletic and toned!
Well . . . . you've got eight chins yourself and you're calling yourself "about average", dating site guy? You're fat. I'm fat. Let's get get matching salads, workout outfits and wedding rings so I can take all you idiot, arrogant fools off my computer screen. I'm sick of being rejected by closet-chubbies.
Where are these guys that claim that a womanly, full-figured body is a beautiful, sexy thing? And why did I pay $34 dollars to have some jackass call me fat when I'm in better shape, more attractive, and can actually use my adjectives properly?
If you're a fat dude, love a fat chick. It's physics. It's fair.
And you'd be lucky to have any one of us.
Last edited by Anniemal; 04-08-2008 at 11:45 AM.
Reason: Grrrr!
As far as dating sites go, if you'd like an alternative, I've been impressed with OkCupid.
It seems to have a, um, higher level of discourse, one might say (not 100% but mostly!). Plus the tests are fun I'm hoping that you're not on that one and experiencing such negativity!
Good luck! Don't let 'em get you down. You're absolutely stunning!
Edited to add: And OkCupid is free as an added bonus. I don't own stock in it or anything, I just think it's cool
Last edited by BerkshireGrl; 04-08-2008 at 12:39 PM.
Dating sites are tough... I have watched my sister try many of them. She is tall, thin, and pretty, yet many of the guys she has met have been, um, well, let's just say that they were NOT the men of her dreams. And I have watched a lot of them turn her down (I kept thinking, WTF? How can these dumb, ugly guys turn HER down??) BUT she has also met some nice ones. A friend of mine is now engaged to a man she met online! Another guy that she met, she has remained good friends with.
Try not to take it personally and don't let it get you down. There are nice men out there along with the losers!
I read a book maybe fifteen or twenty years ago, about the "chubby chaser" phenomenon of men who prefer larger women. Most are average size. At the time, the bias (and probably still) was strongly against the very fat man in organizations like NAAFA, as there are many more men who are attracted to very fat women, than there are women attracted to very fat men. The very fat woman actually had a strong dating advantage over the very fat man.
Both genders, and all gender preferences, sizes and shapes have bigots. There are short guys who won't date tall girls. There are women who won't date a guy with acne. There are also people who don't have "dating rules," and yet don't find certain people attractive. For some people, physical attractiveness is a higher priority than for others.
The odds are against you, when you reply to anyone's ad, as you are only one of many who reply. To have the odds in your favor, you place the ad and include a photo and a good, honest description. That way, the replies will only be from men who are truly interested (though some may later decide you're not for them, but that's dating life, it won't be because of your weight, it'll be because of something else).
When I placed the personal ad that attracted my husband, I described myself (including my age, 34, my height and weight - over 375 lbs, now that was hard to see in print) and that I was dieting (so I wouldn't attract men who preferred only fat women) and looking for a guy, fat or thin (to let the fat guys now that I wasn't unwilling to date them), who shared or could support my attempts at a new lifestyle. The ad appeared in a local paper, and while I paid per word (so kept it rather short in the news ad) but had a free website ad attached (where I included more information and a photo).
A small midwestern newspaper and website ad, and I got tons of replies. Some were sad, weird, or desperate or just not my type, like the 19 year old rastafarian, the 79 year old recovering alcoholic with no teeth (for some reason the toothlessness bothered me more than the alcoholism, and almost as much as the age, so I have my own shallowness to contend with), the semi-driver who wanted basically a free prostitute, and the very cute, blonde tall, fat (but so tall and handsome, he looked like an aging surfer) 55 year old liar (who pretended to be 15 years younger. Which wouldn't have been as much of a problem as all of the other lies he told. Luckily I had a friend who knew the guy in real life - and knew his real age and that he wasn't a pilot or any of the other things he claimed to be).
I almost didn't answer my husband's voicemail response to my ad. Not because he was fat, but because we didn't seem to have a lot in common, but I loved his casual reply (if we don't hit it off as a couple, maybe we'll still like each other and have a new friend). When we talked on the phone for the first time, we talked for three hours.
The good guys are out there, but you have to make them come to you, because they are hard to find. Write a sparkling ad, include a great 3/4 length photo and real them in, girl. - if you can, get a professional portrait done. It really makes a difference. It doesn't have to be expensive, I gussied myself up, actually took a wardrobe change, and used a coupon I found in a magazine for JCPenney. It was less than $20 (6 years ago, so they might be more now, but I've seen the portraits done at the big Walmarts and they look great and start at like $8.00).
@Kaplods. I loved your detailed replied, tips and story. I really need to get a full-bod picture, but I'm just not ready to look at allllll that yet. Worst part is I think I take a better picture than what I look like in plain-life.
@Layri. So true.
@Berk. Will have to try it. I'm on Match. My paid month of e-mailing is almost over. NOT renewing.
@Everyone else. & &
I just want to state that from Match, I have been talking with two of the guys off the site. Both of them do not really suit me, but I would be sorta lucky to casually date either. I have not meet either one in person, I'm way too afraid of being rejected. (This is why I need a full body picture, I guess).
Dating is like sorting flowers and weeds -- sometimes you pick a good one, sometimes not so much!!! I think internet dating is like any dating -- it takes honesty, sometimes unfortunately blunt honesty. Better to know upfront than to waste your precious time with a dud!!
Internet dating wasn't around when I was "looking", a lot of my dates came through newspaper ads -- some were awesome, some were wierd -- but I learned something from every single one of them.
Good luck, when it's your time, "Mr. Right" will find you -- really it happens to us all!!
If think you take a better picture than "real life," I would bet it's because in real life you are much more attractive than you are in your head. When you look at a photograph of yourself, it's almost like looking at someone else, so you judge it more objectively than when you look in the mirror.
Besides, it all is so relative. I found a photo of myself at about 225 lbs sitting in a tree, trying to look model-sexy (a boyfriend took the picture). I remember at the time thinking it looked silly and unflattering, but when I recently rediscovered the photo, I though "wow, I looked hot!"
I would encourage you to get the photo now. Prove to yourself how great you are now, not just "when I lose more weight." Even if you hate it, stick it in a drawer, and get it out again a few days or weeks. You can always tear it up, if you decide you can't stand it, but I bet you won't hate it.
Three times in my life, I have gotten portraits done to send in for personal ads. At about 375, 300, and 250, and ages about 34, 28 and 22 Each time, the portrait actually made me feel better about my looks. For two of them, I got the portrait right after a new hair style (straight from the mall salon to the mall portrait studio).
While not specifically glamour shots, I told the photographers I wanted a flattering, "romantic look." The first photographer assumed it was a gift for my boyfriend (and I didn't correct him). All of them though really had a lot of great tips on how I needed to tilt my head to flatter my face (in other words, get rid of the double chin) and stand at an angle to lengthen (slenderize) my body. The photographers all were extremely flattering while they were taking the pictures (I know they're trying to make a sale, and the more they flatter and take flattering photos the better their chance of a good commission, but it was ego-boosting nonetheless). I didn't like all of the photos, but the good ones were awesome. I really felt on top of the world that I could look that good (and believe me at 375 lbs with glasses, that last photographer was a miracle-worker).
Annie
There are great guys out there and your size thin or large isn't going to matter. My son for example, age 21, kind of short lol 5 foot 5, average build. He loves all woman, short, tall, fat, ( doesn't like skinny ) thin. He says mom if they are big there is more to love. The kid is an amazing man, he sees more than the outside and loves the outside too. You just keep looking. HEY don't you even look at my baby lol. All those Jezebels out there calling my darling little boy all the time lol.
Just a quick note - I found my husband on Match when I was even heavier than I am now (I'm 5'1".) You said something about the two guys not really suiting you, but being lucky to date them. No! No! No! If they don't suit you, you WOULDN'T be lucky to date them! You don't need to date anyone you don't think could be right for you. They'd be lucky to date YOU. And I know exactly what you mean - I had it up to HERE with these a$$hats who were ugly, broke, out of shape, living with mom and dad, no interests outside of watching sports on the boobtube, who would only consider thin women. Well, eff 'em. There are a TON of great guys out there, and you only need one. (the right one.) I probably went out with two dozen different guys. Most were very nice, but not right for one reason or another. I don't remember my weight ever entering into it, but I also didn't consider my weight an issue.
I was surprised to find out that my husband was also irritated at all the women who wouldn't consider him because he's 5'6". Silly dumb women!!! (Thanks!) We've been together for three years and we still find time to make fun of all the folks on Match who couldn't string together a sentence, and their whole profile basically said "I like stuff. Looking for an attractive person who also likes stuff." Good luck out there!
Last edited by kuhljeanie; 04-08-2008 at 02:48 PM.
Dating Site RANT! | Fat guys DON'T want fat girls.
. . . . you've got eight chins yourself and you're calling yourself "about average", dating site guy? 
You're fat. I'm fat. Let's get get matching salads, workout outfits and wedding rings so I can take all you idiot, arrogant fools off my computer screen. I'm sick of being rejected by closet-chubbies. 
Dating can be tough and I'd say be glad that the guy showed his true colors now than later. 
) We've been together for three years and we still find time to make fun of all the folks on Match who couldn't string together a sentence, and their whole profile basically said "I like stuff. Looking for an attractive person who also likes stuff." Good luck out there!
