[jerzygal]

I wouldn't want to admit this to most people, but I am starting this weight loss journey and asking for the support of 3FC not for my BMI creeping over the "obese" scale, or the rampant Type II Diabetes in my family, or even the 3 heart attacks my grandmother suffered...though those are the life-sustaining reasons.

I am doing this so I will cut out the middle man between me and the dating, single world.

I hide behind my weight as the reason I don't date. I'm not sure what my reason was when I was thin for not dating, but now I can easily look at a picture of myself or think of a guy I like and talk myself out of feelings or dreams of motherhood with a simple, "You're too fat right now. Maybe one day."

This mask came in a weird intervention from my mom and brother. My brother cornered me on the beach a few years ago and said I needed to lose weight so I could get married one day. In a fit of rage, I screamed and asked my mom to explain that he was being ridiculous. She just said "You know what he means. First impressions."

I have never been so crushed and let down in my life. From that day on, I have gained and gained weight. Sure there are other reasons, not just that conversation, but a light turned off inside my heart that day. One that helped me hope that I would creep out from behind my walls and open myself up to dating. Sure there were extra pounds, but we weren't our athletic high school selves anymore. I wasn't staying single because I thought I was too fat.

Now, though. I hide behind my fat. Where I didn't feel fat that day with my mom and brother, now I am genuinely fat and feel fat. I've made what they told me true to me too. If I protect myself in layers of fat, I will never have to face whatever it is that stopped me from dating at a healthy weight because now I just blame it on the fat.

I want kids one day. I want to share my home with someone who makes me laugh.

I just don't think I will ever figure out why it's not happening if I keep protecting myself as the fat girl.

And I also don't want to keep on letting the years go by without putting myself out there.

I know I am doing this for my health, that's the ultimate goal.

But I have to admit, (and I do want to fight the media idea of beauty) the motivation now IS my broken heart.

[JayEll]

Hey jerzygal,

People have lots of reasons and ideas for how they became overweight/obese. It looks like you have some insights into your own case. It's not wrong to want to be attractive to others--the important thing is long-term health, but the good news is, you'll get that, too, no matter what your motivation!

Can you look into therapy or counseling along the way? That can often help uncover issues that are hard to see on one's own.

I'd also say--don't over-analyze if you can help it. Weight is a complex issue, and there is a lot more to it than simply the mental side of things.

Good luck, gal!
Jay

[Lovely]

Jay is right that weight is a very complex issue. It's often tied to so much more than just our physical health. We are often forced to face those issues as we lose weight.

Ya know, I'm fat, and I'm engaged. In fact, I met my now fiancée when I was about 290 or so. He loved me all the way up to 331. I know he would love me no matter what. And before that I had a boyfriend in college when I was about 250. In fact, weight isn't really that good of an excuse at all. For anything. Quite honestly, your brother was being ridiculous!

I don't think there's a problem with wanting to lose weight for reasons other than just health. Sure, I want to be healthier, and I love feeling healthier now, but I keep around a pair of jeans that are a size smaller than what I wear now for a reason. I want to fit into smaller clothing! (Oh the cute outfits I will wear ^.^)

Either way, it seems you've decided it's time to be healthier. And we're all here to help support you with that.

[midwife]

Brothers can be idiotic and sometimes mothers can be less than supportive---many of us chicks on here have partners who have loved us through thick and thin! The person who will love you and be your partner will think you are beautiful, no matter what the scale says or what size you wear....

BUT! You need to love yourself first! And I really believe that part of this journey to fitness and health is rooted in being able to prioritize ourselves in our lives. Time to exercise, healthy food, the discipline to help us reach our goals that we would expect or want for our best friends.

I am so excited for you!!! I know you will meet your goals! One foot in front of the other, and your confidence will shine along with your beautiful self.

[OnlyMeantWell]

Brothers can be so stupid sometimes. My brother was super chubby before he joined the Marines, and of course that whipped him into shape really quickly!! Now he continually picks on me for being overweight. I can definitely sympathize.

After reading your post, I feel like you need to do this for you, and only YOU! You can't do this for anyone BUT YOURSELF.


-Liz.

[jerzygal]

THANK YOU ALL!

And, yes, JayEll, I have started seeing a counselor. clearly.

[gemini1567]

I'm glad that you have started to see a counselor. But what ever your motivation at the moment, getting a start on a healthy body is great.

However, don't let your weight be an excuse not to find someone great that will love you for you, who ever is held within whatever weight you are. I met my dh when I was 118lbs & married him when I was apprx 160, had his dd at 190 & he loves me just as much at 210.

The only reason I'm losing weight is because my health is now truly being effected. Well, that and I wouldn't mind fitting into some cute tops.

Good luck & you can pm me when ever you need a shoulder!