Unfair frustration - 3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community

improbable · 03-12-2008, 05:23 PM

Let me preface by saying that I totally and utterly recognize this is unfair, and I wish I didn't think this way, but I do, and I'm curious as to how other people deal with it. I love 3fc, I love the community. That said, I sometimes avoid coming here or looking in certain threads or forums because I know there are people who are my height and whose starting points are around my goal, or who talk about needing to lose weight far beyond where I'm aiming for. And I know that if I feel this way, there are probably other people out there with even more extreme versions of this. My question is, 1, am I the only terrible person on the forums? Is it wrong that it makes me feel fat, like I'll never be good enough, or even normal sized? And 2, how do you deal with it? And look. I'm aware that lots of you are better people than me, and look at everyone on their own plan, their own body. I know. And I'm happy to hear that, but please no self righteousness, I feel terrible about this already.

Thoughts?

gailr42 · 03-12-2008, 05:36 PM

You are doing wonderfully - congratulations of the 40 lb loss! Even at your present weight and height youv'e gotta be looking "hot"!

I believe the folks on here are mostly thinking about their own weight loss and not thinking about criticizing you. My goal is 130 and I am 5.5 inches shorter than you. I'll bet you don't think badly of me for that. I hope not, anyway

.

peachcake · 03-12-2008, 05:37 PM

I too notice the people whose starting weight is my goal weight. It is frustrating. I feel sometimes that I will never be that small, but looking at it... if I was 115lbs I would look gross. My sister is 150-160 at my height and same general body build and she looks great so I am aiming for 160. Once I get there I will re-evaluate and see if I think I need to lose a few more or not. I really have no advice. But I am curious what some other people say.

improbable · 03-12-2008, 05:38 PM

Not at all! Its more frustration with my brain for doing this, for feeding into the competition between women that I KNOW is unnecessary and fabricated. Stupid brain

mandalinn82 · 03-12-2008, 05:39 PM

I totally understand you. But remember...your goal is YOURS. It does not and cannot belong to anyone else.

If you look at my height and goal, you'll see that I settled just at the very top end of "normal" for my height, bordering on overweight. For some, that is a starting point. But pretend, for a moment, that I said to you "I know I've lost some weight, but look at all these other people on here who consider my weight 'fat'...I'm clearly a failure". What do you think you'd say to me?

I'm guessing, because you are a smart cookie, that you'd say "You silly goose, you've made tremendous progress and had such success! Don't worry another MOMENT about those others, and just savor the amazing thing you've done"...am I right?

Now try saying those things to yourself. You've lost FORTY pounds! That, my friend, is 160 sticks of butter. And that fact doesn't change no matter what your weight at the end is, or what weights others are.

You determine the right weight for your body. You, and you alone, know yourself best. So please stop the comparing and start patting yourself on the back for the amazing things you've done!

fiberlover · 03-12-2008, 05:43 PM

I see people who are taller than me with a weight goal that is less than mine. I figure that is their choice - and they certainly aren't judging me on my goal weight (or if they are, I don't care LOL! ).
There are so many individuals on this board, and the funny thing is - we are all here for the same reason. I would try to focus on the positive things about the forum and the people, which may help change your mindset. Think positive things about yourself and reaffirm them each day.

You are doing great, btw!!

junebug41 · 03-12-2008, 05:44 PM

You aren't alone

I fall into the same thought pattern at times. I know I've looked at people and thought, "You will never understand" when their highest weight doesn't even land them (or barely does) in the "overweight" category. I also know people see me as someone who lost under 100 pounds instead of more than and thinks the same thing. We all have different struggles, different crosses to bear. I just had to realize that being unhappy with your body/health/diet/fitness level does not stop and start at a specific number. I'm not here to validate someone's struggle as more than my own or the other way around. I do understand your frustration, though. I hope you don't avoid 3FC altogether when it bothers you. If I'm not happy with the topics in one section, I just move along to another. There is no shortage of support, I know that

gailr42 · 03-12-2008, 05:53 PM

Just give yourself a little smack on the head like the people in the V-8 commercial.

Seriously, make yourself a list of all the things that are wonderful and unique to you. Add something to it every day. When you see what good things are within you, what's going on around you don't matter so much.

Rocker Chick · 03-12-2008, 05:56 PM

I know WHAT you're saying because those thoughts "try" to enter my mind as well. (It's probably that way for most of us), BUT I just won't allow myself to worry about what others want or what they've done. I think I look great...I actually I thought I did at 250lbs too. I want to lose more weight, yes, but BIG PICTURE it's about being HEALTHY! I am constantly reminding myself of that, because it's too easy to obsess about weight! And on a site like this --IT'S ALWAYS IN YOUR FACE! Just concentrate on YOU and what weight you want to be, and getting HEALTHY! It will be alot more peaceful for you that way.

jellydisney · 03-12-2008, 06:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fiberlover

I see people who are taller than me with a weight goal that is less than mine.

Yup, ditto. I see this all the time -- it always makes me wish that I was taller. Which I have NO control over.

My goal is at the higher end of normal for my height. I think my body is just heavy lolol. I think I have heavier bones and organs than some other people! Again, something I have NO control over!

Mostly I just try to treat it objectively. I think it's interesting that so many variations of height and weight can exist. Have you seen the Photographic Height Chart? I think it's just interesting how many different body shapes can exist for every height! We're all uniquely different, and there is no "perfect" weight.

JayEll · 03-12-2008, 06:16 PM

Hey Bekka,

Yeah... I can see what you mean. 3FC does have folks at both ends of the scale, so to speak. Some come here and post that they feel humongous at 150. To someone at 300, that seems, well, completely ridiculous. But remember, we can learn from each other. The person at 150 may need a reality check--and so might the one at 300.

We all need to feel compassion for one another. People come here because they are suffering due to their weight--whatever that might be.

That said, we don't have to love everyone or their perceptions! There is nothing wrong with staying away from forums that push your buttons, and staying with the forums that are more to your liking. That's why 3FC has so many different forums. I don't think you're terrible at all--I think you're a human!

Jay

Rhighlan86 · 03-12-2008, 06:28 PM

If it makes you feel better we started exactly at the same height and weight and your goal is lower than mine. I've never even gotten below 150. For me when I see people like you that are already where I'd like to be again I get inspiration....I read blogs and see what they are doing that they are so successful. I can completely understand those feelings though and I think everyone feels that way at one point or another. My boyfriend and I were talking about this last night, my former roommate was 115 lbs at 5'7 and me being 5'7 and 150 I felt huge next to her, but he saw me as curvy and beautiful and her as skin and bones. He said that weight distibutions can be very different on people that are the same height and that you shouldnt compare yourself to others. It's hard not to, but its true. It's all about feeling comfortable in your own skin. If you feel awesome at 140 then don't worry about what other people's goals are, you are happy, healthy, and beautiful. What more could you ask for?

Edit to Add: I saw your name is Bekka....how weird of a coincidence is it

mine is Becky we both started at 195 and 5'7 and our goals are very similar. That's too funny...at least to me

Glory87 · 03-12-2008, 06:39 PM

I'm 5'7" like you are and my maintenance weight is less than your goal weight, my original goal weight was 150. Then my goal weight was 135. Then my goal weight was 140. Now it's 130. I didn't know what was right for me until I got there, and you will know what's right for you whenever you get there.

It is kinda handy to see what other people are doing to get a general idea of what makes people happy/what's out there/what's possible, but ultimately it is YOU and only YOU that matters. When will you feel happy and not fat and normal sized? Only YOU can decide

I definitely do comparisons too, Meg has beautiful muscle tone, Robin lost weight the fastest I have ever seen in my life (I used to read her weekly weigh-ins with SUCH jealousy), Soulbliss lives the organic whole foods lifestyle that I want, Mandalinn was a weight-loss magazine cover girl - sometimes I'm jealous of the success of others, but ultimately I am inspired

yoyonomoreinvegas · 03-12-2008, 07:05 PM

Omigosh - you have no idea how many times I've done that - looked at someone's stats and my first thought is "phishh, she's only got 20 lbs to lose and she thinks she's fat". But then I have to give myself a mental shake and remind myself what I felt like during one of my "thinner" phases. At 150 I felt like a cow - same as I did at 200 - matter of fact, when I looked in the mirror I looked the same to myself at both weights. If it is something that bothers you, it doesn't matter whether you want to lose 10 lbs or 100 lbs. Still hurts.

Sadly, it seems to be human nature for our thoughts to want to run that way. Trick is to recognize that we have a choice as to whether to continue to think that way (and then be mad at ourselves) or shake it off and look at it from the other point of view. And turnabout is fair play - just today I couldn't resist responding to something I saw in the "new posts" section so I just piped in without looking at where it originated. After I posted I realized it was from a 300+ thread and my first thought was "Oh crud, I bet these ladies are going to think I have my nerve blathering away on this subject when I have less than 100#s to lose" Hope they did - be my payback for any less than charitable thoughts I had about anyone else

yoyonomoreinvegas · 03-12-2008, 07:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Glory87

sometimes I'm jealous of the success of others, but ultimately I am inspired

Well, golly, all my typing and you said it all in the perfect sentence! You may be inspired by others but you are most definitely also an inspiration.