[marny]

Wow. I just finished a 2 page 10th step on what's been bugging me.

I haven't written that much in ... I can't remember. It felt great. I have a new perspective and clarity on what I'm feeling. Why do I resist writing when it helps so much?

An OA friend stayed late last night after the meeting to talk with me. She had questions about her program, but I ended up talking my heart out about me. (uhhhh...don't know how much that helped her)

One of the clear character defects that came through in my 10th step is my raging ego. I've got a serious "I'm special" thing going on. I've also got this belief that everyone else should notice how special I am. After the meeting last night, we went to coffee as usual, and I just couldn't let anyone talk about anything without sharing how I could relate with an example. I had to be a part of everything. No one could tell a story and just let it be about them. Wow, that's obnoxious. I don't want to be around someone like that-- how annoying. How is that being humble, loving, and listening?

I've got some practicing to do. I've got to retrain my brain and take the focus off of me, me, me. I'm need a lot of help from God-- can't do it myself. AND, I need the help of my sponsor.

I have been resisting calling my sponsor. Again-- my ego. I've been feeling like I don't need one, don't want one, don't want to do what she says, don't want to hear her opinion. It's clear now that I thought that I knew everything and didn't need any help. Well, I don't and I do.

So, I see some big breakthroughs. Now, I need to follow through with calling my sponsor. That feels like a mile high wall that I have to climb. The exercise will be good for me.

[marny]

I called BOTH of my sponsors today. I shared what I had written about. I have a new feeling of desire to work my program. I don't feel like I'm fighting it today. I'm looking forward to going to an AA meeting tonight.

It feels good to be honest and using the tools.

[tommy]

Sounds good Marny. I totally relate to what you were talking about. I can hear myself interrupt people because (of course) what I have to say is just so much more cool and relevant.......gotta work on it.

[marny]

Thanks Tommy-

I made it to a meeting tonight. I listened. I kept my mouth shut and just listened. It was great. I didn't spend any of the meeting time thinking about what I was going to say. What a difference.

Also, I went to a meeting where I didn't know anyone, and they didn't know me. No chance for my ego to shine based on past accomplishments. I was just one of the many, and it felt right and good.

[marny]

I went to another meeting today. I didn't talk-- I listened. I heard some really helpful stuff.

I helped a friend today. I helped my daughter with her homework. I'm going to worship tonight. I was tight inside my food plan today.

I feel like I'm doing stuff right.

[marny]

I went to a good meeting today, and I shared once. My heart was burning after what we read, and it felt great to get it out.

It was a good food day-- stayed in my plan.

I was of service to others today, and I made amends today for a poor behavior choice last night.

I read and prayed. I'm doing.

[junebug69]

marny,

thanks for checking in here...it's good to be accountable and it's good for us to see this program in action!

have a happy day,